I walk alone.......

[L1ght]

Here I am 6 months to a year after the end of something I truly believed in. I can't even tell you the exact date cos I really don't know. My life has been a blurry haze of chaos and self indulgence where I have turned to anything to help make me forget what I once had......getting into trouble, letting people down, pushing people away, being mean to the people closest to me, walking on the edge and not caring about anything.

I've been here before, I know what it takes to walk alone....everything is silent, nothing but my own thoughts as I sit alone at night. Its hard to believe that I actually used to be happy living this way in fact I once embraced it but now? Now she is gone and nothing in my world makes any sense anymore. I'm damaged goods for sure, I have nothing left to give and I'm completely spent.

I walk this path alone again and there is nothing I see as I gaze onto the horizon....nothing but broken dreams and empty spaces waiting for me to complete the void upon my arrival somewhere out there in a lifeless destination.

It won't last forever I know this....everything changes and nothing lasts forever but for now here I go in this direction on my own.

adios, farewell and goodbye to what used to be.....

[Nyclovin]

Loneliness can be a good thing. Makes one appreciate the grandeur and forces of the world beyond our control. At some point, everyone leaves for good.

[TaraMaiden]

Being alone may not be a choice.

 

Being Lonely is optional.

 

It's entirely a state of mind.

[onearthur]

L1ght!,

 

I know the pain well my dear friends...

 

It was just months ago that you were in paradise and then it all just ended.

 

I've been there and as you know things will improve, take baby steps and just let the pain go through you.

 

Read quotes (Pinterest) for they contain wisdom from those more experienced than us and often go for walks to engage the body with the mind.

 

Keep us posted.

 

(man hugs)

[TaraMaiden]

Ugh.

 

Sorry.

Sites like that make me want to stick two fingers down my throat and throw up.

 

Jeesh.

So much schmaltz.

 

They only have the effect of making you wallow, because they keep the reason you're miserable, alive and prominent.

[L1ght]

Being alone may not be a choice.

 

Being Lonely is optional.

 

It's entirely a state of mind.

It is a state of mind but ignoring things and pretending like they didn't happen has got me nowhere over the past 6 months. The truth is that there is a void inside me now and I'm not the same anymore. Its not even about her anymore either....its about putting my whole being into something and succeeding then watching it all shatter into tiny pieces that can never be put back together again. I never really felt like maybe I'll never get it right until now. Maybe this is as good as it gets....I ride the wave of love and romance until the flame goes out and then I watch as it all fades into a blurry vision of the past....maybe that's how its always meant to be.

[richard9]

I know how you are feeling. I also didnt mind been alone before I met my ex, I loved spending time by myself and she changed that. When she left I was alone, I had my family, but she wasnt there and I had no friends. It is the hardest thing to get through when you have noone, nights are torture and memories plague you while you are sat in your loneliness.

 

It does get better with time though. You accept that your life has changed and your reduced happiness level become normal and unnoticed. Which is a bad thing, but a good thing in that you no longer feel bad about what happened.

 

Id say go out and try socialise but its not as easy as that when you are alone. So I will say what has worked for me, focus on bettering yourself, become physically fit, learn and become mentally more apt, and if you believe in god or dont, look to better yourself spiritually (church or meditation).

 

Good luck, I seriously could have wrote what you wrote, but time does heal, you will see.

 

Ps going alone shows a strength few will have experienced.

[TaraMaiden]

It is a state of mind but ignoring things and pretending like they didn't happen has got me nowhere over the past 6 months. The truth is that there is a void inside me now and I'm not the same anymore. Its not even about her anymore either....its about putting my whole being into something and succeeding then watching it all shatter into tiny pieces that can never be put back together again. I never really felt like maybe I'll never get it right until now. Maybe this is as good as it gets....I ride the wave of love and romance until the flame goes out and then I watch as it all fades into a blurry vision of the past....maybe that's how its always meant to be.

Oh don't be such a drama queen!

Nobody's asking you to live in a state of denial, but be realistic!

 

You're not a precious Ming vase, you're an able-bodied human being - and if you permit this experience to have ' shattered you into tiny pieces that can never be put back together again', then you're admitting that a series of emotions are stronger than your own will-power.

Intangible, changing, ephemeral and fleeting.

 

All bigger than you.

 

Really?

