Husband Left Suddenly & it's been pretty bad.

[dumped2013]

Exactly about the rescue. It will make you feel better .my avatar is a rescue dog that a friend of mine saved. F the stbx. He is going to be a bad memory soon. I'm still doing Nc but my one month anniversary of the d being final is the 19th. Wow, just me and my cat. Microwave dinners are good. We had problems for the last year when I found out she had been lying to me for 3 years. Maybe I have been grieving and did not know it for a while. We have are health. Think positive. There are a lot of people out there that have it a lot worse than all of us on this forum. I think it was just a marriage and if I wasn't good enough for her and she wanted to find greener grass f the effing beach. I just miss my dog and she won't drop her off at my neighbors for visitation. She wants to bring it up here. I don't want to see her. Sorry I'm rambling.

[Misadventure]

Trust me, I understand the need to ramble... heck, F it and find a meeting spot so you can see the dog. I know you would feel loads better once you see the dog.

 

But I do know not wanting to see the ex... as not seeing the ex helps you move forward.

[Misadventure]

Just read this on my FB and boy does it just resonate...I hope one day there is a man who is willing to step and do all these things after he says I DO...and mean it.

 

Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man that was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough hardship to know what is worth fighting for:

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

[MsOptimist]

Your anger is a good thing so don't think of it entirely as a setback when it hits. Sure there will be setbacks, but overall you're making a ton of progress towards a new and brighter future.

 

I've read that FB post before and it just made me realize that my exH did none of those things. So why the heck would I want someone like that?

 

FYI, a really good FB page to "like" is the Optimism Revolution - that guy, who is a cancer survivor, posts some of the best quotes and photos. It's a great reminder to stay positive and find the good.

 

Your stbx is trying to gain any kind of control over you regarding him wanting your schedule - good for you for not giving in. He's probably going crazy wondering what you're doing and what you're up to - even though he didn't show it, mine admitted that to me back during the separation. He held such a double standard with me in that he didn't want "us" anymore yet he also couldn't stand the thought of me being with anyone else. What a selfish jerk!

 

(Funny enough, tonight I'm actually faced with the exH dropping our dog off to me and my fabulous new boyfriend - can we say thrown passion - will be over to my place around that time. Oh how I'd love to flaunt my new guy, but I shall remain cordial and likely wait to have bf over on the chance that the exH may get passive aggressive regarding our dog sharing.)

[Misadventure]

I will definitely go and "like" that page. I need some positive thoughts right now.

 

I feel like I have taken a step back.. because now its in my mind throughout the day..worrying about the divorce, my future, my dogs, if he can show up whenever...and if I will ever be able to have a true connection with someone again. The guys who "try" to connect with me..the writer for instance, great guy.. I just slowly start to not answer texts. I don't even know why.

 

Last night I had a very bad dream...shows my stress really.

 

In this dream..I was here at home...relaxing... and STBX comes in with his things..he said he is moving back in for awhile until the end of the divorce. I say "Oh no, you are not". He moves into the second bedroom and things are just hellacious in the house. My dogs are happy to see him but then I know what will happen later when they have to say bye to him all over again...

 

A few days later, our previous realtor comes over.. she has been helping him find an apartment. She came over with papers for him to sign. He tells me that he will be leaving again in a week or two to his new place. That I can stay in the house until it sells.

 

I say "You are going to sell it even though its over 60k under water?" He said he may have a buyer on it in June.

 

Then I end up going to a coffee house to get out and just relax.. he shows up..with his wh0re that he is moving into that apartment with. He comes over to me trying to make conversation but I just keep on moving from couch to couch...just shocked he would do this... wave this hurt in my face...Finally I end up just leaving...upset..hurt..and back at the house.

 

I haven't had dreams of him in a while...I hate this. It reflects all my stress, the hurt.. and I am trying so hard to move forward because I need to....I want to be past his selfish horrible self.

[MsOptimist]

I used to have dreams like that in the beginning months too. It is a sign of your stress, and just remember that it will eventually pass.

 

You're likely not ready to connect with another guy yet, and that's perfectly ok. Later on when you are ready you'll know, just by the little things like wanting to return those texts and smiling all day thinking about someone new. You'll welcome the contrast of all of this darkness with some light and light heartedness.

