How Long For Nc Until The Ex Knows They Have Messed Up!

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

glad to hear that both atlous and MJ had a good time for their b-day!! MJ I know its hard for you about your ex, i thought he would have called on your b-day....I dont know what to think about him anymore....Yes i do believe God has better plans for you!! I hope he has one for all of us here.....

 

atlous---sounds like this guy (nursing student) sounds cool, I hope it works out for you!!!

 

 

As for me guys I dont know what the hell to do....I went out with the new girl last night, we had dinner and drinks and then went to a movie and saw "Saw" (her pick...what a *****ed up movie, but the ending sucked)....after that we went to a coffee shop and talked till about midnight...it was great conversation...she is reall nice I just dont know what I am feeling right now.....I am still in love with my ex, I still talk to her, i know she is seeing someone, but we meet up for coffee early in the week and its like we are still a couple which is real nice.....the new girl likes me a lot and i think she is great I dont know how I feel....I told her that i just got out if a realtionship and she is real cool about taking it slow etc....so there is no pressure from her..........I know that she does like me, and she wants to see me again this week for coffee.....I just have all these mixed emotions in me, and I just keep going back to my ex....I miss her and love her, but what is the right thing to do? honestly most guys would just play around with several women date a whole bunch at the same time, but thats not me...yes I know I am not with my ex,, but I just have her deep in my heart...and I dont know what to do about everything, maybe I am not ready for anyone, but do I screw my self out of a nice girl (the new one), just b/c I dont know if my ex wants to get back,, or how long do I wait to see if she comes back to me?....I know we are boken up but its not that clear when we see each other at all, i hold her and she lets me hold her so...you know if someone was serious with thier BF they would not allow that to happen....and i think she is not that keen on this dude......I dont know what to do guys.....its just wait and see thing for me, I think......thnaks I needed to vent

[head/heels]

MJ- Good for you for going out and beating the guys off with a stick... dont settle for some loser that just wanted asssss.... what a himbo!

 

Atlous- congrats on getting all that attention too!!! Sounds like you needed a little bit more than a stick to beat them off with!

 

Weird- dont have much to say, only she is very confused and the only thing that may help her see that she has lost you is more NC...or you to take action (plant that kiss to try to wake her up like that white knight did in SNOW WHITE)

 

DR J- just keep going out with the new girl and dont discriminate on her just bc she is not your ex....also...you are giving your ex her cake and letting her eat it tooo...!!!!!!!!!! Cut off all contact with her or you will never be able to give someone else a chance and she will never feel like she lost you...only use you..oh and it does feel good to her that you hold her or she wouldnt let you and i am sure her new bf would hate that!! SO now tell her you are seeing someone else and it is not fair to the new girl and you cant see her anymore....and next time she calls tell her the same...

that will make her realize she is losing you....and then wait it out and see what happens

 

Everyone agree?

 

 

theone44- i have not spoken (until thursday night) for 50 days exactly....she wanted to talk to me for the last month, but she has no balls!

 

so i broke her off some and told her how and exactly what she was feeling...she never objected and never said no....but finally she did say that it was not the time for this and she was going to hang up...and she did...

so i called back and told her that i was sorry but i know her and i know she is thinking of me and by running from it is not going to solve it and being with another person isnt either...and that she is worthy of me...

arrogant yes but i do believe she doesnt think she is...if she doesnt think this then i will definitely come off as arrogant..

 

Oh and i asked her about all of the stuff i dropped off at her house..... (for those who dont know or dont remember, at NC -2 (two days b4 i started no contact) i dropped off all of the things she ever bought for me, made for me, wrote to me, cards, ps2, pictures, the works....so i asked her what she did with it....and she said

"i have not decided what to do with it yet!!!!!!!!!"

 

how long does it take....it is not like it is the stuff i gave to her.....it is the stuff she bought for me!

what is your alls take on this?

 

thanks

 

 

KODIAK-

i would send it without the slightest hint of romantic interest....and see if you get a call back....then if not...dont do it again...

 

 

thanks for all the advice each and everyone of you..

 

we can move on..

[djones]

Hey guys,

 

HandH---Thanks for the advice I will do it....you are right.....right now its just so confusing.....thanks again....

 

How are the rest of you all doing?

 

Take care

[Weird]

Atlous,

 

sweet sassy sounds like you had quite the night. Glad you seemed to enjoy yourself. Wish I was there for the thong flash. hehehe

 

Heels,

 

dude, the ex that I knew is dead. Honestly. I don't think anything will make her go back to how she was. SHe's just a working robot now. Prettysad but not my problem. I was telling my best buddy the whole dinner thing yesterday while watching football...he got super pissed off. It is great when friends care enough that they get angered about this stuff more than I do. We then talked for a good 30 mins about how stupid some womne are these days and bitched about his ex who jerked him around like you wouldn't believe. Every time I think about his ex I get pissed because she was horrible and took advantage of how nice is he is. Gah

 

Interesting about giving all that stuff back to her...I wonder if my ex got rid of the stuff I gave her. To be honest it'd piss me off if she did because that stuff cost me money and I'd rather she gave it back to me than give it away or throw it out. Dunno what your ex will do with it but maybe your ex will go and give it to her new guy. Maybe she will hold onto it with the thought you two will reunite down the line. I dunno.

