Outing PUA tactics!

[Southern Cal Dude]

What are the techniques?

 

If I had to guess, I would think playing up to a man's ego. Or being hard to "land" but coming juuuuust close enough to keep him going.

 

 

This is here doing an interview a little over a year ago:

 

 

 

 

She wrote a book too.

[tbf]

But at 16 you hear something like that, and it's just all doe-eyed "I want to rescue..."

 

Don't forget this technique!

 

[Taramere]

I'm interested in this. Do you have any idea how much trouble, personally or beyond, a man can get into for doing that inappropriately?

 

If he's the kind of guy who thinks "now I'm going to instigating kino on this woman" then probably loads. Don't sue me...I'm not the one who encourages people to transforms normal bits and pieces of social interaction into jargon laden "techniques".

[sillyanswer]

I'm interested in this. Do you have any idea how much trouble, personally or beyond, a man can get into for doing that inappropriately? It's an immense social boundary. Most early flirting is about establishing if someone's even into you at all. Jumping right into to touching them is a recipe for social disaster. Why do I even have to point this out? What is going on here?

 

A light, brief touch on the arm somewhere between the elbow and the shoulder, for example, seems unlikely to result in social disaster. It probably wouldn't be inappropriate, assuming you're in conversation with the woman, either.

 

If you're on a date with someone I don't see it as an immense social boundary, either. Of course, if she's not attracted she's (at best) merely going to tolerate it... but it's hardly a move that's going to result in getting slapped, having a drink poured over me, or any other sort of trouble.

 

It's not like I grabbed her butt. (yet)

[ThaWholigan]

If he's the kind of guy who thinks "now I'm going to instigating kino on this woman" then probably loads. Don't sue me...I'm not the one who encourages people to transforms normal bits and pieces of social interaction into jargon laden "techniques".

It depends on how you can teach them to be honest.

[Taramere]

Don't forget this technique!

 

 

Oh God. I used to go to a disco for teenies, and it was run by a man who was a relic from the 1960s. That song used to play all the time. Worse still, my best friend and I awarded that as "theme tune" to one of the boys we had a crush on. Let's face it, PUA stuff is the stuff that works on you round about the time your periods are starting.

[white]

I have a friend I've actually posted about before who didn't get laid until 29. One of his hilarious idiosyncrasies before that, that the rest of us would laugh about, was he had a tendency at parties, maybe other times, to attempt to hold hands with girls he liked, or sometimes he'd stroke their hair, like brush it out of their eyes, or if seated he'd rub their leg, sort of calf area, a bit. He would do these things usually with a bit of dutch courage. We learned to watch when it started and hold back the laughter. Because every time it went down like a lead balloon. The girls would at best gently remove his hand and leave the area; at worst they'd shriek and start a scene about it that made it necessary for him to leave.

 

He wasn't squeezing their asses or sliding his hand up their skirts. It was always gentle. And it didn't just not work, it was always disaster for him.

 

When he eventually got a girlfriend it had nothing to do with this weird behaviour of his. This weird behaviour that you're trying to tell me was a natural and effective means of attracting women. And you're a woman telling me it to boot.

Edited August 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Taramere]

It depends on how you can teach them to be honest.

 

Well, I think being relaxed around women would be a major goal for any man who has difficulty communicating with them. Encouraging them to think of normal social interaction in jargonistic terms probably isn't going to aid that relaxed approach.

[ThaWholigan]

Well, I think being relaxed around women would be a major goal for any man who has difficulty communicating with them. Encouraging them to think of normal social interaction in jargonistic terms probably isn't going to aid that relaxed approach.

I agree, which is why I only got into PUA later than most people.

[Anela]

 

I have a friend I've actually posted about before who didn't get laid until 29. One of his hilarious idiosyncrasies before that, that the rest of us would laugh about, was he had a tendency at parties, maybe other times, to attempt to hold hands with girls he liked, or sometimes he'd stroke their hair, like brush it out of their eyes, or if seated he'd rub their leg, sort of calf area, a bit. He would do these things usually with a bit of dutch courage. We learned to watch when it started and hold back the laughter. Because every time it went down like a lead balloon. The girls would at best gently remove his hand and leave the area; at worst they'd shriek and start a scene about it that made it necessary for him to leave.

 

He wasn't squeezing their asses or sliding his hand up their skirts. It was always gentle. And it didn't just not work, it was always disaster for him.

 

When he eventually got a girlfriend it had nothing to do with this weird behaviour of his. This weird behaviour that you're trying to tell me was a natural and effective means of attracting women. And you're a woman telling me it to boot.

 

If someone just walked over to me, and started touching my knee, or rubbing my calf, I'd be creeped out. Maybe he finally got a girlfriend, because he stopped doing that?