 

One of my biggest fears was not knowing if I'd be able to trust someone again and have any kind of romantic feelings for someone. You WILL be able to. Especially once you're further out from these dealings with your stbx and you're finding your true self and energy again - people will notice.

[K Os]

Yes, I had some pretty crazy dreams in the early stages too - reconciliation dreams, moving house dreams, dreams within dreams, waking up to find I was actually sleeping on her floor in her new place and then waking up again to find I was alone in my own bed! Baffling, and quite tiring actually. I don't seem to have those any more - quite glad really

 

With someone with a master's degree, how hard is that to comprehend?

How many times have I said and thought this about mine? Exactly. You make me laugh, MisA - thank you so much for that

[Misadventure]

Kos, happy to make you laugh too, we all need a laugh! I am hoping the dreams go away..my counselor today says I need anti- anxiety meds...boooo.

 

 

I saw a two toned cow in the field today and couldnt stop laughing...

 

 

LMAO, OMG that made my whole day.

 

Thank you.

[Misadventure]

I will write more in the morning but I am having a rough week.

 

Insomnia from anxiety....

 

His BS is just so shyt filled. How can one person be so hateful and such a effing two tones d-face effer!!!!!!

 

For once I really wished aliens existed so they can come [email protected] his sorry a.z.z. and take him off the planet.

[revitup]

Hi MsA,

 

Just wanted to say you can do this and you still matter.

 

Also...You said-MsO, I hope you are right and thank you so much for your cheering on. I DO want thrown down passion... I want the whole "I want to tie you up and can't wait to rip your clothes off" passion!!

 

The "clothes off" should necessarily precede the "tie you up":eek:

 

Have a good weekend

 

REVITUP

[Misadventure]

I would look for pictures of two toned cows and find one on the web (or real life) that resembles his ^%^. I went then send him the pic (no words)..It's about doing little things that cheer you up when you feel low or angry.

 

If he asks about the pic just say I thought you would appreciate two toned spotty things. My bad..

 

LOL that would be good. I need to do something to cheer me up.. I am in a dumper today.

 

Hi MsA,

 

Just wanted to say you can do this and you still matter.

 

Also...You said-MsO, I hope you are right and thank you so much for your cheering on. I DO want thrown down passion... I want the whole "I want to tie you up and can't wait to rip your clothes off" passion!!

 

The "clothes off" should necessarily precede the "tie you up":eek:

 

Have a good weekend

 

REVITUP

 

Hehe true Rev true true!

 

Basically STBX emailed last night saying he scheduled the roof inspection for next Tuesday whether I like it or not and it doesn't matter if I am working or not.. and he is going with another inspector.

 

Selfish narcissistic Mothereffer... how I hate him let me count the ways.

[WreckedDan]

Hey MisA!

 

Haven't been around for a little while, sounds like you are progressing really well (no surprise there) I would suggest that you ease back the throttle on the anger soon, it's been a great tool for you, but you really want to avoid holding on too tightly to it. You will get better faster when you start not feeling anything towards him. Once yoi realize, he is meaningless to the rest of your life, which is now happily waiting foe you to jump in and explore, with as much passion as you give it

 

Hugs,

Dan

[Grumpybutfun]

 

He is just guilty of being a heartless pig rat b.a.s.t.a.r.d--- two tone

d.!.c.k.--a.s.s.h.0.l.e

 

MisA:

 

:lmao::lmao: Best. Post. Ever. :lmao: Ah, you make an old Sailor proud!

 

I had a thought while catching up on the reading. Do you think that because he was 22 and you were a little older that maybe the guy didn't sow his wild oats and now thinks that is what he is supposed to do due to outside suggestions...like friends or co-workers? I mean, it doesn't really matter, because an ass is an ass, but do you think that maybe it is more than GIGs and he is just exceedingly immature?

Call your lawyer about his tenacity in trying to wreck your job with making the inspection during your business hours. This should be handled by your lawyer anyway. No more contact between you two. This is war and you don't negotiate with the enemy.

