djones Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Charlane-- If, you have moved on then you should do what you want to do and go where you want to go with this new person that you are with....if you want your ex back I dont see it working in your favour for him to see you with another guy.....it would confirm to him that its over between you too....Would you like to see him with someone else if still have feelings for him?.....I would just say move on if you have someone new....If you want him back best thing to do is tell him.....life is too short to play games...honestly I think people just waste each others time, when it comes to the "chase" when its in a situation where the 2 parties are broken up....I dont see a point in further heartbreak....thats my 2 cents p/s MJ Happy birthday tommorow!!!! hehehe dont worry you are not old, us 30 somethings are still alive and kicking Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Hey Everybody- Hows everyone been doing lately. I have been awhile for a week or so just working and doing stuff. Drjones thanks for asking about me. I will post tonight, i promise. I have been really feeling kinda down lately. i guess its one of those miss the ex relapses that happen. I just wish it would stop, you know? Anyways i will catch u all tonight. Take Care.....................Kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
Charlane Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Drjones, I have heard so many different responses. I have heard that I should show that he did not destroy me and that I should try to be whole. I did tell him that I gave him my soul and that I love him and he still decided to end the relationship. I showed him in so many ways before then. I also understand that if he saw that I was with someone else and did go on with my life, like he said for me to, then maybe this would be a trigger for his regret and if not now then eventually. Of course, I can't say what life will have in store for me. While I might be seeing a new man, I am having little faith in whether a true loving relationship to last the rest of my life is ever possible. I just want the dream and some people have it and I wonder what is it about me that doesn't. Someone told me that I lost myself because I devoted myself far more than I should have. There just seems to be no comfortable middle ground and to have to be on defense all of the time does not sound like a future for me. To not have love is even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 Thank you all for your input. His mom called me tonight & said that she talked to him & begged him to get help....he told her that he didn't need anyones help that he doesn't have a problem. Charlane---Thanks for your input. If you're with this new guy & bump into your ex...don't flaunt it. Be casual. I haven't read your whole story yet...but my advice is not to mess with anyones emotions even if you are pissed at the ex. RobRoy---Thanks so much for your input. It has made me realize that I can't save him...I guess sometimes I care too much. I have had people tell me I need to stop worrying about others & think about myself for a change. I'm going to "Let it Be" just like WantanS4 said. Speaking of WantanS4 ----Thank you for your input as well. I do agree with LexiB---Not every woman is selfish & spoiled. Atleast not the good-women on this forum. theone44---I agree...How long will it last if true love isn't there? I will say I love sex but I love it with someone that has my heart...that I'm very connected with...mind---body---soul---heart. I think if it's just for a hump---it's a booty call. Weird---Thanks for your input. I always like to hear your opinion. I think I shouldn't call him because I think I care way too much & I feel as though I can't guard my heart (like drjones said). If I hear his voice breaking down...I'm going to break because he still has my heart. That wouldn't be good for me...since I want to save everyone. ha Hey---Thanks for taking up for me & know I'll kick ass for you too. PS. I don't think you're an a**h***. drjones---Thanks...I guess you heard the latest about his mom trying to help him. He wouldn't listen to her so I think he won't listen to me. Plus...I may break if I hear his voice. Thanks for your input. Yep---us 30's are alive & kicking. ha Atlous---Hey girl! Thanks for your input as well. I'm not calling him. You're right...I mean, he would just end up hurting me again. You're right about something else too...we won't stay single long. We are too cool... . lol What are your plans for your b-day? I'm trying to get everything together at my house. I'm having a bonfire & I'm also having my musician buddies come over & jam out for my b-day. I even have neighbors coming over. But it's like you said...we have magnetic personalities that everyone wants to hang around with. Kodiak---My man! Been hiding out like me? Just kidding. How are you? Post---we want to hear! Everyone take care! You all have been a big help to me & I appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
