Apology to OM

[sadwithouthim]

I just keep thinking how wrong I was to get close to him, and I even told him I wanted us to be so close. I told him that very early on in the EA (never PA) that lasted 4 1/2 years.

 

Obviously, this happened because there was no emotional connection in my marriage, but it wasn't intentional to have the EA.

 

Now that he ended it (NC since 7-7), I keep thinking of the rollercoaster of emotions I've had since then, some days were VERY hard.

 

I wonder if he hates me for the pain. There were even days that I had the nerve to feel angry at him, for ending it. I could just imagine how he must feel. I thought at first that he HAS to be talking to someone else to move on from this, but I'm not sure now. The truth is, I should be GLAD for him if he's moving on. I just miss him so badly. There were a few days that I wrote an email, but decided not to send. It's been incredibly hard. We said I love you when we said goodbye, and ended very amicably, but there are always feelings of anger with loss. It's part of the process.

 

I feel so guilty when I think of him hurting over letting me go, when I should have never started it in the first place.

 

I'm heartbroken for both of us. I'm sorry J. ILY.

[fanine]

I just keep thinking how wrong I was to get close to him, and I even told him I wanted us to be so close. I told him that very early on in the EA (never PA) that lasted 4 1/2 years.

 

Obviously, this happened because there was no emotional connection in my marriage, but it wasn't intentional to have the EA.

 

Now that he ended it (NC since 7-7), I keep thinking of the rollercoaster of emotions I've had since then, some days were VERY hard.

 

I wonder if he hates me for the pain. There were even days that I had the nerve to feel angry at him, for ending it. I could just imagine how he must feel. I thought at first that he HAS to be talking to someone else to move on from this, but I'm not sure now. The truth is, I should be GLAD for him if he's moving on. I just miss him so badly. There were a few days that I wrote an email, but decided not to send. It's been incredibly hard. We said I love you when we said goodbye, and ended very amicably, but there are always feelings of anger with loss. It's part of the process.

 

I feel so guilty when I think of him hurting over letting me go, when I should have never started it in the first place.

 

I'm heartbroken for both of us. I'm sorry J. ILY.

 

You need to sort out your marriage rather than focus on this. I'm pretty sure he has no-one else, it is far more likely he has realised that you are not going to give him 100 percent, that you will not sort out this situation so you can be together.

Focus on making sure if you decide to stay with a husband you don't love - which sorry I do not understand - then do not get anyone else involved.