 

I mean - REALLY - ?!

 

Poetic you may be - realistic you ain't. And while you permit yourself to wallow in this woe is me attitude, more wonderful experiences are waving at you form outside the window, as they pass you by.

 

Thousands before you have had broken romances, and thousands after you will do the same.

But that's what the whole of life is about: experiences with a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

The secret is to not abdicate control of your heart and emotions, to someone else.

They're yours.

Nobody else is responsible for what goes on in that grey matter between your ears, but you.

 

If you "walk alone" it's because that's what you've chosen to do.

 

Seems a daft choice to me, when you have so much miraculous world to explore out there.

[fujidabruin]

Oh don't be such a drama queen!

Nobody's asking you to live in a state of denial, but be realistic!

 

You're not a precious Ming vase, you're an able-bodied human being - and if you permit this experience to have ' shattered you into tiny pieces that can never be put back together again', then you're admitting that a series of emotions are stronger than your own will-power.

Intangible, changing, ephemeral and fleeting.

 

All bigger than you.

 

Really?

 

I mean - REALLY - ?!

 

Poetic you may be - realistic you ain't. And while you permit yourself to wallow in this woe is me attitude, more wonderful experiences are waving at you form outside the window, as they pass you by.

 

Thousands before you have had broken romances, and thousands after you will do the same.

But that's what the whole of life is about: experiences with a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

The secret is to not abdicate control of your heart and emotions, to someone else.

They're yours.

Nobody else is responsible for what goes on in that grey matter between your ears, but you.

 

If you "walk alone" it's because that's what you've chosen to do.

 

Seems a daft choice to me, when you have so much miraculous world to explore out there.

Could be that the guy is just trying to express how crappy it feels to be where he is and has chosen to embrace it for a while. So many people including myself try to run or remedy their crap right away and it can make it harder to deal with.

He already knows things will change. He needs to decide how he wants to change things first. If he is not sure what to do for now..... then I don't think he is in such a bad place. He is questioning what he believed and how things are supposed to work. "Ride the wave of Love and Romance then watch it fade...." does not sound too bad to me. I know I am questioning all this quest for my soul-mate stuff and finding the "One" crap too. Truth is, the next one may not be my soul-mate, and if she is just a good-mate and then happens to end without expectation, whats wrong with that???

[L1ght]

Oh don't be such a drama queen!

Nobody's asking you to live in a state of denial, but be realistic!

 

You're not a precious Ming vase, you're an able-bodied human being - and if you permit this experience to have ' shattered you into tiny pieces that can never be put back together again', then you're admitting that a series of emotions are stronger than your own will-power.

Intangible, changing, ephemeral and fleeting.

 

All bigger than you.

 

Really?

 

I mean - REALLY - ?!

 

Poetic you may be - realistic you ain't. And while you permit yourself to wallow in this woe is me attitude, more wonderful experiences are waving at you form outside the window, as they pass you by.

 

Thousands before you have had broken romances, and thousands after you will do the same.

But that's what the whole of life is about: experiences with a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

The secret is to not abdicate control of your heart and emotions, to someone else.

They're yours.

Nobody else is responsible for what goes on in that grey matter between your ears, but you.

 

If you "walk alone" it's because that's what you've chosen to do.

 

Seems a daft choice to me, when you have so much miraculous world to explore out there.

You're preaching to the choir here with regards to controlling my mind and emotions. I learnt that trick about 13 years ago the first time I ever fell in love. I also believe there is a time and a place to tell myself that I am fortunate to have the life I have when so many people suffer in the world and the same mentality can be used to realise that I'm not the first person in the world to have had a broken heart. Now is not the time for me to put little value on my own emotional state and well being by telling myself that other people must surely have suffered worse loss than I have....now its time for me to analyse what has happened to me over the past year and how I intend to look deep inside myself so I can regain the part of me that is lost. Ignoring it has caused too many problems in my life and I'm pretty much failing in everything I do right now......I mean I spent time with my father the other week who I havn't seen in about a year and I got into an explosive argument with him over absolutely nothing....that's not me, the anger I feel sometimes is very intense and overbearing and I'm sick of it spilling into my every day life. I need to embrace being alone and find peace with it before I even attempt to build new relationships or discover the "miraculous world to explore out there"

The world is pretty awesome but I need to learn how to be alone again before I do anything else right now

[onearthur]

That's the spirit L1ght! Good luck, wish you the very best...

