Thoughts on why some BS become WS or OW/OM in the future?

[2.50 a gallon]

Recalling that I had seen him post before I back tracked GG2W posts. He is a male stripper who has a fetish for married women.

[Zenstudent]

How you deal with the pain of betrayal is a choice you have to face whether you like it or not- it's your responsibility because its your life

 

Not dealing with the bad emotions is in itself a choice

This is very true. But time is a factor in this. When the pain is raw, you tend to let emotions dictate actions instead of using your head. Most people need time to sort things out. I know I did, and I'm normally a very rational and logic minded person.

[Betterthanthis13]

This is very true. But time is a factor in this. When the pain is raw, you tend to let emotions dictate actions instead of using your head. Most people need time to sort things out. I know I did, and I'm normally a very rational and logic minded person.

 

Me too- but if you want to swap stories about irrational, emotional things I did and said right after DDay when the pain was raw...

 

It does take time. It takes a little time to even begin the sorting out process.

 

Some people refuse to go through the sorting out process. Some don't know how to do it.

 

I think that is the same way WS's get into A's in the first place.

 

Emotional distress- needs to be sorted out- WS cant or won't sort it out- WS makes choice to have A- WS emotion's still need sorting out but now problems are even worse- WS cant or won't sort them out- until

 

DDay

 

Big mess

[2.50 a gallon]

Btt13

 

It is not every day that you meet someone with a face that you can kiss good morning to for the rest of your life. And then when you do meet them do they feel the same? And then there can be other problems.

 

Example, I once dated a nurse who had all the qualities. And it looked great for awhile. She was making plans, our parents were making plans, But there was one problem, everyday when she came home from work she naturally wanted to talk about work. Her work was sick and dieing people. I was still young and did not want to get a daily dose of sick and dieing people for the rest of my life. Exit stage right.

 

I met my Ex when I was in my 30's and she had just turned 19. Upon meeting she immediately asked for an application to be one of my party girls. I rejected her as being too young.

 

She was gorgeous, definite fold out material, strawberry blonde, with just the right amount of freckles, taller than me (by the way I am a leg man) and built like the proverbial brick outhouse. Men had been drooling over her since she had turned 15. I was the first to reject her advances. That only made her more determined.

 

Finally her mom had a talk with me, and explained that the family had just separated from her father and moved across country. And that my future Ex had been a wild child, but still kept her grades up, and now in new territory was beginning to run with the wrong crowd and was dropping out of college. And my rejecting her was driving her further into the wrong crowd, Long story short mom encouraged me to begin a sexual relationship with her daughter as that might help her get back into her studies.

 

The Ex knew she had lots of competition and used her sexuality to separate me from other girl friends. It was anyplace any time, any where. She did go back to college and 3 years later graduated with a degree in electronics, just about the time that the computer revolution exploded. She was immediately inundated with job offers, including large cash bonuses. In our 3 years together she got it in her head that we would marry if she graduated.

 

A few months later we are walking down the aisle then moving cross country to her new job.

 

My first mistake, I could have taken a job that paid more than she was making, but would have had to work nights at first. Newly married and in a new town she was afraid and wanted me home every night. So I ended up taking a day job at half of what I could have been making.

 

At her new job she was the first female to work in an all male department, and with a brick outhouse body, I was facing an army of OM's, trying to break us up and get into her pants. Once they caught her ear. I could do nothing right. I was using her for her money. I was possessive, controlling, One kiss a day, I was unemotional, two kisses a day I was clingy.

[2.50 a gallon]

We fought daily, all from ideas that were put in her head by the army of OM co-workers.

 

The end came on our six month anniversary, when I surprised her at lunch, only to be surprised to find her kissing a pretty boy body builder guard.

 

I totally lost it to anger, had there not been a chain link fence topped by razor wire I would have been at them with a ball bat. Instead I stood outside the fence and called her every name in the book, embarrassing and humiliating her in front of her co-workers. The whole plant of several hundred workers heard the story.

