psm04 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I've been realizing that most of the time xOMM and I talk online outside of work, it leaves me feeling crappy. I was trying to talk to him tonight about a family situation that's been going on with me, and he didn't even bother asking or following through with the conversation. Instead, he mentioned how late it was getting. Now, if I had said something that was complimentary to him or boosting his ego, he wouldn't have responded like that. Maybe this is what he does to his W, and this is why she feels unappreciated (which is what he told me she said) Why did I neglect my caring adorable secure H to get in an A with this man? Stupidity and selfishness. But boy am I glad that I've ended it, and I'm going to start even limiting this 'friendship' that we talk about. I'm not wasting my breath trying to confide things in him that he could care less about. Now that I think about it, he has always had a hard time remembering a lot of things I've mentioned, but he remembers almost every sexual or ego boosting thing that we've talked about He loves me, but he's in his own world, and I think that a lot of times, the friendship is so that he has me on his good side in case of a rainy day. He doesn't even realize this. I think once he sees that I'm not budging and falling back into his arms, he's going to stop putting any effort. I hate how he affects my emotional health and self esteem like this. And he's not even one of those other nasty predatory MM that I read about on here! But he still induces negative feelings in me. I feel so wishy-washy. One moment I'm talking about how we're sustaining this friendship , and then the next moment, I'm like screw this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 This man doesn't love you...he loves that you love him and boost his ego...but once it's really about you and not anything gratifying to him, he pays no attention and doesn't care. Please abandon this shallow "friendship", you guys aren't really friends and it just keeps you in an EA. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) I've seen this with OW/OM and some BSs, but sometimes it's like we want to convince someone of our worthiness and not feel rejected by them, even though we don't actually want them! We want to win but don't want the prize. (Sometimes the feeling is so strong, we can't even see they are no prize!) We all just want to be wanted because rejection sucks and clouds our judgement. Edited August 6, 2013 by thecharade 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author psm04 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 Thanks for the comments. You are all correct. I do think that he believes he loves me, but deep down, it is the way I make him feel that he loves. And yeah, how can a friendship be based on secrecy and having to only be able to talk after his wife goes to bed? At least my H knows of him and I'm not keeping him in a top secret compartment of my life. I'm feeling really awkward today. We haven't talked much except to say hi and for him to apologize for having to go last night. I'm not bothered by all at that. What bothers me is the fact that he is not there for me as a friend like I have been for him. Even at work, when he has had an issue, I've gone above and beyond to help him. When I have something I'm troubleshooting, he is not keen on helping much. He still hasn't asked me about what's going on with my family. Before I ended the affair, we went to lunch almost every week. We haven't gone to lunch once since I said I wasn't interested in the physical aspect. I guess he is more of a friendly co-worker/acquaintance than a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 This is exactly what I was like with my ex mm in the end I got fed up with feeling like crap there was never a "reward" for making it all worthwhile he wasnt interested in talking about our problems so they got bigger and in the end I have up. The only time he showed any real interest was when sex was on the age da I guess that sums it up wished charged him now lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author psm04 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 Yeah I'm getting a little tired of feeling like crap and the mind games. I feel like my worth is determined by how many compliments I can give him and how accommodating I can be to his needs while he still chooses to stay with her. The friendship isn't rewarding or satisfying. Is this a guy thing? Why is he seemingly OK with being friends? I mean, I'm married too so its not like I'm fully available. But I don't have ulterior motives either. Link to post Share on other sites
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