 

Jones,

 

Do what you feel is right for you to do. If you continue to see this new woman tell her to not have high expectations as you are still in the healing phase. If you don't feel right hanging out with her then don't.

[mj108]

Atlous---Glad you had a good time! I hope you feel better. Damn, if you and I would had got together & went partying we'd probably end up in trouble. LOL All the guys flocking to us like crazy! It seems you had them flocking to you like I had them flocking to me.

 

Drjones---I agree 100% with Heels. Your ex has a BF & she meets up with you like old times? This isn't fair to you (& your feelings) and it isn't fair for the other guy. I think you should cut off contact for awhile & focus on this sweet-good new girl. I would tell your ex that You are seeing someone else that you're developing feelings for and it isn't right for you to meet up with her anymore. I know it will be hard since you love your ex but I think in order for you to move on---You need to cut all ties with her. Plus--even if your ex wanted you back--could you trust her since she's doing this to her new BF & meeting up with you?

 

Heels---I've kept EVERYTHING that my ex gave me & also the stuff I gave him (we kept it over my house---all the pics etc). I still have everything. If your ex hasn't done anything with it...I think she's still holding on. Holding on to you & the memories. That's the reason why I can't part with my exes stuff. Maybe when I get over him, I can burn everything up. lol But I can't right now...my heart is still in the palm of his hand.

 

Question for all: Have any of you been to a singles type thing? My church just started a singles night out thing...& I'm thinking about going. I have seen a cute guy around my age that has joined. What do you all think?

[Jip]

My word sounds like we're all getting to that stage of having a good old look at whats out there!!! And why shouldn't we... its good to see! Ok so we're still holding on to the past with one hand but we've let the other one go and are reaching out for something else - even if we are a litle wary!

 

Atlous - you go girl... sounds like the boost any of yus would want at this time.

 

MJ108 - I think you should go for it... give this singles thing a try esp if you've got your eye on someone!

 

And as for me... well I've been out with one guy and am in contact with an old flame again - nothing serious and I like it like that for now.... the distraction has done me good but I ain't replacing the ex just trying to have fun like he seems to be doing!

 

Keep it going guys and one day before we know it... we might just realise we've left our other halfs and all the heartache int eh past where it belongs!

 

In the meantime...wish me luck as will prob see him (and her) for the first time since we split on Wed... worried as to how I'll react! Gonna try that high road I keep hearing about!

[Weird]

MJ,

 

go for it babe:)

 

Jip,

 

good luck:)

[Jip]

Thanks Weird... Just been catching up on your posts ( its difficult as I'm on here at my work). Your ex sounds pretty crazy if she's puttin work before relationships.... work can't keep you company or cheer you up when you're down etc - only real people can do that! Sounds like you have really given everything you have to this... hate to say it but one day she'll wake from her work-induced coma and realise what she's missing out on - a life for one thing! I always felt bad when I was with my ex that I drifted from my friends as i used to spend weekends at his because he lived an hr away... you can't forget about the other people in your life... they are there for you when it counts!

 

I could think of nothing worse to talk about than work - the world is full of far more interesting things! I fear she may wind up lonely if she centres her life around one thing like that... but I suppose should she burnout then she'll be turning to those human relationships she's not that bothered about to help pick up the pieces.

 

I'm glad you don't seem too phased by losing contact with her again - believe me in this world we can all do better! Why put your energy into something that doesn't want to give anything back! And I know what you mean about people changing - my ex used to tell me stuff he would never do and now he's doing it, seems to have lost contact with a few of his friends too... he's not the man I thought he was and that in itself is sad ... to realise you were so wrong and fooling yourself!

 

Anyway you take care - although xmas may be sad for us all - we have our family as Jones said and hey is there ever a better time to meet new people... prob in the same boat as us!

 

You take care x

[Weird]

I could think of nothing worse to talk about than work - the world is full of far more interesting things! I fear she may wind up lonely if she centres her life around one thing like that... but I suppose should she burnout then she'll be turning to those human relationships she's not that bothered about to help pick up the pieces.

 

EXACTLY. That is what I tried to point out to her Friday. I was like "I enjoy hearing about your job but you don't talk about ANYTHING else and it is frustrating"

 

How can a person only want to talk about their job? It seems weird to me but whatever, she can do what she wants.

