Step-parents and inheritance

[pink_sugar]

The example provided in the opening post surrounded an 18 year old which differs from your example of a minor. In some jurisdictions like the province of Alberta, an 18 year old is an adult who can drink and vote.

 

Overall, anyone who marries a gold digging step-parent, shouldn't have been a parent in the first place. But that's a theme for a different thread.

 

I do have problems with 18 and over children, believing themselves entitled to a portion of the estate of a deceased parent.

 

My two sons have been taken care of, trusts created for both. Beyond that, I don't feel they're entitled to the rest.

 

Sorry, this example wasn't related to my first post. I was just mentioning what my dad had told me about how even minors aren't entitled to inheritance when discussing his friend's son whose dad committed suicide.

 

I agree though, generally the living spouse gets the estate. Trusts created for the children is plenty reasonable enough. I think that is more than fair.

[pink_sugar]

My father was unexpectedly killed in 2008 and his will left everything to my stepmother. He worked his entire life for what he had and he damn sure earned the right to do with it whatever he pleased-in life or after he passed. This actually caused quite a bit of problems in my marriage. My ex put a lot of pressure on me to demand to see the will. Even though I knew exactly what it said because my father and I had discussed it well over a decade before this. She even wanted me to contact a lawyer and see what I could do about getting what she viewed as my rightful share (which in reality she was viewing as her rightful share). I honestly don't understand the mentality that basically thinks "well, dad died- where's my check?" The things that I'd like to have from him? Another hug. Another dinner together. Another phone call. The only material possession of his that I'd really like is his hammer. It's older than I am and my sister and I built many treehouses and forts with it back in the seventies. There is absolutely no way I will ever ask my stepmother for anything of his though. She's given me some of his things that she thought I'd like- it's now her stuff and she is free to do with it whatever she wants.

 

At least you and your father discussed and reached an agreement on this. My H was kept in the dark the entire time. His mom even said that he would get "something", but who knows what that means. Still remains to be seen. If not $ she could have definitely left him a momento. But nothing at all when you know you're dying for 3 years seems kind of odd to me.

[tbf]

At least you and your father discussed and reached an agreement on this. My H was kept in the dark the entire time. His mom even said that he would get "something", but who knows what that means. Still remains to be seen. If not $ she could have definitely left him a momento. But nothing at all when you know you're dying for 3 years seems kind of odd to me.

Unless your husband is a minor, I'm uncertain how this ties into the belief that parents should do what they wish, with their estate.

[pink_sugar]

Unless your husband is a minor, I'm uncertain how this ties into the belief that parents should do what they wish, with their estate.

 

I didn't say he's entitled to the estate, I just said he was left absolutely nothing at all. When his father passed away, the estate automatically went to his fiance, but his father also left he and his half brother a trust. Thus he wasn't expecting the estate, but surprised to learn there was no trust in order or a passing down of belongings from his mother.

[New User]

At least you and your father discussed and reached an agreement on this. My H was kept in the dark the entire time. His mom even said that he would get "something", but who knows what that means. Still remains to be seen. If not $ she could have definitely left him a momento. But nothing at all when you know you're dying for 3 years seems kind of odd to me.

 

 

Fair enough, but it isn't an easy subject for most people to discuss. I still remember the conversation with my father and he was clearly very uncomfortable bringing it up. I pretty sure he was worried that I would be upset.

 

One thing though- it wasn't an "agreement." That suggests that I had some right to have input into it which I most certainly did not. My father supported me completely for the first 17 years of my life and helped me out financially when I was in school. I certainly didn't feel entitled to anything when he passed- he had done way more than enough for me already- financially, being a good role model, being a good teacher, and in far too many areas to list here. He didn't have to take care of me after his passing- he ensured that I knew how to take care of myself. My stepmother is of an age where she really can't beyond living off of retirement and the assets that she has.

[Radu]

My belief surrounds the parent(s), doing what they wish with their money.

 

Yeah, screw the money-grabbing kids !

 

My father was unexpectedly killed in 2008 and his will left everything to my stepmother. He worked his entire life for what he had and he damn sure earned the right to do with it whatever he pleased-in life or after he passed. This actually caused quite a bit of problems in my marriage. My ex put a lot of pressure on me to demand to see the will. Even though I knew exactly what it said because my father and I had discussed it well over a decade before this. She even wanted me to contact a lawyer and see what I could do about getting what she viewed as my rightful share (which in reality she was viewing as her rightful share). I honestly don't understand the mentality that basically thinks "well, dad died- where's my check?" The things that I'd like to have from him? Another hug. Another dinner together. Another phone call. The only material possession of his that I'd really like is his hammer. It's older than I am and my sister and I built many treehouses and forts with it back in the seventies. There is absolutely no way I will ever ask my stepmother for anything of his though. She's given me some of his things that she thought I'd like- it's now her stuff and she is free to do with it whatever she wants.

