alex21 Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 How do you avoid turning into just a friend with your ex? We hang out sometimes and had a great time, and we both admitted feelings of still liking the other. But she has a boyfriend now. I started no contact because it was too hard to have those feelings and not get anything out of it. But eventually I want to be able to hang out with her again. When I do, how do I make sure she sees me as more than just a normal friend? I know she would get back with me now if it weren't for the bf, but I don't want her to get comfortable with having good times with me and take me for granted. Is this something I can do something about, or is it just one of those things where it will just work out if it's meant to be? Link to post Share on other sites
dizi Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 If you ever want a chance at being friends with her, don't interfere with her new relationship. Stick with the no contact. Has she been trying to contact you, or was it a mutual agreement? Why did you break up, how long were you together, and if you think that you would be together right now if it weren't for this new boyfriend, how do you know your relationship was so strong to begin with? Details!! Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 DO continue to hang out with her. but don't force her to make a choice between you and the other guy. do thoughtful things for her, have lunch dates with her, spend time with her. be her confidant about her new relationship -- get her to open up to you and trust you again. she may even begin to share her feelings of discontent in her new relationship with you. that is what you want. love her fully and don't expect her to make a choice right now. tell her, "I want you to be happy" a lot. make her feel that you wish her happiness and joy, and spend quality time together as if you were starting a whole new relationship and just beginning to date. just don't expect much at first. what will probably happen is the new boyfriend will freak out. he'll become jealous, threaten her, try to convince her that he's better than you. yell at her. cry. feel inadequate and act childish, et cetera, you get the picture. then who do you think she'll choose in the long run? you, who's her caring, loving ex that she has feelings for even after a big split, or this clingy, needy guy that she barely knows in comparison to you? I really think no contact is a bad idea in this situation. try out the strategy I've laid out if the no contact isn't getting you what you want. good luck, no matter what you choose to do! Link to post Share on other sites
dizi Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Yeah, and you know what usually happens in those situations? She'll go running to you for a shoulder to cry on, you'll get your hopes up, and then when she's done using you for a REBOUND, she'll go back to him to give it another try. Don't make yourself a doormat, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 I'm with dizi on this - if keeping in touch with her is making you feel like crap then you should cool it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 cant force someone to see you in a way different than friends. Only advice is to be yourself and if she wants to have the relationship progress from just friends she will do it. I agree though that you shouldn't hang with her if it is hard for you to hang out with her with the way things currently are between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
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