I'm drowning in failure, how to get my head back up again?

[moonshine3]

Sorry for the rant, I feel like I'm going to die with everything bottled up inside me. Just skim through if you feel like it's too long.

 

Things are basically good. I got excellent academic results and a scholarship to study a foundation course of my choice at a prestigious college. My parents gave me the green light to move to another state so I can go to that college, even though they didn't want to at first. I am independent and survived pretty well seeing as this is my first time away from home for a long period (2 years), without family or friends there.

 

I have been here for a month and have made new friends at my college. Relationships with housemates are quite good too, and most of my lecturers are fantastic. Coursemates are fun-loving yet studious people. Seniors have been extremely helpful and nice. I have joined a few college activities to keep myself busy and I've been balancing everything much better than the others.

 

So why do I feel like I'm drowning in failure? First, I don't feel like I'm charismatic enough. I don't aim to be the most charismatic person in the class or anything, but I feel like I'm the backdrop all the time. I find no niche of my own, no place among everyone. I wasn't very popular back in high school but at least I have a couple of very close friends and I know my place in the school. But now it's like I can't match their frequency. Perhaps it's because I'm in a different environment altogether.

 

I even thought of applying for a high position in some of the committees of the activities I joined and am passionate about. But when I see my competitors being so good at capturing the hearts of the people in charge, it made me feel very insignificant, although I am as efficient and capable, I am just not that charismatic or forward. I'm not shy, but I'm a little quiet...

 

It might also be worth mentioning that my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago (before I went to college) and although it wasn't a long relationship, it hurt me really really badly and I spent a whole month coping with the loss, as I put a lot of love and effort into it. He was very honest with his opinions of the r.ship and of me, and although I appreciate his honesty, it made me feel very depressed and lost much of my confidence in myself. This has also shaken me up so much that for once I am tired of flirting, of even crushing on someone. I used to enjoy secret crushes, even if it's one-way. Now I'm so unsure of myself after the breakup (it was my 3rd r.ship) that I feel like I've given up on love.

 

I tried connecting with my old friends from home, but although they are still very close, they have gone their different ways too and leading different lives at different places, and so it won't be possible to rely on them all the time to make me feel better. I don't feel suicidal, but I get very depressed sometimes and as if no one appreciates me at all.

 

People judge others too much all the time.

Someone please help and advise me on anything I can do. I feel worthless in life, with friends, with coursemates, in relationships (even though I'm single now) and with everything else.

[Meaplus3]

Moonshine, Listen you have a lot on your plate. Starting of fresh in college, leaving old friends behind and if your in a new area, that's a big change. Allow yourself the time to breath. To get use to a new environment and new people. See all the good you have in front of you and a ahead of you. You can do it. As for those who are to quick to judge, pay no attention. Their take on you or anyone else for that matter is not important so let that go. Chin up and smile. You will get there.

 

Mea

[beautifulearth83]

Well, college is a little bit different because you have the opportunity to steer your life in the direction you want it to go. There is a lot more independence.

 

You say that you feel worthless, etc. But here is an opportunity for you to evaluate others worth to YOU.

 

Concerning your future, your area of study, your love life, everything... What about the people you're interacting with and the classes you're taking and the leisure activities are worth something to you?

 

You're already full of worth. You only feel worthless because you're not giving yourself what you deserve, yet.

 

This will all come naturally, but it seems like you're just freaking out a bit, whether or not you know it. Stand on your own two feet and everything will be ok.