How Long For Nc Until The Ex Knows They Have Messed Up!

[Sukotto]

She talked about last holiday, her family, her friends, university, her job over the summer (she worked in a GUM clinic, lots of funny stories) plus lots of other random stuff, went really really well i think. She has plans for tomorrow night and saturday so I'll suggest sunday to her tomorrow but I'll need to see whats on here in the UK, nothing interesting. list here

 

I really hope you try the cotton wool balls the next time you have to see your ex, the look on her face will keep you smiling for weeks.

 

URB, being fook buddies isn't really a good idea, might help scratch an itch at the time but eventually when the time does come to end its going to be that much harder, your having fun with your ex and i'm sure if you keep that up without any sort of physical activities she might consider a relationship. What you really want to do is associate these good feelings with you.

[Weird]

dude go see bad santa. Hilarious movie.

 

haha and yeah, I really do need to try the cottonball idea if I ever talk to her again.

[mj108]

Ur01---lol---Yeah, I'm a peach!

 

Weird---Hey---hung out with my buddy tonight. Him and I agree that we will have a great 2005 new year! For some reason...I felt connected to him Nothing happened...no kiss..nothing but for some reason...tonight I thought to myself "***** everything about the ex that has my heart! ...I need to look...find..within my eyes...within my soul" There was my friend eating boiled peanuts with me....drinking beer...bitching about his ex. Hmm....he's a good friend but have I been so blind that I didn't see that he liked me or what? Am I desperate? Him and I bicker. He always tells me we are like an old couple that have been married for so many years. We bicker---but not mean...just honest & blunt bicker...I don't know how to explain it. Anyway, him and I bitched about our exes...treating us like sheet! Why am I thinking this? Why would I be thinking of someone that has been a friend for 10 years---someone that I hate & love at the same time? hmm....I love as a friend....I don't know anymore! Maybe I devoted all my time with my soulmate---& didn't realize that the guy that sat up with me tonight bitchin/crying is the one I need to be with? What do ya'll think? I'm desperate?

 

PS..I haven't read everyones post...but I will..just needed ya'lls input on this...just venting in a way. ha Thank God for ya'll!

[head/heels]

UR01----- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! no sex no sex no sex!

you have to tell her that you think it is a bad idea now (but say that you loved every minute of it) but you are not the type (i hope you arent and she knows this or dont do this suggestion) to have sex without there being a relationship and that you will not do this again....now if this is not you (i.e. she knows that you dont care about there being sex in or out of a relationship, then she will see right through it and obviously you wont do this ) like CHARLENE said...let her start calling you...hell you dont even have to tell her anything, just dont call her and she will either think 1. She is losing you and she just had the sex of her life and she will call you

2. you were using her and dont want her, so that will make her want you more and she will get jealous and pissed and call you and want to see what you are feeling (dont spill your guts here...she might just be looking for to take back the control!

3. she used you and she only calls when she is feeling down or wants that dick!

 

PROCEED WITH CAUTION

 

 

 

NICK! ----glad you are doing good and snogging with some other girl! make sure that you take it slow as i know in my case if i slept with a girl now (no chance btw) that i would feel bad about myself and that would have very little to do with the ex...just i know that it would not make me happier but in fact sadder and more depressed.....guess it depends on type of guy you are ...which i think is an A-1 man so i have confidence in your future decisions... Keep on moving forward..

great to hear from you.

 

 

SUKY---- man i bet your ex is wondering WTF??? make sure not to call and just keep having fun (man i wish i could have been so level headed in the first month of the break up) congrats....but make sure you are not lying to yourself and running from the feelings (if you have any) ...they will still be there if you dont address them..but you sound great and happy!

 

MJ----- yeah i will hook you up when i become a p.surgeon...i will even foot the bill!

 

atlous----glad you found some joy at the movie! now were you wearing that sexy mini skirt (black)??? i am dying to see you in that!

 

Kodiak-- no worries on the text...just dont send another thing to her for the rest of your life....she did not believe in you and regardless if you deserved it or not....when you love someone you try try try to make it work and stress the importance of things clearly....so she is at a loss since i am sure that you have changed some of the things that you were working on... at least some progress anyway..

 

WEIRD-----yeah i dont think i will go with the questionaire like on Meet the Parents...but i might press her to see if she reacts to controversy and adversity well.