 

I also loved how she seemed ot imply she was going out of her way to hang out once a month and try and have some contact via IM online a few times every week. What I got from that is that she doesn't do this with her other friends from like university and high school....sad she doesn't even hang out with them and seeing a person she's known for 7-8 years (that's me...I knew her for a few years before we got together) once a month is her going out of her way for a friendship these days. Amazing but again, not my problem now:)

 

I hear ya about people doing stuff they said they would never do. My ex did that crap early last year and I guess still is since she used to imply she would never make work her main focus and would live for her job yet she is doing it now.

 

Again, good luck for the potential meet on wed:)

[Urban Rubble01]

Hey guys, I haven't awhile. I've been keeping busy with school, work and working out and have actually been feeling really good. I actually kind of feel guilty for how much better I've felt and how much fun I had this week.

 

Well, alot of you guys probably know my situation. Girlfriend of 3.5 years needed space, I was crushed, we're on a break, blahblahblah. Well, I haven't done any No Contact because we're on great terms, we still love each other and she hasn't given any indidcation that she's lying when she says she wants to talk to me and see me. She doesn't really call (unless calling me back) but I know her well enough to know that she's really having a tough time not hearing from me, she sounds so relieved when I call. We've hung out twice in the last 10 weeks and when we do it's great, totally like normal. She actually seems like she misses me as much as I miss her.

 

It's odd because the situation has really changed in the last 2 weeks. Well, it hasn't changed, it's the same, but it has changed in my head. See, I've told everyone how we had always talked about being together forever and that if we were going to do that that we'd better take a break while we were young so we didn't feel as though we missed anything. Well, as much as we talked about it, neither of us had the strength to do it because we were still totally in love and there was nothing really wrong. So when she actually did it I was shocked and hurt, eventhough we always talked about it I still felt like I was dumped. In the last couple weeks some things have happened that have made me feel like it's a little more mutual. First and most importantly, I've moved past the crushing depression phase. I think in every break up you have that horrible feeling where you can't think of anything but her, I shouldn't need to exaplain further, we all know it. It's not that I'm not sad and that I don't still miss her, I do, but I've just gotten past the worst part of it. Second, she has shown me more than ever how much she misses me. I was up near her house hanging out with this girl (more of that in a second) and when I was leaving (we were out skating so it was like 1:00 in the morning) I decided to call the ex up and see if she wanted to smoke a joint (sorry, we're potheads). She was home, just off of work, and she said stop by, she sounded excited. I hung out for about an hour and a half, we just talked and watched TV like usual. I've only been to her new place once because she moved a month after we broke up. I noticed that she had alot of pictures of me and her up, definitely a good sign. She was really affectionate (well, for someone who isn't my girlfriend) and told me she loved me twice while I was there. She definitely still loves me and I really feel like we're on a more equal playing field here. She even corrects me when I refer to us as broken up and not "on a break" .

 

Third, and this is where it gets confusing, I've been hanging out with this other girl. Now, I haven't even thought romantically of a woman since this all happened. I haven't even been noticing cute girls. But I was out skating and stopped for coffee, this girl and I struck up a conversation. For the first time in a long time I looked at this girl and noticed, wow, there are women out there as attractive as my ex (my ex was Cambodian, she's Thai). I found myself talking to her for like an hour. So, we talked and she was really cool. I don't get along with most people, I'm kind of anti social and, as bad as it sounds, I just don't like most people (not you guys, you guys are great). So I was shocked, this girl was cool. She actually demanded that I go teach her to skate later that night. So we hung out all night, I met her friends, we went and skated around campus until 1:00 a.m. Now I'm confused. This was 9 days ago and we've been talking on the phone quite a bit. She knows my situation, I've told her I can't really get into a relationship anytime soon, I'm still in love with the ex. Despite this, there seems to be an obvious mutual attraction growing. I'm honestly amazed because I'm well aware that this is SO cliche. That's why I won't let myself jump into anything with this girl, even though after a week I'm thinking about her alot. But we really do get along perfectly, which is crazy. Like I said, I meet very few people that I like, much less actually think about when I'm not with them.

 

So all these things have come together to make me feel like I will actually be O.K. I think that things with my ex will work out, and for the first time, I feel like I will have a choice whether or not we will be together after this. Me and this girl are keeping it on a friendly level right now, but we're both attracted to each other. I just don't want to be the cliche of a "rebound relationship", and it also wouldn't be fair to this girl because of how up in the air things are with the ex. I kind of feel guilty for being so attracted to this girl so quickly after this happened. I mean, it's been 2 and a half months, but that's still pretty soon. Basically, I'm really confused as to how to feel and how to take things with this new girl. I've told my ex that I'm going to be dating and I told her that I have been talking to this girl, so it's not like she doesn't know. I guess what I'm worried about is having feelings for two girls. Obviously this new girl isn't on the same level as the one I love, but I can totally see myself falling for her, it's taking a concious effort not to and it's only been a week and a half. Any advice ? My head is a mess, but in a much better way that it has been the last few months.

