The ego boost of the younger Hot OW(M) ?

[bentleychic]

And a frog on my shoulder? TOTALLY! Piercings, tattoos and musical choice are the only thing my avatar and I have in common. lol

[LilGirlandOW]

Yes joking,

[ladydesigner]

My husband mentioned ego boost quite a bit, but no, not in terms of looks but in terms of someone being his lap dog, willing to settle for the crumbs, be at his disposal, ect...

 

He and I had a marriage of equals in that we are both successful in our careers, both busy, split the duties, etc....

 

He needed someone that he could subjugate, sad, but true and difficult for him to realize in himself.

 

So, although you may be hot, that's not what he likes, it's that you are easy to manipulate that gives him the sense of power he is looking for.

 

This is a thought provoking post and you describe my WH well. My WH could not manipulate me, even after DDay. It's interesting you bring up the lap dog inference because MOW was known to follow my WH everywhere he went at his warehouse. She hung onto his every word and complaint about me and our marriage. Our marriage was good right before his A started, so it just completely baffles me. It was my WH who was often struggling with himself, his business, and his ailing mother. I was always there to help him, asking him what was wrong? I didn't know he was having an A and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, he was just silent. My WH loved the way MOW made him feel. HE felt needed. He said because I have a great career, I am educated, take care of the kids and kids activities on my own, work out, see friends (basically having a great time in life while he worked all day and never came home) that I didn't make him feel needed I know I can't be the damsel in distress it's not in my make-up I am an independent woman with an independent mind

[MissBee]

You shouldn't feel degraded over your sexuality, my point was the MM bragging and telling all his male friends about your sexuality. That IS degrading.

 

The MM in Lil's case gets an ego boost out of feeling he has Lil wrapped around his finger. From the last time he had that penis size contest with his friend who said he couldn't believe he got Lil, and MM was all pissy about it. He just reminds me of a 17 year old boy who does everything for the approval of his friends. We already know he doesn't respect Lil, based on his actions, and esp since he blabs about their sex life and relationship to other people shows he does it to gain approval and an ego boost from others....it's not even about you Lil. You are simply the means to which he can then show off to his friends.

[CALOVELY]

The MM in Lil's case gets an ego boost out of feeling he has Lil wrapped around his finger. From the last time he had that penis size contest with his friend who said he couldn't believe he got Lil, and MM was all pissy about it. He just reminds me of a 17 year old boy who does everything for the approval of his friends. We already know he doesn't respect Lil, based on his actions, and esp since he blabs about their sex life and relationship to other people shows he does it to gain approval and an ego boost from others....it's not even about you Lil. You are simply the means to which he can then show off to his friends.

 

It really does come down to that. Do you think he has his cop wife wrapped around his finger? Not a chance. Does he need someone to manipulate and use/abuse to look cool in front of his friends? You bet. Enter Lil. This guy is a grade A scumbag and his friend is as well. If he was any friend at all he'd tell him to knock this **** off and stop dragging two women in to his psychotic mind screw.

[jlola]

Lil.

 

The reality of your situation s YOU are very afraid someone will do to you what you willingly helped another do, which is cheat! Your insecurities make you try to protect yourself by getting a man who is

beneath " you. You feel since you think men value beauty, you have one up on him and the wife, Therefore MM will be so grateful to have a young and beautiful woman as his,if he leaves his wife, he will not dare risk it cheat on you like he did to BS.

 

Your logic is flawed though and one day you will understand.

 

It is not confidence in yourself that makes you choose men(apparently your ex-H did not have it together mentally) who are creepy. Quite the opposite. You feel "special" because you are willing to put up with so much low character , no integrity as well as mediocre looks, and a WIFE to be with them, that they will appreciate it.

[MissBee]

It really does come down to that. Do you think he has his cop wife wrapped around his finger? Not a chance. Does he need someone to manipulate and use/abuse to look cool in front of his friends? You bet. Enter Lil. This guy is a grade A scumbag and his friend is as well. If he was any friend at all he'd tell him to knock this **** off and stop dragging two women in to his psychotic mind screw.

 

 

Yupp!

