How Long For Nc Until The Ex Knows They Have Messed Up!

[Urban Rubble01]

UrbanRubble01---You know...I've been staying sooo busy too. It's like when you are busy with your life the exes always seem to come back. What is your take on this? One guy called me...wants to hang out over the weekend but I'm really not interested in him, you know? Should I let him come hang out with me? I mean, I know I would have fun hanging out but he's the type of guy that would want SEX...(being honest here). He's a Friend to me...he would be the last person I would ever think about or dream about having sex with. Then again...I'm getting lonely. I'm the good girl here...I don't want to turn bad.....Keep me in line UrbanRubble01...need your input. You know I talked to my ex tonight....maybe I'm trying to like see everyguy right now because I'm trying to FORGET the ex & move on to the next. I don't know! I just know it's Thanksgiving & I'm *****in lonely! Sorry to vent on ya UR01.

 

Yeah, our ex's definitely like to see us keeping busy and getting things done. I stopped by my ex's house really late the other night just to say high and smoke with her. I spilled something on my shirt and had to take it off to clean it, she was shocked at how different by body looks since we've broken up !

 

If some guy wants to hang out with you and you like spending time with him, I'd say definitely do it. The thing is, if he's a sleazeball and is going to pressure you into something you don't want, tell him to piss off.

 

I'm sure a girl like you has no problem meeting guys. Go find a guy to hang out with, a cool guy who isn't only concerned with sex. I know it's hard to believe, but there are some of us out there. Even a sex crazed pervert like myself has no problem with spending time (that doesn't involve sex) with a girl if she's cool. But hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, especially if there's an attraction, helps you to not think about the ex immensely. It's not like I don't miss my girl, but this new one is definitely giving me something else to think about.

 

Then again, if you feel like some sex I'm no moralist, go for it. Don't feel bad for wanting some attention from a guy, and if it's what you want, don't feel bad about wanting some casual sex.

 

 

After being dumped the thing I miss the most is female companionship, or just a woman to talk to. I'd love to just sit and chat with my ex again, no strings attached but I can't see it happening, she's pretty much wrecked that. I think it would just go like Weirds situation where I'd be 'listening' for a few hours and then when I could finally get a word in, she'd yawn and go home.

 

Yeah, that's a big part of it. I mean, this girl fits my ideal standard of beauty like almost no other girl could, and I would LOVE some sex with her, but just hanging out with her and talking is SO good for me. I'm trying to take the advice I've been given, and you should too, we shouldn't be worrying/wishing so much about talking to our ex's. We should be living life, meeting new people and when our exes see how good we're doing and how we're moving on, they'll want us back, and then it will be up to us to decide. So instead of wishing to talk to the ex, find a different girl and have a good conversation with her. Plus, girls are attracted to the emotional guy just out of a breakup. I don't know why, probably the motherly instinct, but I swear it's true.

 

I've met 2 women now that I'm interested in and they've both got boyfriends. They both seem really interested in me; 1 came over to me the other night and said she would be up for seeing me. I'd asked her out years ago and she said she'd kicked herself since because she went out with someone else instead. I'm not into the cheating behind their back game, I couldn't do that to another guy, it's my own worst nightmare. Like I said Stoke is full of blokes and all women seem to be taken so I'll just look after myself and enjoy being single, which I am starting to do again.

 

Good man. Never mess with attached girls. ****, her poor boyfriend !

 

But that's good, that shows you aren't a woman repeller ! =) Seriously though, isn't it so good when girls show interest in you after being broken up with ? My confidence was so low, this girl talking to me is doing wonders !

 

 

This girl is weird though. I can tell she's testing me to see if she could be with me (but I think all women do that). Last time we hung out she had a guy friend of her's stop by, she also picked up the phone a few times when her guy friends would call. I thought it was weird, but I didn't worry about it, she isn't my girlfriend you know ? So last night we're talking and shes like "I was so glad you were cool about meeting my guy friends, most guys would get all threatened and moody". So that basically tells me that she was doing it to test me.

 

But I do like this girl. We talked until like 3:00 a.m last night. I think she definitely likes me, but she knows my situation and isn't pushing. I'm hoping I can just get a kind of relaxed "seeing each other" thing going with no committment. She seems like she's alright with that. I want to kiss her really bad, I'm having to force myself not to. But that may end this weekend, I'm weak !

[crazydawg]

MJ i'm oproud of you also, you didn't wuss out and get on ur knees to tell him what HE WANTED TO HEAR

He wanted a boost of confidence that you'll still be there for him, and you gave it to him in the friendly way...

 

personally i would have not even spoke to him.. but easier said than done

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

Happy thanksgiveing to you yanks!!....I hope all is well for you all....I just got back from running errands all day and I need to catch up on all the posts.

