It's been 3 years. Thoughtful replies needed. Thank you. (long story)

[Chel0805]

That is your opinion, but it doesn't match the reality. Reality of things is something else. People have been caught doing this. Some went on with it for years. Some stopped after a few years, and then the other person (in your shoes) wanted to know why communication stopped... And digging deeper, it all came out. So don't rule that out. You can watch this show named Catfish to get an idea of what I'm talking about.

 

Hi again, and sorry for replying late. Thank you very much for your info. It was really helpful. I watched the Dr. Phil show about "Catfish", among other videos, and they definitely gave me a whole new insight on LDR/online dating. I am planning on sending him a message in a few days. Guess I will find out about it very soon. I just want to say that, the past few years wasn't wasted on him even if he was a scam, the time was instead spent on realizing my goals and personal growth. I think I am very fortunate to have met some people who told me to keep believing while others help me remain cautious and wise at the same time.

 

Thanks again.

Chel

[Solcita2]

When I broke up with my ex BF (the one I met online then in person and blah blah blah) the day I was ready to move on I deleted my email address.

That's the day I closed the door.

 

He did the same.

 

He closed the door... and never looked back... because he never tried to contact you.

 

I think for your own sake you should move on, change email address (so you don't wait for him to contact you again) and keep looking ahead instead of looking back.

 

Best of lucks.

[Acacia98]

I think you need closure, Chel. When somebody who was a huge part of your emotional life just checks out abruptly with no warning, it leaves you with many questions. And it can be hard to completely move on if you don't understand what happened or why. I've had experiences that left me needing closure, so I can imagine to some degree why you need to "know."

 

Perhaps you should go ahead and try to contact this guy. I suspect he's married or something and may not be happy to hear from you. And if that's the case, facing up to this reality may allow you to finally let go of that ideal image you've built up of him. I do think you need to be honest with yourself about all the negative scenarios that can result from trying to get in touch with him and seriously think about how you would deal with them. If this is something you do, you need to be emotionally prepared for the worst. And do avoid getting sucked back into communicating with somebody who only wants to keep you at arm's length.

[Chel0805]

I do think you need to be honest with yourself about all the negative scenarios that can result from trying to get in touch with him and seriously think about how you would deal with them. If this is something you do, you need to be emotionally prepared for the worst. And do avoid getting sucked back into communicating with somebody who only wants to keep you at arm's length.

 

Very well said, thank you.

[Solcita2]

I think you need closure, Chel. When somebody who was a huge part of your emotional life just checks out abruptly with no warning, it leaves you with many questions. And it can be hard to completely move on if you don't understand what happened or why. I've had experiences that left me needing closure, so I can imagine to some degree why you need to "know."

 

Even when I didn't want to hear it, the best thing somebody from this board told me when I was going through the same than you was "CLOSURE IS OVER RATED. GET OVER IT. MOVE ON".

 

And following that advice was the best thing I could have done for myself.