amkxoxo Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 I have been sheltered my whole life. My parents raised me right and have slightly spoiled me. It wasn't that we had a lot of money, it was that they always tried so hard to get me and my brother what we wanted and to help us and support us in anything. If I had a dream, no matter how crazy it was, my parents did all they could to help me accomplish this. They would do their research on whatever I was interested in so that they could help me do the best in it. I appreciate them more than anything, but I'm 21 now and things are tense. I have been in college for 3 years and they have helped me get loans and have told me they will help pay a year or two if they can. I appreciate this. I never thought I would feel this way but I love living in college. I love the freedom, and I love being there more than at home. I feel like these three years away I have grown into my morals, values, and MY life. Key word...MY. Not me and my parents. I have gone through the phase and realization that my parents aren't the perfect super heroes we see them as a child, they make mistakes and do things I wouldn't necessarily choose to do now that I'm an adult. I have my own identity. When I'm home I feel like a caged baby. I work part time and make little money because I'm in college. They treat me like I'm needy and Yes, I do need some of their financial support, but I have been trying to separate myself from them more and I can't. They annoy me more than I enjoy being home. I need space and right now this house is suffocating me. I have tried to express this to them and they act like I'm dramatic and what I'm feeling is wrong. I am a worry wart and quite a nervous person, as I have gotten older I have realized that my parents add and cause some of this. I try to tell them sometimes but they don't understand and act like im hurting their feeling or don't want them around. At this point I don't even want to move back home after college....I need my own space desperately. I know the only way to do this is to move multiple states away and get a job there. I can drive and visit them, but I really don't want to be here anymore. I have been struggling to pay my car insurance, rent, and furnish my new apartment, which has had me relying on them a bit. I pay the insurance and gas for the car all myself. The thing with the car is that I had saved up thousands for a car of my own a few years ago. Well I wanted to keep saving and an opportunity came about for my younger brother to get his hands on a rare expensive item. The super loyal caring person I am didn't even think about it and handed him over the money. All I asked was that is be paid back. My parents swore they would. Well this summer they surprised me with a car and said they owed me so this was their collateral. I love the car and am so happy to have it, but they treat it like a family car we all use instead of mine. Sometimes they take it to work, or when my brothers car breaks down they hand him the keys. Like....its mine. I paid for it, I pay for it now. They tell me that I don't know how to share and that's not right. They all have vehicles and provide my brother with one. At this point they make me feel like im weak as an adult and that I need them, but when I try to take charge they make me feel stupid and tell me I cant do it. I have gotten use to them helping me so much that if they don't I get grouchy and expect it. When I complain they challenge that they cant give me everything, but they seem to want me to need them so they are being hypocritical. Like do you want me to move out, or live with you forever.....make up your mind. Its like they hold it over my head. I have told them this and fought with them over it. They don't understand. Then me moving 3 hours away after graduation is also a big topic of their disapproval. I have always saw myself living in that place and I still want to. A large group of my college friends live there and its close to my college which I feel is where my life is. My life isn't at home anymore. Like I take good care of myself at school. I pay my bills, im super clean, I grocery shop, I get myself to class etc,...when I come home I act like im by myself and I clash with my family. Like its not that I don't care about them, but I want my own life, my own family. I come home from school and they expect me to do all this stuff for them and I see myself as only taking care of me, because that's the life I live 9 months out of the year. Like they make me feel like I cant take care of myself and they question what I do at school. I really am fine at school. I do well for myself. At this point I need to be more self sufficient. Like they still pay my cell phone bill. If I had time to work more I would pay it but I have classes. I did get loans from school paying for my apartment, the electricity, etc... My parents warn me that "your going to have loans after you graduate you wont be able to live on your own." I figure if I get a good job I could try. How can I be more self sufficient....separate from them??? HELP. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 Sounds like some serious co-dependency going on here. Why did you give your money to your parents anyways? Do they have financial issues? What is done with the car now is done. If their names are on the title, there isn't much you can do...just let it be a lesson learned to not loan out money because of this. I would definitely work on getting away from the situation. I have no idea why parents do not want their kids to be independent, but it's unhealthy. Also, there isn't really a need for you to return home AFTER college. You're done with school and there's no reason you cannot find a better, full time job and get your own place (or find a roommate) if you dedicate yourself to it. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 until you can pay your way, do not bite the had that feeds Link to post Share on other sites
Author amkxoxo Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 The car title is in my name and because they found it for me and I live in their house they feel obligated to use it. I don't really have a choice but to move home after college. I need to save money up money to get my own place and get a full time job so I'm stable enough to move out. I loaned my parents the money for the expensive thing because at the time they could not afford it. Like they do so much for me but sometimes I feel like when I dish out then money instead of giving me the money back they opt to give me something back instead. I would rather them hand me some cash! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 The car title is in my name and because they found it for me and I live in their house they feel obligated to use it. I don't really have a choice but to move home after college. I need to save money up money to get my own place and get a full time job so I'm stable enough to move out. I loaned my parents the money for the expensive thing because at the time they could not afford it. Like they do so much for me but sometimes I feel like when I dish out then money instead of giving me the money back they opt to give me something back instead. I would rather them hand me some cash! If you technically own the car...just take it with you when you move. Guess you cannot do much about it now while you're living under their roof rent free. Link to post Share on other sites
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