 

BigSteve-- congrads on the passing of the med exam, thats awesome!!!....I do know about the medical condition you mentioned....boy you are real tall man 6'7" eh!! plus a martial arts expert...man thats what you call a leathal weapon...hehe maybe we should call you (Riggs )...

 

UR01-- I totaly understand where you are going with hanging out with this new girl of yours....I am in the same situation, and I do enjoy the company of a female, for conversation and just hanging...thats one thing I miss with my ex....Its nice....

 

Weird--- your question how our exes sence when we are doing ok and then wham call us up....who knows, maybe its a 6th sence that one gains when you dump your partner....*****ing sucks for us.....

 

LexiB--Good to hear from you, I like to have some of your T-day dinner, lasagna sounds good right about now ....

 

MJ-- you did good Girl, you stuck it out and you did not show weakness...just keep on going, I think the church single thing is a good idea, you never know!!....

 

Well update on me, the new girl called me last night and talked for a bit, she can talk my ear off!!....It was ok, I think she really likes me, I hope she still knows that I want to go slow and just hang out...she asked me out again for this Sat so the plans so far are to have drinks....shes cool to hang out with, her personality is very outgoing more than me , she likes to think of things on the spur of the moment which is new for me...its fun....I still dont know....but I am doing ok...I still think about the ex...but I am still moving forward....

 

Kodiak-- good to hear from you....just send the card....I think its the best closeure for you....I know you will move on with this move....keep us posted

 

 

Take care guys

[bigacesteve]

DrJones,

Yea being 6ft 7 is really handy for Martial Arts, they think they're out of range and BAM!!!

First of all I started Karate for 2 years, then Taekwondo for 8 years (got Black Belt), Muay Thai Boxing for 2 years and then 3 years of Freestyle Kick Boxing (3rd Dan Black Belt). I've now started boxing. I felt that I'd been given this talent and I wasn't using it whilst sat behind a desk. This is the main reason why I wanted to become a policeman, big tall lad with my skills should be out protecting people not sat behind a computer all day. I get asked all the time "are you a policeman?" Finally I can say yes.

 

UR01,

All sounds good mate.

 

Weird,

Yea the ex's do have some kind of 6th sense. After I'd split with my ex ex years ago I was on my first date with a 6ft blonde Triathelete. She was amazing. My ex ex rang me as we got out of my car at a local pub. My ex ex had not spoken to me for about 4 months. My date asked who it was and I just said 'oh no one'. The damage was done, I couldn't get her out of my head. Why was she ringing me? Is she ok? I rang her after the date went pear shaped and yet again it was a complete waste of time.

 

 

I decided tonight that I would try a little experiment with my ex. She doesn't reply to any text messages, phone calls, nothing. When she did answer the phone she was really argumentative and it just turned into a waste of time. When we were seeing each other, me getting into the police was a big thing for her because she knew I was unhappy doing IT consultancy. I thought sod it, tonight I'll text her saying that I'd passed the medical and I was now defo in the police. I didn't expect any reply. I actually got a reply and it read "Hi Steve, im really pleased for you, won't be long now. Hope ur well x." I just sent a reply saying "Thanks Liz, hope you're well too. Steve x" I've left it at that and N/C starts again. I wanted to ring her but that was what she was expecting so I decided no leave it. Even though it was a tiny bit of contact, at least she showed that she does care a little teeny weeny bit. I kept my cool and I hope she realises now that she can speak to me sometime.

 

Tonight I've been out with a few friends and we bumped into another friend and his ex. His ex is also a friend of ours which makes things a little difficult. She split from him and he was devastated. She was working away and told him it was over. Since coming back she started ringing him saying she had made a mistake. Now she has told him that she wants to be single but doesn't want to lose him, she's also said she doesn't think they'll get back together. She's flirting with all of us in front of him and I can't stand it, I have to leave. All of my friends have noticed this and we all feel uncomfortable. He was just getting over her and then she started ringing him and turning up everywhere we went. It was really winding him up. She keeps dangling the carrot and then taking it away. She rang him the other day asking if he'd come around her parents house Xmas Day. He said it would probably not be a good idea; she put her mum on the phone and she tried to talk him into it!! WTF!! We're all out for a friends birthday on Saturday and they will both be there. She is really stunning and since they split she has really turned it up a notch. Poor lad is in bits. At least with my situation I don't see her.

 

Going bed now cause really tired, all this boxing, football, I'm burning candle at both ends. Good night all.

[djones]

HEy Guys,

 

Hows everyone doing today? I guess most of you all have had your T-day fill and are recovering.....I am not doing to good today...last night I had a bad dream its to hard to explain but all i can feel was this emence feeling of being alone....I got real scared and had the night sweats and my heart was just racing when I woke up....i dont know what happened to me....then this morning I just felt that i needed to call my ex, I callled her cell it rang for about 5 times then voice came on ...i hung up it rang once and voice came on....I guess she turned it off b/c she was at work....I dont know, it doesnt matter...she has not contacted me in over a week so I dont know whats up with that, and I guess it does nto matter now.....I think whats getting to me is the holyday blues....I dont know what came over me last night and today......

