I'm crying today!!!!x

[anne1707]

I fail to see how you have learnt your lesson

 

It is hard for me to believe this latest period of NC will be maintained. After all at the end of last week you posted about doing NC, not going to see him etc and then a day or 2 later the 2 families are socialising again. You told us you weren't to do something and then went ahead and did it. Is it any wonder none of us are convinced by your words.

 

You are only concerned with protecting yourself. Your poor H just does not come into the equation.

[stillafool]

He's a gutless and spineless wimp.

 

I'm sorry Betsy but he isn't the only one.

[Helen A]

You are only concerned with protecting yourself. Your poor H just does not come into the equation.

 

Of course he does. Him and my little girl. And his wife and the little boys. If I was only wanting to protect me I'd say wouldn't I? I know how much trouble it would cause. What would I say Oh me and do and so have been texting for months and I kind of fell in love with him and he treated me like ****?

 

That was before. I've explained everything I'm going to try to do. I'm 100% implementing the NC.

 

I'm 100% focusing on my marriage and my life -the texts/chats are OVER.

 

I'm still sad about what he said to me though, after being good friends for all these years, and there was no need for this at all had he felt nothing.

Just ridicolous.

[anne1707]

As I asked you last night, how are you going to tell your husband that you want to end the friendship with this couple AND that you and he need to work on your marriage? You have said you will do this. You need to do this. But how? And do you really think your husband will not do 2+2....

[Owl]

I am really upset. I think the tears started that morning from actually taking it further , ie it's just been all text/chat but now it was a kiss. And when he said that to me I was just so upset. I don't know why I am so upset. No I never planned on him leaving his wife/us being together/me leaving my hubby. I don't know what I wanted from this really. I'm more upset that we've known each other all this time, this happens and this is what he said to me.....

I'm not sure if that makes any sense???

 

This is why (and what) you need to tell your husband.

 

DO YOU GET IT NOW??????

 

You keep trying to play it off when people bring it up...but this is exactly, precisely the point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO TELL. Don't minimize it 'cause it was just 'one little kiss'.

 

It's also WHAT you need to tell.

 

If you can't get this...there's nothing left to tell you. I mean....really????

[stillafool]

 

I'm 100% focusing on my marriage and my life -the texts/chats are OVER.

 

If you really feel this way and want to forget about him and move on do it. Don't go on forums every day and talk about him. Get over it. Talking about him will keep him on your mind. If you are going to continue to talk about him then talk to your husband and best friend. I really don't know how you can look at them, be around her and her kids knowing how you and her husband have betrayed her. Please be a more decent person and leave those people alone. Please stop pretending to be a friend.

[Helen A]

I'm not sure how yet Anne.

 

Owl I can't tell him that.

 

What is so wrong with me doing NC , working through this and working on my M without telling him about this?

 

He won't get this. It will be Over. And my little 3 yo will be heartbroken.

[Lei Ping]

Of course he does. Him and my little girl. And his wife and the little boys. If I was only wanting to protect me I'd say wouldn't I? I know how much trouble it would cause. What would I say Oh me and do and so have been texting for months and I kind of fell in love with him and he treated me like ****?

 

That was before. I've explained everything I'm going to try to do. I'm 100% implementing the NC.

 

I'm 100% focusing on my marriage and my life -the texts/chats are OVER.

 

I'm still sad about what he said to me though, after being good friends for all these years, and there was no need for this at all had he felt nothing.

Just ridicolous.

Your OM sounds like just enough of an arrogant prick to run his mouth and get you busted, even after days, weeks months or years of NC. In that case it would definitely be a marriage buster.

 

Don't you realize that every text, every phone call is in the public domain...Forever? His W picks up his phone because she suspects he's having a (new) affair which he is and she runs across YOUR # and YOUR texts and she calls YOUR H and he calls HIS A and it's a full blown BFD because you didn't blow out a candle days, weeks, months or years ago and now the both houses are ablaze with everybody in them.

 

Grow a pair.

