Why is not wanting to be in the friendzone equated to not wanting female friends.....

[joystickd]

I know for me I don't want to have to settle for a situation. It's not genuine so why do some guys act like it's ok. I have female friends but they are genuine female friends in the sense we got to know each other and became friends kind of like having same sex friends. It's funny because women are commended for not settling for being a booty call but men get crap for not wanting to settle being in the friendzone.

[Philosoraptor]

Well then don't settle for just being friends. Who cares what someone else thinks or "equates" it to?

 

Be your own person and make your own decisions.

[joystickd]

Well then don't settle for just being friends. Who cares what someone else thinks or "equates" it to?

 

Be your own person and make your own decisions.

I don't settle but I am just wondering why. I see guys on here that are all for it and jump on me like I don't want female friendship.

[GoodOnPaper]

I have female friends but they are genuine female friends in the sense we got to know each other and became friends kind of like having same sex friends.

 

At least part of your answer may be right here. How do you form same-sex friends? (Meaning the level of friends where you get together regularly, feel that you can go deeper than small talk in your conversations, and the friend is someone you feel you can call to help in an emergency.) For me -- and I suspect for a lot of guys -- it's a gradual thing. Trust takes time to build. It's the exact opposite of how most dating relationships form -- you meet a woman at a bar, party, book store, etc., get her phone number and ask her out. If you get the LJBF treatment after a date or two, it's confusing because there's no foundation for a true friendship . . . at least in our eyes.

 

Maybe for many women, same-sex friendship formation is not as gradual of a thing. Maybe it more resembles the way dates form. At functions where we don't know anybody, my wife always finds a way to chat with and make connections with at least one other woman at the function. I tend to just hang out and get through the function with nothing more than small talk.

[joystickd]

At least part of your answer may be right here. How do you form same-sex friends? (Meaning the level of friends where you get together regularly, feel that you can go deeper than small talk in your conversations, and the friend is someone you feel you can call to help in an emergency.) For me -- and I suspect for a lot of guys -- it's a gradual thing. Trust takes time to build. It's the exact opposite of how most dating relationships form -- you meet a woman at a bar, party, book store, etc., get her phone number and ask her out. If you get the LJBF treatment after a date or two, it's confusing because there's no foundation for a true friendship . . . at least in our eyes.

 

Maybe for many women, same-sex friendship formation is not as gradual of a thing. Maybe it more resembles the way dates form. At functions where we don't know anybody, my wife always finds a way to chat with and make connections with at least one other woman at the function. I tend to just hang out and get through the function with nothing more than small talk.

It's understood but at the same time women need to understand its settling plain and simple settling. They don't want to be used for sex when they want more and won't settle so why is it different for men when it comes to being told let's just be friends.

[Star Gazer]

It's funny because women are commended for not settling for being a booty call but men get crap for not wanting to settle being in the friendzone.

 

Of course you're trying to make this a gender issue. It's not.

 

Not being a bootycall = not allowing yourself to be used to satisfy the sexual needs of a man.

 

Not being in the friendzone = not being friends with the subject woman.

 

Apples and oranges.

[Philosoraptor]

Of course you're trying to make this a gender issue. It's not.

 

Not being a bootycall = not allowing yourself to be used to satisfy the sexual needs of a man.

 

Not being in the friendzone = not being friends with the subject woman.

 

Apples and oranges.

I'd say in both cases it's simply not settling for something you do not want. No need to make anything about gender. Just don't allow yourself to do something you do not want to do.

[Radu]

I know for me I don't want to have to settle for a situation. It's not genuine so why do some guys act like it's ok. I have female friends but they are genuine female friends in the sense we got to know each other and became friends kind of like having same sex friends. It's funny because women are commended for not settling for being a booty call but men get crap for not wanting to settle being in the friendzone.

 

A woman who you have an interest in, will friendzone you to let you down easy.