 

It's been tough for all us, and loneliness sucks but hopefully we can rebuild our strength over this time!

 

 

You're preaching to the choir here with regards to controlling my mind and emotions. I learnt that trick about 13 years ago the first time I ever fell in love. I also believe there is a time and a place to tell myself that I am fortunate to have the life I have when so many people suffer in the world and the same mentality can be used to realise that I'm not the first person in the world to have had a broken heart. Now is not the time for me to put little value on my own emotional state and well being by telling myself that other people must surely have suffered worse loss than I have....now its time for me to analyse what has happened to me over the past year and how I intend to look deep inside myself so I can regain the part of me that is lost. Ignoring it has caused too many problems in my life and I'm pretty much failing in everything I do right now......I mean I spent time with my father the other week who I havn't seen in about a year and I got into an explosive argument with him over absolutely nothing....that's not me, the anger I feel sometimes is very intense and overbearing and I'm sick of it spilling into my every day life. I need to embrace being alone and find peace with it before I even attempt to build new relationships or discover the "miraculous world to explore out there"

The world is pretty awesome but I need to learn how to be alone again before I do anything else right now

[TaraMaiden]

....I need to embrace being alone and find peace with it before I even attempt to build new relationships or discover the "miraculous world to explore out there"

The world is pretty awesome but I need to learn how to be alone again before I do anything else right now

 

As I said before, therefore:

 

Being alone may not be a choice.

 

Being Lonely is optional.

 

It's entirely a state of mind.

[esteem-jam]

In L1ght`s defence, somebody please do not post THAT youtube video, showing that the poster has it not that bad and that there is an amazing miraculous world to explore

[L1ght]

As I said before, therefore:

You're missing the point Tara and it feels like you care more about being right than what I actually have to say so its hard to tell if you're heart is really in the right place or if you are even care.

You are talking about choice. The choice to embrace happiness and smile to myself each morning as I wake up and look at my reflection in the mirror. That is most definitely not what I need right now and I'll try to explain it using an analogy that might help you get a better grasp of the situation.

A student who fails in their exams or even a criminal that gets caught will suddenly find themselves in a situation where they have to analyse and re-assess the path they have been walking down in order to move forwards and be a better and more successful person.....do you think smiling at themselves in the mirror and telling themselves to be happy is gonna solve their problems? No it wont.

Its the same for me. I'm gonna get my head down and find my focus again....I lost that somewhere along the way. That's what happens when we become complacent and rely on other people for emotional and psychological stability/support.

I want to hear the gears turning in my brain again as I improve my state of mind. Reading, studying and exercise are the perfect remedies for my situation and maybe once I'm back on track then I will take the time to smile at myself in the mirror again.

[L1ght]

That's the spirit L1ght! Good luck, wish you the very best...

 

It's been tough for all us, and loneliness sucks but hopefully we can rebuild our strength over this time!

Yeah...rebuilding, re-evaluating, re-focusing and learning is the order of the day. Over time everything changes.

[TaraMaiden]

.....do you think smiling at themselves in the mirror and telling themselves to be happy is gonna solve their problems? No it wont.

 

Oh no, I get it, believe me.

 

But the above, depends how seriously they permit their problems to affect their attitudes.

You would not believe the truckload of so-called 'problems' coming my way at the moment, but I swear by all you might perceive as Holy, I really am not concerned with their severity.

 

see, this is the way I look at it:

 

Imagine a lighthouse, far out from the shore, on a rocky promontory; The lighthouse is completely surrounded by water, and this water is never the same, in appearance, two days running; there may be wild storms, high winds, calm, mill-pond, hazy summer days, deep, sullen, black, turbulent nights, high seas, low fogs, blizzards, tempests and waves, twenty feet high, rising majestically and crashing against the rocks, sending blinding salt-heavy spray up and over the top beacon.

 

Yet, look.... the lighthouse is still; imperturbable, solid, motionless and steady.... it continues to shine, calmly, reliably, no matter what the elements may bring.

 

And so, like this lighthouse, we should be.

Knocked and buffeted by whatever surrounds us, comes at us or rises to impede us.

We simply endure, accept, and 'rise above' it all.....

 

It's all just grist to the mill.

