Husband Left Suddenly & it's been pretty bad.

[trippi1432]

Getting back into it Miss A, it is baby steps. There's nothing "wrong" with that at all. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable with this new guy just talking on the phone for a few weeks to work up to a night out.

 

Dreams are a hard one, I've been through that as well. You try to figure out what they mean like it is some sort of ominous sign of foreboding to come.....not really. It can be your sub-conscience, your fears, your feelings....but in all of them, I feel like it's telling you it's okay to let him go (all of it). The hurt, the anger.....all of it...that's what you keep working towards so you can have that peace of mind and some greener grass too. Perhaps the meds will help with the dreams as well. Once you have mastered letting go of some of those feelings, you will feel yourself get better. I know, easier said than done.

 

Hugs!!

 

(Yes, it's almost 4am and I have insomnia again.....luckily I'm stressed out about my job and not a man this time. )

[Misadventure]

Trying Lorazepem tonight... see how we go..

[KaliLove]

Hi MisA..I just read practically the entire thread and I just have to say that I admire your spunk. I'm so sorry for what happened to you but I have no doubt that you're going to be just fine..better than fine in fact. Best of luck and please keep updating.

 

Kali

[Misadventure]

You read the entire thread? Well, I may owe you a drink for that one heh.

 

Thank you, that thread is the journey..I am better than I was at least.

[Babolat]

I read this thread too, after you replied to a post I had posted to and I liked your comments. You've been on a journey, for sure, Not sure where that journey is at this point, but I hope you are well.

 

On the meds, I take Lorazipan as needed, like one every 6 months, for anxiety. I on a very low dose of Klonopin, which I am weaning myself off of now.

 

I too went thru mediation; it was my suggestion, the ex wife agreed, and overall it was a good experience.

 

PM me if you ever need to talk, happy to listen!

 

Hang in there!

[Mr.Milked]

Trying Lorazepem tonight... see how we go..

I sure hope you reconsider taking those chemical frontal lobe lobotomy pills. Vitamins, supplements and exercise and a real close study of your diet and healing through your gut would be so much better for anyone.

 

 

Anxiety is not an illness. It's a normal human response to the ambiguous or potentially challenging or dangerous situations built inside your natural being.

 

 

Life will always be fraught with anxiety-arousing situations.

 

 

We who take these drugs as a routine measure to insulate themselves from life’s multivariate challenges and vicissitudes are not medicated. We are stoned.

[Misadventure]

Thank you guys! Mr., I decided not to start up again on Pristiq.. I was so close but I decided that no, I need to do this on my own without it. I think I will use Beta blockers for that day though.

 

 

Babolat, it has been a long journey..a hard one. I am not sure where I am at in it except slightly able to move forward. I did go on a first date with someone I was interested in finally Friday night. I had stalled for weeks..

 

I finally went.. and I had freaked out while getting ready.. driving.. I even got to the bar early to have a drink before he showed up.. had a friend show up with her friends just to be there across the room playing pool. I sound like such a kid but I needed it.

 

And it wasn't as bad as I thought... I guess it was an ok date from my point of view but I am not ready for anything but I like his company. he asked to go out again, texts me everyday.. and I do set aside my phone sometimes... I just don't see a point right now. I did tell him not looking for anything even remotely serious right now..

 

My friend said I need to rebound...she asked of I had the urge to rip off his shirt and attack him lol.. No, I didn't.

 

Only one person I felt that for and that was all the way back in Oct someone I had met when out with friends, no idea if will ever see him again because we didn't trade it before I had left with friends. Come to find out he is the ex husband of someone I know in rescue... Saw his pic, and I had a good sigh..

 

So confused... more confused than a man in a dress looking at a Martha Stewart crafting magazine heh.

[trippi1432]

Mis A - When I first started dating again...I never met a date alone. It was a "meeting" meaning I had a gal pal in the vicinity if not with me when I met someone. So no, not being a kid, just being safe.

 

As for rebounds, well, they should just be a one night stand and be done with it. I think that was what your friend and Mr. October were saying there. What is going to be hard with the new guy is trusting your feelings and not making him a "captive" rebound. Take your time, there is no race to get back in a relationship, you need to develop the one with yourself first. I can tell you first hand, when you know you, love you and care about you....it won't matter who walks in and out of your life, you will know you.

 

You create love within you....you can share that love with anyone who wants to be a part of it, but you don't have to give it to someone who doesn't deserve it. And if someone turns their back on it, you give it back to yourself....self love.

[Babolat]

We who take these drugs as a routine measure to insulate themselves from life’s multivariate challenges and vicissitudes are not medicated. We are stoned.