Charlane Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Hey mj, I'm not like that at all. I would be polite to him and to his new girlfriend. If anything, I just don't have the ability to let anyone see me fall apart. I just don't want to hurt anymore and 6 months later, I still am. I don't think he is hurting. I think he is happy. I might be wrong but since I do not hear from him, then this is all that I can assume. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 Charlane---I know you don't want him to see you fall apart. I'm stubborn just like you. We try to be strong, stubborn, hard-headed, & swallow our pride but we hurt when we see them. I admit it. I haven't heard from my ex either. The only thing I know to do now is move on & 'let it be' like WantanS4 says (what great advice.. . I mean, I'm worried about him and I always will worry...but the only thing I know to do is to pray & to leave it in Gods hands. If it's meant to be it will be but if not then that means that I will move on & the connection I will have with the person I meet next time will be triple times...the connection I had with him. PS. You went out with someone 10 years wanting to be a rock star? I went out with someone for 7 years & they wanted to be a wannabe rock star. He hurt me & I moved on...but he does look like crap now. PSS. Weird is a good guy..for real. He just gives his opinion & says it bluntly...just like me. He's hurting like the rest of us & I give him a kiss on the cheek for stating his opinion. I mean---we all need to hear everyones view...if we agree or we don't agree. ANYBODY SEEN NICK14 LATELY? Where you at? Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Nick??? Nick who?,haha ya I am hear, I am been busy and haven't really been on much. But I am alive and doing ok, just counting the days till a new year can happen for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlane Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Hey mj. I didn't date the rock star for 10 years. I dated him 10 years ago for a brief period of time. He tries to come back into my life every now and then and moreso in the last 2 years but he doesn't know where I am at know and that is by my choice. He is really taxed for looks. I'm thinking that this will be the case with my ex because fixed him up with buying him new clothes, sending him to a chiropractor (bad back posture from slumping), cooking some excellent cuisine and getting him off of junky stuff and sodas. He looked really good and then decided that he was better than me, which is why I believe that I should have been a little more selfish. And now I am. I will never call him. I know that he will land on his bum here before long unfortunately. I have no idea if I will be a single then but if I am then I would consider taking him back because him landing on his bum would have him learn a valuable lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 hospital yesterday after 2-3 months after their breakup....she is eerily similar to my ex and she got fired, quit school and wound up naked in a strip club owners bed....she is now in alcohol rehab and took pills that got her sent to the ER and thus the rehab stint.... i started to worry about my ex and gave her a call at around 12:20 am her time...she was asleep ...i was buzzing on the alcohol..... here is the jest of it: talked to the ex tonight...it went well and we talked about her and how we both were doing and she is doing pitiful and i told her i am doing great and she knew i was telling the truth...i told her about haiti, the haitian woman, my new job, my new car, my new house, etc....and how i was having so much of a good time out and that i am not the type of person that would sleep with someone without being in love.. she said she is not happy and she is doing poorly and she was the one who was f'ed up in the relationship and that she will never get over me but that that doesnt mean we should be together bc we are not right for each other.... i told her i regretted sleeping with her because i did not end up marrying her (hope that is logical to some of you, but i can see where it would be crazy to most) and that i just wish i would have waited til we were married if i could... she said her new boyfriend would not be happy that we were talking and i said that i had to go bc of this and that i would never do that to someone and she can call me if she needs me in a mental/bad self-esteem way and she said she has no one to talk to ....not even him...only me... and she has wanted to call me for the last 1 month but her friends told her no....i told her i would talk to her but not as a backstop...only if she wanted to talk to me and then i asked if she was dating this guy to get over me and she said no.... i dont believe it and know that she cant be alone bc she thinks about me too much....but unless she is going to be a pussy then i wont talk to her again she said she was going to call on the holidays....if i didnt call her ...welll i am not going to call her again, and see just how long it takes until she cant get me out of her head... it was not good that she said that we arent right for each other...but i really feel that she said this bc she feels she is not good enough for me....she said i was not going to be able to get her feelings out of her now and i said if i tried i could but i am not....she lauged as in "i know you could" bc she is dying to tell me her story...and her pain... i just left it at that and now i wont call again and i know she will now have the courage to call in the future and i will definitely not talk to her about her problems and let her talk to me about it.... i do know that she is defintely wondering why i am so well after all of this.....and she know she is with a guy who is a douch bag...she has tooo. he looks like a child molester for pete's sakes... i am putting my faith in the lord and know that he (even though he hasnt answered my prayers about making her find her happiness) will be there to make her in to what i know is her potential, and that he has the best path for me available.. everything we talked about tonight confirmed what i had wanted to believe... she is confused, not sure of herself, and does not believe in herself...she is embarrassed to get help and i have no control over her and her future...i am letting her go and we shall see if she takes the hook, line and sinker as a means to save the life of hers that is slipping away... she is not going to be happy without taking time to her self and overlooking herself.....se la vie.... Que sera, sera..... please give advice if she calls back soon (less than one week) or later (1 week or more) thanks all and please give any advice since this may (or may not be crucial) i get the picture that she has not slept with this guy!!! i may still have a shot if i dont blow it by being too inquisitive and more "roll with the punches type" HELP HELP HELP Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 What now? did i give her her fix...