You are a good person, MisA, and you are going to be just fine. The bad dreams are an unfortunate consequence of the assclown removing your safety and security and making sure you know that your home is in jeopardy.

Be proud of how far you have risen above this nonsense,

Grumps

[Misadventure]

You guys seriously made me feel better after a lousy day. Thank you.

 

Dan, you are right I need to start releasing this anger and letting go but I don't know how especially if he keeps doing things. It's like he gets off on kicking me after he has left.

 

Grumps, I am glad you like that post heh, it does make me feel better to get that out heh. I do think that he didn't "sow" his oats and that's a part of this..like he feels he wasted his 20's as he said to me on the phone the first week. In his immature mind, he imagines that every girl in their 20's will want him and he needs to go and get what he has missed out on. And I am sure he has had some of it but I can tell you that a girl who is younger in their 20's is going to find him quite boring since he has the social capability of a plant. But I am sure he has dabbed in what he wants and has had his other women, and I know he did at least one female (who was kinda homely...).

 

Sigh....

 

Today started off good...but I ended up paying $630 for yet ANOTHER car repair.. the tire hub was damaged very bad on one side and the other was slightly damaged. The mechanic said he is willing to put it in writing that he believes it was tampered with, he said the markings by it were not normal and several other red flags.

 

I don't know about cars so I don't know what to think.

 

But for tonight... I am making pumpkin bread and I am going to have some with friends and a drink! I need some smiles. I am sending you all virtual hugs.

 

TY for being there.

[Balzac]

Is this the same mechanic you used before? Telling you the vehicle was tampered with is a bold statement.

[Grumpybutfun]

I need some smiles. I am sending you all virtual hugs.

 

 

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

 

MisA:

Sending you some smiles. Here for you...just keep ranting and getting angry. Anger may be what you need to propel you through the murk and sadness. One day you will wake up and you won't be angry, just relieved that you got away from someone so lacking in every way. Dan is right that it shouldn't be your focus, but it can be a tool without making you a bitter person. Just keep your heart pure and don't let him turn you into someone who is angry at the world and any men who come your way.

 

My wife and I spent some time tonight walking dogs at the local shelter and it was so much fun. It does make the world look a little less complicated to see their tails wagging and the smiles on their faces when you give them attention.

 

Best,

Grumps

[dumped2013]

You have fun Miss . I sent you a pm but you may not get them. Have a great weekend. It will get better for you . Just keep on effing posting and don't stay away so long.

[K Os]

It's like he gets off on kicking me after he has left.

 

Sure, it's punitive. That's because, on some level at least, he feels bad for what he's done, and the only way he can deal with that is by making it your fault and punishing you for it. You make him feel bad about himself. Ah, psychology, it's such a two-tone thing...

[Misadventure]

, it's such a two-tone thing...

 

 

I needed to laugh hard- THANK YOU. LOL:laugh:

[Grumpybutfun]

Hey there MisA:

How are you feeling? What have you been doing lately?

Grumps

[Misadventure]

I have been away because I have been down... It's like I stepped back several steps. I am not sure how to get back to the step I was at.

 

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

 

 

My wife and I spent some time tonight walking dogs at the local shelter and it was so much fun. It does make the world look a little less complicated to see their tails wagging and the smiles on their faces when you give them attention.

 

Best,

Grumps

 

I am so happy that you guys did that. It really does so much for those babies, let's them know that someone is thinking of them and rooting for them to get a home. Their faces seem to make things so much simpler in life.

 

Is this the same mechanic you used before? Telling you the vehicle was tampered with is a bold statement.

 

Same mechanic I saw last time, who had fixed items closed to the hub tire thing before and had seen it back at the end of August. My lawyer says there is nothing that can be done, unless someone saw him do it or he hints about the car himself. I am out lots of money is what it really comes down to as well.

 

Things that happened since I last wrote...IT WAS BAD.

 

Oct 29th was the roof inspection, he had stated (not asked for a date to agree together) this is the date that he and the roof inspector will show up, at 5 pm and he himself would come a little earlier.