I hate taking meds, period. I understand your point about being "stoned"; I do think that's extreme. I was very cautious to start taking Klonopin when I did. And it did not take it as a 'save and fix me" solution. I also work on myself, I read self help books, I exercise, I do Yoga, I've done a lot of counseling, etc.

 

I think for those types who can get addicted to "drugs", yes, these medications can be abused. My ex gf and my brother are perfect examples.

 

I think taken responsibly and under the care of a dr, they can help you, especially to get over that edge, that hump. Or during a difficult time they can help you. I've been weaning myself off because I want to, I hate taking meds, and I am feeling better.

 

And some folks truly have major anxiety, and panic attacks, and traditional treatments do not help them. In these extreme cases, I see value in these meds.

[Babolat]

Mis A - When I first started dating again...I never met a date alone. It was a "meeting" meaning I had a gal pal in the vicinity if not with me when I met someone. So no, not being a kid, just being safe.

 

As for rebounds, well, they should just be a one night stand and be done with it. I think that was what your friend and Mr. October were saying there. What is going to be hard with the new guy is trusting your feelings and not making him a "captive" rebound. Take your time, there is no race to get back in a relationship, you need to develop the one with yourself first. I can tell you first hand, when you know you, love you and care about you....it won't matter who walks in and out of your life, you will know you.

 

You create love within you....you can share that love with anyone who wants to be a part of it, but you don't have to give it to someone who doesn't deserve it. And if someone turns their back on it, you give it back to yourself....self love.

 

Well said, kind of going thru this myself right now. I am listening to my gut, my inner voice, and following it. A woman I met Sunday for lunch, she is amazing, I felt lots of "oh my gods" with her. Yes, I could have ripped her shirt off, too! That kind of chemistry.

 

Today, I am calming down and letting things settle. I will see her again, but slowly.

[Misadventure]

Mis A - When I first started dating again...I never met a date alone. It was a "meeting" meaning I had a gal pal in the vicinity if not with me when I met someone. So no, not being a kid, just being safe.

 

As for rebounds, well, they should just be a one night stand and be done with it. I think that was what your friend and Mr. October were saying there. What is going to be hard with the new guy is trusting your feelings and not making him a "captive" rebound. Take your time, there is no race to get back in a relationship, you need to develop the one with yourself first. I can tell you first hand, when you know you, love you and care about you....it won't matter who walks in and out of your life, you will know you.

 

You create love within you....you can share that love with anyone who wants to be a part of it, but you don't have to give it to someone who doesn't deserve it. And if someone turns their back on it, you give it back to yourself....self love.

 

 

Yoda, is that you, my green friend?!!!

 

You hit so many things spot on for me, thank you. I need to print that response and remind me lol.

 

Now that I know this guy is not the right rebound guy.. I find myself trying to not talk to him like I was... He calls me or texts me everyday.. now I feel bad...cause I know I like spending time with him.. but I have no desire to rip off his short, pour hot candle wax on him and tease him to death.

 

..or is that just me..? lol

 

I am getting my self love back. I found that over the winter months though I gained some weight and have not been to the gym and I need to get back but it is so hard to get in that groove. But I need to... for my health.. and I also need to start looking spicy heh. But as far as self inner love.. I do love me.. I just feel mad at times... and I question myself which is something I never used to do.. and thats when I usually find something of his that he left here that is small and not worth anything moneywise and I toss it.

 

Months ago, using his shirts for Puppy Poop clean up was epic.. fun times.

 

Well said, kind of going thru this myself right now. I am listening to my gut, my inner voice, and following it. A woman I met Sunday for lunch, she is amazing, I felt lots of "oh my gods" with her. Yes, I could have ripped her shirt off, too! That kind of chemistry.

 

Today, I am calming down and letting things settle. I will see her again, but slowly.

 

Nice!!! Look at you go.

 

 

 

 

[trippi1432]

Yoda, is that you, my green friend?!!!

 

:lmao:

 

You hit so many things spot on for me, thank you. I need to print that response and remind me lol.

 

Now that I know this guy is not the right rebound guy.. I find myself trying to not talk to him like I was... He calls me or texts me everyday.. now I feel bad...cause I know I like spending time with him.. but I have no desire to rip off his short, pour hot candle wax on him and tease him to death.

 

..or is that just me..? lol

 

Maybe you don't have that desire with him now because the friendship needs to be developed first. If you like spending time with him, do that, but you don't have to rush the sex. And who knows, when you get to that point of wanting to have that type of relationship, you may be pleasantly surprised.

 

It may just be me, but I'm the rip the shirt off and have wild, passionate sex after I get to know the person. There's nothing better than feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with a man you trust <----- and getting to that trust after divorce is the hardest part, but key to the next relationship you are in.

