having trouble moving on after being cheated on and lied to

[creativelyobsessed]

the good news is that the second i uncovered the ugly truth i cut the loser off. i blew up his spot and even called the other women when i found out he was having relationships as far as the last 4 months of our relationship. i suspect there were more before that but can't prove it now.

 

i am SO bitter. i have a great life, a great job and i am a great person. but, i have been feeling really angry and bitter lately. it hasn't affected my job at all ANYMORE (i was on the verge of getting fired before and am now doing great again!) and i am healthily social. i don't show my scars on the outside. but i think about what he did and how he made me feel like I was the one who did something wrong the whole time. i am bitter over the fact that he treated me carelessly and i thought it was deserved -- instead he was just cheating and therefore didn't care about my feelings. at LEAST 10 times a day i imagine his punishment -- extreme depression, being publicly humiliated, being arrested for something terrible, you name it. i'll admit it, sometimes i just wish he would go away altogether. i actually don't wish death on him as we are human and are meant to be on this earth to make mistakes and even hurt others.

 

i just don't know how to get rid of the pain and betrayal i feel. HOW does someone, ANYONE look you in the eyes and know they are lying and hurting you? does it hurt them? does anyone here know what a cheater feels like???

 

i have not even gotten to talk to him since the incident. when i confronted him over the phone and said i wanted to talk in person he screamed NO at me and told me i already knew what was "going on". he never even called to apologize.

 

how the hell can therapy help? all my therapist (who i have been to 3 times) does is listen. i don't need someone to listen. i need someone to help me fix the anger that is inside of me. secretly i fantasize about him hurting SO badly, but don't think it will ever happen to him.

 

despite my angry words, i am a well rounded individual with many interests and FAR more potential in life than the ex who cheated me. but, in a way, THAT fact almost makes me feel worse! that a total LOSER screwed me over. i am almost feeling crazy again thinking about how much i hate him. i rarely hear his name as we don't have the same friends. but i have run into people who know both of us and i can't get away from thinking about the look that they give me -- as if i am CRAZY or dirty. i know that is what my ex told everyone. and i am fAR from both those things.

 

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP MYSELF???

[DJ_Dork]

 

...at LEAST 10 times a day i imagine his punishment -- extreme depression, being publicly humiliated, being arrested for something terrible, you name it. i'll admit it, sometimes i just wish he would go away altogether.

 

 

Some people after a bad breakup do one last bit of revenge or disappear (this is not no-contact rule.)

 

 

...i am bitter over the fact that he treated me carelessly and i thought it was deserved -- instead he was just cheating and therefore didn't care about my feelings. i actually don't wish death on him as we are human and are meant to be on this earth to make mistakes and even hurt others.

 

 

Yes you do wish him dead or at least completely disappear. You have a couple of options: physically move elsewhere, find a way to keep your mind off of him, or publicly humiliate him.

 

 

i just don't know how to get rid of the pain and betrayal i feel. HOW does someone, ANYONE look you in the eyes and know they are lying and hurting you? does it hurt them? does anyone here know what a cheater feels like???

 

 

The cheater/betrayer rarely feels remorse of their cheating. Some people will recommend the passive way of dealing with it by ignoring or pretending it didn't happen. I only have one suggestion: be productively angry (such as focusing on fixing things around your life in an angry way.)

 

 

how the hell can therapy help? all my therapist (who i have been to 3 times) does is listen. i don't need someone to listen. i need someone to help me fix the anger that is inside of me. secretly i fantasize about him hurting SO badly, but don't think it will ever happen to him.

 

 

DO IT. Release your anger - it's your right... some people in this forum may dislike me for this but it seems to be a quick fix to get over your anger... there are websites that can help you 'revenge' unleash your dark side. But you must be think of the consequences and chances of getting away with it. You *need* to revenge. DO IT.

[Nocturnalkitee]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork

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DO IT. Release your anger - it's your right... some people in this forum may dislike me for this but it seems to be a quick fix to get over your anger... there are websites that can help you 'revenge' unleash your dark side. But you must be think of the consequences and chances of getting away with it. You *need* to revenge. DO IT.

 

Why would you give a person advice like that, while they are still angry?? You know that's not right.

 

Since I have been on LS, I have learn if you release the person from your mind the anger will disappear. It might take awhile, but at least you are not wasting your life and energy thinking about how to get revenge on someone who is not "even thinking about you"..