Outing PUA tactics!

[New User]

I find this **** scary.

 

Does it really work? Really? Like really? Have you watched someone paw at women they just met and seen it work? Have you seen guys "neg" a girl and seen the girl become desperate to prove herself? Have you seen some convoluted bull**** game get played about cubes or stories or whatever and off they go out the door together?

 

Because it sounds to me like a giant con designed to liberate money from gullible men, with a vast array of astroturfed positive reviews. Literally no women I've ever dated would have fallen for any of this (tell me I overestimate them and you can go choke on a dick). They'd have found it weird in the extreme. But then they aren't out on the town, drunk, and looking for men. So what we have here is an arsenal, a ****ing phalanx of protocols, techniques and concepts, designed to enable men to pick up women looking to get picked up.

 

Way to go, I guess.

 

 

The concept of "negging" bothers me a bit. But I don't think that it really works like a lot of people believe it does. I've read a bit on the PUA subculture- I find it somewhat fascinating. I've never consciously used any of the techniques- that isn't to say that I've never used them, just that I've never thought to myself "OK, there's a hot gal over there- I'm going to bust out the tarot cards, then neg her, roll a little hoop theory in with it, change venues and go for a kiss close." (Throw something in there about frames- but I don't remember what exactly that means).

 

Negging, as explained by a psychologist (IIRC) who wrote an article on Tucker Max (he's the guy that got famous largely for putting up a website inviting women to win a date with him and being a drunken lout) amounts to little more than light teasing. Which is a standard tactic in many people's (men and women) flirting arsenal. The article talked as much about how tone and body language conveyed the real message as it did about the "techniques" used. One personal example- I was walking down to the bars in a college town and a gal I knew drove by, stopped next to me and said "hey babe, how much?" I responded playfully "you can't afford me, sweetheart." Reading that you might think either "wow, she's forward and he's not interested" or even "wow, he's a dick." But with our nonverbal cues it was pretty obvious that we were both into each other. From what I understand that qualified as "negging" her. All it amounted to was playful banter and both of us building desire. That was in 1991 (yes, she made quite an impression and I remember her fondly 20+ years on)- I had no idea whatsoever what PUA was besides an 80s movie with Robert Downy and the red-headed gal that was required by law to be in every 80s movie. PUA seems to be little more than teaching guys how to flirt to me. I can't speak to how successful it really is for guys that don't instinctively know how to flirt but in retrospect some of what was to me simply knowing how to flirt corresponds very strongly with what I know of the techniques espoused by PUAs.

 

Another article I read on the subject talked about how almost all of the guys that really look into PUA are doing it to obtain the attention of one specific girl that they can't figure out how to move beyond the friends stage with. I don't think that most of these guys are monsters out to conquer women or losers- just guys that don't have the confidence to approach women or the knowledge as to how to approach women. Maybe PUA helps give some decent guys that confidence and knowledge. I think that there's a huge difference between the guys that try to really live the lifestyle and the vast majority who are simply trying to gain confidence in an area that you don't study in school but a lot of people place significant value on as it relates to their happiness.

[ThaWholigan]

Yes, and in it's purest form PUA is all about getting the number, getting the first date, and in some cases getting sex. It isn't about turning it into a relationship.

PUA actually has an offshoot called "relationship game". Scot McKay comes to mind, as do other authors. Scot McKay actively distances himself from PUA to an extent though.

[sillyanswer]

Keep in mind that just because a guy is using PUA, doesn't mean that he doesn't like you or just wants to game you. Some guys (mistakenly) think it will greatly increase their chances..

 

And also... just because a woman thinks that a man is using PUA techniques doesn't mean that he's a PUA. Maybe (like me) he just stumbled across what is known as Kino by accident, or his silly sarcasm humour sounds like negging to a woman who has her PUA-radar set to full power.

 

(I hope that's on-topic enough, Star... I'm referring to misidentifying things as PUA that aren't.)

[Treasa]

Can someone tell me what Kino is? I'm too lazy to look it up.

[ThaWholigan]

Can someone tell me what Kino is? I'm too lazy to look it up.

Kino = touching.

[mesmerized]

I don't think any guy ever purposely used PUA on me. When I was attracted to a guy, they could do and sometimes did all the stuff PUA would advise them not to and I still gave them a chance. When I wasn't attracted to a guy, nothing worked. I knew some guys however that were naturally using the PUA techniques without ever having heard of them, some of them are common sense you know and I was insanely attracted to these guys. But then again they were also very attractive guys so I'm not sure how much of my attraction was related to their behaviour/techniques versus their looks.

[Taramere]

Can someone tell me what Kino is? I'm too lazy to look it up.

 

Touching. I remember reading a post where somebody talked about "instigating kino". Not only did touching somebody he was attracted to not come naturally to him, but he had to think of that simple human act in the most ridiculous jargon terms.

 

I identify the target, neg, isolate and then instigate kino. Then we engage in coitus and then I submit a field report to my PUA site.

[sillyanswer]

Can someone tell me what Kino is? I'm too lazy to look it up.

 

Something like:

Touching, and escalating of touching, in a dating context to promote trust or to seduce. (and it isn't just groping).

[Anela]

I had no idea whatsoever what PUA was besides an 80s movie with Robert Downy and the red-headed gal that was required by law to be in every 80s movie.

 

Molly Ringwald. There was also an example of it in the Breakfast Club, with the "bad boy" referring to her as a princess (I can't remember the whole thing). She got upset, but later on, they got together.

The Breakfast Club (1985) - Quotes - IMDb

[tbf]

Kino is touching but the concept behind it is to get the woman used to being touched by the man, who's touching non-threatening body parts.

 

Kino escalation is pretty much what it sounds. You move from non-threatening to more sexual touching. Repeat until you get laid.