 

I'd say that those "rebound" feelings of wanting to rip a person's shirt off and have mad sex are typical but I think you are beyond those now. I know people tend to say that the next person will be a rebound, but I don't really believe that. If that were true, I've been rebounding since my childhood sweetheart and I broke up in the 6th grade.

 

I am getting my self love back. I found that over the winter months though I gained some weight and have not been to the gym and I need to get back but it is so hard to get in that groove. But I need to... for my health.. and I also need to start looking spicy heh. But as far as self inner love.. I do love me.. I just feel mad at times... and I question myself which is something I never used to do.. and thats when I usually find something of his that he left here that is small and not worth anything moneywise and I toss it.

 

Motivation!! If winter would ever end here I could get back to walking (and I have a new pup to walk with). Getting mad at yourself and questioning yourself, par for the course. As long as you don't stay stagnant because of it. It's taken me years to get out of the mindset of being angry with myself for staying in a bad relationship for 15 years when I knew I deserved better.

 

Months ago, using his shirts for Puppy Poop clean up was epic.. fun times.

 

:laugh: Yes!! Those were epic!! He rightfully earned that too, I wish I had thought of that instead of tossing my first exH's shirts in a burn barrel. LOL!!

[Babolat]

Yoda, is that you, my green friend?!!!

 

 

 

You hit so many things spot on for me, thank you. I need to print that response and remind me lol.

 

 

 

Now that I know this guy is not the right rebound guy.. I find myself trying to not talk to him like I was... He calls me or texts me everyday.. now I feel bad...cause I know I like spending time with him.. but I have no desire to rip off his short, pour hot candle wax on him and tease him to death.

 

 

 

..or is that just me..? lol

 

 

 

I am getting my self love back. I found that over the winter months though I gained some weight and have not been to the gym and I need to get back but it is so hard to get in that groove. But I need to... for my health.. and I also need to start looking spicy heh. But as far as self inner love.. I do love me.. I just feel mad at times... and I question myself which is something I never used to do.. and thats when I usually find something of his that he left here that is small and not worth anything moneywise and I toss it.

 

 

 

Months ago, using his shirts for Puppy Poop clean up was epic.. fun times.

 

 

 

 

 

Nice!!! Look at you go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why not, just be friends with him, and tell him so?

 

That, too could be good for you right now. It was for me when I ended my relationship last March. I ended up hanging out with a 46 year old woman, we've become best friends, no romance, no intimacy, never even talked about it. She is an amazing woman and I cherish our friendship. I have grown so much because she is in my life. Plus, in a strange kind of way, and I think this goes both ways, she provides that female companionship I need in my life right now, without the craziness of a dating relationship.

[Babolat]

Regarding the rebound comments, I'm not sure I agree a rebound is just sex.

 

I waited 4 months post seperation 3 years ago before I started dating someone. I did not go into it thinking it was a rebound nor was I looking for sex. We saw each other for over 6 weeks before we even had sex. And, even then, she initiated it; I had no "plan" to have sex with her. Looking back, I now see that it was a rebound. I was very open and honest with her though with where I was in my life.

 

It was a great 4 months. Lots of intimacy, advertures, great sex, companionship, learning new things (we went to a lot of wineries for example and lots of cool restaurants I had never been to), figuring out things about myself, etc. I got restless after 4 months, told her so, she saw it, and we agreed amicably to stop seeing each other.

[trippi1432]

Regarding the rebound comments, I'm not sure I agree a rebound is just sex.

 

I waited 4 months post seperation 3 years ago before I started dating someone. I did not go into it thinking it was a rebound nor was I looking for sex. We saw each other for over 6 weeks before we even had sex. And, even then, she initiated it; I had no "plan" to have sex with her. Looking back, I now see that it was a rebound. I was very open and honest with her though with where I was in my life.

 

It was a great 4 months. Lots of intimacy, advertures, great sex, companionship, learning new things (we went to a lot of wineries for example and lots of cool restaurants I had never been to), figuring out things about myself, etc. I got restless after 4 months, told her so, she saw it, and we agreed amicably to stop seeing each other.

 

Babolat - that sounds more like emotionally unavailable than a rebound. Many people go through life emotionally unavailable even when married for the wrong reasons. Life becomes unresponsive after the lust phase as emotionally unavailable people don't know how to bond or grow their relationship past the lust phase....therefore they get restless. If confronted with commitment, they bug out as they don't offer their true selves to someone (being vulnerable is foreign) ...they feel they are the the one that might get hurt. Sure, many divorced and hurt people go here, but so do disconnected people who don't know how to emotionally bond with another person.