[bigacesteve]

I know what you're saying drjones mate. I've had a few mad dreams with my ex in, a couple were a little intense and it's gutting to wake up in an empty bed wondering where she is. I had one the other night and everything was fine with us, we were happy together and it felt real, I woke up and reality struck.

 

She's been on my mind all day today, feeling tired isn't helping. Sending that text last night has done me no favours, I just have an urge to speak to her but I know it is a bad idea. Don't worry I won't ring her and I think I've learnt my lesson not to text her again; I must do nothing but keep looking after myself. You're right about Xmas time making things worse. I keep remembering how last year we were together and how I put myself out to be with her family, whilst she made excuses to keep away from mine.

 

Anyway think I'll have a power nap when I get in, I feel shattered. I'm going boxing later and then out with my brother and my Martial Arts instructor tonight, they're both policemen so I think I can guess what most of the conversations will be about. I always have a good night when I go out with my brother, he brings the best out of me. He's younger but he looks after me. I'm going to keep my eyes open for that mysterious, perfect woman I keep missing.

 

I hate it when someone tells you:

 

"don't worry you'll know when you've met the right one for you."

"How will I know exactly??"

"You just will."

 

What a load of b0ll0cks, I've thought this twice now when I met 2 of my 3 ex's.

[Weird]

I hate it when someone tells you:

 

"don't worry you'll know when you've met the right one for you."

"How will I know exactly??"

"You just will."

 

What a load of b0ll0cks, I've thought this twice now when I met 2 of my 3 ex's

 

hahah yep.

 

I guess something magical happens that makes a person know.

[Jip]

Well things did not go well on Wednesday.... I was v drunk ( never a good start) and we didn't speak at all. When he left the bar, we sent each other msgs at the same time... he said I looked well etc and I gave him a bit of grief for not speaking to me.... wrong move I know! I then replied to his message - saying 'whatever...' He said he was disappointed that I wanted it this way and said he was sorry and that like I had previously said 'it would be difficult trying to find that 'bang' again' (he said we had more than a 'click' or 'spark' that we had it was a bang but something just changed) and that he thought we had more than that - presumably that was a dig at me not acting like a friend - but it takes two and he should have been able to come across to me!

 

He went on to say that he still doesn't know whats happened - he said he didn't want to argue (that was the problem we never did argue or discuss things) and so he wouldn't come over and speak to me at the dance and to have a good night. I also mentioned that he had found someone else and he just said 'Found someone else?'... Like it wasn't true but I know he's been going out with someone ( well actually the girl that split us up) since the moment we split!

 

The next day I tried to straighten things out... he said again he was disappointed how the day had went given all the 'lets stay friends' chat we had when we split. He also said I was telling people that he had moved on so quickly and didn't care... and he said that I didn't know how wrong I was! But this is the guy that said he would never be with someone just to pass the time - so how come he's seeing someone else yet trying to say he's still getting over it all!?!?! Think we're possibly going to met up - I think the reason I can't quite do the friends thing just yet is that I still have a lot of stuff to get off my chest and it feel like its me making all the effort to be friends but I'd also like to prove to him I'm not a psycho and can be a friend and that I was just drunk and a little blindsided at seeing him for the first time since Sept! Sorry just needed to vent..... and he's confusing me with all this talk of struggling to find that 'bang' again and not having moved on!

 

Thanks for listening - have a good weekend folks!

x

[head/heels]

MJ- great job...dont give him the pleasure of having you tell him to fu(k off....he doesnt even deserve that! Keep stepping one foot in front of the other and dont sway from your stubborn ways....he fugged up and cheated and he has to live with it...he would only do it again and you could never trust him!

 

JIP- dont worry about being nice to him, he left you and went for another girl (my situation exactly) and until very recently i wanted her back....you will get to a point where being friends isnt even an option because you will see how incredibly selfish and mean he is for doing that to the woman he told he loved...i am at that point now with my ex....i miss her and wish it could be like it was, but that is something i have to get through on my own since i know i could never trust her and never be as into her as i was....she ruined it and no matter how un-manly i have looked talking to her and trying to get her back or to get help for herself, she will (sometime soon i believe) always kick herself and know that i was the one that got away....meanwhile i will have made a life with someone who i know (as bigacesteve would say) is spot on and mint! I am not going to settle and this time i am definitely not going to go out with someone that has huge self-esteem issues even though she is drop dead gorgeous! What a looney toon she is for not getting help! this has gone on (and off and on and off) for 4 years with her and she still doesnt have the stones to get help....She is not strong enough to be a doctor's wife (i.e. long hours and dedication to sick patients).. she would have left me then.....i hate her for lying to me about the feelings she was having about us...she acted the whole time like everything was just as kosher as could be....even in the bedroom!! I want to vomit ...............on her.......

