Women get burned by players="No good men left"

[KathyM]

that's either not true or 90% have psychological issues. one or the other. which is it?

There's a lot of women out there with low self esteem or other psychological issues who put up with crap from men. No where near 90%.

[Woggle]

So if being a player gets a woman's panties wet why then get mad at men for being players and complain that romance is dead? Men are results oriented creatures and we do what produces the best reaction. Why blame us for doing what works? I have seen men become jerks after getting burned so much and it's like they become ten times more attractive to women overnight.

[Drseussgrrl]

So if being a player gets a woman's panties wet why then get mad at men for being players and complain that romance is dead? Men are results oriented creatures and we do what produces the best reaction. Why blame us for doing what works? I have seen men become jerks after getting burned so much and it's like they become ten times more attractive to women overnight.

 

Some women love a challenge. So do some men.

 

And you don't have to be a "player" in order to be attractive to women. I personally can't stand them. What I DO need, however, is sexual attraction. I shouldn't have to apologize for that.

[Woggle]

Some women love a challenge. So do some men.

 

And you don't have to be a "player" in order to be attractive to women. I personally can't stand them. What I DO need, however, is sexual attraction. I shouldn't have to apologize for that.

 

Why do I then see men who haven't even changed their looks much decide to start being jerks to women and it seems to make them so much more attractive? I see it happen time and time again then these same women go and cry about the death of romance. If women are going to go for these men at least stop complaining that men aren't romantic anymore and how there aren't any good ones.

[fortyninethousand322]

Huh. I didn't realize that Gene Simmons and Wilt Chamberlain were the pinnacle of human achievement. Much more so than complete losers like Mother Theresa and Nikola Tesla.

 

Those are extreme outliers and not to be taken as norms. That's a false dichotomy.

 

The average person who lives their lives normally (work 9-5, do whatever hobbies they have, etc.) and doesn't get laid, usually has a lower value than someone who does those same things but does. For example.

 

It's those subtleties that get lost in the gross exaggeration on here...

[Drseussgrrl]

its higher that you think. a woman who constantly tells a guy on the first date she moves slow and then refuses a second date because he didn't kiss her already on the first date is sending him mixed messages. one could say she has psychological issues.

 

I don't consider kissing on a first date moving too fast. I like when a man creates that sexual tension and lets it be known that he finds me desirable.

 

You don't have to grab my ass or grope me to get that point across.

[KathyM]

So if being a player gets a woman's panties wet why then get mad at men for being players and complain that romance is dead? Men are results oriented creatures and we do what produces the best reaction. Why blame us for doing what works? I have seen men become jerks after getting burned so much and it's like they become ten times more attractive to women overnight.

It's not being a player or being mean to women that gets women interested (except for women with low self esteem or psychological issues). If the guy has attractive qualities about him (looks, personality, charisma, humor, or whatever), he will attract women. Sometimes it takes women awhile to figure out that this guy is a jerk and she should leave him. The women with low self esteem or psychological issues will stick around, since they think they deserve to be treated badly.

[fortyninethousand322]

Honestly, it's because some men are very good at evoking a sexual reaction in women. They learn this early on, and many guys use it to their sexual advantage that women come so easily to them. Some guys are just naturals. Whether it be they're great-looking, or funny, or charismatic.

 

What I find so frustrating in these types of threads is that posters like you expect women to somehow "rise above" being attracted to men who are successful with women. That's the thing about attraction though. It's unintentional and primal. It rarely makes sense. Sometimes I can't figure out where your frustration is directed - players, or women? Both? "But I'm a NICE GUY. Why won't she give me a chance instead of going after the *********?" Well - simply put, that ********* makes her panties wet, and you don't.

 

The trick is finding a TRULY nice guy who you ALSO find attractive. No easy task.

 

Perfectly legitimate. I just don't feel any sympathy when that guy who makes you (general you) attracted to him ends up being a jerk, cheater, abuser, whatever.

 

If someone makes their bed, they should lie in it. Keep dating those types, they are clearly attractive...

[BluEyeL]

i'd venture to say that a majority are not in those categories. most men who are still single and unmarried at 35 and especially 41 aren't desirable to women. divorced ones at 41, they may be desirable depending on things.

Yes, I think you are right, overall. But I'm still optimistic.

 

Speaking strictly personally, because I have a different set of criteria now than in my 20s or 30s, my standards are not as stringent and even some of the "undesirable" could meet them. For example, I don't necessarily want a super succesful man, because I'm done building my life and I'm too tired to struggle to make any leaps, I feel that "I've arrived". I don't need a highly productive guy to make babies with a build a life. I don't want a guy who would intergrate me into his high paced life, I don't want to move, I don't want to make too many changes etc. I also don't want to have my panties wet all the time, I've been there done that for 20yrs, I can settle for panties being wet just at a lower lever:laugh: Just a good man, with a good heart, who is kind and a good companion, and who can be a gem to me although maybe was discarded by others.

