I'm crying today!!!!x

[Helen A]

I kissed him drunk.

But never again.

[Calcmag]

I kissed him drunk.

But never again.

 

Hi Betsy. How are you feeling this morning?

 

I'm worried about your 'never again' statement. As I suggested, if you read back through all your threads, you'll see that you've repeatedly said you wouldn't get involved with him again. And now things have gone even further between you.

 

So you say 'never again' - how exactly do you intend to stop this going any further, or even having further contact with him ?

[Helen A]

Hi Betsy. How are you feeling this morning?

 

I'm worried about your 'never again' statement. As I suggested, if you read back through all your threads, you'll see that you've repeatedly said you wouldn't get involved with him again. And now things have gone even further between you.

 

So you say 'never again' - how exactly do you intend to stop this going any further, or even having further contact with him ?

 

 

I'm much better today thankyou. I've removed his number and blocked it so I can't have those moments where I want to text him. Really though after what he said to me yesterday I'm done. There's nothing else left to say now.

 

I'm not going to arrange anything with them again. It's normally my hubby who does but I'm going to make an excuse. Leave a lot of time pass.

Sort out my head. Sort out my life. Keep myself really busy. And move on.

[Calcmag]

Hi Betsy. How are you feeling this morning?

 

I'm worried about your 'never again' statement. As I suggested, if you read back through all your threads, you'll see that you've repeatedly said you wouldn't get involved with him again. And now things have gone even further between you.

 

So you say 'never again' - how exactly do you intend to stop this going any further, or even having further contact with him ?

 

 

I'm much better today thankyou. I've removed his number and blocked it so I can't have those moments where I want to text him. Really though after what he said to me yesterday I'm done. There's nothing else left to say now.

 

I'm not going to arrange anything with them again. It's normally my hubby who does but I'm going to make an excuse. Leave a lot of time pass.

Sort out my head. Sort out my life. Keep myself really busy. And move on.

 

He'll be back again at some point. This is how these men operate. It's called push/pull. One of the things that push/pull creates is intense highs and lows, and that's what gets the person on the receiving end of this beahviour addicted to the feelings.

So they push you away, you feel horrible. Then when you least expect, they throw some crumbs your way, your heart leaps and you feel excited again.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you've deleted his number.

What about Twitter?

 

Keeping busy is a great plan - it's the only thing that got me through the first few months of strict NC after I had an affair years ago.

[Helen A]

He's an absolute pig. Yes I've completely blocked twitter - I'm not 100% that he won't say something when he realises this bit I'm ready to tell him where to go.

I'll be telling him if he contacts me again I'm telling his wife.

That will 100% make sure he won't.

 

The push/pull game is completely over.

He is gone he is not messing with me anymore.

 

I'm not that low that someone can treat me like this and ill still be there hanging on waiting for scraps.

 

I'm happy with my family I really don't need him anymore.

 

How did you start your NC?

The only thing I want to do, but I'm not, is have a right rant at him ?

How do you stop the feelings of wanting to do this?

[Calcmag]

I actually had to leave my job to start NC, because we worked together and had a lot of time alone...I knew I couldn't stick with NC if I stayed in that job.

It started as a flirty EA - similar to yours. Then after a year we kissed for the first time and it eventually became a full blown PA.

I didn't tell him I was going NC because I knew what games he was capable of, so I left the job and then when I'd left I changed my mobile number and blocked his email. I could still remember his mobile number and did end up texting him once or twice about 6 months into NC. Of course then I had to change my mobile number again because he had the new one...

 

Its not easy. It may feel like one of the toughest things you've ever done, but it will be worth it. It sounds as if your marriage is good, believe me it would be a terrible shame to lose it over a guy like this.

 

Oh, finally you asked about having a rant. What I used to do was write it all in an email but didn't send to HIM, I sent it to myself instead. I just used to let it all out and then mail it to myself and put in a separate folder. Obviously you can only do this if your husband doesn't have access to your email.

[Helen A]

Calcmag

 

Did you tell your husband?

 

No I know it's not worth losing anything over this shambles.

 

That's what I'll do a long letter but one that's never sent.

[twosadthings]

Betsy,

 

Take a close look at your anger. Can you really justify it? It is after all only because you feel rejected. What if your conversation had taken a different turn? It would be your husband's and friend's anger that would really be deserved when your cheating was found out.

 

I for one am not convinced that you won't jelly leg if your boyfriend throws you a crumb or two.

 

Just sayin'

 

Twosadthings

[Helen A]

Yes it is because of the rejection. But I think it could have been done nicer.

To which I probably would have been tidy as Im not having a PA.

The mess at the end would be too much.

 

There's lots of instances where he has been awful.

If he was not interested why keep on KNOWING how I felt?

[anne1707]

He's an absolute pig. Yes I've completely blocked twitter - I'm not 100% that he won't say something when he realises this bit I'm ready to tell him where to go.

 

No. When you have done that before and responded to his texts, it just got you deeper involved in the mess. If he texts you, ignore him. Do not answer - that is the point of NC. Plus when he sees he cannot get a reaction from you, his fun will stop and he will back off

 

I'll be telling him if he contacts me again I'm telling his wife.

That will 100% make sure he won't.

 

No again. It is an empty threat as he knows you will not follow through with that. Even later in your post you say you won't tell your H. If you make such a threat and then don't follow through with it, you will just be making a fool of yourself. Only make this statement if you are 100% that you will do it and that it does mean your H will also find out too.

 

The push/pull game is completely over.

He is gone he is not messing with me anymore.

