Is there anyway I can get her back?

[Dave]

Hi,

 

My name is Dave and I am 23. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months. Our relationship started stumbling about 5 months ago. I admit that I might have acted selfish and inconsiderate, and when she tried to break up with me, I would go back to her and ask her to give me one more chance.

 

But yesterday it became very clear that we are not going anywhere.

 

Everything started out from the fact that our sexual relationship did not work out, mainly due to psychological cause I believe. The more we tried the worse it got, and we practically came to the point where we spent a week vacation away from home, and neither of us could get aroused sufficiently. It started from my side and it affected her too, meaning she stopped seeing me sexually after few months of sex not happening, except few times of oral sex and hand jobs. Her not getting into it, affected me more, and made my recovery even difficult ( I saw sex therapist, and was making quite a progress ). But my girlfriend was young, and I guess she could not handle it anymore. She handled more than others would.

 

She was the love of my life. I know it is not the main reason of our break up, it was my attitude, and how it affected other aspects of our relationship. I guess I should not have let it ruin other aspects of our relationship, but this sex part not working out, got me pretty bad.. and basically made me sabotage my relationship.

 

She believes that its not just the sex part, she thinks we dont work out other ways, but I know in fact that if sex was working out, we would be the perfect couple out there, cause we had everything else.

 

The main reason I hesitated to chase her and not let her go is the fact that even if we continue going with each other, probably it will get even worse. But I love her so much that I am ready to give up most of my life, just to spend few years in happiness with her. It seems that something very huge has been taken away, and I feel so empty inside.

 

I just wanted to let this out here. There is something inside me telling me that we should be together, even though I guess we tried hard for 5 months and we reached the end yesterday. She was the most perfect girl one could ever wish dating. She stood by my side, and assured me that everything would be better, but I guess, she could not handle it anymore, and I understand.

 

Life is so unfair, I want to add - When you think that finally you have found the love of your life, and you will spend eternity in her embrace, something quite opposite happens. I hate the irony of it.

 

Is there ANYTHING that can be done, or it's a lost case?

 

Thanks for listening...

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Is there ANYTHING that can be done, or it's a lost case?"

 

Your post is very sad. I don't think that after five months of problems there is much that will happen.

 

I am assuming you immediately sought medical and psychological help for your sexual problems. If you didn't, you must do so as soon as possible.

 

I think the damage may be irreversible in your previous relationship but you have got to fix this sex problem so it doesn't happen again in a future relationship.

 

There is also a chance that if your ex finds out that you are seriously seeking help, maybe she would be willing to try again. I'm sure she misses you...but I will also tell you that most ladies who would go through this would not put themselves through it again. For her to come back, she has got to see some serious evidence of a recovery.