Author Misadventure Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Oh and I lost 17 lbs! (For the MOH dress... cabbage soup diet sucks but it works). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Oh and I lost 17 lbs! (For the MOH dress... cabbage soup diet sucks but it works). I prefer Atkins, just leave out the two-toned appendages....they are mostly fat and grissel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 What do you think? Well, it's obviously all part of the ugly process of divorce. I see now that I was lucky in mine, (even though to get rid of my exH, I took on all the joint debt), didn't even have to see him in court or throw each other under the bus. Looks like this is what your ex is going to do to try and get the court to go easy on alimony. Still, my hope for you is that the court rules fairly. My sister's wedding is this weekend... I am excited. NOT SAD for myself at all. I feel like my wedding happened to someone else.. in some ways it did. I will never get that kind of innocence back but I do look forward to one day being truly excited about someone.. just had not happened yet. So LOTS of family members in town from out of state, and my male cousins made me feel like the beginning of that movie Must Love Dogs (love the movie btw and I think that is pretty much where I am). Male cousins showing me pics on their phone "Do I have a friend for you!.. hey, sis, don't you have a friend for (my name)?" Yes, I was an after school special. My biological dad and stepmom are here and they reminded me of so many things that I was blind to have seen. He was white toast they said.. plain..nothing to him.. bland.. white toast. They had tried several times to make conversation and know him through the years but was like forcing him. He came from such a damaged background in his family that not ONE blood relative came to the wedding, with his own sibling living less than 30 minutes away. You would think I would have red flags, but did I? SMH! And my stepmother pinned it....she said.. "You were in rescue way before you were in animal rescue.. he was your first big dog...he didn't have a family, your family welcomed him.. he didn't have love in his life from a female and limited female experience.. you gave that to him... he didn't have anyone rooting for him to further his education and career goals.. but your family and you did that.." Wow...how did I not see this? Court date is the end of Oct....I can go to Halloween as a single gal. So many stresses and concerns...where will I go..what will I do...what if the judge falls for his BS about me. Am I perfect? No way. How am I culpable? I trusted him and put him first.. his needs, his education, his career...and I sat back and figured that I could save animals, have a pt job, try and have the child he so wanted, and go with it... and I forgot about me really. Well, I am remembering me... I now have 3 professional credits on IMDB and 2 are paid. But the rest?? I am working on it.. I pray...sometimes..and I am just hoping that something positive in the job market will happen or the judge will see that I have been trying, despite the "self authenticating" records. It's funny what we see in retrospect when it was apparent the whole time. When someone points it out, it's nice to finally have some clarity on the problem. I think your step-mom nailed it. It's about par for the course that the one left behind realizes they forgot about themselves in the process of the marriage. That's why it's important to work on that and not allow that to happen again in future relationships. If a man loves and respects you, he wants to see you grow. Demanding it, holding it over your head and being a general jerk about it just adds to the animosity and you find yourself putting yourself behind. I think you have some clarity now, Miss A. So, what are you dressing up as for Halloween?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted October 5, 2014 Author Share Posted October 5, 2014 I prefer Atkins, just leave out the two-toned appendages....they are mostly fat and grissel. LOL oohhh love you! Well, it's obviously all part of the ugly process of divorce. I see now that I was lucky in mine, (even though to get rid of my exH, I took on all the joint debt), didn't even have to see him in court or throw each other under the bus. Looks like this is what your ex is going to do to try and get the court to go easy on alimony. Still, my hope for you is that the court rules fairly. It's funny what we see in retrospect when it was apparent the whole time. When someone points it out, it's nice to finally have some clarity on the problem. I think your step-mom nailed it. It's about par for the course that the one left behind realizes they forgot about themselves in the process of the marriage. That's why it's important to work on that and not allow that to happen again in future relationships. If a man loves and respects you, he wants to see you grow. Demanding it, holding it over your head and being a general jerk about it just adds to the animosity and you find yourself putting yourself behind. I think you have some clarity now, Miss A. So, what are you dressing up as for Halloween?? Yes I think I see exactly all of that now. Halloween... I will be a single gal for Halloween besides that, no idea... just hoping I don't