 

Mine died in 2010, and we were never very close, in fact since '96 we kinda stopped talking even though we lived in the same house. He worked away from the family for 2yrs when i was 12-14 and while i understand the sacrifice and i know the things it helped with, not having him then really affected our relationship and neither of us knew how to mend it.

I would love for him to still be alive, because i realized reading his journal, and asking the ppl that knew him, we were very much alike [except he got better grades than me].

 

My grandpa died long before he did, and even though i disliked the individual something fierce [abusive man], i still remember fondly some memories of the time i spent in that village at his house.

I never understood why he gave it all away to the part of the family that never visited him, never wanted to have anything to do with him [his other son].

The stuff that hurt the most was that i saw the new owners throw to the scrapheap some of the tools that he had in his workshop, tools that he and I used together [i was 5 when i first stole his keys and started playing around with powertools].

Thankfully i am left with a combination wrench and hammer from before WW2, his picture before he got shot down [observation pilot in WW2], and a very old scissor for clipping vinyard.

[UpwardForward]

Yeah, screw the money-grabbing kids !

 

 

 

Mine died in 2010, and we were never very close, in fact since '96 we kinda stopped talking even though we lived in the same house. He worked away from the family for 2yrs when i was 12-14 and while i understand the sacrifice and i know the things it helped with, not having him then really affected our relationship and neither of us knew how to mend it.

I would love for him to still be alive, because i realized reading his journal, and asking the ppl that knew him, we were very much alike [except he got better grades than me].

 

My grandpa died long before he did, and even though i disliked the individual something fierce [abusive man], i still remember fondly some memories of the time i spent in that village at his house.

I never understood why he gave it all away to the part of the family that never visited him, never wanted to have anything to do with him [his other son].

The stuff that hurt the most was that i saw the new owners throw to the scrapheap some of the tools that he had in his workshop, tools that he and I used together [i was 5 when i first stole his keys and started playing around with powertools].

Thankfully i am left with a combination wrench and hammer from before WW2, his picture before he got shot down [observation pilot in WW2], and a very old scissor for clipping vinyard.

 

My sons remember my xH's tools as well, and that they wish she ('OW') would have offered them. He was accomplished in woodworking, tile, etc. Also the pitching machine my xH purchased for little league.

 

His Will was a 1-1/2 page of disinheriting his only offspring entirely and everything to revert to OW - or her daughter/granddaughter. xH had only known these people for 10 yrs prior to his death. And only been married to her for about 5 or 6 yrs.

 

With all that disrespectful rejection, I'm glad I came from the generation before of a father and mother who stayed together. Mine and their residuals will pass to my children/grandchild.

 

Could not imagine passing on what should rightfully go to my offspring, in favor of an outsider.

[Eclypse]

My grandfather was rich. Very very VERY rich. His third (and final) wife whom he didnt have any children with him alienated his whole family and all his children from him. He got dementia in his 80s and she managed to change his will to write us all out of it. He's dead now. I don't care though, I don't need his money or her. I'll be a self made man.

[Radu]

My sons remember my xH's tools as well, and that they wish she ('OW') would have offered them. He was accomplished in woodworking, tile, etc. Also the pitching machine my xH purchased for little league.

 

His Will was a 1-1/2 page of disinheriting his only offspring entirely and everything to revert to OW - or her daughter/granddaughter. xH had only known these people for 10 yrs prior to his death. And only been married to her for about 5 or 6 yrs.

 

With all that disrespectful rejection, I'm glad I came from the generation before of a father and mother who stayed together. Mine and their residuals will pass to my children/grandchild.

 

Could not imagine passing on what should rightfully go to my offspring, in favor of an outsider.

 

I understand that this is the case in american society, and why most ppl post pro-it ... since this forum is heavy american populated despite being international, but where i come from, we do the same thing.

 

You leave it to your children, you teach them your lessons, apply the principles of nurture and rely less on nature.

If they want to be self-made, so be it ... if they want to build on their parents legacy, so be it.

 

The situation that Eclypse presented, it happens quite often here too, but they use other tools ... donations or sales without giving the money for the sale.

They usually target lonely guys in their 60's, organized crime is involved ... they find all their likes and dislikes and pass them a 30 something woman while they slip into dementia.

Luckily, there are legal ways of attack since it is believed that an elderly man/woman should be taken care of by his family.

If the family is kept away from him, or all of the sudden he cuts bonds while alienating assets, it is pretty easily understood that she did something [or even he].

 

Kinda makes you wonder what all that crap about the nuclear family was, don't it ?