 

It's sick and I know that in the culture I'm from this is common. Men will often have a wife or primary partner which they respect, or at least pretend to, whom they have as the mother of their children, public partner, someone they'd not think of disrespecting openly or talking to their friends about crudely. Then, they'll have a side woman, who is often a younger girl whom they treat as their toy, whom they feel they can get her to do anything they want by buying her stuff or filling her head with sweet nothings and it is ALL for bragging rights with their friends. NOTHING in their relationship is private like it is with their wives, because the whole point is to brag and show off so they talk about every encounter with their friends and talk about her body and her skills and what she does and it's just very gross. Like look at me...I have a nice young thing willing to do anything for me, listen to what she did last night...how about you??? And it really isn't at all about love, care or respect for this girl, but using her as a status symbol...as an object which they possess and control.

[jlola]

 

Yupp!

 

It's sick and I know that in the culture I'm from this is common. Men will often have a wife or primary partner which they respect, or at least pretend to, whom they have as the mother of their children, public partner, someone they'd not think of disrespecting openly or talking to their friends about crudely. Then, they'll have a side woman, who is often a younger girl whom they treat as their toy, whom they feel they can get her to do anything they want by buying her stuff or filling her head with sweet nothings and it is ALL for bragging rights with their friends. NOTHING in their relationship is private like it is with their wives, because the whole point is to brag and show off so they talk about every encounter with their friends and talk about her body and her skills and what she does and it's just very gross. Like look at me...I have a nice young thing willing to do anything for me, listen to what she did last night...how about you??? And it really isn't at all about love, care or respect for this girl, but using her as a status symbol...as an object which they possess and control.

 

 

We come from similar cultures. A friend of my cousin's had a wife and a mistress. they were both educated and knew about each other. the relationship with mistress had been going on for about 5 years when WS asked my cousin to speak with me about a friend I had. He was so greedy, he wanted mistress #2. I told my cousin that #1. My friend did not date MM. #2. His Frankenstein looking friend should be grateful to find one stupid woman, let alone two.

 

A lot of women are pretty desperate to have any man and will settle for being the mistress. He miscalculated. My friend had"standards" unlike the women who kept competing for his sorry self.. My friend ended up meeting a very good looking German law school graduate in NYC. they got married and moved back to Germany.

 

Imagine she had set her sights so low to be mistress of Frankenstein? Rather than giving herself a chance to meet a very good man from a nice family who treasures her.

 

My mother used to tell me to marry an American man because they do not cheat. She would say American wives would not stand for it, and since most American women are intelligent and have careers, they will not lower themselves to be mistresses either. She was wrong .

Edited August 9, 2013 by jlola

[Spark1111]

I have a chubby, happy, beautiful smile, confident in her skin, GF.

 

When I go out with her, and she is not hot by any conventional standards, I want to beat the men off with a stick! They cannot stay away!

 

They all, after a few dates, want to marry her!

 

She has been in one long-term serious relationship after another and she is the one who breaks up with them because of THEIR insecurities.

 

She has taught me, by her easy-going, accepting, happy and CONFIDENT nature what men want to marry, chubbiness and all.

 

No stilettos, no gym, no 120-lb hard body hottie. THAT they want to screw.

 

Confidence and happiness is SEXY.

 

she NEVER lacks for suitors.

 

LIL, what are you doing? What values are you adopting here? because THAT'S the TYPE of man you are attracting.

[Lillyfree]

 

She has taught me, by her easy-going, accepting, happy and CONFIDENT nature what men want to marry, chubbiness and all.

 

No stilettos, no gym, no 120-lb hard body hottie. THAT they want to screw.

 

erm... sorry, but i find this offensive.

 

i have been told i'm attractive. i weigh 50 kgs, work out and wear stilletos.

but i'm also intelligent, confident, and happy - and to me that's more important than being attractive.

 

i don't think of myself as something men just want to screw. and 'm definitely not planning to put on weight just so men would want me for my personality

 

let's not go from one extreme to the other here. there are attractive women who have personality, as there are uglies who are also not nice people.

[LilGirlandOW]

I dont care what you believe! I decided joining LS that I would be brutally honest with sharing my story, down to the details. We've had a few crazy moments.... so have alot of posters here.

 

The BDSM aspect was a thought thrown around by another LS poster... nothing I suggested at first (aside from jokingly).

 

The miscarriage, its is what is it

 

Getting his nacklace broken during the scuffle, I have the drop off slip here to prove it....

 

As well as my text message diary between MM and I to prove anything I speak of....

 

I knew if I wanted advice and brutual honesty about my situation.... I had to be brutually honest in my postings. That coupled with LS is the only place I can "get it all out there" and off my back.