(i.e. the craving to talk to me is over?)..... i am going to go on like this was normal and everything is the same as usual...i know i can do it... i have faith in the lord and only the lord.... (oh, and you guys....i see nick is back but i have to get up in 4 hours so i will reply to all later...) Welcome back 1st and foremost: NICK! also MJ and KODIAK! night all chin up and realize there is better out there for each of us...someone who loves like we love! Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Hey Guys, Good to hear from you Kodiak, make sure you post whats going on with you.... MJ--- Happy birthday again!!....I think most of the guys here are saying dont contact him...If he is not going to listen to his mother, maybe he is not ready for anyone's help....I guess the best course of action is just sit tight and see if he calls....yeah wantans4 is right with his new slogan "let it be" ...hehe i still like your old one ***** em!!..... HandH--- with this new situation that has happend to you....I would just sit tight and see what happens, I dont know if she will call you in a week, but I do feel that she will call during the holydays.... This whole idea if its meant to be it will be, idea has been buring inside of me since my break up, I dont know...is this phrase a cop out for us or does time really do fix things?, will god answer us in due time?....still a mystery to me....Right now I am battling it out... Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 i told her i regretted sleeping with her because i did not end up marrying her (hope that is logical to some of you, but i can see where it would be crazy to most) and that i just wish i would have waited til we were married if i could... I understand that and feel a similar way with my ex. That is total BS when she says you two aren't right for each other. To me this girl is obviously madly in love with you but realizes she has issues and I guess in her mind thinks not being with the guy she loves and the guy who loves her will somehow make things better. It would be nice if she would just quit that crap and get back with the guy she knows is right for her and just be happy she has someone who loves her so much and work from there. Why do women in general like to deprive themselves of good stuff/happiness? I don't get it. Oh and she is easily with that douchebag just to try and forget about you but as she told you, it ain't working. I truly hope she gets her crap together for both her and your sake. I got dinner tonight with my ex. Yippeeeeeeeeeeee. She is another one who feeds me lame stuff like Heels' ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 MJ, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you have a good one:) Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 charlane, babe, don't worry about being seen with your new dude around your ex. Screw him if he has a problem with it and don't feel guilty if you do bump into him out and about. Just be yourself if it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by Weird I understand that and feel a similar way with my ex. That is total BS when she says you two aren't right for each other. To me this girl is obviously madly in love with you but realizes she has issues and I guess in her mind thinks not being with the guy she loves and the guy who loves her will somehow make things better. It would be nice if she would just quit that crap and get back with the guy she knows is right for her and just be happy she has someone who loves her so much and work from there. Why do women in general like to deprive themselves of good stuff/happiness? I don't get it. Oh and she is easily with that douchebag just to try and forget about you but as she told you, it ain't working. I truly hope she gets her crap together for both her and your sake. I got dinner tonight with my ex. Yippeeeeeeeeeeee. She is another one who feeds me lame stuff like Heels' ex. Like i said before weird some women are selfish,self-center and soooooooooooo dam crazy. Some women wouldn't know if they had a good man if Jesus Christ(excuse me Lord)himself pre-sented himself to them........ Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 The best thing about my ex is she expects me to act in the same way when we were together yet she goes on about just being friends right now but when I try to just converse with her in a friendly way she starts to think something is wrong or gets pissed off. Also, when we chat online she expects me to instantly reply back to her and if she doesn't get a reply within like 5 seconds she goes like "hello?" with the expectation talking to her is the focus for me or something. She NEVER did this before we got together but used to do i when we were together sooooo.... I dont know whether or not she realizes she is acting like all that. I'll have to bring it up one day and ask her why she expects me to show her the same attention and show the same emotion as I did when we were together when we are just hanging as friends now. Crazy woman...I am tempted to just plant a big ass kiss on her tonight to get her reaction but I won't. