The ego boost of the younger Hot OW(M) ?

[LilGirlandOW]

I get it, as the OW(M), generally we put more effort into every small detail before, during and after a xyz (your typical encounter with MM(W)), we understand there's BS and a competition for MM(W) love & time. So I get that in itself would be a boost of ego.

 

But that could come from any emotionally invested OW. Does having a "Hot" OW , "head turning" OW boost their ego? Like having a Porche but you have to keep it in your garage.... like no ego boosting gratification.. just a secret porche.

 

But I read a couple things online that suggests MM(W) get the "biggest" ego boost from the "Hottness/youthfulness" of the OW over the emotional and supportive factors.

[Owl]

I'm kinda curious too...what's the 'value' of this question? What does the answer "help" or "support" you with?

 

What's the point?

[bentleychic]

I'm not sure it boosts his ego since he doesn't tell many people about me. I could understand if we were publicly together or married, yeah, I could see being the "trophy girlfriend/wife" (though I don't at all feel like I could hold that title), but at this point in time, that doesn't hold any water. It might make him feel good b/c I desire him, but that's about the extent of it.

[LilGirlandOW]

mostly a one-sided article got me thinking. Heard of trophy wives, not sure about trophy OW(M).

 

My ego? ok I guess. I have alot to focus on right now.. which is a nice change as in my previous job I became really good at and the challenge and brain storming was gone. While MM is on my mind, he's far from my main thought.

[ladydesigner]

Wonder what the point is too because in our case MOW was younger than me, but not prettier than me by a long shot and I keep my body in better shape as I work out a lot and she doesn't at all. I am the trophy wife and my WH still needed the boost. It's all about the attention THEY receive (the WS) so if it is attention coming from you or because of you I imagine that it would be an ego boost.

[MissBee]

If your OW is a secret, it doesn't really matter, although maybe for some it is gratifying in secret.

 

However, this is assuming the OW is indeed young and hot, which isn't necessarily the case.

[Babolat]

Can't comment on the OW, never cheated.

 

My last gf was the first woman in my life I ever thought about this with, the trophy. She is gorgeous, major head turner, charming, social, warm, friendly...did I say gorgrous? I mean curves where they should be, stunning eyes, a beautiful smile, buxom, great legs,, breat butt, walked with confidence ....and this was not just me, my friends saw this (and they never say anything about a women I date), my family even saw it.

 

I started to notice I enjoyed having her on my arm...I enjoyed walking into a store, a restaurant, a party, and heads turned. I loved hearing "you are such a gorgrous beautiful couple".

 

Though it really bothered me. I don't need a beautiful woman on my arm, yet I was feeling it with her. I think a lot of it had to do with where the relationship was, not in a great place for me and her beauty and charm kept me in the relationship..if that makes sense. And maybe I was a bit insecure at the time with us, with myself, and needed the attention..not sure. I do think about it and try to figure it out.

[Quiet Storm]

It could be an ego boost. Do you feel objectified?

 

I think some MM actually devalue the hot OW that chooses a MM as her primary relationship. MM knows she could have her pick of single men, but she chooses a married one. Some mm see this as a sign of low self worth, and they exploit that.

[Spark1111]

whenever I see an older man with a much younger trophy woman on his arm, I assume he is doing very, very well financially or he didn't get to date much in high school.

[Owl]

mostly a one-sided article got me thinking. Heard of trophy wives, not sure about trophy OW(M).

 

 

Guess it would depend on circumstances.

 

A "trophy..." is someone/something that you display in front of others to make them jealous/envious of you.

 

If an OW is a mistress that's proudly displayed...then perhaps she is a "trophy OW".

 

But given that most of the time the affair is kept hidden in order to keep it going...that kinda negates the "trophy" aspect.

 

Now...is it an ego boost for an older man to have a "hot young thing" who wants him? Sure.

 

If he's pathetic enough to seek out that kind of ego boost...he's not much of a trophy, if you take my meaning.

 

And at the end of the day, most folks with a modicum of self-respect don't want to be a "trophy-partner"...because that implies (often rightly so) that their only value is for their looks or 'trophy' status...it implies they have less value as an actual partner, or human being.

 

Me...I look like an owl. Short, squat, bug eyed...I ain't nobody's trophy. But I'm good with that, 'cause I got value as a human being.

[ComingInHot]

who doesn't like beautiful things, old and new!! Generall though the older the beautiful thing is, the greater its value.(wink) ((wink))*

 

the exow in my life put EVERYTHING into physical affirmation. She based all worth on beauty. then tried to "convince" me I was ugly... strange to me. Such a waste of energy, all that one sided competition thing.

Ya, exow was younger and pretty. So am I, AND on the inside too*

 

lilgirl maybe it's time to let go...*

[waytogo]

I get it, as the OW(M), generally we put more effort into every small detail before, during and after a xyz (your typical encounter with MM(W)), we understand there's BS and a competition for MM(W) love & time. So I get that in itself would be a boost of ego.