 

DRJ----sounds like the new woman is into you and you should attribute that to how good of a person you are....i had one girl (the one who moved to Georgia) since the breakup (not had as in that way--damn dirty minds you have MJ, atlous....)and she wants me to visit her and she told me i am the first guy she has considered getting into a relationship with since her last bf from around 2 years ago broke off their LDR...so that made me feel better.

 

well night to you all as i have to go to bed...stay up and get your shine on tomorrow!

[head/heels]

yeah you are just a little emotional lately since you had Contact with the ex...he is not your soulmate MJ!!!!!!!!!!!s

stop saying that or no free surgerys!! and i will drive over there when i visit georgia and put my foot in your asss....! not jivin ya. so yeah i think that you are longing for someone and to do anything when your heart is not healed does not help that much in my opinion...

 

you can go and kiss and ***** and do whatever but that does not change the way your heart feels and that will always be like it is unless you confront your feelings and fears from inside of you...dont replace him with another as it will feel empty and it wont be fair to either of you....

 

basically, i think to do anything will only lead to more hurting in the long run...

that is my opinion...

 

just work from the inside out!

[Charlane]

Hey MJ, sometimes that's how great love stories start BUT you are still in the danger zone. IF you did act on some kind of feeling for him you are taking too large of chances that you might regret your decision. It's better to just see where it goes all by itself. Let it take in it's own life without your help. It will be if it is meant to be. Have you ever rushed judgment before? Did you like the results? Learn from that last experience of where it went and apply it here. XOXO.

 

In the meanwhile telling him you think he is full of sh*t when he really is is the mark of a friend. I have a friend like that, too, and he calls me all of the time and I'm worried that he is lighting his fire for me when I don't think that we would ever make it as a couple. He is just too into himself and I know he appreciates that I tell him he is a squid sometimes (he was a newscaster/TV sportscaster and now works for a alternative/rock radio station) and that he needs a fan club that I am just not subscribing to. He was always wanting to talk to me. We were friends with benefits and he called to get together a couple of days ago and I told him that I was dating someone. When I don't answer the phone nor call him back he calls incessantly and asks about my doings. I just don't call him and it's not because I don't care for him. He said he wanted things a certain way and I wanted it that way to begin with. His exgirlfriend broke up with him before I came along and I know he took it hard. I know he likes the sex as I'm a bit liberal respectfully. This is a situation that I have to not think about in order to keep my perspective about my own life because I come first. I am still nursing my own heart about the man that I lost that I gave my soul to.

 

So that is the situation that I might have thought twice about and is one example of making sure that you are out of the danger zone before you engage in something else.

[bigacesteve]

Hi everyone, slowly, slowly it sounds like we're all getting somewhere with ourselves. If you read some of the posts on the original thread which drjones started and now read the posts on this thread you can really see the difference; we're all much much stronger.

 

I've been feeling a lot better just lately. After hearing what happened to drjones the other day with his ex I thought I'd rather know if she's with someone new than bump into them one night. I'd rather get the hurt now and get it out of the way than start again in a few months time. So I thought sod it I'm stronger now, I'll ring her and see what she's like with me after we've been apart for over 2 months. I rang her and she was in bed. Straight away she was talking about work and how many shifts she's going to do; she's going to destroy herself with this much work. She told me that she wasn't seeing anyone, she didn't have the time anyway and she didn't want to find anyone else anyway. I didn't even ask her. She then said she'd been thinking about me a lot lately and how she had treated me really badly. I told her it doesn't matter anymore and that I was only ringing to see if she was ok and if we were cool if we saw each other whilst out. I asked her if she was happy with everything now that we were apart and she said sometimes yes, sometimes no. I left it at that. She said she was really tired and she was going to go. I asked if I should ring her again when she wasn't tired or not? She just kept ummming and arrrring. Then she did exactly what I was expecting; she couldn't make the decision and started getting all arsey. She said "yes, don't no, no" and then hung up. I laughed my ass off.

 

I'm glad I rang because I know she has not changed whatsoever since we split. I don't want this person. Like Weirds situation my ex is all work and no play; I'm glad she split with me because trying to make a relationship work how she is would have really wrecked me. Maybe she knows this and that's why she keeps away. I hope that's the reason but I seriously doubt it. I had a good nights sleep last night and I feel fine today.