 

One of my friends, her lab died not too long ago, she volunteered to take my lab that he wants so badly for the night and day. My lab was 50 shades of spoiled! Doggy day spa, treats galore. pedicure/manicure/grooming/massage, walks on the beach, etc. I am going to "will" my dog to her in case anything happens to me, she would make a wonderful Mom to my dog if something happens to me. It was a relief knowing he couldn't get his hands on her.

 

So my other friend agreed to come to my house and sit with me the entire time that he and the roof inspector was there. The roof inspector showed up at 4:20... he showed up in a pest control vehicle and came up to the door in a pest control uniform. When I asked, he said he also does roof inspections. He had expected payment from me. I told him that the stbx would be paying for it since he took the entire account. He said he didn't know and then he went and walked around the outside of the house etc. It took all of 15 minutes and he never once went on the roof or inside the attic. He left without saying a word or giving a business card.

 

About 25 minutes later, stbx and his male friend showed up. Door was open, we let him in, my friend explained that the roof inspector just left so it was a wasted trip, etc. Stbx said "oh he was supposed to call me"...he went outside and I am guessing he called him. Then he came back in, his friend stayed outside by the car or in the car and was on his cell phone.

 

Stbx came in, started walking around... he asked where the dog was. I said "not here", he said "where is she" I said "out". It went like that a few times and my friend diffused the situation by saying "she is with a friend". He was mad and said "really?" then he just walked around the house, stomping around.

 

He went to the bedroom to his side of the bed's nightstand and looked at the top drawer where there used to be condoms. He asked where everything was. "Oh you mean the condoms? They are gone". He said "I had other papers here..".. I said "All I touched were the condoms, they are gone". He went on about the papers for several minutes.. then he went to the bottom portion of that cabinet that had a false back and I didn't know that.. he took out a brown box..looked like a gun box. I asked him if that was the gun..he didn't answer. I kept asking. He said "Don't worry about it". I asked him again, he repeated the same. I asked him "(name), is that the gun?" He said "this is my personal property". I just walked out of the room to the living room and sat on the couch and remained there until he was gone.

 

He took that to the car, came back.. took something from the back of the closet.. it was the shotgun inside its big Khaki colored bag. He actually stomped around the house and the living room with it for a bit, it's as if he were marking his territory like a dog. He took that out to the car, came back and went to the closet for some clothes that were hanging (very few), and he asked where the rest of his clothes were and especially his suit. I told him that his clothes had been boxed up and put in the garage safely, and I have not seen his suit.

 

He flew in a rage, started yelling, he hit the wall, and called me a POS, etc. He kept asking, I kept repeating. I remained calm and on the couch. He took the clothes to the garage, and its then when I thought to casually set my phone on the table and record video. I figured why not, I may need it. He came back in, asked where the boxes were, I repeated in the garage in boxes with his name on it. He went in there kept hollering and asking. It's not like there are 20 boxes in there. The ONLY boxes on the floor are his and said Aaron in big black letters. You would have to be blind, stupid, and effing retarded to miss it. He asked again.. my friend went to go show him (and she has never ever been in the garage so I find that funny).

 

He proceeded to call me a POS to her and yelling it to me as well saying I was FOS, she told him she would be happy to help him carry out any of the rest of his things and he said "why should I take my things out of my house?... You only hear the one side."

 

That's when I started talking back.. "There are no sides... thanks to you , you made it very factual, there is a paper trail to your actions. So you can lie to your friends and to yourself to justify you being a cowardly ******* but it's on paper what you did."

 

He started asking about the suit again, I repeated the same stuff.

 

He yelled See you in court, I said Cya Bye, Have a nice day.. and he slammed the door and left and then came back in and saw the locks were changed, got even more enraged, left and squealed out of the driveway.

 

My friend was shaken up and scared.. "He looks like he is about to blow. He looks like he could kill someone".

 

Truth is, she was right.

 

He looked pretty effing crazy. Scared me to the point I really started thinking about what he could do and I called the cops, I want a restraining order.

 

Deputy came over...unless he HIT me or made a clear threat, it doesn't matter how much he intimidates or harasses me.

 

He left...On Friday, I received a notice of my water being disconnected by November 5th by end of the day if nothing is paid. He is refusing to pay the water bill thats in his name (he had forwarded everything that was in his name to his new address). It came to me because I am the occupant. I called and he has not paid in months. I asked for them to call him and get his intentions. He told the lady he would be paying by Monday Nov 4th.