 

Sorry for how long this was.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

I have been trying to read the post that I have missed so I can catch up on whats going on with everybody. I am happy to see that it seems that alot of us people here are doing better. Thats bitchin!!!! Its seems that people are mving on for the time being and making the best of it. I have been doing good for awhile then i got hit with what feels likes a bout of depression. I mean the last week has been so tough. I havnt cried over my ex for a copule months and the other day i was driving in my car and i just lost it. I cried my eyes out then i went to my parents house and talked with my mom about things. I think it has to do with several things. One being the holidays coming up and I will be alone. I see all these happy couples all bundled up in there winter clothes, shopping togther, buying gifts for one another, etc.. and it is killing me. Im sure my ex has someone new because she doesnt call anymore. The thought of her with somone else kills me but as long as he treats her like the princess she is, im happy for her. I know that sounds crazy but i mean it. The last time we talked it was for like 45 minutes and it was great. That was two months ago. She said she would talk to me soon,etc.. Well i guess not. She used to call pretty much about every month exactly. Now i dont hear from her. I sure it will help me get over her but it sucks. You see since we ended things on good terms it hard to figure out why she just doesnt even call anymore just to see if im still alive, you know? Im sure its because she met somone but who knows. There could be many reasons. what do you alll think? I also feel that since i sent her that card after her surgery and said that i missed her it pushed her away. She never even said thanks for that car or anything. I feel that the girl hates me now!!!!! Im going to send her a simple b-day card with nothing romantic and that will be it. Im preparing for getting no response but i have nothing to loose. Atleast it is a nice gesture, you know? So thats about it, just feeling really low lately and sad. My mind has gone back to thinking of her 24-7. I had a dream about her last night of us spending the holidays togther. That was the first one in about a month or so, so that sucked too.

 

drjones- I would just hang out with taht girl as a friend. Yes let her know about yoru feelings and expectations. dont lead her on. I would limit the talks and visits with your ex. I think that is keeping you from moving on and not letting her see what life is like without you completly.

 

mj108- You have been 50 days no contact, i have been about 60 days. I havt heard from her and it hurts. Its eems you are having fun though and getting out there. The single life is fun but it is tough too. I would just takle it all slowly. I have had a few hook-ups since my ex and i feel crappy afterwards. I dont know, maybe its just me. Hang in there girl.

 

urbanrubble01- Glad you are back man. I was gone from the site for awhile too so i have been trying to get back and post more. Its cool that you are on speaking terms with yoru ex. I wish mine called me from time to time. My mom tells me that i should just call her up and say hi, i mean what do i have to loose. I figure if she doesnt pick up or return my call then i know something is up. Just take things slow my brother.

 

head/heals. I will take yoru advice and send the card. I mean im sure she will not expect to get a card from me at all. My mom says I should call her too but i dont want to. Its going to be something simple and nothing romantic. If she doesnt even say thanks well then maybe she isnt the girl I thought she was. Even if she is with somone new i think she could still call or say thanks, so we will see.

 

Everybody else please take care. I hope that the holidays will bring something good to us. I dont wanna any gifts. ALL i ask for is that i can wke up one morning and not miss my ex so much. Thats all i want. Take Care everyone.................Kodiak

[Sukotto]

urban rubble 01:

I've went through the same thing recently, its now been 8 weeks since my relationship ended with my ex and I have to admit that I was pretty down about it for the past 2 months, I've been trying to keep myself occupied and we have been on speaking terms. We've also met up twice and even though it was somewhat awkward it felt pretty normal. The problem was the she cheated on me and then ended it unlike your situation where it seems that no one else was involved.

 

On Saturday I met this girl while out with a friend and we talked for a good few hours, I'm pretty much an anti-social person myself and a bit of a recluse. I don't mind meeting new people but it usually takes a good few meetings until I come out of my shell, but for some reason this person just clicked. The thing is she is very similar in looks to my ex, maybe that has something to do with it?

 

I also know i'm not completely over my ex and if she said lets get back together I'm sure i'd probably do it in the drop of a hat because I still miss her. Though the feelings of loss and grief are starting to fade. Only when we're actually meeting do all the emotions get mixed up.

 

I have to say that I'm planning to at least have a friendship with this new girl I met and it may go further, at this point I don't know but I do know that meeting this person has made me realise that there are plenty of potential partners out there.

 

Wierd:

Next time you have to meet your ex, take some cotton wool balls in your pocket. When she starts talking about work just take them out and put them in your ear. I'm sure she'll take the hint and will provide some amusement.

 

Kodiak:

Maybe it would help if you met someone else, I have to say that meeting someone new that could potentially turn into a relationship helped me get over the depression part. I'm not saying you should go start a new relationship but you could do the ground work for one. Go meet some single females and start the friendships!

