reddragon588 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I did it. I probably shouldn't have, but I felt that I had to tell her that her calling me names hurt, that I'm moving on with my life, and can't have her hurting me like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Art Vandalay Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Was on day 3 (that's since the breakup too) when last night my ex (who has dumped me twice now) sent me a long facebook message about how she will always love me and how i'm her best friend and brought up all these old memories. She says she sent it to try to get closure, but i'm pretty sure she was just trying to make herself feel better. Like an idiot, i replied. i told her she needed to stop sending me messages, especially ones which reminded me of her and the time we spent together. She got pissed, we argued a bit, and then like a bigger idiot, i caved and gave her exactly what she wanted by telling her it was ok and that i wished everything could be worked out and that i still love her as well... shoulda just left it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Was on day 3 (that's since the breakup too) when last night my ex (who has dumped me twice now) sent me a long facebook message about how she will always love me and how i'm her best friend and brought up all these old memories. She says she sent it to try to get closure, but i'm pretty sure she was just trying to make herself feel better. Like an idiot, i replied. i told her she needed to stop sending me messages, especially ones which reminded me of her and the time we spent together. She got pissed, we argued a bit, and then like a bigger idiot, i caved and gave her exactly what she wanted by telling her it was ok and that i wished everything could be worked out and that i still love her as well... shoulda just left it alone. You were right to tell her to stop sending you those messages. You probably could have left it at that. But, you can't change that you contacted her, so don't feel bad, just move forward. You did tell her that you still love her, and so the full truth is out there. You can now move forward in NC knowing that there is nothing left you need to tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Talulah Posted August 27, 2013 Author Share Posted August 27, 2013 Currently on day 35 and I had a major setback. I'm on vacation and surrounded by couples, I missed him terribly for the last two days. I don't know why I am having all of these thoughts. It's been almost three months since the break-up, should be able to stop. I really want to contact him and tell him all of the wonderful things that I am seeing. Link to post Share on other sites
northdevon Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Day 2. Day 1 was the hardest. Just wanted to hear from her, changed her name in my phone to DO NOT TEXT. Still have her on fb but all I can see is when she posts something or her on my chat sidebar, I am not clicking her profile or anything. Lots of tears yesterday, woke up thinking about how she could be talking about future with me in it, even us living together possibly next year, to still loving me Thursday but wanting space. Friday I broke no contact and she said she thought that we might be too much like friends. Saturday I broke it again and she said she felt suffocated and that she didn't feel like she wanted to be in the relationship. We ended it, Sunday she broke no contact to ask if I wanted our holiday tickets (found that odd). I dropped her stuff back to her Sunday afternoon but had to leave it on her bench as she said it was too soon. I just sat here feeling like we could of saved it, confused by everything still. I hoped that no contact at all yesterday would make her think what shes missing. Nothing. I woke up just now on Day 2 sad, with a few tears. I want this pain to be gone, and the hope. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 I'm giving myself a pat on the back today. It's been lil over 2 weeks since break up and I've not initiated contact. Ex texted me twice to basically say he's thinking of me and I've responded out of courtesy but without emotion. Behind the scenes I've been a bit of a mess but have done everything I can to proactively heal myself. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ..up and down..twisting and turning but I have not contacted him whatsoever. I love him and though his absence from my life hurts...we weren't right for each other. I beginning to accept this now. I'm taking this day to pat myself on the back for staying strong and not running to him or contacting him during my weak moments. I want to tell him I miss his but I won't. I'm trusting time to carry me through this healing process so that I'll wake up one day and realize I'm no longer hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Art Vandalay Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Well i messed up even more. After posting here i contacted her again last night telling here sorry for being upset with her and that of course we could be friends, and that she has always been one of my best friends, and that i was ok with her decision. She responded really well to the conversation, telling me thank you and that it was exactly what she needed. But i feel like it wasnt exactly what i needed, i did feel really bad, and at the time felt i needed to respond, but now i just feel like i totally freed her of all her bad feelings but none of my own. She says she still loves me but i have no idea what to do with that info Link to post Share on other sites