meltdown due to stress beforehand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Hi Miss A - Good to hear from you, update when you can. FILED BY PET = filed by petition. What it means depends on what forms you saw it on I think. Good luck with the trial..basically, hang in there. Post here, we will be here for you for moral support Hun. "Authentication" is a rule of evidence. In a nutshell, and in plain language, a judge or jury has to have some way of knowing that a document is "authentic" before being able to see it and rely on it. That sometimes (but not always) means that a witness has to come in and establish that basically the document is what it says it is. "Yes Your Honor, I am the records-keeper at the Department of Whatsits and I personally drew up this record." Some records don't require that kind of "authentication" from a witness, just because of the nature of the records. And lots of times, the parties stipulate to the authenticity of some document so that no one's time has to be wasted with objections and witnesses doing the boring foundational testimony including authentication. And now have I bored you enough OP? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 LOL oohhh love you! Halloween... I will be a single gal for Halloween besides that, no idea... just hoping I don't meltdown due to stress beforehand. No meltdowns allowed, you are strong Miss A!! No matter what, you definitely need a divorce party after all of this!! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Wow MisA! I've just read all of this. You have been through hell with this guy. The suddenness of his leaving, his total inability to take any responsibility then his attempts at manipulation even as far back as the house being in his name and then his actual reasons for leaving...total control freak! You're strong, you'll get through this. You are in a lull as it's dragging and you have no definites on finances, home, and employment right now. No one could expect to feel great every day with so much going on. There's a book called the Four Agreements and one of those agreements is 'always do your best'. The thing is that if 'your best' is 'having a duvet day with your dogs curled up on the sofa' then that is perfectly OK. I had to quote this that you posted last year, it just made me laugh out loud! I do think that he didn't "sow" his oats and that's a part of this..like he feels he wasted his 20's as he said to me on the phone the first week. In his immature mind, he imagines that every girl in their 20's will want him and he needs to go and get what he has missed out on. And I am sure he has had some of it but I can tell you that a girl who is younger in their 20's is going to find him quite boring since he has the social capability of a plant.. I wish you all the best along with sending some (((hugs))). You'll get through this and in one piece. xx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 TY all of you seriously... no idea how much this means. Jak. its quite ok, I needed to read it and TY! I just need to get on this to rebuttle as best I can. I hate that I leave emails and voice mails for my lawyers assistant and she doesn't really get back to me.. but somehow in the end it works out...we will see.... Trippi...I am trying.. it is hard... meltdown may happen but I will try my best not to. Gemma, TY, I will go and pick this up! I want a new read. I think I need a Duvet day soon... Yesterday was my sister's wedding.. I was the MOH... not once was I said for me.. just SO SO SO happy for her.. and now I see the pics and I am HOLY BLOOD F:bunny::bunny: my a:bunny: got seriously large. I am going to hit the gym again and make it a mission to lose weight again. I was doing well for while and then had set backs and then put it on back burner... but really.. I do NEED to lose weight. This sucks... I guess I wasn't as sexy as I thought I was lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I am going to hit the gym again and make it a mission to lose weight again. I was doing well for while and then had set backs and then put it on back burner... but really.. I do NEED to lose weight. This sucks... I guess I wasn't as sexy as I thought I was lol. I just wanted to reply to this... I lost weight by going back to eating real food (nothing diet or light) and started leaving just a little bit on my plate.I learned to recognise feeling full right under where my ribs meet. As well as that I gave up the gym and started walking, a brisk walk pushing forward with the backs of your thighs even just 3 times a week is the best way to lose weight as it's low impact. There's a guy at work who has been going to the gym for years and never achieved what he wanted. He started walking about a month ago and quit the gym. He has lost his problem area which was his tum. It really does work and is less of a grind to keep doing regularly. Give it a try! Most of all though,don't beat yourself up over anything. You've got enough going on. Lawyers are like that. It's very frustrating. The thing is that the minute you don't contact them will be the time you should and the time when they need reminding of something so don't change contacting them, just expect that they will only get back to you when something changes. Good luck with it all, you're a strong lady, right now you can only ride the wave you are on. You'll get there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 TY Gemma, really! I am just so overwhelmed now with stress. In one hand, I am glad this will all be over.. on the other.. it will all be over. I have no idea where I will live with my dogs and I STILL do not have the means to provide for myself fully. Which is a shame.. I am employable to a career level, I just don't have it. I am discouraged, frustrated...and I just feel really low but I have to keep trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Hon, If ya gotta available pee for real, don't hold it, that can cause a bladder infection. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
