Should I move somewhere else?

[John316C]

Should I move somewhere else? for my personal well-being...

 

I grew up in a very abusive home. Today I'm 27.5 and am lonely and sad usually. In the past I've been deeply depressed (Major Depressive Disorder) for years.. so much that now I have an anxiety disorder and am scared of people - I have no friends. I only live with my parents and we are running out of business. I worked a little in the past but I was so depressed and had so much anxiety I couldn't continue. I have no education because I couldn't finish university. I've been alone, scared and confused all my life. I never had a true friend. All my best friends used and abused me except for the one I have now but he moved a few years ago to Edmonton, Alberta. I live on the East of Canada in the city. I'm about to do my security guard exam in 1 week. I've been worrying all of my life.

 

I live in a nice house on a boulevard with my parents. We used to be rich. Upkeep is high. We are just making enough from my dads pension and working as a family to make ends meet but we don't have any spare money. I grew up in this house with a horrible amount of emotional abuse.

My father was always angry and controlling and my mother was angry and would worry about everything and act like everything was going bad. As a result I grew up in an environment that made me confused, frustrated, emotionally lacking in love/passion, constant drama/worrying and patheticness/helplessness. Both my parents are unresolved problems from their childhood. One from WW2 and the other from family problems.

 

I grew up in this house. I imagine this house filled with love and memories that I don't think will ever be fulfilled with my parents. I imagine this house renovated and even renting it out. I've over the last year discovered incredible materials from people who I can look up to and have been through much effort in their lives...to help me grow; I have trickled things down to my parents over the years which they pick up on later...and that's the only way they change. This street is the most unique and coveted streets here. In-fact people think we're millionaires which we aren't.

 

I've changed tremendously but mostly in my mind. It's starting to affect me physically in a healthy way.

My father is sick now with a tumor that seems to be growing from a colon cancer decades ago and is 84. This has made him much weaker but not at all helpless. My mother is 60 and had breast cancer that remissed, the only problem with her is my relationship with her. She is still emotionally unstable and is stubborn. I don't feel loved or safe even though I am. My dad has finally accepted responsibility for problems he caused me but will not say it. He acts differently now. He is scared of leaving soon.

 

Upkeep, everything included is just above $30,000 Canadian

 

With all the painful and hopelessness and memories here, I don't know If I want to keep this house. My father says I can have it If I want. I don't know what to do. I don't know If I can do it. I don't know if it's worth it. 'And I'm all alone or will be. My mother will most likely move... when the time comes down south to relatives. My fathers friends have almost all passed and my mother doesn't really have any friends here.

 

I don't want to live in the city. I would rather live where it isn't crowded and I can imagine a simple life... like working in forestry/outdoors or something.. though I know nothing about that. My father grew up in Europe beside the forest...

 

... I always wanted to become very successful like my father and everyone from his village. He would tell me stories all the time and I grew up feeling like I was supposed to become part of that "family".

 

...I wish I had a girlfriend to give me emotional support... but with my anxiety disorder of people. I don't ever approach anyone. Women who are interested usually study me from afar or disappear after a few times...

 

I don't know what to do. I really appreciate advice.

Edited August 7, 2013 by John316C

[FitChick]

Sell the house and buy a small house somewhere in a rural area but where you could find work. Nova Scotia?

[skydiveaddict]

I don't know what to do. I really appreciate advice.

 

Join the military