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by Weird I understand that and feel a similar way with my ex. That is total BS when she says you two aren't right for each other. To me this girl is obviously madly in love with you but realizes she has issues and I guess in her mind thinks not being with the guy she loves and the guy who loves her will somehow make things better. It would be nice if she would just quit that crap and get back with the guy she knows is right for her and just be happy she has someone who loves her so much and work from there. Why do women in general like to deprive themselves of good stuff/happiness? I don't get it. Oh and she is easily with that douchebag just to try and forget about you but as she told you, it ain't working. I truly hope she gets her crap together for both her and your sake. I got dinner tonight with my ex. Yippeeeeeeeeeeee. She is another one who feeds me lame stuff like Heels' ex. Hey weird how long did you and your ex started talking again and what brought ya'll back together. Who made the first move in talking again. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by Weird The best thing about my ex is she expects me to act in the same way when we were together yet she goes on about just being friends right now but when I try to just converse with her in a friendly way she starts to think something is wrong or gets pissed off. Also, when we chat online she expects me to instantly reply back to her and if she doesn't get a reply within like 5 seconds she goes like "hello?" with the expectation talking to her is the focus for me or something. She NEVER did this before we got together but used to do i when we were together sooooo.... I dont know whether or not she realizes she is acting like all that. I'll have to bring it up one day and ask her why she expects me to show her the same attention and show the same emotion as I did when we were together when we are just hanging as friends now. Crazy woman...I am tempted to just plant a big ass kiss on her tonight to get her reaction but I won't. I do want to send my ex an e-card ,but i afraid she might still be mad at me and not respond back. I rather for her to make the first move this time..... what your opinion on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 theone, haha yeah I hear ya on that. They'd feed Jesus some BS and He'd be like "uh, you do know who I am, right?" What I don't get is why people feel the need to try and feed others BS. I mean I can see through my ex's BS so easily and she knows a have a good BS detector. Others here seem to be able to see through their ex's crap just as well. We started up back communciation a couple months ago. We weren't in contact for over a year before that. She came to me and apologized for acting like a bitch towards me in early 2003 before we stopped talking. Even though she called me, I had to make it obvious to her that I would be receptive to her calling me and despite her knowing I would be willing to start talking to her again and that I wasn't mad at her, it took her 4 months to get up the courage to call me. Again, this was even after she KNEW I would be cool with talking to her again. The reason I made her call me is because she has NEVER really initiated anything since the day she met me and I refused to be the one to again fully initiate stuff with her. There is way more to all this (which if I posted would make anyone wonder why I have wasted my time or how I put up with her) but I don't feel like typing it out again because it is just so damn silly. The whole thing has been ridiculous and it boggles my mind why I have dealt with it. do want to send my ex an e-card ,but i afraid she might still be mad at me and not respond back. I rather for her to make the first move this time..... what your opinion on this one. Were you the one to always make the first move in the past? If so, make her do it for once. Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Guys, I do see a pattern in our exs i know mine loves me, but she says that our relationship came at the wrong time??? what the hell is the right time, I dont know if people (i am not going to only say its women) when something good is happening to them they feel its too good to be true and the ***** it up and leave for someone else that does not make them happy, I know the guy my ex is seeing is not good for her, she told me so but she still is with him.....it boggles my mind, why screw something up, we good for each other and we need each other, but she is so blind or scared to admit it....I honestly dont know what is the right time for things...how do we know that maybe God placed us together at the rigth time and we are just too studpid to realize it....sorry guys I needed to vent today...and jsut reading Weird and theone's post just set me off in my situation.....it like why are people so scared of being happy....***** my past was reall crappy and now when things were getting good it iwas just enjoying it...... Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by drjones Guys, I do see a pattern in our exs i know mine loves me, but she says that our relationship came at the wrong time??? what the hell is the right time, I dont know if people (i am not going to only say its women) when something good is happening to them they feel its too good to be true and the ***** it up and leave for someone else that does not make them happy, I know the guy my ex is seeing is not good for her, she told me so but she still is with him.....it boggles my mind, why screw something up, we good for each other and we need each other, but she is so blind or scared to admit it....I honestly dont know what is the right time for things...how do we know that maybe God placed us together at the rigth time and we are just too studpid to realize it....sorry guys I needed to vent today...and jsut reading Weird and theone's post just set me off in my situation.....it like why are people so scared of being happy....