intricate Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Wow! Wow. I read this ENTIRE thread from start to finish, and I must admit, it took me a few days, but I have NO REGRETS! I admire your resiliency, MisA, I cannot imagine the gut wrenching pain you went through thanks to your ******* husband! He never deserved you, seriously! You are way beyond his level and I have a feeling he knew this and decided to hurt you in the worst ways so that he can feel better about himself. Pathetic! I have learned so much from this thread thanks to you, MisA. I learned to love my partner, forgive him, and I ask that he forgives me as well. I learned that a marriage, much less a relationship, requires constant maintenance and working through the hard parts so that we can enjoy the good parts. Love is a choice, a choice you make everyday, and your husband was too lazy and weak to continue to work at it, and that's NOT YOUR FAULT, HONEY! I have no doubt in my mind that you will find prince charming soon, because you are a good woman and you deserve it. You are beautiful both inside and outside, and you will find your happy ending soon! Keep us posted and we are here for you! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 Wow! Wow. I read this ENTIRE thread from start to finish, and I must admit, it took me a few days, but I have NO REGRETS! I admire your resiliency, MisA, I cannot imagine the gut wrenching pain you went through thanks to your ******* husband! He never deserved you, seriously! You are way beyond his level and I have a feeling he knew this and decided to hurt you in the worst ways so that he can feel better about himself. Pathetic! I have learned so much from this thread thanks to you, MisA. I learned to love my partner, forgive him, and I ask that he forgives me as well. I learned that a marriage, much less a relationship, requires constant maintenance and working through the hard parts so that we can enjoy the good parts. Love is a choice, a choice you make everyday, and your husband was too lazy and weak to continue to work at it, and that's NOT YOUR FAULT, HONEY! I have no doubt in my mind that you will find prince charming soon, because you are a good woman and you deserve it. You are beautiful both inside and outside, and you will find your happy ending soon! Keep us posted and we are here for you! Wow, that really touched me. Thank you! When all this is over, I want to reread my thread from beginning to end. Thank you for reading all of it (long) and also just saying the wonderful things you did and that you were able to take something away from my experience. I think it will be great to have this cloud finally come down. You are right- Love is a CHOICE you make everyday to work at it. He was NOT worthy of mine. I want so badly to be able to love and feel again, will see how it goes. My mom asked me today if I had turned to women lol. Ahh mom! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 Hon, If ya gotta available pee for real, don't hold it, that can cause a bladder infection. Yas LOL. (I must write more because it says 10 character limit)... But again.... LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 LOL. (I must write more because it says 10 character limit)... But again.... LOL I hate that spell funker in my new Gaxacy devices. See, it can't even spell it's own name right, like iPhone (it corrected the capitalization on that brand). But I do, so much, love to make you laugh, sweet girl. Kisses. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Wow, that really touched me. Thank you! When all this is over, I want to reread my thread from beginning to end. Thank you for reading all of it (long) and also just saying the wonderful things you did and that you were able to take something away from my experience. I think it will be great to have this cloud finally come down. You are right- Love is a CHOICE you make everyday to work at it. He was NOT worthy of mine. I want so badly to be able to love and feel again, will see how it goes. My mom asked me today if I had turned to women lol. Ahh mom! What is it about strong women that makes people think they will be gay?? My exH told me five years ago he figured I would turn to women when he was walking out......I told him he was much better at laying up with women than me, but if I ever did, she would probably have a bigger.......Heart, than him. :D You thought I was gonna say the "P" word didn't you (I did actually, modified here for general audience). I think that you are going to find a lot of relief when those clouds finally come down MisA. We don't know our own strength until we come through it and I've watched you hit bottom and come back fighting on here. He wasn't worthy, BUT DON'T YOU EVER THINK for one moment that you weren't worthy either. That's the dark place you don't want to go to. Love IS a choice, one that we should choose to give to ourselves so we can give to others eventually and allow ourselves to be loved in return. I LOVE me!! Oh!! Wait....maybe I am attracted to women!! :eeks: :eeks: ((((Platonic Hugs!!)))) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 (edited) It is ok that we all love each other. Yas PS (I forgot about all my infractions, so made a correction). Edited October 8, 2014 by Yasuandio 2 Link to post Share on other sites
