Troubled with loss of relationship and NC

[lylat333]

Hello everyone, this is my first post here even though I have read a lot on this site. I have found it to be the most insightful place, so I look forward to hearing back on my situation.

 

I'm 27 and started to see my ex a little over a year ago... then started to separate some a few months ago when we stopped being Facebook official but continued to see each other. Then the past month we both have had a lot going on and haven't seen each other or talked much.

 

I went on a vacation a few weeks ago and it was on the drive that it occurred to me I really wanted to work things out. And just before that it seemed like that's what she wanted and was on board. As soon as I tried to come forward, she started to pull away and we started to become estranged.

 

10 days ago things came to a head, I had already started to push her away from the previous conversation or two we had. Things turned emotional quick and she said not to call, text, or message her anymore. She had talked about how she was ~"hoping that we could still be friends but maybe not now." For me, being friends was never much of an option, she meant too much to me. This is only the 2nd person I have ever felt serious about, and if we could have/could work it out, she's someone I can really picture myself with. I'm kicking myself for letting us get so distant.

 

Anyway, I've been on NC ever since that night and it's been very tough. I have kept myself very occupied, but I miss her like nothing else and can't let go of the hope that something could still work out. I'm hoping things will cool off and we can get back on better terms.

 

Yesterday though, after I thought I had been handling NC fine, I couldn't take not knowing what was going on and the note we last ended on so I decided to write a letter. It was only one page front and back. Which isn't too much for us, considering over the past year we've sent over 2,000 FB messages to each other and they were usually pretty substantive. We were so close even though we live 45 min. away from each other, saw each other on more days than we didn't.

 

Have I shot myself in the foot by sending a letter? I kept it very lighthearted... didn't say anything about wanting to get back together, didn't place any blame and wasn't trying to bargain or anything like that. I asked how she was doing, talked a little bit about a couple of things I had done. I did apologize for the biggest thing I felt I hadn't been understanding on - when we stopped being Facebook official I said I shouldn't have expected her to act like my girlfriend when we weren't really a couple and that it was very selfish of me.

 

At the end I said, ~"If you ever want to relax a little after work (she gets off at 8 p.m.) I thought it would be nice to go out for some frozen yogurt or ice cream. If not, I understand."

 

I resisted calling her because my biggest fear is that she won't respond at all, and then I would be a wreck and I am also trying to respect her wishes for me not to contact her. I feel we both said things we may not have meant and that the letter won't be totally unwelcome. Based on what I have read, 10 days of NC isn't much but for us I think it's a lot. I miss her terribly, and even though I stay active I can't think of anyone replacing her right now.

[Mcnulty]

You've sent the letter, absolutely do not push anymore...leave it with her.

 

10 days NC is nothing. If she is thinking about the letter, let her think it over, but don't contact her again.

 

6 weeks ago I sent a heartfelt letter, no reply, I was gutted, but respected her decision and left it be. Today she contacted me and we're talking, it's a step forward and it wouldn't have happened if I'd pushed her on it.

 

i wish you luck.

[lylat333]

Thanks for the input... until you said that I had actually convinced myself I was going to go up to meet her as she got off work, see how she was doing finally. Maybe now I won't... but I want to see her so bad and have some clue as to what's going on.

 

6 weeks seems like an eternity... I really don't like the idea of either of us starting to date other people by that point. I want to know how she's doing now, but do it in a way that I'm not putting any pressure on her. I've told 2 other friends I thought about going up and seeing her tonight, one just said good luck the other said he didn't think it was a good idea and it might just cause her to get more upset.

[lylat333]

update: I decided against going up and seeing her after a friend of hers got back to me and he said that it would be a bad idea.

 

I'm pretty sure she would have gotten my letter last night, so I feel like I've done all I can do. I'm still very upset... don't have much hope anything is going to work out or that she has a sudden change of heart... just have to keep taking it day by day and try to cope and keep myself out there.

 

Mcnulty, maybe your experience will be similar to mine. My fear is that she'll attempt dating/seeing at least one other guy before she ever considers coming back and that's not what I want... I still want to believe that we can work this out in the near future.

 

If she continues to keep me on the backburner and sees other people and then by some chance comes around (not expecting it) I don't know that I would want her back by that point... even though right now I can't picture myself with anyone but her. Call it oneitis, whatever, I don't care... but I have no interest in even kissing another woman in the near future.

[Mcnulty]

Don't let yourself be a second choice!!