Edited August 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[sillyanswer]

I have a friend I've actually posted about before who didn't get laid until 29. One of his hilarious idiosyncrasies before that, that the rest of us would laugh about, was he had a tendency at parties, maybe other times, to attempt to hold hands with girls he liked, or sometimes he'd stroke their hair, like brush it out of their eyes, or if seated he'd rub their leg, sort of calf area, a bit. He would do these things usually with a bit of dutch courage. We learned to watch when it started and hold back the laughter. Because every time it went down like a lead balloon. The girls would at best gently remove his hand and leave the area; at worst they'd shriek and start a scene about it that made it necessary for him to leave.

 

Maybe his choice of body parts to touch needs some refining. Holding hands and touching legs is definitely more intimate than my suggestion of lightly and briefly touching her upper arm. Stroking her hair? I'll bet he got called a creep once or twice.

Edited August 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[white]

If someone just walked over to me, and started touching my knee, or rubbing my calf, I'd be creeped out. Maybe he finally got a girlfriend, because he stopped doing that?

 

No, this is in the context of women he knows, well into the span of a party or gathering, after a great deal of conversation. I think a PUA would use the word "rapport".

 

But anyway, so OK, not knees or calves. Someone earlier said arms. So far, I'm being told, it's an entirely natural instinct that men are supposed to have, that they want to stroke a womans arms during conversation. Not knees or legs! Don't ****ing do that or you're a creeper.

 

This thread is a goldmine and you people don't even see it.

[Taramere]

 

I have a friend I've actually posted about before who didn't get laid until 29. One of his hilarious idiosyncrasies before that, that the rest of us would laugh about, was he had a tendency at parties, maybe other times, to attempt to hold hands with girls he liked, or sometimes he'd stroke their hair, like brush it out of their eyes, or if seated he'd rub their leg, sort of calf area, a bit. He would do these things usually with a bit of dutch courage. We learned to watch when it started and hold back the laughter. Because every time it went down like a lead balloon. The girls would at best gently remove his hand and leave the area; at worst they'd shriek and start a scene about it that made it necessary for him to leave.

 

He wasn't squeezing their asses or sliding his hand up their skirts. It was always gentle. And it didn't just not work, it was always disaster for him.

 

When he eventually got a girlfriend it had nothing to do with this weird behaviour of his. This weird behaviour that you're trying to tell me was a natural and effective means of attracting women. And you're a woman telling me it to boot.

 

Where did I say that "weird" touching was a natural and effective means of attracting women? What I suggested was that anybody who is so unspontaneous about it that they plan "instigating kino" is probably not going to make a success of their touching expedition. When you're relaxed with somebody, touching them - most usually on the arm - while you're talking to them is something that you do naturally. Generally, just an extension of normal hand gestures.

 

Stroking somebody on the calf or brushing hair away from their face isn't an extension of a normal hand gesture. It's a gesture that is only going to seem natural if you've already got a fairly intimate relationship with somebody.

Edited August 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[Treasa]

No, this is in the context of women he knows, well into the span of a party or gathering, after a great deal of conversation. I think a PUA would use the word "rapport".

 

But anyway, so OK, not knees or calves. Someone earlier said arms. So far, I'm being told, it's an entirely natural instinct that men are supposed to have, that they want to stroke a womans arms during conversation. Not knees or legs! Don't ****ing do that or you're a creeper.

 

This thread is a goldmine and you people don't even see it.

 

If a virtual stranger "stroked" any part of me, I would be pretty indignant. A light, brief touch while talking, if it seems natural, wouldn't bother me.

[tbf]

If you want to start touching a woman, do so with courteous touches like hand under her elbow or in the arch of her back, to guide her to the table if you're out for dinner or headed to your theater seats. If you're in a crowded club, that's the perfect excuse to take her hand or use a guiding hand, so the two you don't get separated.

[sillyanswer]

But anyway, so OK, not knees or calves. Someone earlier said arms. So far, I'm being told, it's an entirely natural instinct that men are supposed to have, that they want to stroke a womans arms during conversation. Not knees or legs! Don't ****ing do that or you're a creeper.

 

Did someone say stroke? I definitely suggested a light, brief touch.

 

This thread is a goldmine and you people don't even see it.

 

Glad you're getting value. or... wait, you're negging me again, aren't you?

[Treasa]

If you want to start touching a woman, do so with courteous touches like hand under her elbow or in the arch of her back, to guide her to the table if you're out for dinner or headed to your theater seats. If you're in a crowded club, that's the perfect excuse to take her hand or use a guiding hand, so the two you don't get separated.

 

Yes, that's perfect, gentle flirting.

 

Definitely don't guide her by the back of the neck, though.

[Keenly]

Two days ago I read an article on Yahoo! Called "8 types of men that will never commit"

 

 

The 8 categories proceeded to describe a group so huge that almost every man alive fit into one or more of those categories.

