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Why is not wanting to be in the friendzone equated to not wanting female friends.....

joystickd

By joystickd,
in General Relationship Discussion

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hppr

hppr

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"Settling" for the friendzone is when one sorry man who is attracted to a female romantically accepts being her male girlfriend because "it's better than nothing."

 

That, and they hope that she'll change her mind eventually.

 

It's like when women follow around the no-account man in the hopes he'll finally stop doing drugs, partying and wrecking his car long enough to put a ring on her finger. Only difference is she gets laid whereas the guy in the friendzone is lucky if he gets a hug.

 

I've never really been friendzoned because I don't stand for it. Whenever some girl in the past would start with the 'just friends' talk I'd tune her out and find something else to do with my time. Being part of some girls imaginary fan club is not my style.

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joystickd

joystickd

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Men can have friendzones.

 

I've been friendzoned by a guy I liked. I have, since then, lost feelings for him and moved on, and now we're just friends.

Funny thing is at some point the man's feelings can change unlike women

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TheBigQuestion

TheBigQuestion

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I've never really been friendzoned because I don't stand for it. Whenever some girl in the past would start with the 'just friends' talk I'd tune her out and find something else to do with my time. Being part of some girls imaginary fan club is not my style.

 

Exactly. The friendzone has been around long enough that simply pointing out that it exists and lamenting it is no longer useful. Instead, guys should be figuring out ways to avoid getting into that situation in the first place. It usually involves making your romantic/sexual interest in the woman known very early on, and rebuffing the woman's attempt to give you the "let's just be friends" speech.

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MissBee

MissBee

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In a sense they are the same a woman capitalizing on a guy settling for friend zone is using him for attention in the same way a man uses a woman for a booty call. Using is using no matter how you put it.

 

Well if you're being used then definitely don't, but just because a woman sees you as a friend and you stick around and she treats you as such doesn't mean it's automatically a situation of her using you.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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Personally, I don't become or stay friends with men when I know they are interested in more. Usually it's easy to tell. It just makes me uncomfortable. I like to talk about my dating life to friends which would mean I am basically torturing a guy if he is romantically interested.

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MissBee

MissBee

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Funny thing is at some point the man's feelings can change unlike women

 

What does this mean? Both men and women can end up liking someone as more who was once just a friend.

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thefooloftheyear

thefooloftheyear

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I havent had any luck with female "friends"...The only time Id hear from them was if they wrecked their car, needed money, or had to move something heavy...

 

No thanks...:laugh:

 

TFY

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MomsSpaghetti

MomsSpaghetti

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"Settling" for the friendzone is when one sorry man who is attracted to a female romantically accepts being her male girlfriend because "it's better than nothing."

 

No, that never happens. A guy never keeps hanging around a girl he likes if it's clear to him that he'll never date her. Why torture yourself like that, hearing her talk about all the guys she likes and about her future plans (that don't involve you)? The only reason a guy remains friends with a girl he likes is because he's hoping that she'll eventually like him. And it's possible for him to achieve his hope if he becomes more physically attractive and starts getting the attention of other girls. Then she'll start being interested in him.

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TheGuard13

TheGuard13

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There is nothing wrong with being friends with females if you indeed only see then as plutonic friends.

 

Or if you can be reasonable about it. You can be friends with women that you want to bang. I'd have sex with most of my female friends if circumstances were right. Just don't make your entire relationship a manipulative attempt to get her to have sex with you. That's the problem with the friendzone and some guys. They don't want to be there, but they pretend they want to in order to try to get the girl interested in them.

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ThaWholigan

ThaWholigan

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Or if you can be reasonable about it. You can be friends with women that you want to bang. I'd have sex with most of my female friends if circumstances were right. Just don't make your entire relationship a manipulative attempt to get her to have sex with you. That's the problem with the friendzone and some guys. They don't want to be there, but they pretend they want to in order to try to get the girl interested in them.

Absolutely agree.

 

Speaking from pure honesty, I would have sex with most of my female friends too if the scenario ever arose. It has never been a problem for me either.

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joystickd

joystickd

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Absolutely agree.

 

Speaking from pure honesty, I would have sex with most of my female friends too if the scenario ever arose. It has never been a problem for me either.

It's just all or nothing with me. I'd rather not hang around and then at some point get a reminder of unrequited feelings or have some woman use that grey area of the friend zone for manipulation. I know personally I have learned when you get told let's be friends it's best to not accept it. There is no benefit to you.

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joystickd

joystickd

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What does this mean? Both men and women can end up liking someone as more who was once just a friend.

There is a difference between someone who was a friend first and someone who said how they felt and then told you they wanted friendship. Usually with men who friendzone women their feeling change about that person more than women that friendzone. Friend zone meaning you told how you felt and you got told "let's just be friends". If you accept it you essentially are accepting the consolation prize a better term would be settling. In this type of situation usually the women you end up with the person they friendzone are usually women that have no other suitable men vying for her attention. She is usually a burn out so she settles for him. Usually with men it's when the woman she friendzones finds another guy and starts dating him.

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MissBee

MissBee

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There is a difference between someone who was a friend first and someone who said how they felt and then told you they wanted friendship. Usually with men who friendzone women their feeling change about that person more than women that friendzone. Friend zone meaning you told how you felt and you got told "let's just be friends". If you accept it you essentially are accepting the consolation prize a better term would be settling. In this type of situation usually the women you end up with the person they friendzone are usually women that have no other suitable men vying for her attention. She is usually a burn out so she settles for him. Usually with men it's when the woman she friendzones finds another guy and starts dating him.

 

To the bold, how do you determine this?