 

If she starts seeing someone else, that's it with contact...disappear, I did it for 11 months after she started seeing my friend. it went tits up, we got in contact and were really close, for 6 months to the point of about to sleep together, i freaked, she'd been with my mate...she's come back into my life again, because it was 10 years of deep love, we can't seem to let it go and I'm blessed she's speaking to me, I was a turd at times. i digress though...for you, you've sent the letter, she knows how you feel, take each day as it comes and leave her be...if she is meant to come back to you mate, she will.

[lylat333]

Thanks man. Each day I lose a little hope she will contact me, but I also level out a little more too even though I don't want to. It just seems like she should have a moment where she realizes we could be happy and that the situation she's in isn't what she really wants. But only she can make that decision.

 

If she got in a relationship, and then later came back to me, I would most likely turn it down. I don't like that she's putting me on the backburner, but it's only been a week and a half and I can't move on right now. I'm putting myself out there, staying busy... will even be around single girls and whatnot but she's the one I still have love for and want to be with. I know it may not, probably won't happen but I wish that message would pop up in my inbox or she would give me a call.

[Mcnulty]

Just sit tight mate and keep yourself busy.

 

Write a list of all the pros and cons of her and the relationship you had, it may help you gain more clarity.

 

having her back may be fantastic or playing devil's advocate here, it may open up a Pandora's Box, for you and me. I'm treading very carefully and trying to be very cool with her..hard when you're in love with them still.

[lylat333]

Thanks Mcnulty.

 

Well, this has been pretty hard on me. The mornings are just the worst... and the past 2 early mornings I've dreamed I'm talking to her and we're working things out. This morning it felt so real, then my alarm went off. I hit snooze, I'm immediately talking to her again. Snooze, talking to her again, it was crazy.

 

I went through a lot of emotions last night. About the time I got off work I felt pretty OK, then I started to feel anger and bitterness about how she is putting me on the backburner now and I'm suffering and she's not, and she's been really cold to me for a month or more now... then at night I get sad because I don't want to think that it's really over. It just seems like the potential was right there... and if she ever does snap out of what she's going through, I fear it will be too late. (sorry to sound like a broken record)

 

I know for me, one of the hardest things is running a lot of exchanges over and over in my mind and there are feelings of regret, confusion, and second-guessing. As my mind continues to race over it, I then start to approach the desire to break NC because I feel like there must be something I can do or say to get her attention... but I don't know what I would do.

 

The last time she came over was 2 weeks ago today, and she did spend the night and that was the last I ever saw her. I did get emotional here and there, but I tried to keep my cool and not do anything that might ruin it. But now I wonder if I should have just went in for a kiss... one of those amazing kisses we used to have when we were a couple and show her the passion that's there. But I didn't. I didn't want to do anything, because I got the vibe she didn't want me doing anything. But I think about how similar she is acting towards me compared to how I was to my gf before her (who I left through a naive GiG phase), the only other serious relationship I had. None of her pleading did much... but I have wondered to myself if she could have done something over the top like grabbing me and saying something crazy that would have made me think differently.

 

I feel like I've let 2 potentially great women slip through my fingers... I'm a very introspective, sensitive person and I tend to shift all the blame towards myself even though I know there are things my exes did that weren't perfect, and that neither of us were perfect. I just wish I wouldn't have been so sensitive sometimes. I have thought about doing the listing pros and cons thing... thinking about even just 2-3 clear cons about her do make me feel better... but then I fear that a mere 2-3 cons about me are all it takes for her to feel totally justified in walking away from making this work.

 

I'll probably continue to update here now and then... maybe it can serve as help or a testimonial to someone else at some point. I plan to stick w/ NC for at least another month. After that, I have no idea whether or not I will want to contact her. A big reason I don't want to is because I know that's what she expects, I had trouble finding closure from my last serious relationship and contacted her when I probably shouldn't have, even though it wasn't an interest to get back together that motivated the contact.

[lylat333]

Thought I'd drop in for an update...

 

Thing is, there's been really no new information whatsoever! No good news, but no bad news either I suppose. I do check her Facebook in the morning, after work, and before I go to bed.

 

As for me, the thing I have been doing to give myself something to look forward to each day and weekend is it is my mission to visit every state park & conservation area anywhere near me. I've already gone to several places in the past couple of weeks and upload all the great pictures and have been getting a pretty positive reception from it. I also took a new profile picture of myself after work last Friday after I got a haircut and bought a new t-shirt for the first time in over a year. Big smile on my face, I'm staying positive and upbeat in everything I do.