 

UR- keep it light and try not to sex her as it just creates problems and it will also creat problems with you and you ex as in trying to get back together...she would not forgive or forget! promise you that one...

 

BASteve- congrats on Police Physical, you must be an arse kicker and that was very integrity of you (sorry i know that integrity is a noun, but i couldnt think of a better way to descibe your actions) to not hook up with that girl with a boyfriend! I feel so sorry for that guy and when a girl does that to me or one of my friends, i always cross her off my list of potential people to date since i can see her true colours....and a leopard doesnt change his spots!

 

Just remember guys, our exs are going to have a very difficult fugging time trying to find such solidand loving people as us and i cant wait until my ex ends up calling me again and telling me "she will never be able to get over me" and "i will always love you" and "i cant stand that hearing that song and i used to love it" (referring to kid rock/sheryl crows' PICTURE)...in reference to " i cant looking at you while i am lying next to him" and having this guys arms around her when she is thinking of me..

 

Well i called her, and i was supposed to not, but we had such a flirty time on the phone last time that i thought everything would go smoothly like the last time, with her opening up and telling me how she was feeling...but before i called i decided that i was going to tell her that ididnt think it was right with us talking and her talking to this new guy.. (i guess not so new as it is coming up on 4 months) puke on my face! urrggggg! i feel sick writing that .....so i call and she answers and says....."you are causing trouble and please dont call me anymore"

to which i reply, " after all the s*** you have told me in the last week, you tell me that " and she cuts me off and says " i am not going to talk about this, please dont call me anymore"

 

SO she hangs up and i call back and leave a voice mail:

okay, i will not be calling you ever again, please do not call me ever again.

 

then i sent a text message immediately after:

I hear he looks like a child molester

 

 

and that is how it ended...believe me i dont feel so big with that last quip, and i definitely feel like a real pusssyh for calling her and she hasnt called me once since a very long time ago....so it is like when i call , if she needs an ego boost, she will talk, but if she is good she tells me to go to hell...even though i treated her golden.....oh, welll i am done wanting her back after this incident and i cant wait to get over her for good...

 

and i know that when she gets guilty feelings or is down or breaks up with chester the molester, that she will call me and i know for a fact that this time i will say "who is this?" oh, i am sorry, i asked you never to call again, please take me off your list"

 

 

Weird- my ex and your ex are very much alike, although you are putting her in her place by not letting her see any emotion (since there is little left after you have healed) about you and her...keep looking as it sounds like she is too much of a head case to ever have a stable relationship....i know how you feel about not finding someone as good as ex, but she sounds to far of base right now to get back with and maybe she will come around, but keep looking for what you need to find, it aint what ya got you got to read between the lines,,,cause life aint long for a young man.....(a little TOO SHORT for those who like the nasty rapper from east oakland)

 

 

Kodiak- in my opinion i would just keep going as i have found that sending stuff and calling only hurts us and gives them the boost they need to keep on going...let her wonder and wonder how you got over her and dont even notice that she isnt calling.... i swear it wont get the things off your chest and make you feel better....it is just something you hope does...she made her bed so let her lie in it and live without your love..you deserve better ....let it be....we will find better ones who will love us like we them...i promise , and then it will be wonderful!!!!

 

atlous- what is your story as of late... i really need more stories of you in a mini if possible...thanks

 

wantans4- please bless us with your rants of satire, pessimism and anger....we need it now more than ever..

 

DRJ- whatever you do, stop calling the ex...( i know this is the pot calling the kettle black, but i really mean it for the sake of your mental health and the chance for you two to ever get back again)..she has to believe you are over her and gone and you have to be over her and gone or she will hold on to you as a backup plan to talk to whenever she needs that ego stroked....i know this is true bc i am living it (well i said no more and so should you).... give this new girl the time to get to know you and see what happens,,... maybe like UR you will find someone who takes your mind off the ex a little....

 

 

OK here is something i want all of your OPINIONS on:

 

so here goes..

 

i always pray in the shower, and this is not so relevant but i was praying for god to be my direction since i seem very lost right now in terms of my life.... and this was right after my ex told me all of those things that made it sound like she was missing me but was short of saying she made a mistake and wanted me back...

 

so this idea pops into my head immediately

 

To go back to HAITI until my medical school starts in August 2005???????????

