angelj Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Good Morning If you read some of my other threads, you will see my background on my (now ex) for whom I am writing about. My question is, does a man with depression, alcohol issues, emotional instability and who has been violent by means of psychological abuse and domestic abuse (not hitting, slapping or punching but breaking things, punching holes, slamming down my iphone until it shatters, etc) and these things only happening when hes super drunk.. do they change so quickly without intensive therapy or help? I left him 3 months ago because it got so bad I couldn't stay.. I didn't want to leave, I dealt with 3 years of his drama and I loved him more than I've ever loved a man.. or myself for that matter - I became totally codependent. I left and left it all behind.. he called me for the first 6 weeks or so crying, drunk begging for me back, begging to change.. well he stopped calling, wouldn't meet me sober and just decided "it was the past" He's moved on and is dating a new woman. Lost weight, appears happy, healthy and seems to be Mr Wonderful and Prince Charming for her. It devastates me. How could this happen so quickly? I gave my world to him and held his hand through the toughest of times - I put blood sweat and tears into his house that I left and left my furniture, for another woman to enjoy with the man I always wanted.. Do they change so quickly? Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 No. People take a long time to change and they have to do it for themselves, not for an ex... he may think he has changed, and he may truly be trying to change... however, he needs to continue on his own path for a lot longer than a few months. sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 You were smart enough to leave, now you need to be smart enough to know he's got himself another victim. He's wearing his charming, best behavior costume, soon as she's hooked he's back to drunken, aggressive intimidator costume. Be strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author angelj Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 I can't tell you how thankful I am to read your responses. Its like, I know these things but its so hard to believe them once you're in my position. You're both right, I was strong (and smart) enough to finally leave him, even though he was all I wanted - the bad outweighed the good - and he would always say, when he was remorseful, that he "did too many bad things and at this point we were irreparable because he had never been right from the start.." OK that's great reflection - and within the first month he was saying how he couldn't believe he hurt such a wonderful person and he didn't know what was wrong with him "but there was a lot" Also great reflection - but knowing him as I did, he would go through these "Mr Wonderful" spells with me too - his longest was about 2.5 months of no drinking - and he truly was wonderful. But he would always crack again.. I guess his facade really had me fooled and boy was it devestating. Thank you again for your reassurance - I truly believed that he just woke up one day and changed. And you're right, he MAY BELIEVE he has changed - he always thought he did. Then something would happen and he would say "Its just YOU I get so angry with - its something with you I don't know why but I don't get mad at anyone else!" Although, his last 4 relationships ended pretty much the same way.. Link to post Share on other sites
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