 

But that could come from any emotionally invested OW. Does having a "Hot" OW , "head turning" OW boost their ego? Like having a Porche but you have to keep it in your garage.... like no ego boosting gratification.. just a secret porche.

 

But I read a couple things online that suggests MM(W) get the "biggest" ego boost from the "Hottness/youthfulness" of the OW over the emotional and supportive factors.

 

 

Funny, when I was OW, I didn't put all kinds of special care into our time as you describe. Maybe because of the length of time we had known each other. If I didn't feel like putting on makeup, I didn't.

 

I remember one time shopping with him. He commented that men were looking at me right and left; and envying him. I didn't see that happening - at all. I thought that was his perception and what he wanted to think.

[fanine]

I get it, as the OW(M), generally we put more effort into every small detail before, during and after a xyz (your typical encounter with MM(W)), we understand there's BS and a competition for MM(W) love & time. So I get that in itself would be a boost of ego.

 

But that could come from any emotionally invested OW. Does having a "Hot" OW , "head turning" OW boost their ego? Like having a Porche but you have to keep it in your garage.... like no ego boosting gratification.. just a secret porche.

 

But I read a couple things online that suggests MM(W) get the "biggest" ego boost from the "Hottness/youthfulness" of the OW over the emotional and supportive factors.

 

I was 9 years older than my MM. When we first connected (and I thought he was single...) he told me he never thought he would meet a woman like me. But not so much to do with looks (though I'm not that bad ) but because in a sense I came from a whole different world to his.

 

I'm a professional university educated woman, brought up in a comfortable middle class family in the suburbs of London. Not rich at all, but with a wide variety of friends, social life, theatre, cinema, museums etc - cultured....well travelled...

 

He on the other hand has only been in my country for 9 years, never really has or had money, had a very tough childhood, never really experienced culture, not even going that far out of his neighbourhood.....his friends and wife all very much the same.

 

I met all his friends (being cuban it seems totally normal to have a girlfriend and a wife and they accepted me as being the woman he loves) we were always out with them and they were lovely to me and thought I was incredible.

 

But I knew also in the early days anyway many people were amazed that what they saw as a man like him, was with a woman like me (not that it was something that ever ever bothered me - seemed to bother them all more).

 

It did give him an ego boost that I was on his arm, not as a trophy OW as such, but as an educated, cultured, well brought up lady, who loved to keep a beautiful home, with flowers, and all the little touches...I do know that as he was always very proud to 'show me off' to people...

 

But I do know that is what he also loved most about me - he always said I was a lady, so feminine, a real lady...and that was what the biggest attraction was for him...

[stillafool]

If your OW is a secret, it doesn't really matter, although maybe for some it is gratifying in secret.

 

However, this is assuming the OW is indeed young and hot, which isn't necessarily the case.

 

I agree. How could the MM use her as a trophy when he can't show her off to anyone. Most of the time it isn't looks that make them stray. I've seen some of the women that got involved with my friends or relatives husbands and they certainly were not (IMO) even attractive. My cheating uncle's wife was drop dead gorgeous and the woman he was cheating on her with was not goodlooking in the least. He is married to her now.

[jlola]

I have noticed some women like dating men who are not good looking .It makes her feel special to have the upper hand and they think the man will never cheat because of tbat.Even if he has already shown he is a cheater.

[Spark1111]

Yeah.....the objectification of women lives on.

 

Which is ironic to me.....sorta like all those OW who affair with jobless men who still live with mama trying to beat that alcohol addiction.

 

I guess that's the equivalent of male objectification. how much moeny is in his wallet.

 

both external validations....

[Mycatsnuggles]

My partner is a younger MM and yes there is some satisfaction in the fact of him being incredibly hot and younger then me. He is also very intelligent and emotionally satisfying. Initially I went out with him because he was so good looking but that would not have held my interest for long. It was very flattering to be pursed by a hot younger man.

 

Probably quite different for a woman dating a younger man, I've had some insecurities over my age at various times. He states he never notices our age differences although honestly its not a topic of conversation any longer. We are both of us are content to remain in our primary relationships and see each other on the side. The age difference may contribute to this. I don't know if we could work in real life. I'm considered a cougar - not really a nice word but I do like my boy toy lol.

[LilGirlandOW]

Really it was just something I was thinking alot of OW describe themselves are "easy on the eyes".

 

I know I'm much better looking than my MM, i'm sure its a little ego boost, but also one of his insecurities... I admit to playing that card once or twice when I was all pouty

[jlola]

Really it was just something I was thinking alot of OW describe themselves are "easy on the eyes".