[head/heels]

UR-I would take it easy with the new girl UR....just go slow and dont get your mind going into overdrive....if you really love your ex, and since your situation seems more resolvable than most here...i would go against my usual advice of trying to move on... i mean yes move on, but only with your betterment as a man....dont go out and hook up with a new girl and make your mind into a huge CF......she is worth waiting it out for....but just dont tell her that you are doing it and keep it light with the new girl....maybe you can cultivate a bitchin friendship and if you and your ex dont work out, then your thai friend (i bet she is hot) will still know the real you and you can go from there!

 

KODIAK- i told you to send it but i want to take that back...my ex, when i just talked to her, had said she has been wanting to call me for the past 1 month and she was very upset that i didnt call on her b-day or our anniversary...(yeah go figure!)....so let her go for now and you will get her to keep wondering...my ex said she was going to call around the holidays if i didnt call her....I have started NC again and i know she will be callling me...she is still in love with me and i bet your ex is too....it is just a matter of giving her time to see it...

 

 

to the rest....keep up the NC as it works for one reason or another....and if you dont want them back,,,dont send jack****e to them since they dont deserve it!

 

and if you see em out, just lean back....

[Weird]

Wierd:

Next time you have to meet your ex, take some cotton wool balls in your pocket. When she starts talking about work just take them out and put them in your ear. I'm sure she'll take the hint and will provide some amusement.

 

hahaha classic.

[Jip]

Originally posted by head/heels

 

 

and if you see em out, just lean back....

 

I'm hearing you - will bear that in mind tomorrow!

 

Weird - thanks for well wishing! Have to say you seem pretty stong when it comes to your ex - i guess thats what the passing of time does - and the fact she's morphed into someone else these days!

 

Kodiak - keep your chin up! Think of the hols in a family light rather than a couple light and hopefully the next month or so will go easier on you.... like all things it will pass!

 

As for the rest of you take care.... smile and rise above it... well we can try!

[Weird]

Weird - thanks for well wishing! Have to say you seem pretty stong when it comes to your ex - i guess thats what the passing of time does - and the fact she's morphed into someone else these days!

 

Thanks. Yeah, not talkign to someone for almost 1.5 years makes it pretty easy. Also, the fact she is now a robot has made it even easier. What lost potential in that one...ah well.

[bigacesteve]

Weird,

 

I've looked at a lot of the threads on this site and you've contributed to loads of them; you are one sound bloke. Your advice is always top notch.

 

I hear ya on the trying to be friends with an ex, it's so bloody difficult. I tried years ago with a previous ex and it went t1ts up every time we did the friends thing. First 4-5 times we went out it was magic but then one night I would ring and she would be horrendous. I learned that she was just not the same person and I had become a stronger person during our breakup. I learned from the experience and knew inside I could do better. I severed all ties with her; it was hard but it worked because I have met much better women since.

 

My current ex has absolutely nothing to do with me; I tried to smoothen things out the other week but she just exploded on the phone, said she couldn't deal with it and hung up. She's a lovely, caring person really but she's got this horrible attitude towards me; she basically wants me to hate her, it's *****ing 'weird'. I think it makes it easier for her thinking that I hate her when in the 'real world' it's far from the truth. I've told her in a text that I'll never hate her and if she ever wants to talk to me in the future the door is always open. I left it at that.

 

It has now been over 2 months since we split and I've learnt nothing from her why. I've tried talking to her and got nowhere, she just clams up everytime. Won't tell me if she loves me, hates me, nothing. I asked her what I should do now? Do I move on and find someone else? What would she feel like if she saw me with someone else? She said she'd feel gutted... WTF does that mean? The few times we have met she's basically jumped on me and straight away asks if I've been anywhere near another woman. She told me that she doesn't want to see me because she will want me again. If she feels that way, then why does she keep trying to stop herself? I know she's got a lot on her plate with being a student nurse but it is bizarre.

 

Think I should have called myself Bizarre.

 

Got my medical tomorrow for the police. Find out tomorrow once and for all if this job is on or off. Can't wait to get the all clear, just got to survive till 31st Jan then I'll be in a different county. I'll be meeting new people and hopefully some gorgeous police women. Don't get me wrong, I miss the ex like crazy and I'd have her back within a blink of an eye but if another quality woman comes along, I'm there. I passed on numerous chances before when my other ex split with me and I really did kick myself. All those chances wasted....ARRRGH

 

I was really feeling down yesterday, I kept wanting to ring her. I just want us to be on good terms because the last conversation went badly. I sat in my room and had a good think about it and finally came to the conclusion that ringing her would accomplish nothing apart from making it worse. I felt rotten, then my mate came in and said they were going boxing and asked if I was coming. I've just started boxing and it is ace. I've done 15 years of Martial Arts but this is really intense fitness-wise. Because I felt down I said no. I sat there and thought about it and realised that I could either lie on my bed feeling gutted or I could go boxing with my mates. I went boxing and it was mint. 1.5 hours training and a 3.5 mile run, mostly up bank. When I got in I felt amazing.

