Artie Lang Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) "Wash, rinse, repeat." all this thread tells me is that if this man would've been "nice" to you, you would've engaged in a full-blown affair with him. Edited August 5, 2013 by Artie Lang 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I still don't see any CHANGE. /sigh Gotta agree with Artie on this one about the wash/rinse/repeat. Nothing different today than in previous threads. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Archanaart Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I think he was just being honest with his answer and didn't realize it would hurt you. Now you know his answer, so move on. And don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer too. I'm sorry you're having a hard time but you set yourself up for this by texting him. You should have left it at the kiss and moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 He's not home til 7. I'll sort myself out by then. At the mo, I don't know what I'm gonna do, I'm just sitting in the chair crying. It's all hit me today. I fell in love with someone who was just playing games with me .....x I've treated my lovely hubby so badly. I became addicted to him. His message just really hurt me. Man up I know, but a cry does you good sumtimes. I know this exact feeling and have had this realization myself.. Link to post Share on other sites
Calcmag Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 "Wash, rinse, repeat." all this thread tells me is that if this man would've been "nice" to you, you would've engaged in a full-blown affair with him. Agree. And he knows it. He's just biding his time, playing push/pull with OP's emotions so that she'll be so 'grateful' when he is finally nice to her, that she'll fall right into his trap. He's a grade A manipulator. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Is there a reason why you are handing him all your power? Can you do things opposite in order to change things? What you DO - can change this! But not as long as you are handing him all YOUR power! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I haven't cried before but now I can't stop. Are you guys close enough as friends that other people will question the sudden no contact? Are you close to his wife? I feel like I'm in love in my situation too and we are all friends .. I have no idea what supposed to feel like. He has done the same thing.. Texting and contacting me day and night for months and then nothing but crumbs for weeks at a time.. Whenever I ignore him he comes back full force though.. It's so confusing and hurtful when you think it doesn't mean as much to them as it has to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Is there a reason why you are handing him all your power? Can you do things opposite in order to change things? What you DO - can change this! But not as long as you are handing him all YOUR power! I'm not handing him anything anymore. I've gotten his message loud and clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Are you guys close enough as friends that other people will question the sudden no contact? Are you close to his wife? Yes. We've all been mates for years. We do loads together. I am very close to his wife we text all the time, we been friends for years. I think it's going to have to end though. It's a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 There is absolutely no way that any friendship can be maintained. You trying to still be friends is one of the reasons why you are still in the affair emotionally. And physically now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 No I don't think a friendship can be maintained. It could have been in time if he had acted decently, as, though ppl think otherwise, I love his wife. But I'm in a mess. In my head. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Have you decided on a course of action? What changes are you going to make? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) I love his wife. But I'm in a mess. In my head. You love his wife. You love your husband. I don't think betrayal and love go together. And if he had not rejected you, you would have continued into an affair with him. I guess love is relative. Edited August 5, 2013 by Zahara 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Thanks for all the advice here it has been great. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Betsy I can promise you that you have not had that much grief here for you to respond like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 He could have acted decently? And you? And please, don't delude yourself more than you already have. You are NOT his wifes friend, and you don't "love" her. You are actively screwing her husband, chatting her up on the phone, likely extracting info from her, whatever... It's all a big fat lie. Here's an idea, why not tell her what you've been up to, ask her what kind of friend you are. This will all come crashing down soon enough it's a house of cards. Actually, and correct me if I'm mistaken, but the kiss is the first and only physical part of Betsy's affair with MOM. Up until now, it was purely EA. Not saying that's any better, but just thought I'd point that out. Betsy: I know you've obviously been having a hard time with this. I'm sure you don't want to continue going on and on, with this painful rollercoaster ride. I