 

Going 5-a-side now. I'll be on later dudes.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

 

How are you all doing? I am doing a lot better, I dont think about the ex much now since I had had the talk with her, it seems like it helped me a lot in resolving my feelings for her and allowed me to just move on now....I knwo in my heart I have done everything to try to fix things and its not my fault, so I dont have that "what if" feelings which is nice......I think Bigsteve is right that confronting your feelings to resolve your self with the ex helps big time, you dont have to now worry I should have done this or that, etc you are just feel...and I think it works even if the ex does not reply.....its like you made your peace and now you are free from it....what ever happens in the future with the ex is totaly up to them, you can just on now and move forward.....I think there will be days for all of us that may think of them but you thats just part of life when you love someone...if try to bury it you will just think about it more, just let it goway on its own....

Bigsteve---I am glad you did what you did, now you see for your self that she is still indicisive and she still does not know what the hell she wants....I think that was the best move you made man!!!.....

 

Kodiak---I think this would be good for you too man, since you sent the text she did not reply, just think man you did everything to possibly can for her, its not worth the pain man....I hope you are feeling better....

 

For me I am just taking sthings slow wiht the new girl, so far she is real tolerant with me and we are just enjying going out wiht each other, that sex talk thats been going around with some of guys, it was brought up with me and the new girl also, she brought it up actually she said to me how important it is for me right now, I told her that I want to take it slow and yes its important to me ( I would be a lier if I did not say it was) but not right now, I want to get to know you better and want see how we feel about each other, I am not going to pressure you and she said she feels the same way, when we are both ready the thats cool....she really appriecieted that I said that she told me that one guy she went out on few dates and he said he wanted early in a relationship and it was the make or break it factor for him...so she dumped him pretty quick....it just shows to me that she has a lot of integity and she just does not give it up to anyone....which is nice, she values a realtionship, like I do....so I am glad that we share the same views on that

I had to come here to post on LS today to take my mind off another problem here at home....last night my dad was exprienceing cheast pains and this was going on for a day and say a half....I knew it was his heart, ( ithink it was a midl MI) but the stubborn @$$ keeps on saying its ok ,its just my lungs probaly pnenomonia or it was it ribs b/c he said that "fell down" from the stairs a few days ago and may have cracked on of his ribs.....well when that happend I told him to go to get an x-ray it came out ok, but he keped on later compliaing saying oh it just the brused ribs and muscles and, for me it just did not make sence, I knew in the back of my mind its the heart the S and S are all pointing to the heart...so I said dad why dont you just take the nitro spray evein if you dont have problem with the heart its not going to hurt using it....he goes no it ok I am fine.....he just pisses me off, I go to med school and yet he will not listen to his own son when he knows that I am right.....well at the hopsital I knew they were going to admit him so the cardiologist comes in and my dad gives hims the same bull s*** excusues and basicly he does not want to admit that its his heart....I told the cardiologist you know knew it was and tired to get to go and do what i said ie take nitro, asprin and lets go earilier to the hospital....the cardioloiist just smiled at me and jsut said i get pts, like this every day dont feel so bad....that made me feel better, b./c I felt like a dumb @$$ i know this **** is an MI, but my dad is too stubborn, and he is *****en smart he knows what I know and he tires to fool me so tha tI can get off his back when it comes to his health!!! man I dont know what is is problem is he thinks he is still 16 years old (ie nothing wrong wiht him) well dad you are now spring chicken and even at a young age of 53 if you dont take car of yourself you are going to hurt mom and the rest of the kids, later on, but he is so stubborn and I think selfish to be honest....i hope today is a wake up call for him but you know what I know that will fade again in a few days!!! he needs a kick in the ass from GOD!!

oh p/s i called the hospital right now he is doing fine the meds are doing good for him so I am not too worried, just b/c i know its a good sign, but its still does not convince my mom b/c she knows that he has like bigtime heart blockage...but all he has to do is just follow the *****en doctors orders but he thinks he knows it all!!

HandH if you ever get pts like this, sometimes you have to give the riot act and scare the **** out of them, in a diplomatic way, I have done this to my pts in the past, but my dad is a real peice of work!!

 

Take care guys I am off to the hospital

[Charlane]

Stay on your dad's case Drjones. My dad also thought himself invincible and he died in August from complications with pancreatic cancer. This really did something to me since I have no brothers and sisters and we all know about my mother. Don't let him slack on his health whatever you do. Luckliy enough I now have a stepsister and stepmom that mean a lot to me and we are close.

