Hurt Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 My girlfriend was emailing, texting and once lied about going to his house, she says they are best friends, yet after 10 months I was never mentioned as she put it, I just never came up in conversation. I broke up with her 4 months ago, because it would not stop. Now I am hurting. I called to take her to dinner and she said she was busy, because he was back in town, and was going to his house??? that was it, was I right??? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 She's definitely not treating you like you're her #1. You may be a close or a distant second - hard to say. A committed partner would put you first, and would also let her ex know that she has someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt Posted November 3, 2004 Author Share Posted November 3, 2004 we were in love, I asked her to stop, the day I broke up with her, she said it was an innocent mistake? there was constant emailing etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
greenlove Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 No she shouldn't contact her ex if she is in a committed relationship and cares for you. She says your name never came up -----Do you really believe that. She dosen't think very highly of you then. I think your more committed to her then she is. If he was her best friend wouldn't she tell her best friend about you and want you to meet him and so on...you were right to break up with her. I think she was obviously into you but she didn't want any strings attached hun. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 She should not be in contact w/ her ex. She is not putting you number 1 and that is the way it should be. If she can't let go of her ex, then you should let go of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt Posted November 6, 2004 Author Share Posted November 6, 2004 I quess I questioned myself as to right or wrong, it just hurts when a person has no boundries or maybe just does not care enough. What worse is that she lives 1 min from my place and I have to see her several times a week on my way to work! Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 I know how hard it is. I remember breaking up w/ guys that I really liked b/c they couldn't keep their d!cks in their pants when it came to their ex's. It was hard to see them again, but I wasn't going to stay w/ them and put up w/ their crap b/c they wanted to keep in contact w/ their ex's. Funny thing is, they always came back to me wanting me back, telling me they are sorry, blah, blah, blah I told them no. One even married and I am still good friends w/ his little sister. She told me that her brother said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he was stupid for doing what he did and then lost me. Oh well, his loss. Your GF will realize too that she lost a good thing. She shouldn't be emailing her ex when she is in a relationship w/ you. I am married and one of my ex's contacted me a few years back. My H wasn't happy. The contact stopped b/c I told this man that I could now longer be chatting w/ him b/c my H didn't like it. I didn't blame him. I wouldn't want him chatting w/ ex's either. You will find someone who will love, and respect you and put your first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt Posted November 6, 2004 Author Share Posted November 6, 2004 it was a hard 10 months with this person, she was emailing, texting etc....never answered her phone around me, I became an insicure jerk! its been 5 months since I left her and took me this long to understand that it was wrong to do what she did, 5 months ago she she could not go to dinner with me, when I asked why she said her ex was back in town and sje was going to his house, I told her it was over and she cried and told me she cace;led with him and that it was an innocent mistake, I still left, thats what I was feeling bad about, but then we had been over this before and she knew it would hurt me! I still sometimes feel as if I should have given her a chance! what about you, are you ok? Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 Did you tell her in the beginning you didn't like her having contact w/ him? And if so, she obviously didn't care it bothered you or she would of stopped as soon as you told her it made you uncomfortable. I think you did the right thing. Honestly, I don't think she was over him and when he was around she wanted to be w/ him. She was trying to start a new relationship w/ you when she just wasn't ready for that. Don't feel bad, or guilty for not giving her a second chance if you have told her several times during your relationship how you felt about her emailing, talking, chatting, ect to her ex. She made the mistake, you did not. As for me, yes, I am ok, thanks for asking. I have been w/ my H for almost 14 years. At first I had a hard time dealing w/ him and his ex's also. He was engaged to a woman that cheated on him while they were living 2gether. He dumped her and moved out. About a year later we met. A few months later when he came to see me he said he ran into his ex finance and said he talked to her on the way over. He seemed awful distant from me. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was still in love w/ her!!! OMGosh! Here we go again!!! Another BF that I was falling in love w/ still in love w/ his ex. WTH did I keep falling for guys on the rebound??? We had a long talk about it and I let it go. I didn't mention anymore about her and either did he. As time went on and we were 2gether he finally fell out of love w/ her. As far as I know he was never w/ her after we met. We were engaged a year later. A few weeks after our wedding his OTHER ex (from High School) called him and was crying to him that she couldn't find a good man and was wondering why. She wanted to talk to him b/c she felt they were still friends. After he got off the phone w/ her I was pi$$ed and he knew it. We had a long talk. He agreed that there was no reason for her to be calling him and he couldn't understand why she did. She never called again. After being married 11 years he filed for a D and we seperated. He had an A w/ a co-worker. He denied it, ect. Long story. I have posted it b4 on this forum and the OW/OM forum. Anyhow, I moved back to my home town w/ our children. About a month after we moved he called me and admitted to the A and it was the biggest mistake of his life. He wanted me and the kids back. I gave him a second chance b/c I love him and want to make the marriage work BUT there is a lot of trust issues. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust him again. If he ever screws around on me again, whether a sexual or an emotional affair he will be gone! I will file for a D so fast his head will spin! He knows this. And if he is that stupid to screw it up w/ me again let him. B/c I KNOW I can find a good man who will treat me w/ respect and wont screw around on me. I wish you the best in your next relationship. PLZ don't feel like you made a mistake by ending it. Just think if you would of gotten married and had children and she pulled this, it would of been a lot worse. You can and will find someone that will treat you right. It takes time to get over someone that you loved so much, but it will happen. Just give it time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt Posted November 8, 2004 Author Share Posted November 8, 2004 I will never understand how a woman can tell you that she loves you, your yhe most important person in the world and do waht she did!!???? I treaded her like gold, I mwan I just never gave up on her, I am not only hurt, I am angry! I am a good looking man, I can have what I want, and I wanted her! the ex dumped her seven yrs ago, she marriewd on a re-bound and then came I! what a dumb person I am! I tried to get her back after I broke it with her and she nver responded. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 Plz don't think your stupid, your not. You loved her and you wanted to make it work. We do things we think are the right thing for ourselves when we are in love. Just think of it as her loss. When you find that special woman she will be jealous that she is the one that is being treated like a queen and she lost out. Things happen for a reason. GL! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyInNJ Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 Run! Run! Run! I don't know how serious you are in this relationship, but that is not a good sign. In a committed realtionship she should be coming to you, her best friend and confidant, not an ex-boyfriend. I think this tells you where you stand in order of importance. Not good........... Link to post Share on other sites
cjaney Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 I am in a very committed relationship with a wonderful man. Before we got together, I found out my bf of 3 years was leaving me to enter into a relationship with my "best friend". I was hurt and shocked, because I thought we would eventually get married. I had no clue until he told me about it. It was a simple case of him falling in love with her, and she with him. While I don't think I'll ever get over the betrayal, the fact is that "Chris" was my best friend in the world, up until that point. And we both want to continue that friendship. Enter "Mike", my new guy. He is so wonderful and has made me realize that I would not have been completely fulfilled had I married "Chris". stating that fact, "Chris" and I talk on an almost daily basis. "Mike" knows about this. He trusts me and my feelings for him, and I know that "Chris" and I are over. We even hang out together sometimes, me and mine, and he and his. It can work as long as you know the feelings are over, and your current partner trusts you. Link to post Share on other sites
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