 

Its Monday, Nov 4th and he didn't pay. So now I have to deal with this after work tomorrow and then see what else he is trying to turn off on me.

 

He claims to love this dog right, yet turn off water on the dog.

 

How I hate him, let me count the ways.

 

He emailed me this evening saying "Do not touch my sole personal belongings or remove them from the house...To FIND the suit and his leather jacket.... and what a shame it was that I had to remove the dog as he had driven to see her. To not contact him unless it was an emergency about the house or the dog, and only by email."

 

My first email to him I had written that the dog should not be part of the conversation as she was my sole property and he will never see her again and he better start dealing with that fact.... But then I decided to not write that.....

 

I was formal... explained that he had been here several times to collect items and I don't know what all he has taken, and one day I was not even here when he came here. I explained that I was entitled to move his belongings to the garage for my own emotional well being and health. I also stated that on July 9th when he had cut me out of the marital acct, my friend was here at the house helping me while I was under emotional duress, and I had asked him on the phone if he had planned on cutting off the water and electric as well and he had stated no. Well, look at what he is doing...

 

The good news is that I will never actually CRY about HIM again...my feelings for him are pure disgust. I can actually say that if he were hit by a bread truck...I don't think I would attend his funeral. The bad news is that the financial frustration and upheaval and the constant emotional rollercoaster of this fight is exhausting and I don't feel as strong as I did a few weeks ago at all.

 

How do I do this? I feel like I am drowning now.

[Misadventure]

Hey there MisA:

How are you feeling? What have you been doing lately?

Grumps

 

Not so good but I am hoping to take some meds tonight..sleep and try and figure something out. ((hugs))

[Grumpybutfun]

MisA:

Wow, he just brought the drama, didn't he? Queen, much? Two toned Queen much?

 

You know that you handled it just fine. You know that you are going to be okay and that you are better off without this guy, right? Call your lawyer today and tell him what occurred. From now on, I would also request that everything like this be handled through the lawyers office. You are not safe to be with him even if you have a friend. He has several guns and a volatile temper. Also, can you keep that recording of him getting angry and screaming at you?

Find out through your lawyer what to do about he bills he is refusing to pay. I am not sure what your laws are but without him giving you access to the account, he cannot stop paying bills on the family home until after the divorce is finalized, in most states. That includes all utilities.

I was afraid he was going to act like this and start getting all territorial on you. He is just trying to scare you and trying to convince you that he made the right decision and you don't matter.

Hang in there, tough girl! Do not let him get inside your head. You have your entire life ahead of you and it is going to be so wonderful, you cannot even imagine. Hold your dogs close and know that you have support here anytime you need it...I know it is hard to reach out when you are sad, but that is when you really need to.

Get pissed, then get indifferent, because he doesn't matter anymore. I wouldn't want someone I hate to be with a man like that.

Part of your support squad,

Grumpy

[McMike]

I can't believe this actually happens. Didn't think people can be this cruel. All this just over "butterflies"? Seriously? Not like you treated him badly or anything, in fact I'd say you treated him better than a lot of women would treat their husbands.

 

And I thought my recent break up left me feeling crap, you went through hell and back. I really feel for you and I hope you find someone who loves you. *big hug*

[trippi1432]

Hi MisA - Grumpy nailed it, what a "Drama Queen" your ex is.

 

First of all, good on calling the police as you now have that documented. I know that it's disheartening that they couldn't do anything about it this time; however, he got his things out of the house, so he should not have a need to come back to the house.

 

On the car, can you garage the car and lock it in at night? Just thinking that it would be a good precaution due to the suspicious nature of some of the incidents you have had.

 

I would also advise to buy a baseball bat.....not an aluminum one either, one of those nice hard wood ones. They have been known to make a person see "butterflies" in a totally different way. I would even entitle it by writing down the side in big letters "Two-tone Appendage Annihilator".

 

You are strong MisA, you are going to get through this, your ex is a total shyte and he just continues to prove it. Keep your head up and move that lawyer along. Huge (((Hugs!!)))!!!