 

I loved it down there, i will not be able to spend time abroad once i get into school and residency and then my practice ...i.e. i will be too old to go and uproot myself for a good 7-8 months...i can learn a new language (very interesting to me), a new culture, study my medical book, go to mass and study the bible every morning, workout, help build structures and help give medical advice at the clinic, see the girl that was the first person since my ex to take my breath away, play volleyball (so fun so so fun) everyday in 80-90 degree weather, and just live for me without thinking of anyone else (my ex, like i did for 4 straight years)..plus i would not be working 1/2 the month just to pay for my apartment (which is really expensive but wasnt that bad when i had my school loans to pay for them and i jsut had to study...well since the ex left me i took a leave of absence from school and now i have to pay 2 weeks of my monthly income just for my apartment! i hate that idea and i know that i could actually make some sort of a difference in HAITI as long as there is something i can do with my limited carpentry skills and medical knowledge....

 

 

Now here are the cons:

dangerous in HAITI and the political stucture is very volatile and could be very bad for whites....the place i was had very loving people and a very hospitable nature to them and i would live in the priest's house who is very cool and very well off and respected within the village.....

I would seemingly (and i admit to it) be running from my ex and the problem of getting over her ...and i would be leaving a job to go and vacation which is one thing i need to work on (i hate working for low-pay when i know i am worth more and will make more when i get out of school)..my ex didnt like this quality about me and i can see why, but i just feel i would rather do what i want to do(as long as i have money, which i have alway had) rather than work for pennies! which is what i am doing now and not learning anything to boot.

 

 

.....besides i saved up almost 8 G's for her ring and a proposal trip by selling clothes on ebay (very entrepreneureal, but she thought it was underhanded since i bought the clothes at Abercrombie for one price and put them on ebay and sold them for a higher price) ....she is a little off but i loved her for it......and so i saved up all that money without her knowing it.....

oh well, how ironic it was when she said i never worked and she was worried about that and that is one of the reasons she fell out of love with me...so i can only imagine what she thought when i told her that i spent the last year selling more stuff on ebay than she could have imagined... i would love to know how that felt in her stomack- that is bought her a 7400 dollar ring with a trip to her childhood vacation spot... i hope she dreams of this for the rest of her life, especially when her future husband decides to ask her to marry him with a ring from the local mall and a proposal on the scoreboard of the local football arena where he gets drunk off of natural light and fat off of pork rinds and gets down on his knee to ask her....she will think, what could have been,............

 

 

 

oh well so about this HAITI thing? my family is so scared that they wont give me an unbiased answer so i turn to my online family? It was not dangerous when we were down there..but we could have been lucky or things could change...so i guess it could be dangerous if i ended up in the wrong area...

 

 

SO am i thinking clearly? GO or not GO? that is the question!

[WantanS4]

head/heels,

 

That's just it, have you notied that I don't post as much anymore... that' because the pessimism, satire and anger have left me...... I am leaving it all behind. I'm roughly 75% back into shape, I'm slowly rebuilding myself and I want to find someone else. I want to find that perfect woman that I've had in the back of my mind for the longest time. And I realize that sitting here, infront of a screen, pounding the hell out of a dead love won't put me in the position to find her. I've tired of thinking of my ex, I've tired of wanting something that isn'tt here and probably won't ever be there again. I loved... i seriously completely loved her and I'll be damned if there isn't another woman, wishing/hoping/dieing for someone like me to love them. My ex wants perfection and that doesn't exist, but i suppose she doesn't know any better so she needs to find that out for herself. Too bad, because I really don't want to ever deal with her again. I seriously don't want the option of even having a conversation with her. She's, in some ways, worthless to me..... all the love, all the fights, all the laughs, all the hurt meant nothing to her in the end. So, I could either give her the pleasure of sulking or I could say "Yeah, I agree... you were worthless to me too" and find an amazing! woman. I choose number 2.

 

I don't know what to say anymore... I'm all talked out.... I'm all thought out.... I'm all out. I am here to answer questions that are DIRECTLY directed to me.

 

PEACE AND LOVE........ I suppose it might exists...... it's just waiting for us to trip right into it.

[Weird]

heels,

 

wassup son, how's it going? Long time no chat.

 

haha dude, you called her again? Damn son, I wish you hadn't but at least you got to see how *****ed up people can be.

 

As for the haiti thing...you know my take on it. Dude, take me with you if ya decide to go...:)I need to get the hell out of here. Bored out of my mind and am tired with north american society and the mentality of said society.

 

wantan,

 

I hear ya dude. It sucks not having you around here as much but that's cool that you have decided to spend time on other things. I do want to hear about the Vegas trip if/when you go on it:)

 

 

 

 

My question for the day....why are car dealerships/sales people so friggin useless?