***** my past was reall crappy and now when things were getting good it iwas just enjoying it...... And we wonder why the divorce and relationship rate is so high. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 drjones, dude, I totally agree and it boggles my mind as well. The best is when this happens and it is what my ex is doing....she admitted she screwed up and treated me poorly and almost was in tears when she apologized to me. I forgive her, something many human beings would not have done since she said some nasty stuff. You'd think hey, she will be happy that she finally has me back in her life and would make the most of it. Nah. Instead, she seems to have this sort of grudge against me for I guess stuff SHE DID and she has this image in her head of me full of assumptions rather than seeing the REALITY in front of her very eyes. It's quite comical. Nothing like people making mistakes and then acting pissy towards people they jerked around with those mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 I also would just like to state I do not want to get back with my ex with the way she is right now. I feel that we *could* be great together IF she reaches the potential I know she is capable of. Right now though, she has too many issues (mainly she is too emotionally immature) that would make getting back together impossible and even if she said she wanted to get back together tomorrow I would say no. Also, I would get involved with anoher girl if one came along that I actually felt would be a viable long term option but every girl I have met all have some deal breaking issues so I have chosen not to get involved with them. If the perfect girl for me were to just fall into my lap tomorrow (heheh;)) I would not hesitate being with her regardless of my ex. I am pretty certain my ex still has lots of feelings for me and if pressed woud admit she does want to get back together one of these days but I am not putting my life on hold for that to happen and again, would not pass up something better just because of her. As it stands though, she still is the best girl I have met flaws and all. Just thought I'd mention that in case I come off being all hurt and wanting her back so bad or whatever. As for how she is now, I find it more comical than frustrating. I honestly do laugh at times at how crazy she is acting. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by Weird drjones, dude, I totally agree and it boggles my mind as well. The best is when this happens and it is what my ex is doing....she admitted she screwed up and treated me poorly and almost was in tears when she apologized to me. I forgive her, something many human beings would not have done since she said some nasty stuff. You'd think hey, she will be happy that she finally has me back in her life and would make the most of it. Nah. Instead, she seems to have this sort of grudge against me for I guess stuff SHE DID and she has this image in her head of me full of assumptions rather than seeing the REALITY in front of her very eyes. It's quite comical. Nothing like people making mistakes and then acting pissy towards people they jerked around with those mistakes. And most of the time they come back to you,because they now see that the grass isn't so greener on the other side. Then they realize that the person that they were with didn't treat them as good as you did. What a bunch of crap some women do to men who really love them. If i had to make a choice between a million dallor and a woman.....hey i take the money and go buy me a woman...hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by Weird I also would just like to state I do not want to get back with my ex with the way she is right now. I feel that we *could* be great together IF she reaches the potential I know she is capable of. Right now though, she has too many issues (mainly she is too emotionally immature) that would make getting back together impossible and even if she said she wanted to get back together tomorrow I would say no. Also, I would get involved with anoher girl if one came along that I actually felt would be a viable long term option but every girl I have met all have some deal breaking issues so I have chosen not to get involved with them. If the perfect girl for me were to just fall into my lap tomorrow (heheh;)) I would not hesitate being with her regardless of my ex. I am pretty certain my ex still has lots of feelings for me and if pressed woud admit she does want to get back together one of these days but I am not putting my life on hold for that to happen and again, would not pass up something better just because of her. As it stands though, she still is the best girl I have met flaws and all. Just thought I'd mention that in case I come off being all hurt and wanting her back so bad or whatever. As for how she is now, I find it more comical than frustrating. I honestly do laugh at times at how crazy she is acting. I hear you on that weird i can't seem to find a woman that can match up to my ex. My ex had it all,but her best feature was her personality. If my ex decided to come back to me.....yes i would take her back..... Most of the women i met,just got to much drama. Either they marriage,seperate,not fun to be with and just to much drama. I have met women that look better than my ex,nice shape very nice and caring,but we just didn't click. Me and the ex had a tight connection and i can't seem to click with anyone else,so i decide not to date until i overcome this.......yayaya Link to post Share on other sites
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