jesse93 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I'm at about a week NC its getting harder and harder for me as each day passes by I want to break down and cry so bad, but I can't I cant find the tears they won't come, I want to reach out so bad and tell her I miss her, but she knows I'm weak and she knows I'll come back to her, I want to prove her wrong, I want to prove that I can do this that I don't need her, its just been getting so hard I wake up every day with anxiety wanting to cry, its been a month since the break up I miss her.. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 You have a long and bumpy road ahead, at one month you are only at the initial stages of your recovery journey. Be strong day in and day out like you said you don't want to cave in. Find that inner strength to propel you through this difficult time in your life. You will come out of this a strong and wiser you. Link to post Share on other sites
dearsuzan Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I work with my ex and this is going to be a tough challenge, but I'm on. I'm at D0. I'll send you a post tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
lalalovekay Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Day 9. I deleted and blocked him of all social media and text however I still have his sister. Do I have to do the same to her? I posted up a picture and she commented on it a very rude comment in that. So do I block her as well? Do I reply to her comment. Btw her and I never really got a long just became civil w eachother Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Day 9. I deleted and blocked him of all social media and text however I still have his sister. Do I have to do the same to her? I posted up a picture and she commented on it a very rude comment in that. So do I block her as well? Do I reply to her comment. Btw her and I never really got a long just became civil w eachother Yep get rid of her also, she is clearly nothing but a detriment to you. Link to post Share on other sites
lalalovekay Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Yep get rid of her also, she is clearly nothing but a detriment to you. I just dont want to be mean I guess... I feel like if I do he'll be like "wow she cant even respect my sister" but I mean I also feel like she put that on purpose and is twlling him everything im doing. But you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I just dont want to be mean I guess... I feel like if I do he'll be like "wow she cant even respect my sister" but I mean I also feel like she put that on purpose and is twlling him everything im doing. But you're right. It has absolutely nothing to do with respect and quiet honestly what he thinks at this point should be utterly irrelevant to you. So what if he gets hurt when you delete his sister from social media? I'm certain hell put a bandaid on it and move along. This is survival now and you are the only person here that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
lalalovekay Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 It has absolutely nothing to do with respect and quiet honestly what he thinks at this point should be utterly irrelevant to you. So what if he gets hurt when you delete his sister from social media? I'm certain hell put a bandaid on it and move along. This is survival now and you are the only person here that matters. I know I shouldn't. Care what if he thinks but what more what if. What if they think I blocked her because of her comment? I just hate all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
clairedunham Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 My ex wont speak to me at all whatsoever. I keep breaking NC and he just ignores. Why so much ignoring? Why can he at least answer something? He still looks at my messages because they say "Seen". I love him so much Link to post Share on other sites
clairedunham Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 It's called No Contact... Lol you're like my guardian angel with a feisty attitude Link to post Share on other sites
clairedunham Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 You know how we unintentionally mirror people when we spend a lot of time with them? We sometimes take on their mannerisms, tone of speech, make the same joke that they do? It's something we humans do to 'fit in'. You need to do this with NC. He's using silence to say what words would normally say. Just mirror his behaviour. He's silent, so you're silent. By doing that, you create an air of mystery. Silence means he's not suddenly getting a running commentary on your life. It usually piques curiosity. You greatly increase the chances of him reaching out. Now, whilst I don't ever advise using NC as a way to get back an ex, if you mirror his behaviour and follow suite, what you will do is get control back. You'll quiet the storm in your head a bit. And then, if he reaches out, you'll be the one in the box seat. Right now, he is. You can flip it though, with NC. I just deactivated facebook right now. I will follow it because Im tired of this **** and repeating myself over and over with the "Im sorry" "Give me a chance" "I love you" BLA BLA BLA 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Today I woke up with anxiety and sadness wondering if the break up was also spurred by his interest in someone else. It's driving me crazy. There really is no reason to believe that there was someone else but you never know. I know it doesn't matter anymore but I can't stop these thoughts and its making me crazy. I want to know but will not ask him or try to find out. It'll only rub salt into my wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 This is a terrific support thread. My story is way too complicated. First, I'm going off social media. I'm on Twitter, Linkedin and have a blog. I need to use Linkedin and she is always checking out my profile. This is my trigger. So I've avoided clicking that who's viewed you button. It's been blown up 12 times in 3 days, I'm not giving in. I refuse to look her up. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's day 3 and it's over. It's been over for almost a month, but it's really over. I'm taking it 1 day at a time. No looking out a month ahead. Not doing it today is a victory. Every day you don't contact, you win. I've also accepted the fact that it is 100% over. Once you accept this, you can move on. No contact only works if you don't have any hope. You WANT IT over. When you day dream, think of what wasn't good about them. Don't think of the good times, think of the knock down drag out arguments. Or how they treat you poorly, cheated on you, hurt you. They are not the only person in the world worthy of your love. There are no soulmates. Link to post Share on other sites