But you can make that work to your advantage by seriously buying into the friend thing, that means :

- actually be a 'girlfriend' but with balls

- have no sexual interest in her

- use her to enter her social circle, to get invited to the places she gets invited to ... to use her as a social pivot

- hell, you can even take cutsie pics with her [if she is hot] and put them on FB in the 'friends' section which will increase your desirability in the future when other women look at you

 

Just don't be a clueless orbiter.

[Radu]

men don't have friendzones. women do.

 

And you know this by polling all the men on the planet ?

 

Men can also have friendzones, though it is much much MUCH harder to keep someone there for a guy.

[joystickd]

A woman who you have an interest in, will friendzone you to let you down easy.

But you can make that work to your advantage by seriously buying into the friend thing, that means :

- actually be a 'girlfriend' but with balls

- have no sexual interest in her

- use her to enter her social circle, to get invited to the places she gets invited to ... to use her as a social pivot

- hell, you can even take cutsie pics with her [if she is hot] and put them on FB in the 'friends' section which will increase your desirability in the future when other women look at you

 

Just don't be a clueless orbiter.

I'd rather have a genuine friendship with someone where I didn't have to settle for it. Then by having a genuine friendship with a female than some situation you settled for and attempting to use it to your advantage because if she was really your friend she would be willing to help you and you help her and not have some one sided deal where you have to figure out a way to have an advantage or worry about being the girlfriend. I would rather be the friend rather than the "girlfriend". You guys selling being the "girlfriend" are just selling yourselves short.

[joystickd]

Of course you're trying to make this a gender issue. It's not.

 

Not being a bootycall = not allowing yourself to be used to satisfy the sexual needs of a man.

 

Not being in the friendzone = not being friends with the subject woman.

 

Apples and oranges.

In a way it's apples and apples. There are women that thrive on the attention from men so having "friends" that had to settle are a way to boost the ego in the same way men having bootycall to boost the ego. Bragging rights. I'm not making it a gender issue. I am just saying based on the aspect of ego boosting they are no different. Also that who would want to settle for a friendship. You want to make it a gender issue

[joystickd]

I'd say in both cases it's simply not settling for something you do not want. No need to make anything about gender. Just don't allow yourself to do something you do not want to do.

In that case also it's apples and apples.

[fortyninethousand322]

I've seen people say this. It's nonsense.

 

The friendzone is just a name for a situation in which one party has romantic/sexual feelings for the other party, and that other party does not feel the same, and almost certainly never will. But, they wish to be friends.

 

The problem with the friend zone is that a) it's very difficult to be friends with someone you feel strongly about, because they're going to be bringing their SO around or talking about them while you are around so emotionally it's tough and b) often the "friendship" isn't really a friendship. If someone knows you like them and will do anything for them, they sometimes take advantage and treat you like a servant rather than a friend.

 

The misunderstanding arises because a lot of people think that guys intentionally befriend women as some kind of backdoor way to get her to like you. I cannot think of anyone who has ever done that outside of bizarre stories I read about online. The reality is you can meet someone not like them (romantically) but slowly develop feelings over time. There's nothing dishonest about it. Not every man is trying to sleep with every woman he meets. Sometimes you just start to like someone as you get to know them. And by the time you decide you like them, it's too late because they only see you as a friend.

[joystickd]

 

The misunderstanding arises because a lot of people think that guys intentionally befriend women as some kind of backdoor way to get her to like you.

It's more common than one would think. I work at a job that's mostly women and guy I knew would tell me do this and I would look at them like WTF. I say be a f**kin man and if you want her tell her don't be a pu**y and befriend her just to try to get more. How genuine and honest is that?

[fortyninethousand322]

It's more common than one would think. I work at a job that's mostly women and guy I knew would tell me do this and I would look at them like WTF. I say be a f**kin man and if you want her tell her don't be a pu**y and befriend her just to try to get more. How genuine and honest is that?