[djones]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks for the advice, yeah i need to stop calling her and e-mailing her...so far i have done that, it been hard but there is nothing I can do anymore....I guess I am just feeling alone, I am glad I can come here to vent I needed to do that the other day....I just want to know why all our ex's here are going out with @$$holes after us? its seems like a big time pattern, its got to me some sort of abuse gene or something....***** anyone have an insight on this?.......

Hey guys I think most of use are around the same stages ie getting over the ex's (well atleast less frequent thgoughts about them) and most of us are trying the dating waters again.....have you guys experienced your "wall around your heart" being high up...what I mean are you guys more guarded now? I find that I am and my demeanor has changed from this, I am not so I know what would be a good word to describe it as maybe affectionate or lively with the new girl....I guess i just dont have my hopes up too high, so that I dont get let down...you know what I mean?

Also I was thinking that our ex's left us that was something good and went for something bad....I am just wondering if most people out there do the same thing.....will the next person I meet do the same to me like my last realtionship??.....I know you have to take a chance...but sticking my neck out hurts......I guess what I am tring to say guys is that I am scared.......I just hate the idea of letting better get close to me and then they rip my heart out....Trust is a big thing and now I am questioning my self on trusting people.....Some times I think I was better off being alone before I started this whole dating crap.....take care I needed to vent again....

 

p/s HanH--- Haiti go for it....If things get bad down there ie govenment etc...my advice would to cross over to the dominican republic...its more stable there and very safe....i lived there for 4 years....

[Weird]

Also I was thinking that our ex's left us that was something good and went for something bad....I am just wondering if most people out there do the same thing.....will the next person I meet do the same to me like my last realtionship??.....I know you have to take a chance...but sticking my neck out hurts......I guess what I am tring to say guys is that I am scared.......I just hate the idea of letting better get close to me and then they rip my heart out....Trust is a big thing and now I am questioning my self on trusting people.....Some times I think I was better off being alone before I started this whole dating crap.....take care I needed to vent again....

 

And that my friend is the 3.47 billion dollar question. Will the next person do the same thing as the last did? Who knows? After all, the last person seemed great and all that jazz but then bam! she/he went wiggy and left us wondering wtf that was all about and cautious to trust future partners.

 

Personally, I have no idea how I will ever trust another girl because I will always think she will end up changing on me for no apparent reason or if things start to get rocky in the relationship she will bail out and I will be left feelings like I got used.

 

What I have been toying with is the idea to "test" a girl early on in the relationship before I am too invovled. Say after a few months I think I would start some crap to see how she handles it and if she just runs away then I would see that she wasn't ready to try and work things out and would ahve saved myself time, money, deeper feelings. I really have no idea if this would work but I have thought about doing it if/when I ever got into another relationship.

 

I'm scared with you bro. The only good thing is that since I have experienced what I thought was a great girl basically changing and screwing me over, I feel I can better manage any future ones doing the same but agian, I would be so cautious that it would happen that I potentially may do less during the relationship and "safeguard" myself...or maybe I would do more and would get screwed over again. Who knows.

[crazydawg]

like the reply from above, i did it i left something good for someone that suxxored.. but i learned my lesson... i hope...

[Charlane]

Originally posted by drjones

Hey guys,

 

Also I was thinking that our ex's left us that was something good and went for something bad....I am just wondering if most people out there do the same thing.....will the next person I meet do the same to me like my last realtionship??.....I know you have to take a chance...but sticking my neck out hurts......I guess what I am tring to say guys is that I am scared.......I just hate the idea of letting better get close to me and then they rip my heart out....Trust is a big thing and now I am questioning my self on trusting people.....Some times I think I was better off being alone before I started this whole dating crap.....take care I needed to vent again....

 

p/s HanH--- Haiti go for it....If things get bad down there ie govenment etc...my advice would to cross over to the dominican republic...its more stable there and very safe....i lived there for 4 years....

 

It's in our favor if they are dating a fruitloop after us if you hope for him/her to return. It would simply be a matter of time then. I was thinking about that. I know how I treated him. I never said a negative word even when he really made me wonder. So I do believe that this lightening bolt will hit him at some exact moment in time and he will be on my doorstep. The problem is that I might have decided that I'm better off where I am at depending on when this happens and how much better I have made my life because that is what I keep trying to do is make my life better.....always.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

thanks for the replies, I needed to hear what you all thought about this....I just got back from doing some shopping and I ws thinking of something to go along with my post for today.....have you guys really thought about the odds that you have to overcome to find someone?....think about it, I mean that person that matches you in most ways I guess the pervebal "soul mate"....what I am getting at is that yeah we can date anyone but will they be the "one" that lasts forever with you?.....we all thought our exs were the one and wham whe all got a kick in the crotch......I know people meet up and get married etc, but some are for convience or just settling (hey I am getting older maybe its time to settle down etc)....for us here I think we are looking for that extra thing that can make a relationship last forever, I am just wondering if we will find that....I guess my question is what is it?.....I think we all thought our last relationship had it, but we were mistaken, and now what the hell is it?......to me it seems like relationships are always going to be one sided....meaning one person loves the other more than the other...sure other person loves that person, and if they go out long enough they are just comfortable with each other and just go to the next step ie marriage etc, almost by default....just b/c he/she knows that the other person loves them that much...so its a comfort to the other person who is not really love (but yes does love their other...you know what I am getting at).......