intricate Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Wow, that really touched me. Thank you! When all this is over, I want to reread my thread from beginning to end. Thank you for reading all of it (long) and also just saying the wonderful things you did and that you were able to take something away from my experience. I think it will be great to have this cloud finally come down. You are right- Love is a CHOICE you make everyday to work at it. He was NOT worthy of mine. I want so badly to be able to love and feel again, will see how it goes. My mom asked me today if I had turned to women lol. Ahh mom! When all this is over, I want to reread my thread from beginning to end. Yes to this! Whenever you feel like you miss him or that you won't find anyone better than him, or when you feel down and lonely and depressed, read this entire thread, to remind yourself what a piece of $hit your STBXH is! Your thread did helped me a lot, seriously. When I saw all the hurtful actions and things that your husband said to you, I think to myself, do I want to be like him? I have my flaws, but I refuse to let them override me now, and instead, be a good person and do kind things for my partner, even when the going gets rough! (And believe me, things did get rough between us, but I've decided to let go, forgive, and love him, warts and all!) Your husband did you a huge favor: He taught you to seek the silver linings even in the darkest clouds. The way he treated you has made you stronger, smarter, more beautiful, and yes, even KINDER because why in the hell do you want to be ANYTHING like him? It was a blessing in a disguise! He has now cleared the path so that you'll end up with an even better man for you! A broken heart takes time to heal. I got dumped in high school, by a narcissistic no less, so this thread really hits home for me. Those people are callous and have no capacity to love anyone, so don't worry about your husband's little new plaything: He WILL treat her like crap soon and a break up will happen to him all over again! People like him NEVER learn! I was extremely heart broken and it even took me years (yes, years!) to get over the hurt, the abuse, the callous treatment from my ex, and now I don't even think about him anymore. I thought I would never get over him... I was really convinced that I won't love anyone as deeply as I loved him... but I am dead wrong and soon, darling, you will be wrong too, and a REAL MAN will sweep your feet off the ground! Has anything new happened in your life? Even if it's positive? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Was looking at your thread yesterday Intricate, hope you don't mind if I post on it to your situation too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
intricate Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Was looking at your thread yesterday Intricate, hope you don't mind if I post on it to your situation too. If you want, it is resolved between him and I, but you can add your two cents if you like! Thanks in advanced! Link to post Share on other sites
intricate Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Bumping this thread, how are you feeling, MisA? Link to post Share on other sites
DSP Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 You're important. You matter. You make a difference. I have no reason to lie to you. Words to look at everyday as a reminder.... I searched for this quote after seeing it days ago. Thank you.. This keeps me going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Liana Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Your story really touched me, mostly because I've been there and I felt exactly the same... And I had the same financial issues. I would love to hear that you are back to normal life, and that everything is OK! Link to post Share on other sites
Jet Lag Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 - Went to counseling.. she said that I probably never really truly knew him if he can have this sudden switch of being completely cold, no emotion, not even look back at our marriage and not even call to make sure I was ok. This comment scares me. Isn't that what nearly everyone suggests we do here. Isn't this part of the "No Contact"? This is what I am trying to do with my ex even though when alone I cry every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misadventure Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 Help, help what does this mean - Motion FOR SANCTIONS AND EXCLUSION OF EVIDENCE AT FINAL HEARING FILED BY PETITIONER (He is the petitioner) Link to post Share on other sites
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