sjs61 Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 Before I begin my husband hits me to hurt my feelings as he indicates and my voice irriates him which he feels I nag too much but in reality all I am asking for is some consideration. I am disabled and he thinks I am lazy and all I do is sit on my butt and do nothing. I take care of the finances, chores like laundry, cook and clean with my disability which is Vertigo and hearing loss. We been married 3 yrs and known each other for about 13 yrs with about 2-3 yrs of isolation from each other meaning when I was dating or assumed I was his girlfriend that he would stay away from me until he needed sex, money, food or a place to stay when I assumed his other women friends and/or stepfather kicked him out so blind-sided me fell for his compassion. He left me on 8/9/04 due to the finances got out of hand which I had to file for Bankruptcy and he blames me for not taking care of it properly but he lost his job due to absenses at work and/or too long of breaks which I wasn't aware of it until he had to go to an appeals appt that I found out he was taking off work and now I wonder where he went for those hours which I feel he's had an affair cause I came up with HPV and I still love this man, why? He's been unemployed for 6 mos and didn't once search for a job besides he claims he didn't want to start from the bottom of the totem pole but he feels living off $400 was satisfying for him. Now, he left to live with his mom and now he has a job making minimum wage unless he's lying which I feel he's doing. I don't understand why he did this to me, what did I ever do to him? All I did was love him. How do I overcome this separation? I still love him and he still abuses me when we are separated. He blames me for telling him to leave. I told him I was advised by my Therapist that Domestic Violence is a Crime so I was asking for the hitting to leave not your body. He was shocked I said it. He would hit my head or put me in a choke hold or try to break my arms. Do I fear him? Am I blinded by love? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 You may have become accustom to the presense of this jackass, but being in love with him... I don't think so. Love doesn't hurt... it doesn't hit, it doesn't abuse... This guy is a creep who has taken advantage of you and has diminished your self esteem... your therapist is right domestic violence is a crime and he needs to go. The unknown can be scary.. but staying in a relationship with an abuser is far worse.. please continue to get counseling and unless or until this guy gets serious help (don't hold your breath) let him go and take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 When you're in a relationship like this, it can be hard to see clearly. Dump him/kick him out, and in a few months you will feel like a dark film has been peeled off your eyes. You will be asking yourself why you put up with that kind of abuse for so long. Down the road, you deserve a man who will care for you and love you, which means no beating, no threats, no parasitic behavior. Just make sure you have a safety plan for letting him know that you're not available as his doormat/punching bag/cook/laundry woman/sex slave/cash cow anymore. I still love this man, why? It's a brain chemical thing, but you CAN retrain your brain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sjs61 Posted November 6, 2004 Author Share Posted November 6, 2004 Thank you for all your comments. Yes, he's a jerk. I am on the road to recovery. I will use the retrain my brain. All I do is defend his actions but not anymore. I am a survivor. Link to post Share on other sites
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