 

I don't think of it as manipulative smoke signals or anything, I'm genuinely focused on continuing on with my life, whether anyone is with me or not. Even if I woke up to find out she was in some new relationship, it won't change what I'm doing. I'm still going to be out and about and improving myself. Oh, and I also joined a young adult game night group at the church my parents go to. I don't consider myself a religious person, but I do go to church with my parents sometimes. I didn't like the idea at first, I felt it would be disingenuous on my part, but it seems like a good group and it's just another thing I can look forward to each week. It's nice to be around other 20 and 30-year olds in a positive atmosphere. (I've only been in bars a handful of times) Otherwise I am sort of at a loss to meet new peers where I live.

 

It's day 18 of not having heard anything from her. 95% of the time I have no desire to break NC and feel I am doing all the right things, but then I'll have moments like last night before bed where I want to call her so bad. I want to have a nice, normal conservation, hear her voice... and improve things between us. But... just about anything I have read or heard would advise against such a thing, and I'm putting my trust in that.

 

Last Monday when I talked to a mutual friend & coworker of hers, he also advised against calling or coming up or anything. He said don't expect to get together within a month... seemed like a long time to me for things to cool down, but I know we're not in the same place emotionally right now. It's going to take time, more time than I want to. If she felt the same way I did, even though it might be hard for her, she would make that phone call or send a message.

 

I know she's having a craft night get-together at her house tomorrow night with some close friends, I'd guess I'll come up in conversation then, hopefully in a positive light. Part of me hopes it will be a time for some calm, collected reflection and I will have earned some respect by giving her space. Or maybe she really just wants nothing to do with me, who knows! I am really in the dark and it's not fun.

 

I'll update again, until this thing either dies or we get the chance to try again.

Edited August 13, 2013 by lylat333

[btyoung21]

Lylat,

 

Been following your thread and I am in a similar situation.

 

The absolute, most scary part of NC is that they truly move on with their lives and realize they're happy without you. They may totally erase you from their lives and not have a chance for reconciliation.

 

Another factor is finding a new partner, if they find someone else and are happy with that choice. The games pretty much over for us.

 

Still mulling over sending an NC message and maintaining NC or just giving her 3 to 4 weeks then start to try again.

 

Decisions..

[Simon Phoenix]

You need to stop checking her Facebook. You aren't actually executing NC if you creep her Facebook. NC means no talking, no texting, no Facebooking, nothing. It will help you progress to where you need to me if you cut out the Facebooking immediately.

[Scrab22]

At the end I said, ~"If you ever want to relax a little after work (she gets off at 8 p.m.) I thought it would be nice to go out for some frozen yogurt or ice cream. If not, I understand."

(

 

That's a very nice thing to say!

 

But from what I understand, I think the problem was your relationship started and built itself on Facebook. Next time, establish a relationship starting with face-to-face!

 

I don't know whether you've made a mistake or not, but you shouldn't apologize too much.

Anyways, try to get away from her as much as you can. If you'll think for a moment "she's just a girl!", it'll be easier for you to do so. Really, she's just a girl!

(No female chauvinism intended)

[lylat333]

btyoung21: It is a scary thought... but I have been through something similar like this before and I have been able to make it through the painful ordeal of an ex that was near and dear to my heart moving on with someone else. If this should happen to you, I can tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Obviously I don't want that to happen with my current ex, but if it did it would be something that would help me know that I need to move on, too. Right now I'm simply not interested in dating anyone else, it's too soon.

 

Simon Phoenix: Well, one thing that helps me a lot is I made a commitment not to check Facebook between 8:00a.m.-5:00p.m., and that has helped immensely. Other than that, I don't really see anything wrong with checking her Facebook. We live 45 min. away and the only way I'm going to see any updates is through Facebook. Call me crazy but I think it's good to know what kinds of things she's doing. (more on that in a moment) If I woke up tomorrow morning to see she was with someone else, yes it will hurt but I will move on faster seeing that than being in the dark and having that part of me that can't shake the idea she might be getting in contact any moment.

 

Scrab22: Thanks. I'm definitely not taking all the responsibility for the breakup, but I definitely had control going back a couple of months ago and didn't move into deeper stages of commitment when I should have. I had other things going on in life that diverted my attention, and by the time I decided I wanted the relationship to be more serious, she started to pull away fast.