Take whatever may come, and deal with it, endure it, weather it.

But be imperturbable, serene, contented and calm in attitude.

 

it's all about the attitude.

[L1ght]

Oh no, I get it, believe me.

 

But the above, depends how seriously they permit their problems to affect their attitudes.

You would not believe the truckload of so-called 'problems' coming my way at the moment, but I swear by all you might perceive as Holy, I really am not concerned with their severity.

 

see, this is the way I look at it:

 

Imagine a lighthouse, far out from the shore, on a rocky promontory; The lighthouse is completely surrounded by water, and this water is never the same, in appearance, two days running; there may be wild storms, high winds, calm, mill-pond, hazy summer days, deep, sullen, black, turbulent nights, high seas, low fogs, blizzards, tempests and waves, twenty feet high, rising majestically and crashing against the rocks, sending blinding salt-heavy spray up and over the top beacon.

 

Yet, look.... the lighthouse is still; imperturbable, solid, motionless and steady.... it continues to shine, calmly, reliably, no matter what the elements may bring.

 

And so, like this lighthouse, we should be.

Knocked and buffeted by whatever surrounds us, comes at us or rises to impede us.

We simply endure, accept, and 'rise above' it all.....

 

It's all just grist to the mill.

Take whatever may come, and deal with it, endure it, weather it.

But be imperturbable, serene, contented and calm in attitude.

 

it's all about the attitude.

As beautiful as your English may be(a compliment I truly mean) I am not the lighthouse in your equation and neither is anybody who has given in to love with somebody in this life. How can the lighthouse have a meaningful relationship with the turbulent water when it contributes nothing and stands still, constant and unmoved while its partner attacks it at every angle with the full range of its fluctuating turbulent arsenal?

In true love we are the passengers on a self made raft who ride the turbulent waves as we lose control while hanging on for dear life.......its absolutely riveting to be in love with someone and nothing makes us feel more alive. The lighthouse is not in love....in fact the lighthouse sounds more like something that isn't even part of the equation, a constant like the air we breath or the earth we walk on.

Maybe some part of me could learn from the lighthouse in certain parts of my life like holding onto my beliefs or staying strong in tough times but overall being emotionless and unaffected by our partners affections(like the lighthouse would be) in love is definitely not the way to go since we miss out on the very best parts of love itself.

There is no quick solution.....I had something that made me feel alive and now its gone. Time is helping me heal and I feel better by improving my own life and finding focus again.

I don't intend on being an emotionless lighthouse when I find someone I feel something with again.....when I do find that person I will be willing to jump back on that raft again and go with the flow of the turbulent waves.

[TaraMaiden]

As beautiful as your English may be(a compliment I truly mean) I am not the lighthouse in your equation and neither is anybody who has given in to love with somebody in this life. How can the lighthouse have a meaningful relationship with the turbulent water when it contributes nothing and stands still, constant and unmoved while its partner attacks it at every angle with the full range of its fluctuating turbulent arsenal?

 

You didn't have a relationship with 'turbulent water.

What your partner did - was the turbulent water.

 

In admitting defeat, you present yourself as defenceless.

 

The elements and the water are not people.

They're actions, experiences and events.

They're life's hard knocks, possibly generated by peoplke.

But they're not others. they are the actions of others.

 

You're not coming to terms with people.

you're coming to terms with what they've done.

You don't have a relationship with a parson's actions, which is why you CAN - and indeed, MUST - develop a 'lighthouse attitude' to experiences.

not people.

 

In true love we are the passengers on a self made raft who ride the turbulent waves as we lose control while hanging on for dear life......

If you lose control, that's your problem.

 

And turbulent waves are of your own making.

Life doesn't have to be a roller-coaster of different, extreme emotions, which toss you here and there. That's not what Love does.

 

 

its absolutely riveting to be in love with someone and nothing makes us feel more alive. The lighthouse is not in love....in fact the lighthouse sounds more like something that isn't even part of the equation, a constant like the air we breath or the earth we walk on.

You have to develop the qualities of a lighthouse.

Solid, constant, dependable, reliable, an example to others of how imperturbable, solid and well-grounded you are.

If you cannot see the simile, then you are going to be 'lonely' for a very long time.

Whatever you seek, is already within grasp, at your fingertips, within easy reach.