[Urban Rubble01]

Hi Urban, that still translate to her having the control. So the burden for communication should be on her then. Let her do the calling, contact, etc....DO NOT CALL HER. Just return the calls. Anything else translates to pressure that she will run from. Keep it light whatever you do and my fingers are crossed for you.

 

Well, I'm not going to change what I've been doing at all. See, she doesn't really call unless she's calling me back or she needs something specifically. I don't mind though because I know why she does it. She wants to hear from me, I know this, I can hear relief in her voice when I call. The reason she doesn't call me unprompted is because she doesn't want to send mixed signals. She knows how I overanalyze things and she doesn't want me to read too much into it. So I'm going to continue with what I've been doing, calling once every 2 or 3 weeks. That seems to be working for us.

 

URB, being fook buddies isn't really a good idea, might help scratch an itch at the time but eventually when the time does come to end its going to be that much harder, your having fun with your ex and i'm sure if you keep that up without any sort of physical activities she might consider a relationship. What you really want to do is associate these good feelings with you.

 

Well, that's the thing. Whether we're having sex or not, it's going to hurt if at the end of the school year we don't get back together. The thing is, I know (at least, so far) that she still loves me and feels the same. So, with or without the sex it's really the same situation. As for her associating good feelings with me, I'm not worried about that at all. I know how she feels about me.

 

UR01----- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! no sex no sex no sex!

you have to tell her that you think it is a bad idea now (but say that you loved every minute of it) but you are not the type (i hope you arent and she knows this or dont do this suggestion) to have sex without there being a relationship and that you will not do this again....now if this is not you (i.e. she knows that you dont care about there being sex in or out of a relationship, then she will see right through it and obviously you wont do this ) like CHARLENE said...let her start calling you...hell you dont even have to tell her anything, just dont call her and she will either think 1. She is losing you and she just had the sex of her life and she will call you

2. you were using her and dont want her, so that will make her want you more and she will get jealous and pissed and call you and want to see what you are feeling (dont spill your guts here...she might just be looking for to take back the control!

3. she used you and she only calls when she is feeling down or wants that dick!

 

Well, we're both very liberal with our views on sex. I don't think casual sex is morally wrong, and neither does she. However, personally, we've both never been the kind of people to do that. But sex with her isn't like sex with some random girl. It's not like we're totally without a relationship.

 

Now, for your suggestions:

1. I don't want her to think she's losing me. I want her to think there is a chance of that, that's why I've told her I'm hanging out with other girls. But I'm not going to play games with her, especially when I've asked her to do the same. I don't want this sex to change anything, good or bad.

 

As for 2 and 3, that's the point. We WERE using each other. I mean, we were hanging out because we love each other, we miss each other and we wanted to spend some time together. The sex was just an afterthought. In a sense we were just using each other, but trust me, neither of us are victims.

 

I don't know. I can see it being dangerous, but we are really open with each other and we both know the situation. I think you can only get hurt if one is keeping something from the other. I know she still loves me, and she knows I love her. We both know that this break is for the best. Most importantly, there are no games between us right now. That's why I feel confident in doing this, because we're open with each other and we both know "the deal".

[crazydawg]

Urban, I really believe what everyone is trying to tell you is that your playing a dangerous game my friend, believe us we all want to see you happy again with your ex, but our opinion yes, opinion seems that you are goign to get hurt in the end... I think you keeping your hopes up is really a waste of time, both of you are playing childish sex games, and mind games. Real Love doesn't have to go through tests of you waiting to call every three weeks.

 

What i would do (and thats me) is be very blunt. If she doesnt want to be with you. Don't put yourself through this mess.. All i see through your posts is justification that somehow everything is gonna be alright. I dont't believe that is gonna happen. If you have a negative gut feeling about this i'd go with it. I can see your a very positive person throughout this ordeal but to be honest if i were in your shoes i smell bull****

 

Neway sorry for my negative opinion i'm just trying to look out.

[Weird]

Steve,

 

hahaha duuuuuuuuude, your ex does sound just like mine. Hilarious. Talk about such similar bitches we have as exes.

 

 

MJ,

 

I agree with what heels said. Don't get with someone if your heart won't be in it. I think it'd just lead to problems and trying to fill the "empty" space with another guy just for the sake of filling that space isn't good. I think it sounds like right now you really like the companionship this guy gives you and as you have said, he is in a situation like yours so you two have that bond. Maybe soemthing mroe will come of this but for right now I'd keep making sure it is strictly ona friendship level. It'd be a shame if you guys decided to get romantic and then afterward felt you both made a mistake and that caused a strain on the already good friendship.