 

OK - now I'm open to input from anyone reading: Yesterday she put up pictures of the results of staining her basement floor with help from her mom, stepdad, and sister. It turned out really good and this is something she had talked to me in the past about wanting to do it and I was excited for her. I'm thinking of breaking NC today by posting a positive comment, ~"You all did a really good job! It looks great xxx. :)" for a few reasons:

 

1) I'm genuinely happy for her. This is something I know she wanted to do and the kinds of things I enjoy seeing her do. 2) It's something she knew I was excited about for her when she first started telling me about it so I believe it will be taken sincerely and 3) Tonight she is having a craft night at her house with some friends. I have to assume I will come up, and while normally I understand why breaking NC is a bad idea because it shifts the power back towards them, I think this will put me in the positive light I deserve to be in and her friends will think positively of the fact that I posted a harmless, sincere compliment on a project she just completed. I feel tonight could potentially be a watershed night that either further cements her decision to not want to be in contact with me, or she will start to really reconsider.

 

Thoughts? I'm going to continue thinking about it all day, and if I decide to do it, it'll be later in the afternoon before she gets off work.

Edited August 14, 2013 by lylat333

[lylat333]

Anyone like to place their bets on how this is going to go down?

[Simon Phoenix]

Checking her Facebook is unnecessary torture. Stop doing it. I know you think it will help you move on, but 95% of the time it keeps you hooked. And do not contact her, let it be. It's not going to be looked at in a positive light by her -- she'll either be annoyed or she'll give a response to be polite. The fact that you think it could be a "watershed" moment is the exact reason why it's a horrible idea -- you have too much riding on it. Don't do this.

[lylat333]

After a lot of consideration and weighing this morning, I did leave the comment about an hour ago.

 

As soon as I left it, I did have a rush of emotion, thinking it may just annoy her like you are suggesting, Simon. Was it too much, too little? After a moment of worrying, I took a deep breath, relaxed, and was content with the decision I made.

 

To clarify I didn't think the comment would be a watershed moment, I think tonight will be. Her and all her closest girlfriends are going to be together at her house, and I assume I'm going to come up at some point. There's going to be some important discussion as she values her friends' opinions, and I think that the comment I left was harmless. I genuinely meant it. It doesn't matter what happens, I'm not going to kick myself over the compliment.

 

I don't expect her to respond. She might, but I'm not expecting it. I don't expect her to call tonight, tomorrow, or anytime over the weekend. And if she doesn't acknowledge what I said, I'm not going to be cowering in a corner tonight wondering, "oh god, why did I do that, why didn't she say anything."

 

I have mixed feelings about NC. I do think it's the best way to get over someone and move on after a breakup. But I'm not convinced it always gives you the highest chance of an ex returning. I think in this particular instance, it stood to do me possibly more good than harm. Maybe it is counter-productive, but I don't know that yet. I haven't heard anything from her in almost 3 weeks. I'm not continuing to sulk after the breakup, I'm living life and I'm not ashamed that I hope to hear from her and overcome the issues we had.

Edited August 14, 2013 by lylat333

[Simon Phoenix]

After a lot of consideration and weighing this morning, I did leave the comment about an hour ago.

 

As soon as I left it, I did have a rush of emotion, thinking it may just annoy her like you are suggesting, Simon. Was it too much, too little? After a moment of worrying, I took a deep breath, relaxed, and was content with the decision I made.

 

To clarify I didn't think the comment would be a watershed moment, I think tonight will be. Her and all her closest girlfriends are going to be together at her house, and I assume I'm going to come up at some point. There's going to be some important discussion as she values her friends' opinions, and I think that the comment I left was harmless. I genuinely meant it. It doesn't matter what happens, I'm not going to kick myself over the compliment.

 

I don't expect her to respond. She might, but I'm not expecting it. I don't expect her to call tonight, tomorrow, or anytime over the weekend. And if she doesn't acknowledge what I said, I'm not going to be cowering in a corner tonight wondering, "oh god, why did I do that, why didn't she say anything."

 

I have mixed feelings about NC. I do think it's the best way to get over someone and move on after a breakup. But I'm not convinced it always gives you the highest chance of an ex returning. I think in this particular instance, it stood to do me possibly more good than harm. Maybe it is counter-productive, but I don't know that yet. I haven't heard anything from her in almost 3 weeks. I'm not continuing to sulk after the breakup, I'm living life and I'm not ashamed that I hope to hear from her and overcome the issues we had.