 

Maybe some part of me could learn from the lighthouse in certain parts of my life like holding onto my beliefs or staying strong in tough times but overall being emotionless and unaffected by our partners affections(like the lighthouse would be) in love is definitely not the way to go since we miss out on the very best parts of love itself.

You completely missed the point.

 

In life, on that sea of yours, would you prefer to rely on the raft for your safety and well-being, or the lighthouse?

 

There is no quick solution.....I had something that made me feel alive and now its gone. Time is helping me heal and I feel better by improving my own life and finding focus again.

If it made you feel alive, were you dead beforehand?

Why abdicate the essence of feeling alive to the actions of someone who simply expressed a preference different to yours?

 

I don't intend on being an emotionless lighthouse when I find someone I feel something with again.....when I do find that person I will be willing to jump back on that raft again and go with the flow of the turbulent waves.

Then be sure to equip yourself with better life-saving measures, because unless you develop an attitude in which inwardly, you are serene, while all around you, storms may gather - you're in for yet more experiences of clinging desperation.

[L1ght]

You didn't have a relationship with 'turbulent water.

What your partner did - was the turbulent water.

 

In admitting defeat, you present yourself as defenceless.

 

The elements and the water are not people.

They're actions, experiences and events.

They're life's hard knocks, possibly generated by peoplke.

But they're not others. they are the actions of others.

 

You're not coming to terms with people.

you're coming to terms with what they've done.

You don't have a relationship with a parson's actions, which is why you CAN - and indeed, MUST - develop a 'lighthouse attitude' to experiences.

not people.

 

 

If you lose control, that's your problem.

 

And turbulent waves are of your own making.

Life doesn't have to be a roller-coaster of different, extreme emotions, which toss you here and there. That's not what Love does.

 

 

 

You have to develop the qualities of a lighthouse.

Solid, constant, dependable, reliable, an example to others of how imperturbable, solid and well-grounded you are.

If you cannot see the simile, then you are going to be 'lonely' for a very long time.

Whatever you seek, is already within grasp, at your fingertips, within easy reach.

 

 

You completely missed the point.

 

In life, on that sea of yours, would you prefer to rely on the raft for your safety and well-being, or the lighthouse?

 

 

If it made you feel alive, were you dead beforehand?

Why abdicate the essence of feeling alive to the actions of someone who simply expressed a preference different to yours?

 

 

Then be sure to equip yourself with better life-saving measures, because unless you develop an attitude in which inwardly, you are serene, while all around you, storms may gather - you're in for yet more experiences of clinging desperation.

You're full of crap Tara. You act like you know it all when in fact it sounds to me like you know nothing about love and if you are indeed as dead emotionally in your relationships as you make yourself out to be here in these forums while you're pretending to be superior to everybody else then I have pity on whoever has the misfortune to be your partner in this life.

Thanks but no thanks. Your advice sucks and I'd rather converse with someone who actually understands love and the ever changing ups and down that love and life throw at you as it progresses into whatever direction it takes you.

Why would I take advice from an emotionless robot?

You are either very inexperienced or the exact apposite and have been burnt yourself in the past to the extent that you have put on a facade in order to make people believe that nothing in this life can touch you emotionally and that you have more self control over your emotions in love than everybody else on the planet.....that's not how it works. Love is a rollercoaster ride and FYI I wouldn't change a thing about my last relationship. The good times were out of this world and I wouldn't have experienced them if I followed your advice......you gotta take a chance in this life otherwise you just aint livin.

[TaraMaiden]

You're full of crap Tara. You act like you know it all when in fact it sounds to me like you know nothing about love and if you are indeed as dead emotionally in your relationships as you make yourself out to be here in these forums while you're pretending to be superior to everybody else then I have pity on whoever has the misfortune to be your partner in this life.

Why have you resorted to insulting me?

I haven't insulted you.

I am merely describing a philosophy that is over 2000 years old....

 

Buddhism teaches that while we have to be in the midst of life and develop endurance and fortitude, we can live those experiences fully and wholeheartedly, but not let them alter our inner core.

The fundamental reason we got through suffering, is because of excessive clinging, grasping and attachment to everything.

There is NOTHING at all, in this universe, which is impermanent.

This is what we have to come to terms with.

That which we love, that which we are attached, and that which we cling to, will one day end.

as everything and anything must.