 

I just want the best for you babe:)

 

Doc Jones,

 

good to hear your dad is doing well and yeah, keep on his case. I know all about stubborn dads. My dad can never admit I am right. hahaha

 

 

Urb,

 

go ahead and keep humping her but I think it will lead to more problems. We've warned you.

[Urban Rubble01]

Urban, I really believe what everyone is trying to tell you is that your playing a dangerous game my friend, believe us we all want to see you happy again with your ex, but our opinion yes, opinion seems that you are goign to get hurt in the end... I think you keeping your hopes up is really a waste of time, both of you are playing childish sex games, and mind games. Real Love doesn't have to go through tests of you waiting to call every three weeks.

 

I know you guys are just trying to help, and that's fine. No problem there.

 

Now, as far as playing "childish" mind games (and sex games), I'd like clarification on that. I can tell you that there are no mind games here. On my end, I've been completely honest and I'm as sure as I can be that she has too. I've actually been proud of the fact that we've both been mature through this and haven't messed around. Please, explain what you mean by childish games.

 

As far as the calling every few weeks, we're supposed to be apart for this time, real love or not. Like I've explained, we both knew we needed the break because we're so young, we've talked about it alot of times. Calling each other all the time defeats the purpose of taking some time apart.

 

What i would do (and thats me) is be very blunt. If she doesnt want to be with you. Don't put yourself through this mess..

 

Why would I tell her that when I agree with this break thing ? I'm telling you man, this is something we both wanted and I know it's for the best. I'm not going to completely stop seeing her through this because we love each other, it's no "mess" unless I allow it to be.

 

All i see through your posts is justification that somehow everything is gonna be alright. I dont't believe that is gonna happen. If you have a negative gut feeling about this i'd go with it.

 

Well, the only "justifications" I've given are things she has directly told me or shown me. I've said time and time again, this may not work out and we may fnid out in a few months that one doesn't love the other. But as for now, I know how she feels and I know how I feel. The only gut feeling I have is the one you are telling me I'm naive to trust.

 

I can see your a very positive person throughout this ordeal but to be honest if i were in your shoes i smell bull****

 

Well, if you've read my posts prior to the last few weeks you'd see that positive isn't an accurate way to describe how I've been feeling. The thing is, I've realized that I'm being overly negative. This girl tells me she loves me, she tells me she doesn't want anyone else, she isn't seeing other people, she tells me everytime we talk that she misses me and all that. I have been given NO reason to think that she's lying or that she doesn't love me. Now, I'm sure that sounds like rationalizing from me, but these are the things she says. I guess you'll just have to trust me when I say I know her and I know when she's being honest.

 

At any rate, I appreciate the honesty, I do. And I understand that I probably sound naive and overly optimistic. But trust me when I say that I'm a rational guy and I know what's going on here. She has shown me how she feels. I'm prepared for this all to blow up, I have to be. But that doesn't mean I have to be overly pessimistic and be cautious of things that just aren't there.

[head/heels]

UR---i have read your posts and i feel you are right... you do make excellent points as to why what you are doing is okay and on the level...so i think you should just keep it the same and she will either see that she cant live without you, or you two will end up "melting" back into a relationship without even having to say (we are officially back together} anything....or she or you will realize that she is stringing you along and then you can see what to do there..

 

so that would be the reason that would be for me to not go with the casual sex...it may end up hurting more in the end...but it may help to strengthen or help build your relationship back...maybe time apart for a few days will be something you guys will do when you do get back together since maybe then you two seem to be getting alonng well..

 

some people who are married actually still live by themselves as they realize that it made their relationship much better when they treated it like this.....

 

to each his own..

 

but as rob said, dont say we didnt warn ya;

i pray it doesnt get to that...

 

DRJ-

 

what did his EKG look like?

what did his heart enzymes look like?

CK-MB

LDH and the LD1/LD2 ratio

Tropononin T and I

 

how long ago was his episode (as you know those enzymes are elevated for set number or hours or days (up to around 8-10 days for the last two i believe)

 

 

hope he gets well and listens to his son!

 

 

well have to clean up my hizzzzouse and push up some weight

be safe tonight all

 

d

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

My dad is doing ok still in the hopsital.....I had the urge to e-mail/call the ex but i didnt I just had that feeling to do, but I didnt I dont know if I should....

