I'm crying today!!!!x

[Helen A]

The tears are running down my face writing this.

Ended up in a BBQ with my 'friends' on Saturday and staying over their house. We ended up all drunk and me and the OM ended up Kissing. Nobody saw us.

I woke up Sunday and we went home I felt really bad.

So he said nothing to me about it all day.

I go look up his number ( I did delete it off my phone) but I wrote it down.put it in the back of an old diary.

 

This is the conversation.

 

Me: I feel bad today

Him: still ruff

Me: no I mean I feel bad about the kissing

Him:forget it we shudnt av dun it

Me:shall we completely quit the texts too none at all?

Him: well that's up to you but they have to be clean don't mention it ok?

Me:do you feel bad?

Him: a little

Me: right no more txts n crazy stuff from me. Ill miss you though if we stop talking

Him: we've got to be good now friends only

Me: would you miss me?

Him: a little but I'd get over it

Me: that's really upset me now

Him:u are silly gotta be good now

Me: silly?

Him:getting upset

Me: well I am

Him: right gotta go now busy don't mention it again and only be good.

 

I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I've got to sort my head out.

I thought what he said was so nasty. Me saying how I feel and then a little but I'd get over it.

[psm04]

Wow. I'm sad and angry for you. He is not worth your tears. His texts are completely selfish and uncaring. He doesn't seem to care that you are upset over this. And his last statement - don't mention it again and only be good? Who the hell does he think he is to order you around like that?

 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully you can take this interaction with him as more motivation to remove him completely from your life.

[Helen A]

I'm married too.

That isn't the point. The point is if he is so happily married why did he have an EA with me ( ok maybe you can be bored and needy because I also love my hubby). My point here is why be so nasty to someone like this?

And he won't leave me be. I've quit talking to him he comes back. He suggested the kiss the other night. Horrible.

[Helen A]

I thought it was, really upset me. I don't particularly want to see him in person.

I don't. I want to get over him and sort out myself. Need definite NC. He needs to leave me alone now too. I am sensitive.

[grassisorisntgreener]

I think his texts were very insensitive. He could have said the exact same thing (about being good) in a nicer way.

[Helen A]

I think I'm really upset because this has messed with my head for months now, and he's just brushed it off now and told me not to mention it.

And I'm upset because I really know now that he didnt care at all, whereas I cared way too much.

[Goodbye]

Betsy, I rarely say "just get over it" to anyone. But in your case, that is what you need to do. It seems like your A is particularly foolish. Your MM wants out, you claim to love your H...what on earth are you doing??? Playing with fire? You should welcome your MM's rude texts as a sign to get on with your life.

[anne1707]

So much for your last thread where you said you were now going to do NC.

 

To use the words of a wise old bird, nothing will change until YOU change it.

 

If you want this to end, you have to BLOCK all means of communications. Telling him not to text is useless. Deleting is number yet writing it down is pointless. Spending time "socialising" is disasterous.

 

You have been told what to do. You have ignored all that advice even though you said you would do some things. And here we are with you exactly where many of us predicted you would be.

 

Stop looking to the MOM to end this. He's playing you like a fool. But he can do that because you let him.

 

The longer you let this go on, the more chance your husband and his wife will find out.

[Helen A]

Anne. I'm still crying. I'm just so upset....

I feel like a fool.

[anne1707]

So what are you going to do about it?

[Helen A]

I haven't cried before but now I can't stop.

[anne1707]

I know you are hurting Betsy but you have to pull yourself together. If your husband sees you like this, do you really think he is just going to ignore and not realise something is wrong. It will be far worse if he finds out like this rather than you telling him yourself.

 

You have to take control of yourself and this situation. What are you going to do?

[Helen A]

He's not home til 7. I'll sort myself out by then.

At the mo, I don't know what I'm gonna do, I'm just sitting in the chair crying.

It's all hit me today. I fell in love with someone who was just playing games with me .....x I've treated my lovely hubby so badly. I became addicted to him. His message just really hurt me. Man up I know, but a cry does you good sumtimes.

[anne1707]

I know you need to deal with your pain but you do need to try and pull yourself together by the time your husband comes homes - whether that be to try and keep this still a secret or so you can tell him the truth.

 

I actually think you need to tell him because I cannot see you stopping this any other way. I know that scares you. It scared me when I did it. But I was exhausted from the lies and could not live like that anymore. It made me focus on my husband and not on my selfish needs - you need to start thinking of others too Betsy.

 

I have got to go back to work now but I will try and check in later. If you want to PM me, feel free.

 

I know you may think I am tough on you but it is because I can see what you are doing - because I have done it myself. If you want what you say you want, things have to be different.

 

Now go find yourself a big bar of chocolate and a weepy film and get those tears out of your system (((hugs)))

[Owl]

Betsy...I have to admit, I'm feeling a bit heartless right now.

 

I don't feel sorry for your tears. Not at all.

 

You EARNED them...every single one.

You've WORKED for them.

You've ASKED for them.

 

You've known what to do for months. You disregard advice given by countless folks over numerous threads that have done nothing but try to help you over and over and over and over and over....