 

Been gym today, 5-a-side football tonight, Boxing Wednesday, Gym Thursday, Boxing Friday and then out on the pull weekend. I'm starting to get the attention of the ladies again; must be because I don't look so pathetic anymore like when we first split up. I had such a grumpy face. Last weekend I was all smiles and I got a lot of attention. Still just getting my feet yet. I keep thinking to myself, it's just a matter of time and then all this bunch of arse will be in the past and I can look back and laugh.

 

Long post but not written anything for a while. Basically I'm getting much better but just have moments of weakness; they're getting less frequent though.

 

Good luck everyone. I'll post her a Xmas card and one to her parents. I'll keep it brief but just show that she is still in my thoughts and I hold no grudge; life is too short.

[Urban Rubble01]

On Saturday I met this girl while out with a friend and we talked for a good few hours, I'm pretty much an anti-social person myself and a bit of a recluse. I don't mind meeting new people but it usually takes a good few meetings until I come out of my shell, but for some reason this person just clicked. The thing is she is very similar in looks to my ex, maybe that has something to do with it?

 

Haha, ya, that's me too. This girl is Thai, the ex was Cambodian =) And it's not just looks either, they're like the same person. They both go to the same school and are majoring in the same thing. They both dress the same, listen to the same music and are interested in skating.

 

I'm sure it has something to do with it, but on a more subconcious level. I know I wasn't specifically looking for someone so close to my ex.

 

I have to say that I'm planning to at least have a friendship with this new girl I met and it may go further, at this point I don't know but I do know that meeting this person has made me realise that there are plenty of potential partners out there.

 

Yeah, me too. I'm trying to go slow with her, and I told her that. But damn, meeting another girl who is actually cool just seemed SO impossible, and now here this girl is, cool as hell and willing to be with me. If it was 60 months or so down the road I'd have no problem getting into a relationship, but right now it's too soon, plus, I don't know what's up with the ex.

 

UR-I would take it easy with the new girl UR....just go slow and dont get your mind going into overdrive....if you really love your ex, and since your situation seems more resolvable than most here...i would go against my usual advice of trying to move on... i mean yes move on, but only with your betterment as a man....dont go out and hook up with a new girl and make your mind into a huge CF......she is worth waiting it out for....but just dont tell her that you are doing it and keep it light with the new girl....maybe you can cultivate a bitchin friendship and if you and your ex dont work out, then your thai friend (i bet she is hot) will still know the real you and you can go from there!

 

I'm trying ! It's hard though, this girl is really cool. But ya, I told this girl all about it and she knows I can't jump into anything. It's hard though, I'm having to restrain myself from liking her too much.

 

But I am going to tell the ex all about this, I think it's only fair. I'd want her to tell me if she was hanging out with another guy. I'm just going to write her a letter tonight and give it to her when we hang out over Thanksgiving. See, I meant to write her this letter to clear some things, but everytime I write it I don't want to give it to her because I've been too emotional. But now I'm finally at the point where I can write it and get everything out that I need to, and somewhere in there I'll include the fact that I'm going to date over this time.

 

And yeah, she really is hot. =) She is more attractive to me then just about any woman on earth. Check out my My Space profile. Click on my friend "Sleepless Intentions", that's her, check the pics.

[Weird]

Steve,

 

Thanks bro, I appreciate the nice words.

 

I hear ya about ex acting weird and I agree that your ex probably is trying to get you to hate her so it is easier in her mind. With my ex, I swear to God that she has an image of me/things in her mind that is so far off reality. If this was in early 2003 I'd feel so bad about it and be all depressed and junk. Hell, the same type of crap happened and it did make me feel so bad. Now I just shake my head and realize that childish crap is not worth my time. I'm 2.5 years older than her in age but about 7 in common sense and emotional maturity.

 

Your ex is acting wiggy and to me it sounds like she has the feelings and truly wants you yet is holding herself back. Crazy. So many people seem to be doing that these days. Is there something in the air around the world that I am immune to?

 

Good luck with the medical dude. Asfor meeting beautiful police women...you betetr watch out about that one. Chicks that can go psycho and have access to guns.

 

I hear you on wanting to smooth things over but realizing it won't really accomplish much. Been there, done that. Never works and the other person takes it the wrong way.

 

That's cool about the boxing and damn, you're sure busy these days with the physical activity. Good job.

 

Take care dude

[djones]

HEy Guys,

 

Thanks for the advice from all of you (ie HandH, Mj, Weird, UR1 and et al) , all of you have said more or less the same thing, I will follow your advice...The new girl I have told her that I am still getting over a past relationship, so she said its cool...this weekend she wanted to see me again, I am going to tell her again just to make sure, where we stand, I can only do the firend thing for now and see how i feel later about her. I know she said that she likes to just hang out with me, so I know there is no pressure, but I want ot make sure I am not leading her on, I dont want to hurt her feelings.....she told me that she got out of a realtionship (for her 10 months ago) so she understands where I am comming from....I going to take it slow with her and gain a friendship with her and see where it goes at this point thats all I can do

 

UR1---Man it sounds like we are going through similar situations...I know how you are feeling man....p/s UR1 man I saw the pic she is hot!

