whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Thanks so much. That's exactly right and that's what I'm going to do. Thankyou. That's made me cry too. You're very welcome and when you have PM access, feel free to PM me anytime. (not sure if you have it yet or not) I do think too, part of your anxiety that you'll feel for while and will weigh on your shoulders is hiding your EA from your H. You'll always wonder if he'll find out on his own one day. Or even how can you try to repair your marriage without being completely honest with your husband? Maybe if you told him that you are broken inside and are going to go to counseling because you felt the need to let yourself crush on someone else and that was wrong, to let yourself feel close to another man. Just saying that your H *may* understand a bit more if you explain to him. Remember, he does love you and most are willing to give second chances. At least it give telling him some thought... Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 You have no questions to ask BS who have experienced their spouse being unfaithful? I guess the real truth would be too much for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 My husband had a full on PA in the past Anne, not since we've been married, when we first got together, as young kids. We were t engaged/married or anything but I know how it feels - being on the receiving end that is. This isn't relevant to now and me, but just to let you know I know how heartbreaking it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 You're very welcome and when you have PM access, feel free to PM me anytime. (not sure if you have it yet or not) I do think too, part of your anxiety that you'll feel for while and will weigh on your shoulders is hiding your EA from your H. You'll always wonder if he'll find out on his own one day. Or even how can you try to repair your marriage without being completely honest with your husband? Maybe if you told him that you are broken inside and are going to go to counseling because you felt the need to let yourself crush on someone else and that was wrong, to let yourself feel close to another man. Just saying that your H *may* understand a bit more if you explain to him. Remember, he does love you and most are willing to give second chances. At least it give telling him some thought... Possibly a good idea but not actually admitting who it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Thankyou. I know you prob think I'm awful but I think I'm doing the right thing I think that you're being extremely selfish and short-sighted. I don't think that YOU are awful...but I most certainly don't have a high opinion of your actions, nor your plans. Nor do I truly believe you're going to be successful in them...which is why I've (repeatedly ad nauseum) given you the advice that I have. If you come back at some point because all of this blows up in your face...we'll still be here to help you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 So what. My H had a brief affair before mine. Didn't mean mine was excusable or less wrong. Oh but hang on. You know about it. You had the choice of whether to stay or go. Shame you can't give your H this same choice now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Possibly a good idea but not actually admitting who it is. This is better. And you do NOT need to make this about the OM. It could have been anybody. Point is, you needed 'someone else' to make you feel good about "you". Which is why fixing you and figuring out why is important so you can become secure, become happier over all so you won't EVER need anybody else to make you feel good. Yeah it's nice to feel sexy and have others notice, feeds the ego in a healthy way..it's when you need to rely on others to make you feel good all the time, have attention etc., that leads to EA's and A's is not good at all. Maybe there are things your husband can work on too, to be more flirty with you, more loving and notice you to make you feel sexy and alive. That is why talking to him and opening up is good. And I'm sure he'll have input as well, things you can work on to make him feel more needed and loved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 My husband had a full on PA in the past Anne, not since we've been married, when we first got together, as young kids. We were t engaged/married or anything but I know how it feels - being on the receiving end that is. This isn't relevant to now and me, but just to let you know I know how heartbreaking it is. All the more reason to tell him the truth Betsy. He does have the right to know. And it would be really bad if he finds out on his own. At least by telling him you own it immediately and apologize, and work together to make your marriage stronger .. And affair proof. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 The tears are running down my face writing this. Ended up in a BBQ with my 'friends' on Saturday and staying over their house. We ended up all drunk and me and the OM ended up Kissing. Nobody saw us. I woke up Sunday and we went home I felt really bad. So he said nothing to me about it all day. This is the reason why there must be NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 Anne I mentioned it as you were saying I have no idea how cheating affects, and to post in the other forum so I explained that I do. That's all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 Thankyou. I know you prob think I'm awful but I think I'm doing the right thing I think that you're being extremely selfish and short-sighted. I don't think that YOU are awful...but I most certainly don't have a high opinion of your actions, nor your plans. Nor do I truly believe you're going to be successful in them...which is why I've (repeatedly ad nauseum) given you the advice that I have. If you come back at some point because all of this blows up in your face...we'll still be here to help you. Thanku. But I'm hoping not. I have learned my lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 But you could get really good advice on how to help save your marriage. Or don't you want that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 This is better. And you do NOT need to make this about the OM. It could have been anybody. Point is, you needed 'someone else' to make you feel good about "you". Which is why fixing you and figuring out why is important so you can become secure, become happier over all so you won't EVER need anybody else to make you feel good. Yeah it's nice to feel sexy and have others notice, feeds the ego in a healthy way..it's when you need to rely on others to make you feel good all the time, have attention etc., that leads to EA's and A's is not good at all. Maybe there are things your husband can work on too, to be more flirty with you, more loving and notice you to make you feel sexy and alive. That is why talking to him and opening up is good. And I'm sure he'll have input as well, things you can work on to make him feel more needed and loved. Thanks. It's a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 But you could get really good advice on how to help save your marriage. Or don't you want that? Yes. But I need to stop thinking about it now day in day out it's been driving me nuts. I will have a look there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 And I will post there Link to post Share on other sites
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