 

And I told her it was unsafe for her to come home that night. Being new in the area, and no other place to go she went home with the OM

 

I've already posted about the exploits of the Associate OM who invited her and the co-workers over for a BBQ 3 days later while he wife was out of town and how that led to me having a revenge sex with the next door neighbors wife

 

My Ex and I had partied with my co-workers, and she had bragged how good I was in bed, and especially with oral sex. When we broke up, I immediately got into the infidelity diet, but weighing less than 140, my female co-workers took pity on me and began bringing in extra food for lunch which they shared with me. There was a group of less than 10, who owned a crock pot, and every morning one of them would drop something in there for lunch. They began sharing a portion with me, which got us talking and becoming friends, they began asking me all kinds of questions from a male point of view, basically complaining about their H's and why did they do these things.

 

They also brought up the oral sex and how none of their husbands would do this for them though even though they would give him a BJ

 

As a group about every other week my co-workers would meet on a Saturday night at a club to party and talk shop. I was a welcome guest as I liked to dance. Then one night I over heard one of their suit wearing husbands, who actually encouraged me to dance with his wife so he would not have to get out on the floor, say something about my manhood, being as I liked to dance and had long hair. That POed me.

 

Half an hour later I was showing her how good of a pussy eater I was. She told the other female co-workers, and they all wanted to have their chance.

 

And I had slipped over to the dark side, all rules were off.

Edited August 15, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

Btt13

 

I tried to send you a private message, but it failed.

 

You might try to send me a message and I can click on reply

[janedoe67]

The reason a BS can become a WS is the same reason a WS became a WS to begin with: selfishness and lack of boundaries.

 

Dr. Harley of MB says that ANYONE, with the right circumstances and lack of precautions and bad boundaries, is susceptible to an affair.

 

I agree

 

I know it makes some people feel better to go with the whole: if someone cheats it just means they were secretly the devil's spawn all along and "different" from the rest of us good people. Sadly that is NOT the case. People CAN make temporary terrible choices or have aberrations of behavior in certain circumstances. It is still wrong. But when I hear the "I would never do that because I am not wired that way, and I have a moral compass," I think of a particular couple of verses in the Bible:

 

Be careful when you think you stand, lest you fall

 

Pride goes before the fall

[Betterthanthis13]

The reason a BS can become a WS is the same reason a WS became a WS to begin with:

 

The simplest answer is usually the correct one. Thread question solved- thanks JD!

 

This is exactly right.

 

 

What I was really asking in the OP was,

 

 

"What makes a BS turn into a WS or an OM/OW? How could they do that . after being betrayed? "

 

Answer-Having the experience of BS is not a determining factor (not a dirct cause) in the choice to cheat or the choice to be an accessory to cheating. It is a factor that can affect the choice but it can not cause or prevent the choice.

[Betterthanthis13]

2.50 that is a lot of story and awesome at that. I have lots to say and lots more questions for u- can't wait to pick your brain but have been all tied up with some boring obligations keeping me from my usual Loveshack obsession the past few days

[road]

The simplest answer is usually the correct one. Thread question solved- thanks JD!

 

This is exactly right.

 

 

What I was really asking in the OP was,

 

 

"What makes a BS turn into a WS or an OM/OW? How could they do that . after being betrayed? "

 

Answer-Having the experience of BS is not a determining factor (not a dirct cause) in the choice to cheat or the choice to be an accessory to cheating. It is a factor that can affect the choice but it can not cause or prevent the choice.

 

 

No simplest answer, because they can, is not the reason.

 

The become a WS because they want revenge.

 

They want to make their WS feel the hurt that they did.

 

They want to get even.

 

They want to show their WS that others find them desirable.

 

They feel worthless and want to build their self esteem back.

 

For every reason that a WS can justify having an affair. And we know how wrong that reasoning and faulty it is. The BS has just as many reasons to falsely justify having an affair.

[2.50 a gallon]

Road

 

More generalizations. True about the revenge factor, but it was not directed towards my W, instead my revenge was directed more towards the associate OM's, by seducing their wives. And towards my co-workers H who had the gaul to insult my manhood.

 

Other than the poker players W, there were no affairs, only a series of ONS where they got to let loose sexually.

 

The truth is as far as I know most of the marriages survived, as the husband never found out about our trysts.

 

And in fact, in one case the wife was already planning to D her H, but changed her mind to stick it out for a few more years, once she had found a source for sex outside her marriage.

 

My co-workers just wanted to experience oral sex. They had no plans to D their husband or get into an affair with another man. Had they chose a different man, the results might have been different

 

And for me, I found a great source for easy great sex and that is all I wanted.

 

Revenge with the wife had very little to do with it.