 

You didn't do yourself any good. Honestly, you are building it up way too much. The odds of your comment being any sort of long conversation starter for her friends and starting a wave of positive karma from them to your ex on your behalf are slim and none. And NC has its purpose in reconciliations -- you need to decompress (you haven't, as you are building up a Facebook comment to be this watershed moment), she needs to decompress and she needs to miss you. She can't miss something that doesn't go away, and by making comments about things like that, you haven't gone away. You would have made more of an impact in her mind (though probably not much) by staying silent. That might have intrigued her. Now you have proven you are still on the hook, which isn't very attractive. Three weeks is a drop in the bucket, hell, I know of couples that went radio silent for six months-year and reconciled.

 

But anyway, what works in reconciliations is the dumper wanting you back. But there's nothing you can do to make that happen -- there's not a magic combination or an easy button. You can only make them not want to come back, and little Facebook comments are more likely to result in annoyance then any sort of positive epiphany.

 

You need to work on yourself and be patient. Space and time are your best allies here, not only for a possible reconciliation, but for self-improvement as well.

[lylat333]

I don't expect her friends to see it, but she'll see it and I know her sister and mom will see it, too.

 

And again, I don't expect the comment to be a make or break thing. I think tonight will be, and whether or not I left that comment probably won't ultimately change where things are going.

 

Obviously we see this completely differently. imo the comment I left has nothing to do with us, I feel it shows that I can be happy for her with no strings attached and that's an attractive trait. I am a) genuinely happy for her and b) not expecting her to throw herself at me after seeing the comment. I simply want to make her feel good and hopefully lay a brick in the foundation of me being associated with positive feelings.

 

But hey, we'll see how it goes. If I continue to never hear from her, I don't think blame lies in this Facebook comment.

 

imo, months, years+ is simply not necessary for a healthy reconciliation. I realize 3 weeks isn't much, but I think everyone's different. One could argue those who reunite down the line are falling back into something familiar. They try something else and when it doesn't work they go back to something they gave up on rather than continuing to look for new opportunities.

 

But anyway, what works in reconciliations is the dumper wanting you back.

my logic: it was nice for her to have a guy who shared her excitement when it came to something that may seem mundane to others like staining her basement floor. Hey, I'm still excited for her, I think it's neat, and I'm happy for her. That is what the comment is really about.

Edited August 14, 2013 by lylat333

[Simon Phoenix]

People who go back too soon tend to go back to the same flawed relationship. And usually after a brief "yay we're back" phase the old problems crop up quicker and with more vigor. I mean, I'm going to two weddings in the next 8 months of people who broke up, took time (six months in one, a little over a year in another), and then reconciled once they had processed the first breakup, worked on themselves and realized that they truly loved the person that broke with. So basically, I couldn't disagree more with your viewpoint on that aspect of this.

 

And quite frankly, you are putting way too much emphasis into this facebook comment. She's really not going to look at it in nearly as nuanced as you are. She's going to see it as if you have an agenda -- and she'd be right. I mean, you aren't the first person to think like this -- I definitely thought that the right words/gestures would have a domino effect that would cause her to realize what she missed. It doesn't happen like that though unfortunately. I hope I'm wrong and you are an exception, but I don't see your approach resulting in much of anything positive for you.

[lylat333]

And quite frankly, you are putting way too much emphasis into this facebook comment. She's really not going to look at it in nearly as nuanced as you are. She's going to see it as if you have an agenda -- and she'd be right.

Which is it... am I simply giving a genuine compliment or is it part of my 'agenda'... the agenda in which I acknowledged that the comment probably isn't going to ultimately change where things are going yet I'm still putting way too much emphasis in?

 

If she's considering reconciliation, I'm confident my comment is fine. If she still has a short fuse over things and it just pisses her off, so be it. Most people who are in the kind of mindset you're describing would be a mess right now, freaking out over how she feels about it and whether or not she's going to respond, etc. I'm not going to lose any sleep if she doesn't respond to it, I know I was just being nice and if she or anyone else wants to make me to be some sort of manipulative devil, have at it. It's hard for me to imagine her tonight saying, "yeah, he left a comment complimenting me on the basement floor." and her and everyone else is like, "What an *******!" I'm sorry... even if a close friend of mine wanted space from someone and their ex left something so plainly kind, I wouldn't find it deserving of any ill will.

 

Time will tell. I'll continue to update as anything happens. If nothing else I think more information is good for others to see. Thanks for the support, hoping for the best.

