hugznkisses21 Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 How do I stop pver analyzing everything!!! Its annoying! My bf is in a bad mood i over analyze, he doesnt call casue hes busy i over analyze, hes too tired for sex i over analyze, he too busy to come see me i over analyze....I am very afraid of gettign hurt...i ahve been before...how can i over come this Link to post Share on other sites
utwonderwoman Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 If you can figure this out, please let me know. I have the exact same problem. It causes way too much stress. And how much time it takes away from what I should be doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 Somene....help us! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Why are you so terrified of getting hurt? It's a part of life. Stop being too afraid to live. You're wasting too much time worrying about things and most times you don't even have control over them. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Get other interests! Get more involved at work, take up a new hobby - Find yourself something else to do and you won't have time to be so neurotic! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 great Idea...sometimes easier said then done...I dont want him to think that im loosing interest Link to post Share on other sites
DJ_Dork Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 When people over-analyze they don't trust the other person. I used to do this, now I don't care...I just gauge interest level on how likely can I get a date with a girl. No date = My interest level lowers and I start looking for new girls. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Over-analyzing comes from mainly insecurity but also jealously. You are unsure about the future so you worry about it. You worry in negative terms. It's easy to just say 'stop it', but even though you know it will eventually ruin things between you & your loved one, it's like an obession. Now insecurity and jealousy comes from past experiences, but you have to realize that, that is what it is. The past. The person with you now is not the person you were with. Second, insecurity and jealously come from two other things: 1) Irrational thoughts or feelings. Making up negative scenerios in your head to help build up your wall around your heart so when you do get hurt it doesn't hurt as much. At least you can expect it. 2) Acting on these irrational thoughts and feelings. By either questioning your loved one, making them feel guilty for not including you in activities, checking up on them, etc.. Now since we've narrowed down the root of this, how do we stop this? It's actually much easier than you think, but you have to be persistant at this. When these thoughts/feelings occur you must first catch yourself doing this. This is the hard part, since you've come accustomed to playing these negative images in your head. Once you catch yourself doing this, take a thought, a feeling or better a moment that you & your loved one has shared and replace the thoughts of insecurity with this new thought. It's like almost hypthnosis. Close your eyes when you do this. You may have to do this several times a day depending how bad things are. Also realize the loved one is with you because they see the good in you, and you are with them because of the good they possess. Show them the good side of you. Also know within' yourself that you are worth being with. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
utwonderwoman Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 thank you so much for your input. I will definitely try that starting right now. For someone that over analyzes it is such a constant thing that you don't really notice it. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Thanks J Margel that did help. I have the same problem..it's so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 For me, the key to keeping over-analyzing at bay is to direct my attention elsewhere. Get involved in things other than the relationship that you're over-analyzing. I know that you're afraid it will look like you're losing interest and in turn you may lose him, but I've found that this has the opposite effect. Go find something that interests you, pull away a little, and he will be more into you than ever. Plus, you won't be as afraid of getting hurt because you will have other interests/people/fun in your life to take his place. He won't be your sole source of pleasure. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
utwonderwoman Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Oh if I were only over analyzing the relationship!!! I do this to every relationship (friendship, etc.) and every scenario you could possibly imagine. Even when I am driving. Link to post Share on other sites
guiltyguilty Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 jmargel does give good advice. I'd also suggest that maybe you have obsessive compulsive disorder or something like that. Medication often works for that problem and might help you think about things less and just relax more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 Yes...i will try this thank you for the posts... my most recent thing is I am over analyzing why he is changing his clothing style.....becasue i hear this is a red flag....scared to loose him Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Your welcome for the advice. Don't concern yourself about 'one' red flag. Changing clothing styles is not even a red flag. It would be perhaps, if a woman never wore thongs before, and all of a sudden she is when she's going out on a business trip, etc.. Just follow my advice, get active in other areas in your life and all will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 thanks very much for your response....currently i am in councelling for my insecurities...so i am working on it for us. I will not concern myself with this "Red flag"...he is kinda dressing more preppy and becomming more concerned with facial wash..huh? he was never like that but i know his clothing has been like that at one point before i met him...saw in his closet. I just get afraid that he is concerned about things because he is trying to impress someone else....i asked him and he said no...now he jsut felt like buying and dressing a bit different for a change. I kow a guy that he has begun working with for a while and works out of town with is exacally like all this so maybe he has givin him ideas i dotn know....u can see my concerns? He says he loves me and im the best and im beautiful and everything everyday.... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 No, I don't see any concerns. Myself I like to dress differently at times. I mean, you like dressing different too, don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Share Posted November 3, 2004 very true i guess.....its just in the 1 and a half years ive been with him he hasnt worn tighter pants and dress shoes on a regular day...weird Link to post Share on other sites
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