[Helen A]

If you really feel this way and want to forget about him and move on do it. Don't go on forums every day and talk about him. Get over it. Talking about him will keep him on your mind. If you are going to continue to talk about him then talk to your husband and best friend. I really don't know how you can look at them, be around her and her kids knowing how you and her husband have betrayed her. Please be a more decent person and leave those people alone. Please stop pretending to be a friend.

 

That's what I'm going to do. I posted yest coz I was upset bit I won't be making any more posts. I will do. I'm going to. I did do NC myself telling him how awful it was and he came back wanting to start up again and saying that it hasn't bothered him he was cool with it. It always bothered me. Yet it was like an addiction.

[anne1707]

So when you tell your husband that the marriage needs to be worked on, what will you say when he asks you what is wrong? In the end he will feel as if he is letting you down. He will feel guilty. He will feel sorry for not doing right by you. I'm sorry but that is sickening. How can you be so cruel and heartless?

[Zahara]

He won't get this. It will be Over. And my little 3 yo will be heartbroken.

 

Didn't think about all that when you were playing with fire? And I am sure you wouldn't have thought about the heartbreak your husband and 3 year old would have had to face if he didn't reject you, because you would have carried on your lalaland fantasy.

[Helen A]

Your OM sounds like just enough of an arrogant prick to run his mouth and get you busted, even after days, weeks months or years of NC. In that case it would definitely be a marriage buster.

 

He won't do this he won't say.

I'm not going to send anymore texts to his phone.

[Owl]

I'm not sure how yet Anne.

 

Owl I can't tell him that.

 

What is so wrong with me doing NC , working through this and working on my M without telling him about this?

 

He won't get this. It will be Over. And my little 3 yo will be heartbroken.

 

Well...you can't minimize this anymore at least.

 

But if you refuse to listen to the advice you're getting from virtually every poster on this site...what kind of "support" do you really think you're gonna get from us???

[Owl]

So when you tell your husband that the marriage needs to be worked on, what will you say when he asks you what is wrong? In the end he will feel as if he is letting you down. He will feel guilty. He will feel sorry for not doing right by you. I'm sorry but that is sickening. How can you be so cruel and heartless?

 

Anne...frankly...there's just no advice that she'll take. I think the only support she's hoping for is sympathy, not anything to actually help her change the situation.

 

You're just wasting pixels, my friend.

[Owl]

I'm not sure how yet Anne.

 

Owl I can't tell him that.

 

What is so wrong with me doing NC , working through this and working on my M without telling him about this?

 

He won't get this. It will be Over. And my little 3 yo will be heartbroken.

 

I don't think that you believe "he won't get this".

 

You know that he WILL "get it".

 

And you won't take ownership/responsibility for that...so...you refuse to tell him.

 

What's wrong with not telling him?

 

Do you really have to ask that question? REALLY??????

 

If you want to keep your husband TRAPPED in a relationship with you, knowing he'd leave you if he knew the truth...knew what you did...and you think that's ok...well...that speaks volumes about WHY this all happened, doesn't it.

 

If you think that's ok...there's nothing we can do to help you.

[Helen A]

So when you tell your husband that the marriage needs to be worked on, what will you say when he asks you what is wrong? In the end he will feel as if he is letting you down. He will feel guilty. He will feel sorry for not doing right by you. I'm sorry but that is sickening. How can you be so cruel and heartless?

 

 

I won't tell him that it needs to be worked on. I will make much more effort with my marriage instead of looking for attention elsewhere. I will not hurt him or my little one over an emotional affair. Which is now HONESTLY finished for good.

[Owl]

So when you tell your husband that the marriage needs to be worked on, what will you say when he asks you what is wrong? In the end he will feel as if he is letting you down. He will feel guilty. He will feel sorry for not doing right by you. I'm sorry but that is sickening. How can you be so cruel and heartless?

 

 

I won't tell him that it needs to be worked on. I will make much more effort with my marriage instead of looking for attention elsewhere. I will not hurt him or my little one over an emotional affair. Which is now HONESTLY finished for good.

 

Then keep them trapped in a relationship with you based entirely on lies, deception, and betrayal.

 

I'm sure they'll thank you for that...when they learn the truth.

[anne1707]

Ah right. So another thing you said you would do has been crossed off the To Do list. This is utterly pointless.