agree with what Sunny said (and that doesn't happen often). You need to take your power back. I know you're pretty hurt right now. Frankly, I don't care what MOM meant by his text; the point is he's hurt you, over and over, and will continue to do so for as long as this lasts. I'm guessing the only reason you have trouble with NC (other than not fully blocking all modes of communication) is because you don't want to explain to his wife or your husband why you're suddenly not hanging out together? Hon, you either have to go full disclosure, or just go NC, and avoid the questions thrown your way. You can't keep going on the way you are. He's no true friend to you; he treats you like a bloody child, and burdens you further with his behaviour. Cut him out, like a flipping cancer. Only then will you truly heal. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 You better wake up before you lose it all. This train is about to derail and your the cause. Go get some help if you want to fix your relationship. What you did by your actions was throw a grenade at your own family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Betsy I can promise you that you have not had that much grief here for you to respond like that. I'm taking in the nasty and the nice responses Anne. Actually, and correct me if I'm mistaken, but the kiss is the first and only physical part of Betsy's affair with MOM. Up until now, it was purely EA. Yes. I am going NC Rebel Dynasty and Im cutting him out like you said, he's not my friend. Thankyou for all your posts they've always been really nice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Yes. I am going NC Rebel Dynasty and Im cutting him out like you said, he's not my friend. Thankyou for all your posts they've always been really nice I think I've thrown in a few harsh ones, here or there. In any case, you're welcome. Stay strong, and commit to the NC. I wish you the best, and hope you can look back on this event someday, and know you're stronger for having gotten out, before things got worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 She is a long way from out of this yet RD Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 She is a long way from out of this yet RD I know. I'm just giving her the benefit of the doubt that she'll stick to NC this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Today, 6:22 PM #52 Rebel-Dynasty Established Member She is a long way from out of this yet RD I know. I'm just giving her the benefit of the doubt that she'll stick to NC this time. Definitely NC this time. 100%. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 The tears are running down my face writing this. Ended up in a BBQ with my 'friends' on Saturday and staying over their house. We ended up all drunk and me and the OM ended up Kissing. Nobody saw us. I woke up Sunday and we went home I felt really bad. So he said nothing to me about it all day. I go look up his number ( I did delete it off my phone) but I wrote it down.put it in the back of an old diary. This is the conversation. Me: I feel bad today Him: still ruff Me: no I mean I feel bad about the kissing Him:forget it we shudnt av dun it Me:shall we completely quit the texts too none at all? Him: well that's up to you but they have to be clean don't mention it ok? Me:do you feel bad? Him: a little Me: right no more txts n crazy stuff from me. Ill miss you though if we stop talking Him: we've got to be good now friends only Me: would you miss me? Him: a little but I'd get over it Me: that's really upset me now Him:u are silly gotta be good now Me: silly? Him:getting upset Me: well I am Him: right gotta go now busy don't mention it again and only be good. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I've got to sort my head out. I thought what he said was so nasty. Me saying how I feel and then a little but I'd get over it. Please go NC on him like NOW:confused: He is an arse and I am sure he treats his wife the same, as far as how he seems to not care about anyone's feelings but his own . There is a saying amongst us BS's that works for the OW/OM as well too (I hope) and that is when your (insert love interest here) shows you who they really are... believe them. He does not sound like a very nice person, but then he isn't being nice by his BS either so I am not surprised. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 No I don't think a friendship can be maintained. It could have been in time if he had acted decently, as, though ppl think otherwise, I love his wife. But I'm in a mess. In my head. I can understand you loving her I'm in a very similar situation. I don't want to hurt her at all. I don't think friendship could be maintained unless it ended on good terms Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 And how do you think that's going to happen? Maybe if she were having an affair with your husband, you'd be that forward thinking and open. But, no...the average wife (just personal experience, not cited reference) isn't going to be so understanding and forgiving when she discovers her supposed BFF has been boffing and sharing intimate details of her life with her husband, all the while pretending to be her go to girl. Maybe in novels, but not so much in the real world. I haven't slept with her husband. This has been an EA. Link to post Share on other sites
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