[Star Gazer]

Can someone tell me what Kino is? I'm too lazy to look it up.

 

Escalating touching.

 

Most recent example: We met at a bar, and were seated side-by-side. He kept brushing his forearm against mine. Next thing I know, he touches my knee when talking. A little bit later, he does it again and lets it linger. A little bit later, he leans in to hear me speak, and puts his hand on my back in doing so, letting in linger and almost caress me as he pulls it away.

[ThaWholigan]

Molly Ringwald. There was also an example of it in the Breakfast Club, with the "bad boy" referring to her as a princess (I can't remember the whole thing). She got upset, but later on, they got together.

The Breakfast Club (1985) - Quotes - IMDb

Some PUA programs ACTUALLY STUDY THIS SCENE

[Treasa]

I don't mind gentle, friendly touching. I'll admit I sort of touch, too. When I am training someone and they're struggling, when they finally get it, I'll lightly pat them on the shoulder, or I'll do that if they're frustrated or say that they're stupid. No one's complained yet. But I don't do it to strangers other than that.

 

Ok, that's not true. If I'm helping a little old lady out of somewhere and she is moving slow or tottering a bit, I might gently place my hand on her back, very lightly, while talking to her. Things like that.

 

But I suspect that's different kind of touching, right?

[Taramere]

Molly Ringwald. There was also an example of it in the Breakfast Club, with the "bad boy" referring to her as a princess (I can't remember the whole thing). She got upset, but later on, they got together.

The Breakfast Club (1985) - Quotes - IMDb

 

I think she connected with him on an emotional level after he disclosed that his father was violently abusive when he spilled paint in the garage.

[ThaWholigan]

I think she connected with him on an emotional level after he disclosed that his father was violently abusive when he spilled paint in the garage.

AKA Comfort-building (also in PUA, and also studied )

 

Tension-comfort-tension-comfort-tension-comfort etc.......

[sillyanswer]

Ok, that's not true. If I'm helping a little old lady out of somewhere and she is moving slow or tottering a bit, I might gently place my hand on her back, very lightly, while talking to her. Things like that.

 

But I suspect that's different kind of touching, right?

 

Not very different, apart from the intent.

 

Unless you wanted to do the old lady.

[Treasa]

I think she connected with him on an emotional level after he disclosed that his father was violently abusive when he spilled paint in the garage.

 

That's true, but I think an older woman who's more experienced would have said, "Yikes, not getting involved with that until he's been through intensive counseling!!" And then maybe be his friend.

[Treasa]

Not very different, apart from the intent.

 

Unless you wanted to do the old lady.

 

When I find you, I am going to hurt you.

 

I think there's a line between nurturing, natural touching that some people do without thinking about it, and using it as a technique. Sometimes, though, that line is a bit blurred, so it's good to continue to observe how the person behaves and not get invested too soon.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Funny, I was reading about PUA tactics one day and came across a few female PUA's. Didn't know they existed at the time. That had me comparing male vs female tactics. I actually thought the tactics for femałe PUAs were more helpful. Arden Leigh is probably the most popular one. Kezia Noble is another, though she helps men. The main difference IMO is male PUA feeds on insecure men while female PUA seems more genuine. To me, male PUA is the equivalent of The Rules or He's Just Not That Into You.

[Treasa]

Funny, I was reading about PUA tactics one day and came across a few female PUA's. Didn't know they existed at the time. That had me comparing male vs female tactics. I actually thought the tactics for femałe PUAs were more helpful. Arden Leigh is probably the most popular one. Kezia Noble is another, though she helps men. The main difference IMO is male PUA feeds on insecure men while female PUA seems more genuine. To me, male PUA is the equivalent of The Rules or He's Just Not That Into You.

 

What are the techniques?

 

If I had to guess, I would think playing up to a man's ego. Or being hard to "land" but coming juuuuust close enough to keep him going.

[ThaWholigan]

Funny, I was reading about PUA tactics one day and came across a few female PUA's. Didn't know they existed at the time. That had me comparing male vs female tactics. I actually thought the tactics for femałe PUAs were more helpful. Arden Leigh is probably the most popular one. Kezia Noble is another, though she helps men. The main difference IMO is male PUA feeds on insecure men while female PUA seems more genuine. To me, male PUA is the equivalent of The Rules or He's Just Not That Into You.

 

Kezia Noble had the added advantage that she's actually pretty hot, so that got guys to come to her seminars. Her advice comes from the whole "natural game" thing, she used to work with Gambler.

[Star Gazer]

OP,

 

 

 

Nobody is making you spread your legs for anybody. PUA tactics isn't hypnosis.

 

It's manipulation. That ain't cool, yo.

[Taramere]

That's true, but I think an older woman who's more experienced would have said, "Yikes, not getting involved with that until he's been through intensive counseling!!" And then maybe be his friend.

 

But at 16 you hear something like that, and it's just all doe-eyed "I want to rescue..."

 

[white]

Touching. I remember reading a post where somebody talked about "instigating kino". Not only did touching somebody he was attracted to not come naturally to him, but he had to think of that simple human act in the most ridiculous jargon terms.

 

I identify the target, neg, isolate and then instigate kino. Then we engage in coitus and then I submit a field report to my PUA site.

 

I'm interested in this. Do you have any idea how much trouble, personally or beyond, a man can get into for doing that inappropriately? It's an immense social boundary. Most early flirting is about establishing if someone's even into you at all. Jumping right into to touching them is a recipe for social disaster. Why do I even have to point this out? What is going on here?

[Treasa]

But at 16 you hear something like that, and it's just all doe-eyed "I want to rescue..."

 

 

Oh yes, I was a casualty of that, too. That phase lasted WAY too long.