 

So I guess my point is, people are different and standards can be lowered objectively after 40, there are less "needs" to be met.

[Drseussgrrl]

Perfectly legitimate. I just don't feel any sympathy when that guy who makes you (general you) attracted to him ends up being a jerk, cheater, abuser, whatever.

 

If someone makes their bed, they should lie in it. Keep dating those types, they are clearly attractive...

 

I don't date those types.

[Eddie Edirol]

Are you a "nice" guy?

 

No, he's just ignorant and clueless. Believer in his own reality, stuff like that.

[white]

Every single man in this thread complaining, could have a girlfriend if he got out more. You know this deep down. If it was truly hopeless you'd have killed yourself some time ago, joined a monastery, gone on a killing spree, or spent the last ten years blitzed out your skull on every substance you could find. You wouldn't be complaining on a forum about it. You aren't complaining that women are awful. You like women, that's the whole point. You're complaining that it's been so unfair you are alone. That's childish but not totally unreasonable. It is unfair. So go out and balance the ****ing scales. Go and get what is yours. If we could click our fingers and fix it for you we would, we would do you that solid. We can't. Only you can make it happen.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't date those types.

 

I'm not saying you do. But many women do. And often those are the types who complain about there being "no good men left".

 

Which, they're right about. There aren't any good men left. However, their preferences are often for men who mistreat women. Fact.

[KathyM]

its higher that you think. a woman who constantly tells a guy on the first date she moves slow and then refuses a second date because he didn't kiss her already on the first date is sending him mixed messages. one could say she has psychological issues.

There's slow, and then there's too slow. A guy who does not initiate any affection, show any romance or create any chemistry will not be attractive to most women.

[PJKino]

Let's put this together then.

 

You are a shy, slightly short man. You have a good looking friend who sweeps up with all the girls. You believe you're unattractive and as of yet, haven't elaborated on how you remedy this (i.e. dress, working out etc) so it's assumed you haven't tried to. You have yet to try to expand your social circle to include more people and have a network that's independent of the good looking dude. It seems like your entire social life revolves around him.

 

You are disillusioned with women because of your one-dimensional experience of them with regards to.....we'll just call him Steve for now . So these chicks dig Steve, he f*cks them then they try to get more and get disillusioned themselves. You wonder "why don't they ever pick me? I wouldn't do that to them". But ask yourself: if you looked like Steve, would you be as well-intentioned?

 

But have you ever spoken to women in a completely different environment? Where do you go? What do you actually do with your life outside of this clique you are part of that doesn't bring you the dating opportunities you desire? I'm asking because I think we should know these things before we can even remotely help you - if you want help that is. Doesn't seem like you do, just want to bemoan the climate, and women being shallow. You aren't over it, and you should be.

 

So, let's hear it. Elaborate for us...

 

Im kinda shy at first when i meet new people so im not great at meeting random people/women

 

I was thinking of trying old because of that but i hear for average guys thats even worse because your just stats on a page and unless youre very good lookign tall sucessful you wont have much luck there

[Drseussgrrl]

There's slow, and then there's too slow. A guy who does not initiate any affection, show any romance or create any chemistry will not be attractive to most women.

 

Yep - THIS.

[Woggle]

My barber the other day was telling me about how for years his wife was not interested in sex. He tried everything including being more romantic, doing more around the house, and none of it worked. Do you know what did work? He told her he had enough of living like a catholic priest and he was going to go out and take one of the women up on the offer who had been flirting with him. Her libido changed almost overnight. This shows the core aspect of why women like players. They want to be number one amongst other women.

[fortyninethousand322]

Every single man in this thread complaining, could have a girlfriend if he got out more. You know this deep down. If it was truly hopeless you'd have killed yourself some time ago, joined a monastery, gone on a killing spree, or spent the last ten years blitzed out your skull on every substance you could find. You wouldn't be complaining on a forum about it. You aren't complaining that women are awful. You like women, that's the whole point. You're complaining that it's been so unfair you are alone. That's childish but not totally unreasonable. It is unfair. So go out and balance the ****ing scales. Go and get what is yours. If we could click our fingers and fix it for you we would, we would do you that solid. We can't. Only you can make it happen.

 

I don't think you know very much about human psychology. Lots of hopeless people don't commit suicide. People in the death camps in Nazi Germany didn't commit suicide. Lots didn't go on killing sprees.

 

Human evolutionary history tells us that not all men procreated in history. The difference between now and the past is that people live longer, and more comfortably. Which means there's more opportunity to complain and analyze it. I'm sure if cavemen had our kind of society we'd have heard more of this over the years.