 

Bigsteve--- I hope all goes well with the medical, I know you will be fine, you sound like you are in great shape!! I glad you are coping with the moments of weaknesses, dont worry we all get them, you are doing fine....hehe yeah you never know you may just meet a hot lookking female cop...or you may just save a "damsel in distress" and find love that way! you being a cop I am sure you will win the heart of a good woman

 

Kodiak---Good to hear from you, just hang in there and just send the card for closure for you, who cares if she replys or not, atleast you said you peace and you will be able to move forward.....keep us posted

 

I hope all are you are well today...i have to read up on some of your posts, I will post more later...take care

[mj108]

Sorry guys! I just have to vent!! I haven't read the last 10 post but I will. I'm just having a hard time tonight...I guess it's because I'm angry with myself.

 

I'm so angry at myself for thinking of him, dreaming of him...hearing the damn songs that remind me of him & he DOESN'T deserve me! I keep trying to tell myself that but I guess I'm getting depressed AGAIN...these emotions keep on going back & forth. One day I'm strong & say ***** him & the next day I hear all the songs that remind me of 'us' & I get sad & down!

 

I'm mature enough to say..it's my own fault for letting him get to me! It's just so hard. It's been since Sept. 22----our last conversation. I guess...I have the 22nd on my brain cause I cried my eyes out lastnight. Why can't I let go of him? I did everything for him! Lastnight I broke down...I haven't in a long time. I mean, heck...I have guys calling me...why should I be so sad? I bitch about I'm lonely but I can have someone here if I want them to be here.

 

My heart is aching for him & WHY? I guess, I'm hitting a self-esteem issue. I don't know. Now I'm asking myself...Why did he leave me for someone that treats him terrible? My love wasn't good enough? My candlelight dinners wasn't good enough? My massages wasn't good enough? My blanket under the stars...with a picnic at night...wasn't good enough? Writing him love poems wasn't good enough? My passion wasn't good enough? My heart/body/soul wasn't good enough? I'm wondering & keep wondering why he left. I was so good to him but yet...he wanted her...someone who would mistreat him & his kids. I treated his kids like they were my own. They always wanted to stay with us...Not her.

 

I'm sorry guys...I'm having a break down. I still love him & yet I'm so angry with myself because I'm still thinking of him, dreaming of him (had a dream lastnight), loving him...& I don't understand why ANYONE would want to leave something that is going so good. It's happened to all of us. Most of us here were left...& here we are still trying to get over them. I can't wait until I can move forward & date again. I guess, it'll just take a little time. I mean, Hell he's living it up with her...why can't I just call one of these guys & tell them COME ON OVER?

 

Thanks for listening. I just had to vent tonight. I guess, it's the holidays getting to me. I'm so angry at myself.

 

MJ

[Charlane]

Originally posted by mj108

Sorry guys! I just have to vent!! I haven't read the last 10 post but I will. I'm just having a hard time tonight...I guess it's because I'm angry with myself.

 

I'm so angry at myself for thinking of him, dreaming of him...hearing the damn songs that remind me of him & he DOESN'T deserve me! I keep trying to tell myself that but I guess I'm getting depressed AGAIN...these emotions keep on going back & forth. One day I'm strong & say ***** him & the next day I hear all the songs that remind me of 'us' & I get sad & down!

 

I'm mature enough to say..it's my own fault for letting him get to me! It's just so hard. It's been since Sept. 22----our last conversation. I guess...I have the 22nd on my brain cause I cried my eyes out lastnight. Why can't I let go of him? I did everything for him! Lastnight I broke down...I haven't in a long time. I mean, heck...I have guys calling me...why should I be so sad? I bitch about I'm lonely but I can have someone here if I want them to be here.

 

My heart is aching for him & WHY? I guess, I'm hitting a self-esteem issue. I don't know. Now I'm asking myself...Why did he leave me for someone that treats him terrible? My love wasn't good enough? My candlelight dinners wasn't good enough? My massages wasn't good enough? My blanket under the stars...with a picnic at night...wasn't good enough? Writing him love poems wasn't good enough? My passion wasn't good enough? My heart/body/soul wasn't good enough? I'm wondering & keep wondering why he left. I was so good to him but yet...he wanted her...someone who would mistreat him & his kids. I treated his kids like they were my own. They always wanted to stay with us...Not her.