 

HandH--- this condition is classic unstable angina, its perplexing me and the cardiologists, he's done 5 setse of cardiac enzys done (Sorry guys for the jargon) all ****ing normal, which is good, the ekg normal, no ST segment elevations, we did do a angio gram about 5 months ago hes got like 90 blockage in mostly the small tribuitary vessels and the big guys ie LCA, RCA are blocked I think they were in good shape so a stent no not warranted, they may have to go another anogio gram and alos if they find that there is a block in a smaller vessel then angioplasty may be done, the cariologist asked me what I thgouht I said if thats the case then go for it, they totaly agreed with me.....you are problly wondering why the little guys are more affected rather than the say RCA and LCA ect, he is a diabetic and you know that they tend to get atherosclosis faster (hylaniasiantion...sorry for teh sp i am typing and think too fast right now) so the smaller blood vessels get blocked fast ie perhipehrial vascular dz and never damage...ect,....so if this is the case then angiooplast cant do s*** and only meds with have to work....i will keep you posted the good thing is that we causght him before he had an MI, this condition is a big precuser for an MI

 

take care and talk to you guys later,

[head/heels]

No!!!

 

Dont call her....it is not her problem and it is really just a reason you are coming up with to call her...i know, when my grandma was in the hospital getting 2 or the 3 lobes of her right lung removed @84 years old, i had the urge to call her (my ex) but even though she knew that my "nana" are very close and even though my gradma had the surgery at the same hospital where my ex works in the ER, i did not call her!

 

it was so hard being in the same hospital or just same city as my ex...it made me very nauseous and i am not planning on going back anytime soon....

 

so deep down you know it is an excuse and will only bring pity for you from her and that is not what you want....NC!

 

let her go, when i finally told my ex when i talked to her near thanksgiving, she didnt even ask how my grandma was, she just wanted to know if i drove up to visit her in the hospital and when it was and how long i stayed and stuff about when i was in town...just wanting to know why i didnt come see her or call her or whatever ----how selfish!

 

let her be DOC! talk to the new girl...besides it is kinda rude to "use" your dads health for a reason to call her...your dad deserves better and if she wants to know how you are doing she would be calling you anyway...dont let her use you as a crutch and you dont use her as one either....NC cold turkey starting today....

 

trust me it will be for the best...you have to try i mean really try to move on!

 

you can do it!

 

 

 

derek

 

 

keep praying

[Weird]

Totally agree with my bro Derek.

[Sukotto]

Saw the girl I had dinner with on Thursday again yesterday and today! Its went quite well, she has plent to say and well I'm more than happy to listen. We seem to have similar interests and tastes and she has none of the little things that I annoyed me about my ex. I know comparing them to the ex is bad but well my ex didn't like anything with onions or tomatoes in it. She also despised coffee and all types of wine, so I'm pretty happy about this.

 

Now for my relapse, I was naughty today and logged in to my ex's email and I noticed a booking conformation for a flight for 1 from December 30th to January 4th which is her birthday, I know she's going to see this guy she cheated on me with in September and caused the whole break up. This has crushed me inside, she hasn't mentioned anything about it even though it was booked over a month ago and we were talking every other day. I hadn't been thinking of her much in the past few weeks and wasn't really bothered about talking to her. Now i'm so confused. I dont want her back but I'm still hurt that she's actually going to see this guy, she hasn't seen him since september.

 

Should i even try to contact her, we've been pretty quiet the past 2 weeks, she sent me a msg on wednesday and I replied, thats about it. I'm really interested in this other girl and she appears to reciprocate the feelings.

[Urban Rubble01]

Sukotto:

 

I've always been kind of a dissenting voice when it comes to the No Contact RULE (I hate absolute rules). But in your case it seems like the best course of action. The reason I am opposed to NC alot of the time is because, if there is a chance that you both still love each other and it's eventually going to work out, you don't just want to drop out of the picture. However, if it's a case where one of the people obviously is trying to end it with the other, I think you've just got to suck it up and stop calling. I know it's the hardest thing in the world to do, and to hear, but if you want to really HEAL, and she isn't coming back, then you've got to let her go.

 

If at some point in the future you can handle being friends, that would be a good time to contact her. But at this point, if you still love her and she is making it clear she doesn't quite feel the same, you owe it to yourself to do what you have to to feel better.