Edited August 14, 2013 by lylat333

[Simon Phoenix]

Which is it... am I simply giving a genuine compliment or is it part of my 'agenda'... the agenda in which I acknowledged that the comment probably isn't going to ultimately change where things are going yet I'm still putting way too much emphasis in?

 

If she's considering reconciliation, I'm confident my comment is fine. If she still has a short fuse over things and it just pisses her off, so be it. Most people who are in the kind of mindset you're describing would be a mess right now, freaking out over how she feels about it and whether or not she's going to respond, etc. I'm not going to lose any sleep if she doesn't respond to it, I know I was just being nice and if she or anyone else wants to make me to be some sort of manipulative devil, have at it. It's hard for me to imagine her tonight saying, "yeah, he left a comment complimenting me on the basement floor." and her and everyone else is like, "What an *******!" I'm sorry... even if a close friend of mine wanted space from someone and their ex left something so plainly kind, I wouldn't find it deserving of any ill will.

 

Time will tell. I'll continue to update as anything happens. If nothing else I think more information is good for others to see. Thanks for the support, hoping for the best.

 

I don't think you are the devil at all. I think you have an agenda, but it's not a nefarious one by any means. It's one most dumpees have, myself included. But she's more likely to think that you are trying to worm your way back in then thinking you're sweet for sending it. More likely if she mentions it there won't be any reaction positive or negative from other people.

 

As for the "I'm not a mess right now" part, I think you are a bit, which is perfectly understandable. If you were truly chill, you wouldn't have labored about this as much as you did. You would have just done it.

[lylat333]

Haha... this reminds of me of a Friends episode, "The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS". There's no such thing as a selfless good deed!

[lylat333]

Hoo boy, I'm back. Mixed feelings.

 

She didn't acknowledge my compliment on her finished project, which I knew I wasn't expecting... her mom did acknowledge it, Liked it, and in fact posted a very pleasant comment in reply. I was reluctant to respond but she basically asked me a question in her comment so it made sense to reply to it politely and leave it at that.

 

She finished a set of paintings she had been working on and put up pictures of it late last night. I was happy to see that too, but have decided against even liking the post.

 

Everything went about as good as I could have hoped, right? Yes and no. I have to say, I got pretty down last night, despite the fact I went on a 3.5 mile walk after work at a new park in perfect weather and took some more nice photos.

 

I had a horrible night of sleep, and this morning was tough too. I actually watched Good Will Hunting last night for the first time, finished it this morning... there were some scenes in the movie that really got to me. This morning I hit a point of helplessness, I cried in my hallway and bedroom... and then text my counselor to set up an appointment asap, thankfully I get to see her this afternoon.

 

So, I did lose sleep last night... but I don't know that it's really about the comment I left. I meant what I said, if it's a sin to her for me to be happy for her about it then things are farther gone than I could have ever thought they'd be. I've felt fairly positive the past couple of weeks, an underlying confidence that everything is going to be OK... and today is a day where I feel like that's falling apart. I'm getting so tired and have feel I'm being ground down to bits waiting and enduring these feelings.

 

I find myself hoping... maybe tonight's the night. Maybe tomorrow. But probably not. Probably another weekend just like the ones before. It's been at least 2, maybe 3 months since I've even been able to kiss her, I can't remember. The one thing I have that might be worth looking forward to is a 5K this Saturday, first one I'll have done in a long time and I plan on tearing apart my previous personal best. But for what? For me? I don't know.

Edited August 15, 2013 by lylat333

[Simon Phoenix]

And this is why you shouldn't have done it. Oh well, lesson learned, not the end of the world. I'm glad you didn't comment on the other picture though.

[lylat333]

Thanks. I guess I'm resigned to continue NC at this point... but I still don't feel convinced that NC gives the best chance at reconciling with an ex. I know it's the best thing to allow the dumpee to heal.

 

Of course I want to do what's best, and right. If breaking NC is disrespectful to her, I don't want to do it. But then I wonder if we do need to talk. Do people always even know what they want? Her friend thought it would be a mistake if I came up early last week. Does it ever change things?

 

Last night I got upset at my dog for whining. I'm not allowing her to sleep in the bedroom anymore and that's what she's upset about. I wondered if her continuing to whine is similar to anything I'm doing with my ex. It's hard for me to think I'm really driving her further away, It's so hard to think that you're in 2 different emotional places, you think they're just one little mood swing away from coming back.