When you love something with all your heart, soul and might, and hold onto it for dear life - yet are prepared to acknowledge that at some point you will be obliged by circumstance to yield it up and let it go, then you have true love and know what it is to embrace it purely, and fully.

To grasp, cling and be overly attached to something intangible, ephemeral and impermanent, and wish it was not so, and mourn it to personal detriment - then we create our own suffering.

 

This is what you have done, and that is why I pointed out that your solution to your dilemma is at your very fingertips.

And you don't realise.

 

you believe you need to get somewhere, achieve something, do something, activate something, in order to move on.

All you really need to do, is to Let Go.

 

Thanks but no thanks. Your advice sucks and I'd rather converse with someone who actually understands love and the ever changing ups and down that love and life throw at you as it progresses into whatever direction it takes you.

It's not what you want to hear.

Okay, what would you like me to tell you?

Lies?

placatory statements to make you momentarily feel better?

You know, I understand true love better than you think.

because Unconditional Love is extremely rare, but I have known it.

The Love you shared with your ex- was not unconditional, because you placed great dependence upon it to make you happy.

But now it is over,and you are alone, and understandably, you dislike the feeling.

The up and down feelings you have, do not sit well with you at present.

I'm sure, given the choice, you would prefer to have more ups than downs.

 

Well, that's definitely possible, within your reach and attainable.

but it means changing your attitude....

 

 

 

Why would I take advice from an emotionless robot?

I'm more alive than you are, right now.

because in the middle of all that is going on in my life, I feel extremely unperturbed by it all.

I can transcend the suffering I might experience, because you see, it too, is transitory....

it's not a qustion of being Robotic.

It's a question of being Mindful and Aware....

 

You are either very inexperienced or the exact apposite and have been burnt yourself in the past to the extent that you have put on a facade in order to make people believe that nothing in this life can touch you emotionally and that you have more self control over your emotions in love than everybody else on the planet.....

meditation and focus on ephemeral emotions is a great help in being able to handle such matters constructively.

It has taken me 20 years to develop an attitude where I can understand that I can choose my responses to everything that happens.

And that my choices will bring either positive consequences, or negative ones.

I tend to go for positive goals, even if the choice is not easy.

making the right choice is not easy, always.

But making the Right choice IS always right.

 

that's not how it works. Love is a rollercoaster ride and FYI I wouldn't change a thing about my last relationship. The good times were out of this world and I wouldn't have experienced them if I followed your advice......you gotta take a chance in this life otherwise you just aint livin.

You would have experienced everything you would have experienced, but you would have felt the love more intensely and the pain far less.

Livin isn't about having a roller-coaster ride.

livin' is about being true to yourself and treating yourself with Loving Kindness, Compassion and viewing each day with Joy.

Whatever may happen, developing those qualities leaves you extremely alive - and makes your very heart tingle.

[L1ght]

Why have you resorted to insulting me?

I haven't insulted you.

I am merely describing a philosophy that is over 2000 years old....

 

Buddhism teaches that while we have to be in the midst of life and develop endurance and fortitude, we can live those experiences fully and wholeheartedly, but not let them alter our inner core.

The fundamental reason we got through suffering, is because of excessive clinging, grasping and attachment to everything.

There is NOTHING at all, in this universe, which is impermanent.

This is what we have to come to terms with.

That which we love, that which we are attached, and that which we cling to, will one day end.

as everything and anything must.

When you love something with all your heart, soul and might, and hold onto it for dear life - yet are prepared to acknowledge that at some point you will be obliged by circumstance to yield it up and let it go, then you have true love and know what it is to embrace it purely, and fully.

To grasp, cling and be overly attached to something intangible, ephemeral and impermanent, and wish it was not so, and mourn it to personal detriment - then we create our own suffering.

 

This is what you have done, and that is why I pointed out that your solution to your dilemma is at your very fingertips.

And you don't realise.

 

you believe you need to get somewhere, achieve something, do something, activate something, in order to move on.

All you really need to do, is to Let Go.

 

 

It's not what you want to hear.

Okay, what would you like me to tell you?

Lies?

placatory statements to make you momentarily feel better?

You know, I understand true love better than you think.

because Unconditional Love is extremely rare, but I have known it.

The Love you shared with your ex- was not unconditional, because you placed great dependence upon it to make you happy.

