Author Misadventure Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 Therapy was good I think. We went over the stages of grief and she assured me its normal and that I will flip flop back and forth throughout them all at different times...like 6 months from now I can wake up in the denial stage moment for a bit...thats not really comforting. I know its happening. It's hard to face. I hate it..I HATE it. What I would like to do ...how do I slowly turn my mind from wondering what he is doing (or who)..and still caring? After all, he doesn't care about me or what I am doing or even how I am doing. He just wants me out. And THAT FACT hurts like hell. Well, good news is he didn't come by today... if he did he would have already, the alarm would have gone off and I would have been called because I changed all the codes. Yeah, MsO..I miss the little things we did together..and I wonder to myself, how can he NOT miss this? How can he be completely fine just erasing it all? And the thing is..I really did not see it coming..we had just had an amazing weekend before he left..telling me how much he loved me etc.. Grrr... Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Zombie apocalypse. About as good of an explanation as you are likely to get. So go with that. Hope you are doing ok today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Remember that your brain chemistry is all jacked up right now, you can't rush this part. Believe me he remembers and thinks of it from time to tine but I'm guessing it's easier for him because he has something in place to distract him, as do all WS do... Sucks but keep your head above water long enough for things to settle. Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) No, I am not doing well today. A friend forwarded me his profile on a dating website. He is lying saying he is divorced (and who knows how long he has had this acct), and while doing that saying he wants a loyal and honest companion. Seriously?! Because he IS honest? Loyal? My a**!!!!! He put alot of other BS in there. My Dad told me, "why are you surprised?" Seeing it for yourself is an effing shock. I am not the one who left the relationship physically and emotionally..he did. I have only had a month and a half to process all this! I feel like I am going crazy mad sometimes. I cried for hours after seeing this. I threw up 3 times after reading his profile and his NEW pics. No effing conscience at all. I think God seriously wanted me to see this and thought I was ready to see this. I think it was the push to make me really see. It just effing hurts like hell. My heart hurts. What a cold hearted rotten piece of human excrement. POS pig rat b*st*rd. Edited August 18, 2013 by Misadventure 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Mis, I'm so sorry to hear you had to see that. Believe me I know what it's like to suddenly see something your mind isn't ready for. For me it was... well, graffic evidence. I litterally felt like I was coming out of my skin. Never felt that way before, though during a rather emotional relapse I did feel it again. I called a suicide hotline that night and spent almost an hour balled up on my kitchen floor being told not to get up. I can tell you to be ready for some serious dips in the emotional rollercoaster over the next week or so. I would sugest getting with your MD to get something to take the edge off during these moments, helped me a ton. I wouldn't have been able to work most days without one. You are likely hitting a deep bottom part in this, which while horrid is atleast the worst it gets. You have no where to go but up. Since you are working on a 180 right now with NC, I also suggest you let your friends know that you will be better off nit knowing what he's up to. Build yourself, build a few walls for now, protect yourself from yourself, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) No, I am not doing well today. A friend forwarded me his profile on a dating website. He is lying saying he is divorced (and who knows how long he has had this acct), and while doing that saying he wants a loyal and honest companion. Seriously?! Because he IS honest? Loyal? My a**!!!!! He put alot of other BS in there. My Dad told me, "why are you surprised?" Seeing it for yourself is an effing shock. I am not the one who left the relationship physically and emotionally..he did. I have only had a month and a half to process all this! I feel like I am going crazy mad sometimes. I cried for hours after seeing this. I threw up 3 times after reading his profile and his NEW pics. No effing conscience at all. I think God seriously wanted me to see this and thought I was ready to see this. I think it was the push to make me really see. It just effing hurts like hell. My heart hurts. What a cold hearted rotten piece of human excrement. POS pig rat b*st*rd. sweetie, it's early days for you, he won't be the last rogue you have to weed out, oh, dear, welcome to the world of dating, let's be careful out there, expect less, go slow, and quietly observe, then weed out (or keep on if he's kind/entertaining) too, don't let him rob you, seek legal advice about your house, money... ps...to men reading this...I know some of us women can be crappy too Edited August 18, 2013 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 I didn't sleep well at all, if any... I am heartbroken about this...and pissed...hurt...mad..shocked (even though I shouldn't be)...effing a**hole. POS MF Effer. Dan, today I do feel like I am coming out of my skin...I thought rock bottom was when he left and then when he took condoms with him but seeing that he has a profile and who knows when he has had it up. It is not "new". So sick to my stomach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 I didn't sleep well at all, if any... I am heartbroken about this...and pissed...hurt...mad..shocked (even