Do I have a shot at a successful marriage?

[In Purgatory]

Hello all. Sort of young, 28 year old guy here. I went through a separation back in late 2009 that ended in a finalized divorce two years ago. The biggest problem was that I just was't attracted to my wife and never really was from the start. Eventually, I couldn't fake it / force it anymore and I don't think we even had sex once in our last year of marriage. This seems to be a common problem on these boards but the difference was that I knew from day one she wasn't really my type physically. Obviously, I made a mistake going forward knowing this but I have found out about myself that I typically have trouble maintaining long term attraction to anyone, regardless of how much I desire them at first.

 

Also, I need alone time. I am just a loner by nature and I can't be with a girl who sees me needing alone time as weird or a rejection of her. I think there are ways to achieve this in a marriage without creating a problem, but I remember feeling so suffocated by my ex and just being completely relieved when she moved out.

 

Knowing these things about myself, I am hesitant to get into a marriage again. I have had desire for companionship these last few years without my ex and have had several friends with benefits type situations with women. Inevitably, these are ended when they realize I am not willing to start a serious relationship.

 

I recently started dating a girl and have had the thought of marriage in my head because of it. This is the first girl I have considered as an actual girlfriend since I divorced. I have just been wondering if I am capable of eventually having a successful marriage. I think just avoiding a lot of mistakes from my past marriage I will have a better shot(not moving in together after 5 months, not getting engaged after 7 months, not getting married in Vegas after 8 months, not marrying someone I am not attracted to, not marrying someone who is not the same religion as me, etc.)

 

Still, it's hard to wrap my head around marrying again. I absolutely want to have kids and I know my family would be so ashamed of me if I did that outside of marriage. However, I know how hard it is to get out of a marriage... and last time I had nothing to lose. Now I own a home, cars and have money in the bank. I value what I have built for myself and would hate to see that crumble because of a divorce.

 

Sorry for the rambling. Any thoughts?

[In Purgatory]

Just to clarify, I am not asking if I should propose to this girl. We have barely started dating. I just meant that dating her has just put that consideration into my head of whether I could get married again one day and have it work out.

 

Another concern about her is that her family lives halfway across the country. They all moved out here years ago but moved back to their home state a couple months ago. For whatever reason, she decided to stay here when they did that. When we first started talking a few months ago she said she planned to move back with them next year. Now that she has developed feelings for me she says she isn't going to move back there. I had this same issue with my ex wife where the only reason she lived in this state was because of me and all her friends and family lived on the other side of the country. Which meant she was always evaluating which is a better option.. stay here for this one guy or go be with all my friends and family and meet a guy there. I really don't like being in that situation.

[Nyla]

How about enjoying the early days of your relationship? You don't need to worry about the future too much.

 

Second marriages statistically have very high divorce rates, but that doesn't mean that YOUR second marriage will end in divorce.

[strongnrelaxed]

Do not get married again. I cannot imagine why any man on this website would even consider marrying once - let alone a second time.

 

Focus on love and commitment, friendship and long-term compatibility. No government contract is necessary for that.

 

Marriage is a trap and a horrible outdated religious/ government invention. Forget all that and just be well with yourself. If your relationship is meant to me, it will be. Marriage will only screw this up.

[In Purgatory]

Thanks for the responses. I am not sure I will ever be cut out for marriage but I think you have made me realize I am especially not ready now or anytime in the near future.