Gauranga Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Starting No Contact today after breaking up last Saturday. I only contacted her twice, but after each time I feel awful and panic when she doesn't respond. Broke up once before and went no contact for two weeks, but nothing changed and after a month back together it was worse off than before. My biggest issue is that I start feeling better and tell myself it's cool, I can talk to her. FALSE, nothings changed and I'm just tricking myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Neall Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 This is a terrific support thread. My story is way too complicated. First, I'm going off social media. I'm on Twitter, Linkedin and have a blog. I need to use Linkedin and she is always checking out my profile. This is my trigger. So I've avoided clicking that who's viewed you button. It's been blown up 12 times in 3 days, I'm not giving in. I refuse to look her up. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's day 3 and it's over. It's been over for almost a month, but it's really over. I'm taking it 1 day at a time. No looking out a month ahead. Not doing it today is a victory. Every day you don't contact, you win. I've also accepted the fact that it is 100% over. Once you accept this, you can move on. No contact only works if you don't have any hope. You WANT IT over. When you day dream, think of what wasn't good about them. Don't think of the good times, think of the knock down drag out arguments. Or how they treat you poorly, cheated on you, hurt you. They are not the only person in the world worthy of your love. There are no soulmates. well said, i hope you can keep doing it, me myself im starting today the NC challenge, and i hope i can achieve it! it hurts alot, but yeah.. we have to move on... So let's start now for me! Link to post Share on other sites
TrblinMN Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Since my breakup of just 6 months now, I've broken NC twice and I wished I didn't. Since my last contact almost 4 weeks now, I am finding it very difficult to remain NC. I want to say so much. Thankfully I have this forum to do the typing even if no one reads it, it still help. 24 days of NC and I hope to continue to increase that number. Link to post Share on other sites
lylat333 Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 My first post in this thread, it's been 35 days since I last heard from my ex. I wrote her a 1 page front and back letter a week after we stopped talking, which she never acknowledged, and 15 days ago I commented on a completed house project she put up on Facebook which she also didn't acknowledge. Other than those 2 attempts at contact, she hasn't heard a peep from me and we live 45 min. away so it's very unlikely we would ever run into each other. I do have a little bit of hope to offer to others. When this relationship really started to slip away, I was a wreck. Ironically, I was the one who held the power in my hands for a long time, our relationship was in limbo for a few months but we continued to see each other almost like we were bf/gf. She wanted us to commit more to each other and I was still wary of getting back into a serious relationship with her. I've cried many tears, had several vivid dreams about her, I was in a place where I honest to goodness did not think I could get over her. I'm still not to the point where I am even attracted to anyone else, let alone able to picture me with them, but at least not every waking moment is spent thinking of my ex. NC is the way to go if you've already gone through the torture of trying to do any pleading and had it get you nowhere. My ex straight up told me after a heated argument not to call, text, or message her anymore so I know the ball is in her court. Once you're in NC, you do it not just to heal yourself, which is really the most important thing and what must happen before anything else can. You also do it to starve the beast. Your ex cannot and will not miss you if you try to force them to. It must happen naturally, and it will happen when you are able to move on with your life. I'm still healing, but I can tell you it gets better. I like many of you I'm sure hit rock bottom from my breakup. It helps me to think of heartbreak as analogous to a physical wound - it must heal. While there might not be anything you can do to fix it immediately, it heals. It will hurt all day every day for a while, but then you will have a moment where you realized it hasn't been hurting as much or at all, even for a short period of time. Breaking NC accomplishes nothing, it only delays the healing that you need to recover. Don't let one other person, no matter how special they are have complete control over your happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Gauranga Posted August 31, 2013 Share Posted August 31, 2013 Day 1 ending and I miss her... I miss the companionship and feeling of intimacy. I know in the end I will realize that it was the idea of what it could be that had me hold on for so long. Heck, I realize it now, I'm just not feeling it right now Link to post Share on other sites
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