[Helen A]

But if you refuse to listen to the advice you're getting from virtually every poster on this site...what kind of "support" do you really think you're gonna get from us???

 

No, I've listened to the advice. Found out about the NC, books, etc i haven't ignored advice at all. The only thing I've said I won't do is tell my husband.

I'm going to work on everything else and I'm not sure what else to say really.

[Owl]

But if you refuse to listen to the advice you're getting from virtually every poster on this site...what kind of "support" do you really think you're gonna get from us???

 

No, I've listened to the advice. Found out about the NC, books, etc i haven't ignored advice at all. The only thing I've said I won't do is tell my husband.

I'm going to work on everything else and I'm not sure what else to say really.

 

Then all I can say is...good luck.

 

Let us know how this all works out for you.

[whichwayisup]

I won't tell him that it needs to be worked on. I will make much more effort with my marriage instead of looking for attention elsewhere. I will not hurt him or my little one over an emotional affair. Which is now HONESTLY finished for good.

Then make yourself accountable. You say the above, mean it too. Don't just say it and then fall back into your regular habit/pattern. Make it happen! Make it over. DO NC. Break the addiction and be strong. Let yourself grieve and cry. Then pick yourself up and do what is necessary to get your life back on track. Get counseling to help you if you can't do it on your own.

 

Don't let 'ego' and your thoughts of fantasy of the EA lead you the wrong way. Your EA is over. Reality is, you're married with a young child. Work on you, gain self confidence and SELF LOVE, SELF RESPECT and then you'll feel happier and you won't need to rely on a man to make you feel worthy or complete.

 

You have a husband at home who loves you, you are a mom to a young child, you have a family -- A life built with someone in a nice house. You have SO MUCH to lose.. Over what? An EA with someone who is a complete jerk and isn't even someone you'd consider divorcing and starting over with.

 

I give tough love but I DO care. I hope you 'hear' my advice and please take it into consideration.

[anne1707]

But if you refuse to listen to the advice you're getting from virtually every poster on this site...what kind of "support" do you really think you're gonna get from us???

 

No, I've listened to the advice. Found out about the NC, books, etc i haven't ignored advice at all. The only thing I've said I won't do is tell my husband.

I'm going to work on everything else and I'm not sure what else to say really.

 

Thats a lie. You have been advised to do IC, MC and to talk about your marriage problems (which could partially be done without disclosure) with your husband, post on lnfidelity. You are not doing any of these things.

[Helen A]

Then make yourself accountable. You say the above, mean it too. Don't just say it and then fall back into your regular habit/pattern. Make it happen! Make it over. DO NC. Break the addiction and be strong. Let yourself grieve and cry. Then pick yourself up and do what is necessary to get your life back on track. Get counseling to help you if you can't do it on your own.

 

Don't let 'ego' and your thoughts of fantasy of the EA lead you the wrong way. Your EA is over. Reality is, you're married with a young child. Work on you, gain self confidence and SELF LOVE, SELF RESPECT and then you'll feel happier and you won't need to rely on a man to make you feel worthy or complete.

 

You have a husband at home who loves you, you are a mom to a young child, you have a family -- A life built with someone in a nice house. You have SO MUCH to lose.. Over what? An EA with someone who is a complete jerk and isn't even someone you'd consider divorcing and starting over with.

 

I give tough love but I DO care. I hope you 'hear' my advice and please take it into consideration.

 

 

Thanks so much. That's exactly right and that's what I'm going to do.

Thankyou. That's made me cry too.

[Helen A]

Thats a lie. You have been advised to do IC, MC and to talk about your marriage problems (which could partially be done without disclosure) with your husband, post on lnfidelity. You are not doing any of these things.

 

I'm not lying Anne. I'm implementing NC, I'm going to work on my marriage, possibly I will post there ( though I haven't got any Q's at the moment) and I also told you I'd like counselling, so I HAVE taken on board advice given here.

[Helen A]

Then all I can say is...good luck.

 

Let us know how this all works out for you.

 

 

Thankyou. I know you prob think I'm awful but I think I'm doing the right thing