 

Sorry, I know that was a negative opinion. Don't take my advice too dogmatically, I'm relatively inexperienced in these things.

[Charlane]

Sukotto, If you try to contact your ex, I promise you that it will go nowhere. Her head is in the clouds right now with promises of greener pastures. She needs to have as much contact with this other guy as possible so that she can see that what she had was just as good if not better. Truly no contact is the best practice because it creates respect where respect was lost. You deserve better than that anyway, don't you? She might come around after seeing this chump again and she might not. The point is to live your life as best as is FOR YOU. Maybe you are not ready for this other girl, but take your time and make sure that she knows exactly where you are at in all of this for honesty.

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

My dad is doing ok, he is still getting chest pains, tommorow hopfully he will be scheduled to do a diagnoistic test and a proceedure that will hepl remove the blockage in his heart.....I saw him today and he is looking better which is a good sign...

HandH thanks man, you are right it was just a momentary relapse, I did not send my ex an e-mail or phone, and I am not going to...

What was nice yesterday was I met up with the new girl for dinner, with all the stress going on it was real nice to be with her for a few hours, it made me forget a little about what what going on with my dad. She was realy concerned about my dad and she tried to cheer me up. It was a real go time we talked and just had a reall good time....She is real cool and she asked me again to meet up with her for coffee this firday even though she is real busy with exams at school, so thats good sign. hehe one fun thing happend to us while walking to her car, I held her hand for the first time, man I was so nervous, felt like if i was 13 years old on my first date....but I did held her hand and she did not pull back....I send her an e-mail that night toldher i had a good time and that I was nervous in holding her hand...hehe she told me that if I did not do it that, she was actualy going to grab my hand and tell me a fib that she could not remember where she parked her car so that we could walk around and find it while holding hands!! thats sweet.....oh she also made me a gift!! she going to school to be a dental hygenist and she has to make practice molds of teeth and she made me one out of plaster...it was so cool!! so it was a good time....I am glad I went out with her, I was kind of hesistating from going with my dad in the hospital, but he told me to go.....well guys I will keep you all posted take care

[head/heels]

I agree with UR01 and CHARLANE 100%

 

do not worry about it and dont call her back.....she doesnt deserve your calls she is not worth it she betrayed you and your relationship.

 

NEVER CALL HER AGAIN and dont REPLY TO HER EMAILS...show her that you respect yourself....stop dreaming of getting her back and wanting to be friends...with friends like that who needs enemies?

 

i lose all respect for anyone i meet that cheats on his girl or vice versa...i dont become friends with them....well, unless it is one of my friends already and then i tell them they are retarded and should have just broken up first if they wanted to get with others....

 

anyway...why would you want to talk to her???

 

really?

 

let it go, it is best for you and it is best that she sees that you are over her and dont give a damn about her or her trip....i know it is hard but you have to do it....

 

for you...

get your respect back and let her mind work and convince herself that you are out and about having the best life and she is stuck with this new ****ball and she lost you

 

only then will you be back in control (if you do want her back) and only then will she see that she made a mistake...she doesnt want a sniveling checking up on you all the time lovesick puppy who tells her that she is trash for cheating and flying to see this guy.

SOD her and dont look back, she doesnt deserve you bc nobody deserves to be cheated on and you deserve so much more in life...

 

i finally see that and i loved my ex more than one can imagine////but now i am stronger and i see that she is going to kick herself bc she lost me and i would have given my life for her life's happiness... but now i wouldnt give a dime...she is off on her own and i like it that way...

she is lost and will be until she looks into herself to find out what is wrong inside of her and not look for happiness outside (externally)/...i am just making myself a better man in all areas and concentrating on making me happy and doing things for others...i have noticed that giving others (even strangers) compliments makes their day and makes me feel like i am capable of making others feel greatt about themselves...it gives me a great feeling knowing that i told a girl yesterday at the gym that she had great legs ...she (kind of dismayed) managed to get out thanks and seemingly expected the next come on line, but i just replied "your welcome" and nodded and then left for home..

i think she probably thought, hmmm , a guy told me i had great legs and did not try to pick me up ...he must really think i have nice legs...and that must have made her feel great about herself...so it in turn made me happy...

guess it is hard to explain unless you go and try it....i dont just do it to girls or even girls my age...i tell people anywhere that i like this or that or what not...just be a compliment fiend and see how it makes you feel....of course dont do it just because you are trying to feel good, do it bc you notice a nice shirt or nice eyes, car, smile, hat, whatever....and mention it..