[pink_sugar]

My dad was married to his exW for 5 years. Got divorced 2 years ago. He married her to help her get a green card and citizenship. My brother and I were disgusted when he talked about putting them in his will for a large chunk of estate and life insurance. Not surprisingly, she left him shortly after she got her citizenship. Not saying she's a bad person, but it wasn't a "real" marriage. He even said he married her because he felt sorry for her and helped her 5 year old daughter come here from abroad. Thankfully, they had a prenuptial agreement. Funny though, she makes just as much as my dad does 2 years later. She's done well for herself. In certain cases where a parent has already purchased a house long before marriage, the assets should either be split or there should be a clause that the children get the house once the remaining spouse passes away. Even my dad said he'd leave me and my brother something, even though he has little savings and retirement. (He makes six figures, but still recovering from a bankruptcy and other bills). Bottom line is most decent parents will leave you something...even if it's not an estate or money.

[Ursa]

So, lately I've been hearing a lot of cases where when a biological parent dies, the kids get absolutely nothing and the step-parent (spouse) gets everything. I really do not understand it. One of the cases involved a child who just barely turned 18 and the father committed suicide and the son got nothing. You'd think parents would want to leave their children something, even if you don't have a whole lot of money. The stepmother in that scenario got everything...family business and all. What a shame, because the son could have used any inheritance for college or something. I just find it disturbing to say the least. IMO, when you have kids, you want to make sure they are well taken care of...while you are living and after. My husband also got nothing when his mother passed....not even jewelry or family photos...nothing. If something happens to you at a young age...your spouse is more likely to move on to another relationship...your kids are forever. Your marriage is over when you pass. Not to say you shouldn't leave your spouse anything...but you should divide the funds up equally to your spouse and children. At least, I think that is the decent thing to do IMO.

 

Agreed, for the most part. I would assume that in those cases, the deceased party assumed that the surviving spouse would do the right thing and divide up the assets, but they did not honor their spouses' memory and follow through with that, which is very sad. It is particularly galling that your husband did not even receive any sentimental inheritance! How terrible to have no family mementos.

 

It gets complicated, however. Details can change according to situation. If my husband died, for example, I would do my best to keep the assets separate and make sure my stepdaughter had a fair inheritance from her father. However, she is a teenager, and she has a trust fund from her deceased grandmother on her mother's side that will cover her college education, and she has both a mother and stepfather in her other house. If my husband died, my very young son would have nobody but me, and certainly no trust fund. I would have to weigh my stepdaughter's fair inheritance against the real necessities of raising my young child. I would never just cut her out, as she is also my child and she is my son's sister and she will be our family forever even if her father dies or we get divorced--but reality might dictate that I use a lot of the money and assets left behind rather than just divvy them up into exactly equitable thirds.

 

Now I'm going to go knock on wood that my husband doesn't die!

[tbf]

Yeah, screw the money-grabbing kids !

If kids are money-grabbing vultures, they should be screwed.

[pink_sugar]

Agreed, for the most part. I would assume that in those cases, the deceased party assumed that the surviving spouse would do the right thing and divide up the assets, but they did not honor their spouses' memory and follow through with that, which is very sad. It is particularly galling that your husband did not even receive any sentimental inheritance! How terrible to have no family mementos.

 

It gets complicated, however. Details can change according to situation. If my husband died, for example, I would do my best to keep the assets separate and make sure my stepdaughter had a fair inheritance from her father. However, she is a teenager, and she has a trust fund from her deceased grandmother on her mother's side that will cover her college education, and she has both a mother and stepfather in her other house. If my husband died, my very young son would have nobody but me, and certainly no trust fund. I would have to weigh my stepdaughter's fair inheritance against the real necessities of raising my young child. I would never just cut her out, as she is also my child and she is my son's sister and she will be our family forever even if her father dies or we get divorced--but reality might dictate that I use a lot of the money and assets left behind rather than just divvy them up into exactly equitable thirds.

 

Now I'm going to go knock on wood that my husband doesn't die!

 

My husband had a trust from his dad, so I have no idea if his mom just assumed that he was "set" or just didn't do a whole lot of thinking or what. I would have thought she would have done the same thing by her son. The trust from his father was a modest amount...enough to pay for educational and living expenses temporarily. However, it did not cover buying a home or paying off the rest of his student loans. I think regardless of any trusts a person may already have, you should do the right thing and split the assets equally. IF anything were to happen to your husband, at least your son has you. My husband is not even 30 and has lost both of his parents already.

[Mascara]

My mother and stepfather have been married for 30 years. I know that my stepdad gets the whole estate if my mother dies first. Wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Only those dependent on the deceased should have any say in who gets what. That means children until they're 18, and spouses forever.