 

Take it or leave it, just cause I'm not activly striving for NC or in NC or cause my story doesnt go with the grain doesn't make me a liar!

Edited August 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Got it]

I think it is very presumptuous for people to start ridiculing someone because they don't surmise something to be true. The idea that anyone or anything posted on the internet is true is ridiculous so the OP is no more "true" than anyone else here.

 

If people think that this is all fallacy then why insult and post? Is this how one entertains themselves? That's very sad.

[findingnemo]

Lil, we are discussing this again?

 

Beauty is neither here nor there. Men find almost all women beautiful in the oddest ways. It is us women who keep harping on about beauty. Celebrities are beautiful because they spend hours preparing for photo shoots and TV appearances. They slap on so many products under that make up and then the photos are airbrushed. If I spent as much time doing that I would be Miss Universe. We average Janes are much prettier than those celebrities. At least when we wash our faces, people recognize us and still love what they see.

 

Trophy OWs? That's an oxymoron. If they are such a trophy why aren't they in the arms of their own trophy man? I suspect many MM lie awake at night wondering why the OW even looked his way in the first place. Some men value the youth factor. Perky boobs, taut skin, no stretch marks, firm buttocks, etc. But I usually tell my male friends who admire youth that they are very very stupid. Do they think those young hot women are actually attracted to them? They have potbellies, low hanging balls, low stamina, maybe an inability to get properly hard and can't even sustain what little hardness they have. Lil, what the hell do you like about this "Daddy"? Even I at 39 admire young men with six packs, biceps and the aura of Herculean strength.

 

Read about the French, Lil. It is called being French Chic. Google it. The definition of beauty includes things like clear skin, a fit body, loads of confidence, a melted-chocolate-like oozing of sexuality and most of all CLASS. Examples are Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, Princess Diana and many, many non-famous women in this world. They are beautiful because they combine a big number of positive attributes - both physical and character related.

[Got it]

Lil, we are discussing this again?

 

Beauty is neither here nor there. Men find almost all women beautiful in the oddest ways.

 

I like to think in the most unique ways.

[GorillaTheater]

If this thread is about what I think it's about, I like my women hot, smart, and over 40.

[tbf]

if this thread is about what i think it's about, i like my women hot, smart, and over 40.

 

...........

[GorillaTheater]

 

...........

 

Sorry young lady.

 

Besides, we probably couldn't stop fighting long enough to actually have a relationship.

[Red Wolverine]

'If this thread is about what I think it's about, I like my women hot, smart, and over 40.'

 

Right and there are so many of those.

 

:::raising my hand:::

 

Pick me pick me

[Red Wolverine]

if you're over 40 and you think you're hot you're lying to yourself.

 

Aren't you 43? If you're not hot, why would your ex want you?

[fanine]

if you're over 40 and you think you're hot you're lying to yourself.

 

I thought you were 43 and much better than your ex's current wife? Safe to say there are plenty of women over 40 who are hot! How old are you really? 16?

[Red Wolverine]

I'm attractive, but i cant compete with an in shape 25 year old. That's the truth.

 

Any man I would be interested in wouldn't be interested in a 25 year old woman.

 

Intelligence and beauty can be found at any age, however life experience and wisdom comes with age.

[tbf]

Sorry young lady.

 

Besides, we probably couldn't stop fighting long enough to actually have a relationship.

Age is but a number.

 

Make up sessions rule!

[ComingInHot]

Heavensc80 wrote, "if you're over 40 and you think you're hot you're lying to yourself."

 

Heavens whatever your smokin', Please share!

 

I'm in/near/at and around that age and am in Better shape that Many girls in their 20's. Thing is, I don't compete with them. No need. My H had his chance to choose a late twenties something (while I was early 30's) and guess what??! She completed with me Without my Knowledge and even after she outed and went berserk, I still felt no competition.

 

Disclaimer: except for the fact that she was like a size minus zero while I am still between a 4 & 6. That one was tough because I struggled (like MANY women do) with believing that size equated beauty and love... ya, past that now*

[2sure]

if you're over 40 and you think you're hot you're lying to yourself.

 

If you think you have any grasp whatsoever on reality, have someone who cares about you read your threads.

[2sure]

I agree I can't compete with an in shape 25 year old..I guess. But what could we possibly both want that I would compete for? Not a man, that's for sure. Love cannot be competed for.