 

I know I'm much better looking than my MM, i'm sure its a little ego boost, but also one of his insecurities... I admit to playing that card once or twice when I was all pouty

 

I had a girlfriend who reminds me a lot of you. She was very beautiful. In fact, one of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. With real measurements of 36DD-22(who has a waist that small?)37. I kid you not. 5'7" tall 125lbs. Perfection. she tended to date men who were not good looking. In fact she thrived on that fact.

 

The men would be gaga for her and of course none of her boyfriends could believe their good fortune. Male friends would ask me what her problem was.And believe me she hd issues and was very insecure.

 

I think she thought she had the upper hand in the relationship. I think in a weird way, she got a kick out of having everyone wonder why she was with those men . Interestingly, most were nice guys, but had issues also. So I always wondered what she got out of dating those types of men.It was not like they had their act together. Some had more baggage than her.

 

It was as though she was afraid of a man of her caliber as he would not swoon over her enough and would not be "grateful" enough.

 

There was a thread on this forum awhile back asking if some beautiful women date ugly men so they can feel superior. Most of the women denied they do this. But I think it is far more common than we think. "If I am the more attractive one, he will be so grateful, he will not cheat".

 

Everyone here can tell you this is false. I have seen the ugliest guys with very pretty wives cheat, still cheating.

 

Cheating is about lack of character. Also Lil, looks get old really quick.

[jlola]

Yet, here you sit, wasting your youth and looks on a big fat nothing. I don't even get that you're into this guy. What is your payoff?

 

Don't get it either. No looks,no integrity,lots of baggage,coward. Wow! Big payoff Lil.

 

Sort of like wanting to pay a million dollars for a broken down trailer built on a foundation of mud. For some reason you see value and think it is such a prize.where everyone else sees the waste.

 

Even his friend who he bragged to about you, cannot believe how desperate you are that you are willing to date so beneath you. But you somehow even see that as a compliment.

[krazikat]

Guess it would depend on circumstances.

 

A "trophy..." is someone/something that you display in front of others to make them jealous/envious of you.

 

If an OW is a mistress that's proudly displayed...then perhaps she is a "trophy OW".

 

But given that most of the time the affair is kept hidden in order to keep it going...that kinda negates the "trophy" aspect.

 

Now...is it an ego boost for an older man to have a "hot young thing" who wants him? Sure.

 

If he's pathetic enough to seek out that kind of ego boost...he's not much of a trophy, if you take my meaning.

 

And at the end of the day, most folks with a modicum of self-respect don't want to be a "trophy-partner"...because that implies (often rightly so) that their only value is for their looks or 'trophy' status...it implies they have less value as an actual partner, or human being.

 

Me...I look like an owl. Short, squat, bug eyed...I ain't nobody's trophy. But I'm good with that, 'cause I got value as a human being.

 

There was a guy I dated years ago...he took me to a work party where he proceeded to parade me around...and when I overheard him talking to a group of coworkers about my body, I was done. There had been a few other situations, but none so blatantly disrespectful...he asked me to turn around in a circle so his coworkers could checke out...wtf. Never looked at him the same, broke up shortly after.

[Spark1111]

Did I miss something? What do you offer besides beauty and youth?

 

What makes you special? Why do you value such shallow attributes if you are all that?

 

If you are secure you are ALL that, why aren't you living that life? Why aren't you with some young, wealthy, handsome, confident single guy who showers you with love and affection?

 

Something doesn't jive here......

 

Single, fit, pretty women are a dime a dozen. Not being snarky here.

 

Single, fit, pretty, smart, funny, accomplished and confident women have a million suitors.

 

What is missing here?

[LilGirlandOW]

Did I miss something? What do you offer besides beauty and youth?

 

What makes you special?

 

This was just a loose thought spurred by a one-sided article I read online.... Didnt claim to be a porche, that being said I'm not gonna lie and say I dont turn heads,,, whatever.

 

What makes me special? Outside of my thoughts and diaries I'm the most optimistic person most people I know have met, always smiling and try to "pay it forward" in life with the simple things (holding doors, returning the car beside me's shopping cart, buying a stranger in a car behind me coffee... little things that make me feel good). I take care of my body, my skin, my teeth, all the vain things, yes, I tune up daily.... but I more so feel good about myself everyday with the smiles, love and consideration I put out in the world. Plus I'm driven career wise.

 

Anyways....

 

And LisaLee... everybody needs validation, and any intimate encounters with women have been in a private setting, I'm bisexual... that doesnt make me a *****ing prono!!!

[Pierre]

mostly a one-sided article got me thinking. Heard of trophy wives, not sure about trophy OW(M).

 

 

There is no point to having a trophy that no one can see or know about it.

[Phoenix32]

In my case, I've seen his wife and I'm pretty sure I'm not hotter or younger...at least in my opinion. Ok I might be a couple years younger, but she is gorgeous. And totally opposite personality from me. I don't really understand how men think.