 

I guess that happens, but I have never encountered a guy who would do that. Not even me. And I'm a huge coward when it comes to approaching and asking out women. Most other guys I know who can't get girlfriends have a hard time even approaching a woman in a friendly way.

 

What I have seen happen is a guy meets a girl, doesn't see her that way and then a couple weeks/months later he develops feelings. And by then it's too late.

[joystickd]

Being bold can be very attractive to a woman because you are doing what many men can't do.

[joystickd]

I guess that happens, but I have never encountered a guy who would do that. Not even me. And I'm a huge coward when it comes to approaching and asking out women. Most other guys I know who can't get girlfriends have a hard time even approaching a woman in a friendly way.

 

What I have seen happen is a guy meets a girl, doesn't see her that way and then a couple weeks/months later he develops feelings. And by then it's too late.

I have seen it happen that way too.

[joystickd]

[MrCastle]

"Settling" for the friendzone is when one sorry man who is attracted to a female romantically accepts being her male girlfriend because "it's better than nothing."

 

There is nothing wrong with being friends with females if you indeed only see then as plutonic friends.

 

If you want to date them or sleep with them and you're in the friendzone against your will well that's just a sad story.

[joystickd]

"Settling" for the friendzone is when one sorry man who is attracted to a female romantically accepts being her male girlfriend because "it's better than nothing."

 

There is nothing wrong with being friends with females if you indeed only see then as plutonic friends.

 

If you want to date them or sleep with them and you're in the friendzone against your will well that's just a sad story.

That is all I'm trying to say. How is being the male girlfriend a genuine friendship? I prefer genuine friendships with females not reminders of unrequited feelings.

[TheBigQuestion]

Of course you're trying to make this a gender issue. It's not.

 

Not being a bootycall = not allowing yourself to be used to satisfy the sexual needs of a man.

 

Not being in the friendzone = not being friends with the subject woman.

 

Apples and oranges.

 

Ah, but see, in the classic friendzone scenario, the subject woman uses the man to satisfy her emotional needs, generally by being the shoulder to cry on. So to a guy, refusing to end up in the friendzone is essentially refusing to be a woman's emotional tampon when his own desires aren't satisfied by that sort of arrangement.

 

The comparison is actually quite appropriate provided that a guy's perception of the friendzone is accurately described.

[MissBee]

I know for me I don't want to have to settle for a situation. It's not genuine so why do some guys act like it's ok. I have female friends but they are genuine female friends in the sense we got to know each other and became friends kind of like having same sex friends. It's funny because women are commended for not settling for being a booty call but men get crap for not wanting to settle being in the friendzone.

 

 

I don't see how not being a bootycall and not being in the "friend zone" are the same. Not being a bootycall is choosing to not allow someone to use you for sex when you want a relationship. Being in the friend zone is not someone "using you" for friendship. However, I agree, if you do not feel you are genuinely friends with a woman because you like her as more, but she only sees you as a friend, you do not have to pretend it's okay and pretend to be friends if that's not what you want.

[TheBigQuestion]

Also, it should be pointed out that many, many women, depending on what stage of life they are in at a particular moment, have absolutely no issues with being a booty call. Women do not regard casual sex as an undesirable arrangement by default.

 

On the other hand, I've yet to hear about a guy who is actually satisfied with the classic "friend-zone" scenario.

[joystickd]

 

I don't see how not being a bootycall and not being in the "friend zone" are the same. Not being a bootycall is choosing to not allow someone to use you for sex when you want a relationship. Being in the friend zone is not someone "using you" for friendship. However, I agree, if you do not feel you are genuinely friends with a woman because you like her as more, but she only sees you as a friend, you do not have to pretend it's okay and pretend to be friends if that's not what you want.

In a sense they are the same a woman capitalizing on a guy settling for friend zone is using him for attention in the same way a man uses a woman for a booty call. Using is using no matter how you put it.

[CrystalCastles]

Men can have friendzones.

 

I've been friendzoned by a guy I liked. I have, since then, lost feelings for him and moved on, and now we're just friends.