Sorry guys if I am getting a little on the deep side today.....its almost the same concept as faith in God or whatever is out there...you need to have faith in a realtionship with that other person to be with you to the end.....well I dont know faith is a pretty hard thing to have with God, considering you are just praying and thinking that the events that unfold infront of you was done by an act of "god".....now to have faith in a person is harder b/c they are like you they can make a choice to ie stay or go just like you,, whereas your faith in "god" is one sided only you have to decide....comparied to the varible of two people having faith in one another to have a realtionship.......

i dont know if I make sence to you guys....today I am feeling real low with my situation and I just think I am haveing a temporay relapse....I wish I would get an answer from God...so far the mail box has been empty....take care guys

[atlous]

Dr J

 

I think you are right in saying that people settle. We are not those people. There are relationships were the partners love eachother equally and this is not that rare. We know what we are worth and you are right, we strive for that kind of relationship. We will find it! If we made a love shack reunion five years from now I think our stories would all be diff. We will have that everlasting love with someone because we know the signs of what to look for and what not to. We are educated with knowledge comes power!

 

Hang in there bud

Atlous

[Weird]

Jones,

 

I have thought about that exact same stuff and feel the exact same way as you do.

 

 

 

 

On an unrelated note, I just got me a new car today. 2005 Acura RL. The question is do I email my ex and tell her this because during the dinner last Friday I was talking about how I was seriously interested in getting it (told her in Oct as well but she apparently forgot about that just like she forgot everything I had told her that month) and she was saying how nice it is and I should go for it. I would not do this to get us back to talking or anything. Just figured it may be nice to pass this info along to her.

 

Any thoughts on my super trivial inquiry?

[Charlane]

You know Jones, I sometimes lose my faith along with my religion, but then something happens to make me realize that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and that there really is a God. He's got something in store for you and you won't see it until later. I'm so incredibly sure of it.

 

Wierd, don't tell her. That would be treating her special and right now she isn't. The special part is that the car is for YOU.

[Weird]

Oh and here is maybe one of the probs with a decent % of females out there and why good guys like us get screwed over.

 

Funny

[theone44]

Originally posted by Weird

Jones,

 

I have thought about that exact same stuff and feel the exact same way as you do.

 

 

 

 

On an unrelated note, I just got me a new car today. 2005 Acura RL. The question is do I email my ex and tell her this because during the dinner last Friday I was talking about how I was seriously interested in getting it (told her in Oct as well but she apparently forgot about that just like she forgot everything I had told her that month) and she was saying how nice it is and I should go for it. I would not do this to get us back to talking or anything. Just figured it may be nice to pass this info along to her.

 

Any thoughts on my super trivial inquiry?

 

 

 

 

Weird congraulation on your new ride,and like Charlene said don't tell or show her your new car...that only make her feel special which she doen't deserve.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

Thanks for the input, I am glad but also sad that the rest of you all feel the same way as me....It sucks, yeah in the grander scheme of things maybe there is a big plan created by god for all of us...who knows, it just sucks right now......

 

On a side note I was supposed to go out with the new girl tonight, she canceled just now, her mom is sick (slipped disc) and she needs to take care of her, no big deal...I think today being in this funk I would rather be at home tonight.....I am still confused and angry....

 

Weird---I agree dont let her know, just enjoy your car and have fun with it.....Congrads, thats a nice car!!

 

well guys I will be on tonight, anyone one else?

[Charlane]

Originally posted by drjones

Hey Guys,

 

well guys I will be on tonight, anyone one else?

 

 

If I don't hang out with my stepsister, count me in. The guy I'm dating has a home game tonight and he hasn't invited me to one of those....yet. I think that will be the defining factor here for me. I'm going to watch a video with my stepsister at her place otherwise unless something happens with my stepmom.

[mj108]

Hey everyone...just read everyones post.

 

Drjones---I've been having dreams about my ex too. I think we all need to ignore them. It is a connection we have with them, but if we keep dwelling on these dreams we may miss someone that would be good to us right in front of us. My ex is my soulmate but I've realized that I may never end up with him. My bestfriend didn't end up with her soulmate---but I see her Fully in love with someone that she has been with for almost 5 years. I guess, that gives me a little hope. I guess, you could say I have gave up on the soulmate thing.