 

Maybe you should make a thread asking women this to see the numbers. As just saying this isn't really convincing as a fact.

 

I can't speak for myself as I have never declared my feelings to anyone whom I wasn't sure or didn't have lots of evidence to know they felt the same.

 

A man or a woman who gets told "let's be friends" but stick around hoping for an upgrade really chose that for themselves. I had one friend like this. She was friend zoned by a guy; he told her after 2 dates that he'd rather be friends. She didn't accept it but stuck around pretending she was his friend, but secretly wanted more. Then she was "upgraded" to a booty call because she made herself available. She waited for 3 years for more and kept saying she had hope for them :rolleyes: He never did upgrade her to gf, and she was heartbroken that after 3 years of first friend zone to sex friend, he got a real gf and she still remained a friend. She stopped talking to him finally after she couldn't pretend to want to hear about his gf anymore.

 

Anyway, in my friend's case she never upgraded...and I don't know how true it is that when a man sees a woman as only a friend after she states her feelings she can upgrade more so than the other way around. Usually, from what I hear, he will accept sex from her if she offers it, but that's it. He isn't interested in being in a relationship with her and will date other women and find a gf other than her.

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joystickd

joystickd

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To the bold, how do you determine this?

 

Maybe you should make a thread asking women this to see the numbers. As just saying this isn't really convincing as a fact.

 

I can't speak for myself as I have never declared my feelings to anyone whom I wasn't sure or didn't have lots of evidence to know they felt the same.

 

A man or a woman who gets told "let's be friends" but stick around hoping for an upgrade really chose that for themselves. I had one friend like this. She was friend zoned by a guy; he told her after 2 dates that he'd rather be friends. She didn't accept it but stuck around pretending she was his friend, but secretly wanted more. Then she was "upgraded" to a booty call because she made herself available. She waited for 3 years for more and kept saying she had hope for them :rolleyes: He never did upgrade her to gf, and she was heartbroken that after 3 years of first friend zone to sex friend, he got a real gf and she still remained a friend. She stopped talking to him finally after she couldn't pretend to want to hear about his gf anymore.

 

Anyway, in my friend's case she never upgraded...and I don't know how true it is that when a man sees a woman as only a friend after she states her feelings she can upgrade more so than the other way around. Usually, from what I hear, he will accept sex from her if she offers it, but that's it. He isn't interested in being in a relationship with her and will date other women and find a gf other than her.

It's funny how you say they chose that but women on here act like it's an honor to settle for friendship even men on here try to sell that sucker sh*t.

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thefooloftheyear

thefooloftheyear

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That, and they hope that she'll change her mind eventually.

 

It's like when women follow around the no-account man in the hopes he'll finally stop doing drugs, partying and wrecking his car long enough to put a ring on her finger. Only difference is she gets laid whereas the guy in the friendzone is lucky if he gets a hug.

 

I've never really been friendzoned because I don't stand for it. Whenever some girl in the past would start with the 'just friends' talk I'd tune her out and find something else to do with my time. Being part of some girls imaginary fan club is not my style.

 

We think alike...

 

Here is the other thing...As a guy, when I am out with my friends, we talk about stuff like sports, construction projects, equity markets/investing./ cars, womens tits and asses...etc...All stuff that would bore the average woman to tears...

 

When I have had friendly encounters with women its usually talk of their job or the weather...how exciting..:rolleyes:

 

Actually, I would find one scenario attractive for me...If I could find a woman who was as seriously into working out as I am, that would be kinda cool..Yeah..I could do that..

 

TFY

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Kate9292

Kate9292

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The whole talk of "Friendzone" is dehumanizing. It's like implying women are only good for sex and household chores, and no way you could be friends with one.

 

If you have female friends already, what's the problem with having another one? Being social is not a setback.

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GoodOnPaper

GoodOnPaper

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If I think that I'm that in her eyes, then there's no common ground of respect on which to base a real friendship. Besides, 9 times out of 10 doesn't "let's just be friends" really mean let's be friend-ly? That's more do-able.

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Kate9292

Kate9292

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Who said you are an eunuch in eyes of woman that offers you friendship? I never saw any guy I offered friendship to as eunuch. I was just not attracted to them. It happens. Doesn't mean we have to part ways.

 

If you think woman has such a low opinion of you, sure, leave. But 99% of the time she won't and it would be just you being paranoid.

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GoodOnPaper

GoodOnPaper

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Being rejected is embarrassing enough when you will never see the other person again. Having to re-live that -- even if just in my mind -- with someone on a regular basis isn't something that's going to make me a good "friend" to someone.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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It's dehumanizing to be thought of as a eunuch. That's why a lot of guys are touchy about being friendzoned.

 

I've never seen a guy 'friend' as a eunuch. Unattractive? Yes. Eunuch? No. This would be impossible since they would come onto me very sexually, and being asexual or less sexual is part of being a eunuch.

 

Wikipedia:

A eunuch (/ˈjuːnək/; Greek: Ευνούχος) is a man who (by the common definition of the term) may have been castrated, typically early enough in his life for this change to have major hormonal consequences. Less commonly, in translations of ancient texts, "eunuch" may refer to a man who is not castrated but who is impotent, celibate, or otherwise not inclined to marry and procreate. Most eunuchs who are castrated before puberty are asexual.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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The whole talk of "Friendzone" is dehumanizing. It's like implying women are only good for sex and household chores, and no way you could be friends with one.

 

If you have female friends already, what's the problem with having another one? Being social is not a setback.

 

But why would a guy want to be friends with a woman, especially if he is attracted to her?

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Revolver

Revolver

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OP Is right women are praised for not settling for being a Bootycall but men are demonized for not settling for being a friend

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