though I shouldn't be)...effing a**hole. POS MF Effer. Dan, today I do feel like I am coming out of my skin...I thought rock bottom was when he left and then when he took condoms with him but seeing that he has a profile and who knows when he has had it up. It is not "new". So sick to my stomach. So one thing you CAN celebrate is you are moving on to ANGRY! Woot woot! "Angry" will be so much more helpful if you have it to call on for the next while. Sorry you are having a tough time. He's a dirtbag, probably always was a dirtbag, at minimum he's a zombie dirtbag. (Mom hugs) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 Yeah, I guess I can transition from crying over his hairy flat a$$ and two tone appendage....to anger...I am hurt and angry... I hope someone stomps on him and good. What a liar!!!! I just hope he gets his and good. I will go for the jugular from now on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 I tried my best to be off the pc today after work..My older brother (a marine) wants to beat the living sh*t out of him and I can't say I wouldn't watch with popcorn, and offer steel tip boots (I don't have boots but I could go get them for that occasion!!). One of my friends who found his dating site page and list of BS he spewed, wrote to him, and said she knew he was not divorced but indeed married and he was a lousy effer just looking for more cheating. He promptly did not respond to her, reported her for the pu$$y he is, and then deleted his entire FB page also. Well, I did manage to get out of the house after work today.. went to a True Blood Finale Party. I am not crying atm but I can tell you that what I feel is a deep mixture of anger, borderline hatred, and just pure sadness and betrayal. How the heck am I supposed to move on from these feelings and be positive and myself again one day? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 I am not crying atm but I can tell you that what I feel is a deep mixture of anger, borderline hatred, and just pure sadness and betrayal. How the heck am I supposed to move on from these feelings and be positive and myself again one day? From your first post, to now, you are definitely moving forward. OMG, Misadventure, your situation is SO crazy, and you were so heart-wrenchingly vulnerable when you posted your first post. Reading your more recent posts is much different!! Your anger is completely normal (see the Stages of Grief). I applaud you for getting to this point. ((hugs)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WreckedDan Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Just be aware you will slide hard back and forth between denial, depression, and anger.. I'm not big on anger... for some reason I only get mad when the stbx does something stupid regarding my little one. Hell, I hope everything works out with her new guy, if not I could care.less, likely laugh a bit, but it would be beat for my kiddo to not have a mother that goes from guy to guy... Just my 2© Dan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 So...are you ready to file for that divorce yet? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 The lawyer I plan on retaining is on vacation.... But I want him to file so he has to pay for everything.. he is the one cheating, lying, been on a dating website lying that he is divorced when not...and just the things he is saying, he is looking for a replacement wife and wasting no time. So his little fling I guess wore off and there he is on a website, LYING. I am so very disgusted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 While your lawyer is off, collect your information, get your copies of financials, tax returns, retirement, insurance, mortgage etc. Make a list of what you have to have, and what you want. Including him paying for the divorce. Be ready to hand it all over when the lawyer comes back from vacation. Use this time to get your ducks in a row. Any emails or text messages that may talk about anything pertinent. Make an inventory of anything of value and what you want to keep. Good luck. Your STBXH is an asswipe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Hey Mis, I read that post and it sounds like my husband. He was getting no action when his profile said separated, so he changed it to divorced. I feel a little bad for all these women on the site who say they are looking for someone with integrity. Of course, his profile says he is very honest. I hope they go in with eyes wide open, because I also think mine is looking for a replacement wife/breadwinner. Get all your ducks in a row and get ready to file. I know you want him to file, but he may never do it. He left you destitute. Your lawyer can go after him for the money to file as well as your lawyer fees. He did the leaving, here, and not in a reasonable way. I'm also going to be filing, as soon as I iron out the agreement with him. He keeps asking for more and more money from me. I don't want to be a pushover, but I do want him out of my life as soon as possible. Best of luck, Mis!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) Is, he is the most disgusting vile lying sack of sh*t. I hope someone laughs at his two tone appendage and his lack of stamina, and the flimsy excuse for what he calls foreplay. I am seriously disgusted. I am sad, I am mad..I am enraged...I am wanting to stomp the sh*t out of his small tiny version of a sack of balls. I am going to go through as much as I can of the house this week to get what I need to show the lawyer. I feel like "who in the hell is this person?!" Vla, how can girls fall for that cr@p on a dating website. I am freaking scared to date now lol. He is a LIAR!!!! OH and FYI, when his aunt called today to check on me to see if I was okay.. I told her about his profile and what he was doing. She said, "Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, just like my brother- his father!" I told her I will be sending photos she wants because I will be boxing and shredding some this week, and I will send her what she wants, and also a printout of his LYING ASS PROFILE. Edited August 20, 2013 by Misadventure 4 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 You're heading in the right direction, use your momentum. It's what got me through it. Focus on the legal process , getting it done. Your momentum will help you over the hurt. Anger serves a purpose ya know? Also, I find your verbiage hilarious! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Is, he is the most disgusting vile lying sack of sh*t. I hope someone laughs at his two tone appendage and his lack of stamina, and the flimsy excuse for what he calls foreplay. I am seriously disgusted. I am sad, I am mad..I am enraged...I am wanting to stomp the sh*t out of his small tiny version of a sack of balls. I am going to go through as much as I can of the house this week to get what I need to show the lawyer. I feel like "who in the hell is this person?!" Vla, how can girls fall for that cr@p on a dating website. I am freaking scared to date now lol. He is a LIAR!!!! OH and FYI, when his aunt called today to check on me to see if I was okay.. I told her about his profile and what he was doing. She said, "Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, just like my brother- his father!" I told her I will be sending photos she wants because I will be boxing and shredding some this week, and I will send her what she wants, and also a printout of his LYING ASS PROFILE. MsA....Don't "sugar-coat it" just tell it like it is!! Hey ,you deserve to be angry and it's ok. These women on the dating sites are not going to be as stupid and "taken" by his charm, as you may think.He will end up with nothing but nasty in all of this,you have dodged the bullet! As the elders say- He is being ugly and God don't like ugly! I think you are trying to say..."it's just like a [email protected] smaller and two-toned"? Good to see you letting go..... REVITUP 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) Well, seeing his cold eyes on a smiling face listed as "divorced" looking for someone loyal and honest literally made me throw up 3 times the first time I saw it...yeah, I broke down and cried...then 2 hours later, the deep seeded tourettes in me came out. Rev, the very first time we slept together he lasted a whole 2 minutes..then he told me I was the 2nd person he had ever been with. Gee, thanks. Back then I thought it was cute and endearing. The 2nd time, I actually got to see his appendage in the light and I was like WTF, its pale with like brown swirls and spots, reminding me of a cow!!! Well, he IS farm raised I guess...I just went with it. Mind you, the 2nd time was not exactly the greatest....it wasn't until maybe many months later when I taught him what to do that he actually got around to 15-20 minutes. Little did I know it would be the 15- 20 minutes he would EVER be capable of. He did attempt one time to find my G spot..I guess I should have warned him that if he can't pass the letter B that we should find something more constructive to do. Yes, I know.. oversharing.. but the internet is forever and one day he may run into this and everyone will know about his cow colored two tone, less than average appendage that has less life than that of a mosquito. After 8 yrs I am glad to get this out...and yes, I am starting to let go now...he is not the person I married. That person is dead. I will grieve him, I will box the memories away, and the two tone cow mothereffing effer can go eff himself because not many WILL after they take a hard look. I guess the question will be next...how long will it take me to heal, not feel like this...and one day trust again, much less want to date? Edited August 20, 2013 by Misadventure 7 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Soon...it will take as long as it takes, You will feel better once you have the formalities taken care of. I am so sorry for your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Mis, you do have a way with words. You should write a book called "Two-Toned Cows" that was hysterical! When I read my husband's profile telling what he was looking for, it hurt because there were definite barbs in there directed at me, even if he didn't realize it. He basically listed everything he didn't like about me and asked for the opposite. After my initial anger and hurt, I decided it was flattering that he was thinking of me the entire time he was composing his profile, lol. Besides, I can lose weight (lost 30 so far) and get back to my confident, appealing self. There's not much he can do about being an a-hole. I'm definitely coming out the winner on this one, and SO ARE YOU!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 There's not much he can do about being an a-hole. I'm definitely coming out the winner on this one, and SO ARE YOU!! Amen to that!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 My Mom said I should write a book about it too lol. I think you are right, he wrote his profile seeking a new replacement and yeah, certain jabs at me or what he thought anyway. Ugh, sick. Too bad he doesn't write that he is still married, a liar, took all the finances, and has infidelity problems. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 MsA,My STBXWW's dating site profile had "ready to spoil and be spoiled" as the heading.That phrase is a catch phrase for sex for sale or web cam sex!She was/is "looking for" EXACTLY me!Her desired qualities in a man are my qualities..... down to the letter! You really never know what these people are gonna do next.Expect the expected as you MOOOOOOve forward! You make me smile ! REVITUP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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