 

Jones---I will say I'm more guarded! I think all of us are. I'm trying to stay the good girl but it's been hard since I've been hurt. The guard is up---around my heart. I'm trying to keep my heart sheltered from hurt & trying not to let my heart grow cold & turn into stone. Drjones---you will be scared to start something else with someone. It's normal to feel that way. I don't trust anyone & I'm trying to heal day by day. It just takes time I suppose. Take it slow with the new girl...build a friendship...don't rush into anything. I think if you take things slow with her it'll be better off in the long run. Will the next person hurt us? I've been hurt numerous times but I do believe everyone deserves a try at our love. If we don't try it---how are we going to know if it's the right person or not?

 

Atlous---hey girl! How are ya?

 

Jip---We all get drunk sometimes. Believe me girl---I've been there. ha Don't beat yourself up for it. I know you wanted to talk to your ex & get things off your chest. Maybe it just wasn't the right time. My advice--I would contact him & get things off your chest. Take it from me---since I talked to my ex & told him how he hurt me & ripped me into---it helped me. Time heals & I am moving on. It helped me to have that conversation with him. You need to get it out girl--drunk or not! That way you can get everything off your chest & tell him how you feel---heart & soul---& move on. Just my advice. Thanks for yours...it helps me.

 

Crazydawg---Yeah, easier said & done. I am strong. I was strong when him and I talked. Have I expected a call from him or wanted to call him? For the 1st time I'll have to say "no." I think I'm all cried out & I'm tired of hurting & I think some good guy out there deserves my love. I love my ex but I'm not going to sit around & mope around about what should be. If I do that...I may miss a great guy out there that would be good to me, you know?

 

LexiB--Hope you had a great Thanksgiving! I did! I know what you mean...why bother calling or texting the ex? Don't need the drama! ha Lasagna! You go girl! My favorite food is Italian! Love to cook it too. People tell me I should marry a Italian. lol

[mj108]

WantanS4---All talked out? You still need to keep in touch! We all love ya buddy ! I'm glad you are rebuilding yourself & thinking of 'YOU.' Don't give up on anything! Your ex wants perfection? She'll see that there is no one perfect & it doesn't exist (just like you said!). You will find an amazing woman! Maybe in Vegas. I'm going to Mississippi for my New Year---Biloxi here I come!

 

Weird---Yeah I'm all about smilies! LOL ha Got carried away...sorry. I guess, I thought about the popcorn, movie, beer, & being in Canada at the time. Ha! Sorry about your friend---Hell, I'm sorry all the good guys on this forum who is hurting from *****ed up girls like that. Hopefully, us girls on the forum can give you guys hope that not every female are the hurting kind! I'm sure every female on this forum will agree & say you guys give us hope!

PS---Congrats on the Acura! Best running car! I use to have one but I gave it to my niece who graduated---her graduation present. Never had a problem with it & she still has it. I should had bought me a new one. ha The next new car will be an Acura....I have a 2002 Nissan Sentra...for right now. ha

 

UR01---I love your attitude. lol A lot of my friends smoke. Heck, My friends were smoking tonight. ha It's not my thing but I don't have a problem with it.

UPDATE---Wanted to update you, UR01 & everyone else. I took your advice tonight. I hung out with a guy tonight that has been my friend for 11 years. We just sat on his bed & watched TV & chit-chatted. Nothing more. I will say just spending time with him helped me. I think I will hang out with him again. I'm not expecting anything. Actually, I'm thinking of myself now...& thinking about what makes me feel at ease, you know? Just sitting back chillin with him, watching the tube was cool! I'm not going to lie--- this guy is hot & I would had loved to jump his bones (Hey---I'm a highly-sexual woman & I enjoy sex ! lol). HOWEVER, I know it's not the right thing to do right now & it's not the right time & I need to take everything slow at this point.

I'm glad this new girl has helped you! I think we all need to get out & do what we feel is right. Eventually, good things will happen to all of us because good people get blessed. Also, sounds like your new girl has male friends. I don't think she was testing you---just giving my advice here. I think she probably has more male friends because maybe she had problems with her friends that were females. Maybe the females stabbed her in the back? I have to admit--I'm a tom-boy. ha I have more guy friends than girls.

 

BigaceSteve---Thanks for being proud of me! One thing for sure---you are a kickboxing & I am too---we can kick some A**! lol

You met 2 women interested in you but they have boyfriends? That's great you won't go out with them. I'm proud of you! You're a good guy & I know you'll find someone. I think it's the "patience" thing that is getting the best of us.

You're ex replied like that? She's as lame as my ex with his note! They don't deserve us!

I'm sorry for your friend. I hate any girl that plays games like I hate any guy that play games. Females who play games like that & never have grown up---give us good girls on this forum a bad name!

PS---What do you think of Ike-do? I'm thinking about taking it.