 

But you know better. You know more than those who have been through what you've been through, and tried to give you advice to help.

 

Personally...I'm hoping you've hit rock bottom.

 

Because the only way you MIGHT change....maybe, theoretically...is if you are so low in your life that you realize that you've got nothing left to lose, but everything to gain by changing.

 

You have a choice.

 

You can either choose to make change, today. Tell your H everything. Work on rebuilding a new marriage, or a new life...starting from the ashes of today.

 

Or...you can keep doing what you've been doing. Look at how awesome that's worked for you so far!!!

 

Up to you.

 

Time to either do what you gotta do...or keep doing nothing.

[Helen A]

Thankyou. I will PM you after when j get five.

I'm cleaning now and got my little 3 yo to amuse.

I'm such a fool.

[stillafool]

I don't think he was being nasty at all. I think he was trying to make it clear that he wants it to stop. He had a weak moment (while drunk) and he regrets it. Your tone seemed to be begging him. If you are in love with another man tell your husband. It is not fair that your husband is working for you and you are pinning for another man. Come clean and divorce.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

The whole good/bad thing says a lot. I don't think he was heartless so much as I think he's realized that you have taken it to seriously. You both have different expectations. He wanted someone to confide in, make him feel special, but not so much the love of his life. He had his own perspective. He doesn't want incriminating texts and he's probably realizing you can't just be friends ( which is quite normal when one person develops serious feelings.)

 

The more you ruminate the harder it is going to be for you. You've got to get your emotions under wraps. You're the only one that can do that. He's saying, I'll miss you, but this was never going anywhere. He probably considered that obvious.

[bubbaganoosh]

I think your the one who is heartless. Your having an affair at your husbands expense. Try thinking of him rather than yourself. You admitted that you treat your husband bad. Think he deserves that? Put the shoe on the other foot for a minuet and your the one being made a fool out of. Think you would like that?

[Helen A]

The whole good/bad thing says a lot. I don't think he was heartless so much as I think he's realized that you have taken it to seriously. You both have different expectations. He wanted someone to confide in, make him feel special, but not so much the love of his life. He had his own perspective. He doesn't want incriminating texts and he's probably realizing you can't just be friends ( which is quite normal when one person develops serious feelings.)

 

He WAS and IS heartless. This is someone who I thought was my good friend we've been friends for about 12 years. He KNEW how I felt about him and I started NC a while back and told him why. He comes back again texting me tweeting me etc. I told him Sat no and he insisted that we have a kiss.

Tells me today never to mention it again and that I'd miss you a little bit but ill get over it. He can get out of my life for good even though I think that's what he wants now anyway, I'm not having contact with him

Again.

[whichwayisup]

I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I've got to sort my head out.

I thought what he said was so nasty. Me saying how I feel and then a little but I'd get over it.

 

He's been honest. As painful as it is to read it, he's not be cruel. He's said it and can't deal with your pain and hurt. The A is over and it was a mistake to hang out and kiss again.

 

Sorry that you're hurting.

 

Time to really make yourself detach and do NC in your head as well as with him.

 

Do lots of reading about how to get over someone that you love (google!) and keep posting.

[whichwayisup]

I'm married too.

That isn't the point. The point is if he is so happily married why did he have an EA with me ( ok maybe you can be bored and needy because I also love my hubby). My point here is why be so nasty to someone like this?

And he won't leave me be. I've quit talking to him he comes back. He suggested the kiss the other night. Horrible.

 

Ego feed. Each of you get something from this... You both are breaking NC and allowing stuff to continue at times. He's just as much at fault as you are. Each of you are married and really is it so pointless to continue doing this to one another and to yourselves. Think about it.

 

He suggested the kiss and you accepted. Not cool of him to suggest and not cool of you to take him up on it.

[Calcmag]

Betsy, I don't post much here, but I do read a lot.

 

I've read all your threads, as your situation reminded me of what was going on with me a decade ago. Not identical circumstances, but enough that it rang a lot of bells with me.

 

You have had some awesome advice and wisdom from the posters here. I hope you can listen to them and act on the advice this time.

I want to suggest you go back and read all your threads. Start with the first then read them in order. If you do that, and really read your own posts AND the advice given, I feel it may help you to move on past this.

 

I can tell you one thing - This MM is not worth your tears and he's definitely not worth losing your marriage over. He's playing you Betsy, and you're letting him.

[2sunny]

YOUR choices bring consequences.

 

This is a consequence of cheating.

 

I'm glad you may realize that the MM is a heartless azz who expects you to help cover up the bad behavior you helped him participate in.

 

Tell your H - he has a right to know why you are so emotional about a man who appears to care so little.

 

Please get professional help to deal with reality vs delusional thinking.

[Helen A]

I can tell you one thing - This MM is not worth your tears and he's definitely not worth losing your marriage over. He's playing you Betsy, and you're letting him.

 

Definitely. I think I needed this to happen though so that I could start finally sorting myself out. I really didnt think he was so uncaring and cruel though. But now I know.