 

I'm sorry guys...I'm having a break down. I still love him & yet I'm so angry with myself because I'm still thinking of him, dreaming of him (had a dream lastnight), loving him...& I don't understand why ANYONE would want to leave something that is going so good. It's happened to all of us. Most of us here were left...& here we are still trying to get over them. I can't wait until I can move forward & date again. I guess, it'll just take a little time. I mean, Hell he's living it up with her...why can't I just call one of these guys & tell them COME ON OVER?

 

Thanks for listening. I just had to vent tonight. I guess, it's the holidays getting to me. I'm so angry at myself.

 

MJ

 

 

I'm there MJ. I have been feeling the exact same way and I think with the holidays coming on that it's related. I mean I'm lucky that the guy that I am seeing is even standing in the same room with me because I don't feel like anyone could be that attracted to me but I'm still thinking of the man I gave my soul to 6 months ago. In my own situation I can take some solace because everything that I predicted regarding his life is coming true and he will be having hard times within the next 6 months. It is of his own doing, so his ego is playing a big part in that and he is doing it all to himself. I know that I should not take comfort in that, but I do believe that after life has kicked him in the butt because he thought he could be egotistical elsewhere that there will be that one fateful day when he will land on my doorstep since I live almost right next door to where he works, albeit more in the country. In the meanwhile I focus on making improvements.......on me. It's my turn.

 

So do something nice for yourself.....just because.

[WantanS4]

All,

 

GREETINGS!!!! (gosh... i sound like a goth-dork-loser.... no offense ) BUT HELLO DOWN THERE!!!

 

I have returned to inform you it has been 6 months............. SIX MUTHA*****!NG MONTHS since the love of my life decided "it's time to go..... your fired!"........... and not a single word/call from her since then..... and no communication from my part for 3 months now....... and no communication on my part from here on out. I get sad still........ and i would be lying that i don't think of her at least once a day............ but........... THERE MUST BE A HUGE POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THIS RAINBOW........................ nevertheless.... i've been more torn up over the loss of the Ole Dirty Dog....... what an artist.

 

You know what I really need though..... is a good lay............. gosh...... feels like i've been phasting Thank goodness Thanksgiving is coming around...... before you know it, it'll be january all over again!

 

but what can you do............. hang in there........................

 

I've missed you all so much.............. TAKE CARE!!!!! I will return to post the latest

[Charlane]

Originally posted by WantanS4

All,

 

GREETINGS!!!! (gosh... i sound like a goth-dork-loser.... no offense ) BUT HELLO DOWN THERE!!!

 

I have returned to inform you it has been 6 months............. SIX MUTHA*****!NG MONTHS since the love of my life decided "it's time to go..... your fired!"........... and not a single word/call from her since then..... and no communication from my part for 3 months now....... and no communication on my part from here on out. I get sad still........ and i would be lying that i don't think of her at least once a day............ but........... THERE MUST BE A HUGE POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THIS RAINBOW........................ nevertheless.... i've been more torn up over the loss of the Ole Dirty Dog....... what an artist.

 

You know what I really need though..... is a good lay............. gosh...... feels like i've been phasting Thank goodness Thanksgiving is coming around...... before you know it, it'll be january all over again!

 

but what can you do............. hang in there........................

 

I've missed you all so much.............. TAKE CARE!!!!! I will return to post the latest

 

 

 

One thing I have noticed is that when something happens that you think is just the worst thing that could ever happen, that it's all for a reason. Part of it is evolution and not just yours. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS to me that something better comes along. I don't know what and I hope that I recognize it when I see it. It might even be this man that I have just started dating. I mean he was gone for the weekend coaching college basketball in Denver and he emailed me regularly and even told me that he wasn't doing anything except hoops while he was there and I didn't even ask. It could be too that my creator wanted him to be exposed to me from some reason to learn some lesson in his life so that he can take it forward with him just like the same might be true of me. Who knows?

 

I do know this.....sex helps. I have to admit that sometimes I have my ex pop into my head but then I get back to the business at hand. It is good to feel wanted and I will not disrespect this man that I am with. Maybe it sounds a little selfish but I have to have it. If that is called weak, then I am weak. It helps that he is a hottie and has a killer bod !

[mj108]

WantanS4---we always miss you buddy! Just like you said...THERE MUST BE A HUGE POT OF (*****in ha) GOLD AT THE END OF THIS RAINBOW! We need to make a bet like we did before & see who can get laid by Jan. 1st 2005. LOL

 

Charlane---Thanks for your advice. I need to think about myself for a change & take my turn too. Thank you for your advice...I need to read up on the other post to catch up but had to vent, you know?

 

I think I will go on a date Friday & see what happens. If I think of him...so be it...I'll just think of him at home or whereever I'm at, right? I mean, might as well think of him while I have eye candy to look at. lol JK

 

The guy you are with now is he younger? I know you said your ex is younger. All the guys calling me are younger. I know you say he's a hottie & has a killer bod? LOL You go girl!

 

PS Wonder who is going to break in the 300th post? Ha.