But now it is over,and you are alone, and understandably, you dislike the feeling.

The up and down feelings you have, do not sit well with you at present.

I'm sure, given the choice, you would prefer to have more ups than downs.

 

Well, that's definitely possible, within your reach and attainable.

but it means changing your attitude....

 

 

 

 

I'm more alive than you are, right now.

because in the middle of all that is going on in my life, I feel extremely unperturbed by it all.

I can transcend the suffering I might experience, because you see, it too, is transitory....

it's not a qustion of being Robotic.

It's a question of being Mindful and Aware....

 

 

meditation and focus on ephemeral emotions is a great help in being able to handle such matters constructively.

It has taken me 20 years to develop an attitude where I can understand that I can choose my responses to everything that happens.

And that my choices will bring either positive consequences, or negative ones.

I tend to go for positive goals, even if the choice is not easy.

making the right choice is not easy, always.

But making the Right choice IS always right.

 

 

You would have experienced everything you would have experienced, but you would have felt the love more intensely and the pain far less.

Livin isn't about having a roller-coaster ride.

livin' is about being true to yourself and treating yourself with Loving Kindness, Compassion and viewing each day with Joy.

Whatever may happen, developing those qualities leaves you extremely alive - and makes your very heart tingle.

You're words don't mean anything because you are not being realistic and you are also assuming that I wasn't in a good place mentally, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically before I entered into my last relationship. I was fine, I was as complete a person as I wanted to be and that's why I found it so easy to meet somebody who I wanted to be with. Stop telling me about self improvement techniques because I really don't need help to improve my well being and I know what I have to do to get the best out of myself whatever my belief system may be.

You're problem is that you are unwilling to accept that serious relationships are very complex and they require a lot of time and energy to get right. You're acting as if its easy and a complete walk in the park. Since when was it easy? Who do you know in your world that doesn't have ups and downs with their partners and whose emotions don't sometimes get stretched to the absolute limits while dealing with relationship issues?

I'll tell you how relationships work in the real world. They are so much fun in the beginning as we go on a journey of discovery with this new person in our lives but eventually they become more serious and along with this comes commitment, dedication, stress, struggle, emotional and psychological strain to name a few and the intensity of all these things increases over time which in turn puts your belief in the relationship to the test. Some lovers overcome this struggle and move onto the next stage but others reach a breaking point and go their separate ways.

The advice you give does not prepare someone for the reality of a serious relationship at all. At least I am willing to admit the struggle because I understand what it takes though I can't say the same for you.

Sure I could work on my inner calm and become a monk like you advise I do but what good is that gonna do me when Im sharing my life with another human being? The truth is its not gonna help at all because the direction of relationships can never be predicted and if they could be predicted then we would all be in a relationship with the person of our dreams already.

Anyway your ignorance has thrown me completely off topic. I have a new direction in my life now and I wake up accepting my situation every day as I look towards my own self improvement. Who knows what the future holds for me but when I'm ready to commit myself to something I believe in again then I will.

[TaraMaiden]

Okay.

Have a good evening.

[Fell4ItHard]

Tara,

 

You just leave me shaking my head. All the time.

Sometimes you are dead on and then other times I truly wonder how you ended up on LS in the first place. I think you may have forgotten some things over time.

 

I'm just sayin.

[TaraMaiden]

Why....You've only made 5 posts!

 

How would you know....?!

 

Okay, feel free to point out the bits that leave you 'shaking your head' and we'll go through them, if you like.

 

Create a new thread, we don't want to T/Jack....

 

But I'll be happy to help a new member settle in, any time....

[Oldcatskinner]

I am appreciative of Taramaiden's posts.

 

We don't come here because we are happy at the moment; we are in pain.

 

Look at the majority of the posters; you will find that alot of the posters hang around for a few months and then leave when they have healed and moved on.

 

For whatever you believe, I believe that Taramaiden's journey is such that it she is further down the road from the majority of us in terms of relationship healing, and had chosen to stick around to aid those of us who would otherwise pull each other under as drowning people can't successfully save each other until they have been taught how to swim.

 

Harsh advice sometimes; yes. But what is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right.

 

So thank you, Taramaiden, for showing us that through hard work on our part happiness can be achieved, and thank you for your insight and approach for what has worked for you.

 

OCS