 

I'm not that low that someone can treat me like this and ill still be there hanging on waiting for scraps.

 

The problem is I think if he offered you more than scraps, you would be hanging on.

 

I'm happy with my family I really don't need him anymore.

 

Really? What has changed that made you need him before but not now? What has changed in your marriage?

 

How did you start your NC?

 

Self-control is what you need. And the ability to ignore.

 

The only thing I want to do, but I'm not, is have a right rant at him ?

How do you stop the feelings of wanting to do this?

 

Hence why I have suggested IC. The letter thing is a good idea for letting off some steam too.

[anne1707]

The affair is only "over" because he has treated you badly. It is not over because you want to be with your husband. That is a fundamental problem which will not help your marriage at all.

[stillafool]

No I don't think a friendship can be maintained.

It could have been in time if he had acted decently, as, though ppl think otherwise, I love his wife.

But I'm in a mess.

In my head.

 

Do you ever feel guilty about what you are doing to your friend, you know going after her husband?

[stillafool]

 

I'm not that low that someone can treat me like this and ill still be there hanging on waiting for scraps.

 

I'm happy with my family I really don't need him anymore.

 

 

This is how your husband and best friend will feel when they find out what you have been up to. Stop blaming all of this on the OM, your behavior has been as bad as his. There is no difference. Stop trying to make him the only villain.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I don't think you ought to tell your husband about the kiss. Honestly, what good would it do?

 

I think you should continue NC, and block the guy on every means of communication. If he bothers you again, ignore him or tell him to **** off. Maybe see a counselor so you can get your head together, focus on you, your child, and your marriage, if you still want that.

 

I honestly don't think you are in love with the OM either. I think you like the thrill of the naughtiness of it all.

[waterwoman]

I'm married too.

That isn't the point. The point is if he is so happily married why did he have an EA with me ( ok maybe you can be bored and needy because I also love my hubby).

 

You answered your own question.

 

Boredom isn't enough to end a marriage and he's afraid that will be what happens if you open your mouth so he's panicking hence the hard words.

[Helen A]

Anne I never wanted to leave my husband.

I've explained it all started out as attention, which ended up with me getting tip attached etc.

 

I think you should continue NC, and block the guy on every means of communication. If he bothers you again, ignore him or tell him to **** off. Maybe see a counselor so you can get your head together, focus on you, your child, and your marriage, if you still want that.

 

I honestly don't think you are in love with the OM either. I think you like the thrill of the naughtiness of it all.

 

Possibly. But I am continuing with NC. Time does make you feel better.

 

And yes I've Felt bad.

[Helen A]

I'm not making him the only villain. It's just I would never have been that nasty to him.

[rae_lana]

He'll be back again at some point. This is how these men operate. It's called push/pull. One of the things that push/pull creates is intense highs and lows, and that's what gets the person on the receiving end of this beahviour addicted to the feelings.

So they push you away, you feel horrible. Then when you least expect, they throw some crumbs your way, your heart leaps and you feel excited again.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you've deleted his number.

What about Twitter?

 

Keeping busy is a great plan - it's the only thing that got me through the first few months of strict NC after I had an affair years ago.

 

This is exactly what they do. As soon as I think it's over he's back, I need to get out too I wish I had it in me to say never again! I am proud of people who do.

[Calcmag]

Calcmag

 

Did you tell your husband?

 

No I know it's not worth losing anything over this shambles.

 

That's what I'll do a long letter but one that's never sent.

 

I didn't tell him, but the marriage was at rock bottom, I just hadn't found the courage to leave yet. I did leave a few months later and we are now divorced.

[Calcmag]

This is exactly what they do. As soon as I think it's over he's back, I need to get out too I wish I had it in me to say never again! I am proud of people who do.

 

That's right rae_lana. It took me so many times to see what he was doing, and I went through a huge amount of hurt. I can't even remember what made me finally...finally...realise I was done. I said it so many times but he could always get me back again. It's enough to make you crazy.

[Owl]

OK...so what's DIFFERENT today from Saturday?

 

Other than you're mad at him?

 

What have you actually done to CHANGE the situation from then until now?

[2sunny]

Yes it is because of the rejection. But I think it could have been done nicer.

To which I probably would have been tidy as Im not having a PA.

The mess at the end would be too much.

 

There's lots of instances where he has been awful.

If he was not interested why keep on KNOWING how I felt?

 

He's interested in toying with your emotions because it feeds his ego and hands him all your power.

 

It's cruel, yes! Why have you allowed him that much power over your happiness?

 

What do you plan to do to take back your power - how do you plan to get honest with yourself and your husband?

[rae_lana]

That's right rae_lana. It took me so many times to see what he was doing, and I went through a huge amount of hurt. I can't even remember what made me finally...finally...realise I was done. I said it so many times but he could always get me back again. It's enough to make you crazy.

 

Maybe that's why this guy said he'd only miss her a little and he'd get over it.. Maybe he was done and he wanted her to end it.

 

Makes sense to me.

[rae_lana]

I'm not making him the only villain. It's just I would never have been that nasty to him.

 

Maybe he wasn't trying to be nasty. It's very possible he had real feelings for you too but never intended to end his marriage and it became obvious you were too deeply involved? Maybe he thought talking to you the way he did would snap you out of it.. Which it seems it has..

[Lei Ping]

I thought it was, really upset me. I don't particularly want to see him in person.

I don't. I want to get over him and sort out myself. Need definite NC. He needs to leave me alone now too. I am sensitive.

You're sensitive? Why don't you try explaining this situation with your Hubby so you can see what sensitive REALLY looks like?