 

ok, enought from the courtesy police..

dont call

 

 

DRJ-

 

keep on seeing this girl...she is thoughtful, non-pushy, caring, and sly!

 

keep it easy and dont you dare contact the ex and if she call dont you dare keep the convo going...tell her you are seeiing someone special (it is true so you wont be lying she is a special girl) and it is disrespecful for you to talk to her while you are seeing this new girl...then GOODBYE!

 

for real

[kodiak]

Hey Everyone-

 

Hows it all going today? Im just at work again chillin and bored so I figured I would write some stuff that has been on my mind today. Anyways as some of you might have read i sent my ex a text wishing her a happy b-day after being broken up for 6 months and NC foir 2. I was just trying to be nice and thats it. well even though i should have listened to my friends her on the shack i did a stupid thing and know i feel like a complete looser. The day I sent that text, I also sent her a b-day card. Nothing mushy or even close to being romantic. just a card you would send a friend. Anyways I know she wouyld have got it by now and I got no reply. Not even a simple text saying thanks. NOTHING. I just hurt because unlike alot of relationships ours ended on a good note. I cant seem to figure out why you can just ignore someones kind gestures or not even reply back. I mean even if she has a new BF that she loves more than anything, it only takes a second to send a text reply. I guess she doesnt have to but im having a hard time trying to figure it out. I feel like such a looser for doing it now. I gotta run but i will finish later

[Nick14]

Well, kodiak, now you know how I feel. I felt that way back in sept/1week of october. It sucks, 2.5 year and its been over 3 months and no contact. I am like you kodiak, I see so many other posters and there either still in contact or minimal contact with there ex's for as long as we have been in a relationship for that long. It is frustrating and it sucks. Like today, she pops in my head and its so frustrating and I get so mad about the whole deal. I mean I can see if you went out with someone for a month or two and just ended it because it didn't feel right, then I can understand either being friends or just moving on. But longer then 2 years and then the dumper wants you off the face of there world forever. I have to admit, that is wrong for sure. Then again I dunno, guess I am just frustrated and can't seem to believe thats its been more then 3 months and no contact by her on a friendly basis or even just wants to say "how are you doing?", sometimes I can't figure it out. Its like, I dunno if its even good she isn't or just bad that she didn't try it at least. I rather try and see, but then again I gave her so many chances at keeping minimal contact and I know the ball is in her court to re-establish everything. Sometimes I wish she wasn't chicken **** and send me a email to breakup, sometimes I wish she would just grow up and be a 22 year old adult and stay in contact at least, I dunno just very frustrated. I don't think I been this frustrated since beg of october, maybe I am just going thru a phase today. I mean I am realistic about it being over, but at least keep some contact only because we went out for 2.5 years and she was like a best friend who I can say anything deep too, damn at least I care about her, why can't I get that from her, it sucks and just with the caring feelings at least, it hurts.

[Sukotto]

Thanks guys, you've convinced me not to contact her but she tried to get me on MSN tonight while I was out. I'm one of these people thats signed on ALL the time and I forgot to set myself away before I left so she sent 4-5 messages asking how I was etc. I still need to get some stuff from her, its some baby photos of me and they really do mean a lot to my family. Should i just ask for them back via email or should i drop past unannounced and get them?

 

While I was out I got a few messages from this other girl and it really seems like she cares about me, I'm going to put all my energy into seeing where that goes and screw my ex, my friend Susan tonight was saying that I shouldn't even give her the time of day, regardless how much it hurts. She told me how she'd met one of our ex-friends that we fell out with after we found out she was cheating with Susan's boyfriend and that Susan was willing to have a mature conversation and this girl basically just ignored her.

 

I guess I'm under the illusion that I can be friends with my ex, I would like to be since we got on so well but I'm starting to think that she's changed, I understand its probably just her maturing, but damn I dont like the person she's turning in to.

 

drjones, I'm glad your date went well. I'm willing to bet you didn't think once about your ex, I think that more female company is the best way to get over someone, even if they dont end up being your new girlfriend the realisation of the classic line "There's plenty more fish in the sea" makes you feel so much better. You can finally see that even though things didn't work out well with your ex, that there are plenty of girls out there who are willing to give you the respect you deserve. That was truly the turning point for me when I was trying to get over the ex, when I went out on that first date, things have just been getting better since then.