Edited August 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[New User]

If you want to start touching a woman, do so with courteous touches like hand under her elbow or in the arch of her back, to guide her to the table if you're out for dinner or headed to your theater seats. If you're in a crowded club, that's the perfect excuse to take her hand or use a guiding hand, so the two you don't get separated.

 

 

I can't help but suspect that a large part of the problem guys who are trying to learn this stuff (as opposed to just instinctively knowing it) will have is knowing when, where, how, and how long to touch. There is no set formula that covers all women so in order to effectively use it you have to pick up on nonverbal cues- which I suspect is where a lot of men who are at the point of needing outside help have a significant problem. I don't know if that can be taught.

[Taramere]

If a virtual stranger "stroked" any part of me, I would be pretty indignant. A light, brief touch while talking, if it seems natural, wouldn't bother me.

 

 

I think you'd need a series of comedy sketches to explain it. I'm picturing a guy having conversation with a woman, saying something to her and then emphasising his point with a quick massage of her calf or tidying up of her hair.

 

"You're hilarious, Gladys!" (bends down and grabs Gladys's ankle in a vice-like grip to demonstrate his appreciation) or "Hey Gladys, I tell the jokes around here and don't you forget it!" (grabs Gladys's earlobe and twists it slightly as an amusing rebuke). Or, in response to a question from Gladys, "Mind. Your. Own. Business. Stalker." Emphasising each point with a prod to her nose - thereby combining kino with negging.

[fortyninethousand322]

This goes back to what I said before: You're going to use a woman for your benefit. That's gross.

 

If I were to use it, at least it's better than nothing.

 

You say gross, I say it keeps me warm at night....

[tbf]

I can't help but suspect that a large part of the problem guys who are trying to learn this stuff (as opposed to just instinctively knowing it) will have is knowing when, where, how, and how long to touch. There is no set formula that covers all women so in order to effectively use it you have to pick up on nonverbal cues- which I suspect is where a lot of men who are at the point of needing outside help have a significant problem. I don't know if that can be taught.

That's why it's better at the outset, to err on the side of being courteous with touch. Once you spend some time with her, then courtesy can shift to more flirtatious touching.

 

As an example, on a first date, the courteous touch is acceptable to the majority of women. At the end of the first date, most women won't mind a light kiss. Once that first kiss milestone has been passed, where she leans into the kiss, her acceptance of and body language has told the guy that he can move towards a bit more flirtatious touching. If her head snaps back in avoidance, as you lean in to kiss her, then you know she's not ready for further intimacies. She might not even accept a second date. But if she accepts a second date, this means that you may have moved a little too fast on the first date for her pace.

 

To me, this is really obvious stuff.

[dasein]

Again, a woman doing anything to improve her own personal appearance simply cannot be compared to a man using insincere manipulation tactics to bed a woman.

 

You can repeat this all you like, but they are in fact equivalent, people modifying something about themselves to get what they want. I don't think makeup is inherently manipulative, and PUA isn't either. Do you think love letters are manipulative? flowers? poetry? I don't. Women are plenty aware to avoid doing things they don't want to do, but as all men find out, women enjoy being persuaded or charmed, always have, always will, whether its called PUA, seduction, charm, charisma or whatever.

 

But I do find it quite humorous that you're equating those men who believe in and rely on PUA to attract women to being handicapped.

 

I'm serious, all the kerfuffle over PUA is the equivalent of hating on kids for needing training wheels on their first bike. Look at wholigan for example, probably didn't really need the training wheels, but the illusion of safety they gave helped him to the next stage. What's wrong with that? Did he become some monster? I don't think so.

[fortyninethousand322]

That's why it's better at the outset, to err on the side of being courteous with touch. Once you spend some time with her, then courtesy can shift to more flirtatious touching.

 

As an example, on a first date, the courteous touch is acceptable to the majority of women. At the end of the first date, most women won't mind a light kiss. Once that first kiss milestone has been passed, where she leans into the kiss, her acceptance of and body language has told the guy that he can move towards a bit more flirtatious touching. If her head snaps back in avoidance, as you lean in to kiss her, then you know she's not ready for further intimacies. She might not even accept a second date. But if she accepts a second date, this means that you may have moved a little too fast on the first date for her pace.

 

To me, this is really obvious stuff.

 

1. Intellectually, it's probably obvious. Unfortunately in the real world, people panic and can't figure out how to act the right way.

2. You're a bit more cerebral than most on here.

3. It's not obvious to everyone. Which kind of goes back to point #1. And is probably a big piece of evidence for evolutionary biology/psychology...

[fortyninethousand322]

If you want to start touching a woman, do so with courteous touches like hand under her elbow or in the arch of her back, to guide her to the table if you're out for dinner or headed to your theater seats. If you're in a crowded club, that's the perfect excuse to take her hand or use a guiding hand, so the two you don't get separated.

 

I don't think you understand how scary that is. Strong possibility of not being well received.