[PJKino]

Honestly, it's because some men are very good at evoking a sexual reaction in women. They learn this early on, and many guys use it to their sexual advantage that women come so easily to them. Some guys are just naturals. Whether it be they're great-looking, or funny, or charismatic.

 

What I find so frustrating in these types of threads is that posters like you expect women to somehow "rise above" being attracted to men who are successful with women. That's the thing about attraction though. It's unintentional and primal. It rarely makes sense. Sometimes I can't figure out where your frustration is directed - players, or women? Both? "But I'm a NICE GUY. Why won't she give me a chance instead of going after the *********?" Well - simply put, that ********* makes her panties wet, and you don't.

 

The trick is finding a TRULY nice guy who you ALSO find attractive. No easy task.

 

I understand attraction isnt always logical but if theyres a women i find attratcive and find out shes juggling tons of guys and isnt that great a person i get turned off and move on..It seems as if men are killed for being slaves to their hormones/attraction but women seem to even moreso in these situations..

 

For alot of women when they see a guy like this it just seems to turn their competitive juices on and they want to win the "competiton" so to speak..

[BluEyeL]

i dunno. your requests sound just like what a lot of guys want to hear. but getting the panties wet is still there on some level. most guys who are single unmarried at 40 just do not have the ability to get a woman's panties wet. they can read relationship books, come to relationship forums, plan ahead what to say, but it doesn't work, even on once which place not as much value on it.

 

Well, there are different stages of wetness, but if panties are always a completely dry, then I might as well stay single and get a same sex platonic, non-sexual partner to live in, like in Golden Girls. Actually, I had that opportunity and turned it down. What I mean is that my sexual prowess standards are lower now as well, so I won't dump someone for not being great in bed, if I have feelings for that person. Sex takes a secondary place now.

[New User]

Those are extreme outliers and not to be taken as norms. That's a false dichotomy.

 

The average person who lives their lives normally (work 9-5, do whatever hobbies they have, etc.) and doesn't get laid, usually has a lower value than someone who does those same things but does. For example.

 

It's those subtleties that get lost in the gross exaggeration on here...

 

 

You're thinking like a statistician. I don't think that really applies in these matters. The ability to attract a mate has nothing whatsoever to do with a person's value as a person. Trying to attach a value to that ability really doesn't make much sense to me. Not unless the human race were in danger of dying out anyway.

[Drseussgrrl]

but what's slow or fast changes from woman to woman, even minute to minute. some women must have that first date kiss, lots of sexual touching by the third and sex not too far after. other women can take as much as a few dates to build up to the kiss, but they are usually the same ones who want to wait 6 or more months for sex or in extreme cases wait for marriage. but a man sitting across from her on a first date doesn't necessarily know which type of women it is and some of what she'll say confuses him more.

 

That is easily gauged by how she reacts to other physical contact. For example, putting your hand on the small of her back as you're walking through a doorway. That says "we're not just friends here" and builds that spark. If you feel her moving away from you, probably safe to say a kiss is off the table.

 

Reading her body language is key. Does she cross her legs in your direction, or away? Does she toss her hair? Does she touch your arm when you're talking? Some guys are great at picking up these cues and hence are more "successful" and not afraid to go after what they want.

 

I've NEVER thought "What a PLAYER" if a dude kissed me on the first date as a natural progression of our chemistry.

[KathyM]

but what's slow or fast changes from woman to woman, even minute to minute. some women must have that first date kiss, lots of sexual touching by the third and sex not too far after. other women can take as much as a few dates to build up to the kiss, but they are usually the same ones who want to wait 6 or more months for sex or in extreme cases wait for marriage. but a man sitting across from her on a first date doesn't necessarily know which type of women it is and some of what she'll say confuses him more.

I understand your dilemma, and I agree that each women is different in how fast she wants to take affection and intimacy, and the relationship in general. But you do need to initiate a spark or attraction on the first date, or you will likely not be getting another one.

[stillafool]

I see it all the time with with women around my good looking friend they know hes a player they try to "compete" for him he pumps and dumps them then they somehow are shocked and then complain that theyres no good men left

 

Maybe if women didnt go after the same few men with tons of options who have no intnetions of settling down they wouldnt get burnt.

 

Hard to feel sorry for women who knew and saw the signs but ignored it because they were driven by their hormones or ego or whatever.

 

One could say the same thing about men. When a goodlooking woman is around they "compete" for her attention even though she may have 10 other guys "on hold". They will wine and dine her and put up with her bad behavior because she looks good.

[Woggle]

One could say the same thing about men. When a goodlooking woman is around they "compete" for her attention even though she may have 10 other guys "on hold". They will wine and dine her and put up with her bad behavior because she looks good.

 

And men who do this are idiots. Since I call whipped men idiots why can't I call whipped women idiots as well. Anybody who would put themselves through that over somebody who views them as a disposable option is not too bright in my view.