 

While rebounds are about being emotionally unavailable at the moment due to hurt...it's a bit different. In a rebound, the object of your affection is just a vessel for your hurt and pain. You can try to hide it by faking happy, but a person in a rebound relationship needs that person as a sounding board, a shoulder to lean on or a soft place to fall while giving no credit to the one they are falling to. The object of their affection was never you to begin with...but they can make it about you not fulfilling what they need. And the fact is, a rebound can't fulfill that, it's like fighting a ghost.

 

Then there is the healthy way, just date, take the pressure off both of you. Don't date just one person...a woman wasn't designed to settle for one man until he won her heart. Date, talk to and get to know many men on a personal level (so many people get this wrong, it's not even about sex, it's about finding all the other attributes that makes you BOTH feel that it's right). So much pressure out there on those dating sites to be honest. The fact that I can buy myself a better meal than most of the men who hit on me can...never settle for a man/woman on a dating site...

Edited March 26, 2014 by trippi1432

[Misadventure]

Mediation was yesterday.. was supposed to be for 3 hours...

 

My lawyer and I left after 1 hr...

 

Process:

 

I get there..he is already in room one waiting for his lawyer (TY Mediator for being wise knowing I didn't want to see his spotted d!ckly face).

 

My room was her office so while I waited for my lawyer, I sat there and chatted.. traffic.. weather..doctors..blah blah.

 

Sadly the walls are kind of thin and STBX's cell phone rang and he answered it "Yeah?" "..ya am here.... don't know.....will see... See you tonight".

 

I shrugged to myself. I actually didn't feel anything but disgust. That's good. I didn't wonder what he looked like, who the person was, what he was wearing..just the thought of how he smelled made me want to grimace and reach for a Jack and coke. He was never someone who smelled like any kind of cologne, aftershave etc.. but more of stale soap or 2nd day sweat.

 

Lawyers eventually came. I really felt completely re-assured when mine got there. I may feel insecure about things when he is not around but he is so quick, he knows his stuff, and he also just won a bunch of awards for his Internet Radio show. I also just like him as a person, he is not going to BS me, he is going to be straight with me.

 

STBX's lawyer showed up.

 

So we all huddled in our corners and talked for a while, mediator explained with me first what mediation was and about confidentiality etc, then she went over to the mud pit to tell him as well.

 

Then my lawyer and I went over my requests. I was asking for 700 dollars alimony for 1.5 yrs while in school as I plan to go for my MS Certification in the fall and will need it. I have applied for over 137 jobs and no one has hired me in my career field so I am still PT. I need re-training bottom line.

- We each keep our own vehicles just transfer titles

- 6 months of car ins

- 9 months of Health ins (I need surgery soon)

- 120 days "as is" to stay in residence from finalization of divorce decree.

- Current furniture and electronics in household

- Lawyer fees

- 1/2 of what was in checking/savings before he cut me out of it like the petty -a$$- thief- lying- pig -rat b.a.s.t.a.rd he is. (I didn't include that adjective)

- 1/2 of 401k and 1/2 of mutual funds accrued interest.

- To retain my maiden name (if I don't ask I have to pay for it)

 

My lawyer reminded me thx to Obamacare even if stbx said yes to health, he can't. So he said to pad the alimony so we went up to $1500 and we were going to play with that and go from there. Mediator agreed and said was reasonable.

 

She left to go take the offer...she came back 15 minutes later... her head down and she mumbled "this is bad"..

- 400 alimony for 6 months

- 1/2 of 401k

- To be out at end of the month

- nothing else

 

My lawyer and I looked at each other. I wanted to laugh. Seriously?

 

Why don't you just pee on my face and call it a day lol.

 

Mediator said he is not wanting to negotiate that is his bottom line.

 

So my lawyer said we should walk.. that's what we did.

 

Mediator shook her head and said she will go tell them.. she did and I heard him in a loud voice say "I want her out at the end of the month!"

 

She came back.. and she sat down and said that she thought my request had been reasonable. That was the mediator who said that.

 

Hoping she writes her observations or recommendations to the judge...

 

My lawyer said that the judge assigned is fair and balanced and we have a better shot with him.

 

So.. we left. Lawyer said he will push and motion to get attorney fees and start with that... but that most likely the other side is going to push for a court date or possession of the house. Either way will take a little over a month for a court date... and I can ask for more time to get ready for my case.

 

Today... my friend called me.. the one he called back in November to ask about me etc....

 

He texted her saying that he was relaxing having wine..and "your friend is crazy"...she asked for 1500.. she wants this.. she wants that..I was going to give her 500 for 6 months (lie)... your friend is crazy...Its in the judge's hands, asking for earliest court date."

 

My friend said she didn't text him back and won't answer his calls. She said she thinks he texted her because she feels he just wanted to tell someone else besides whoever his friends are now. And no, I don't completely trust her that she didn't or wouldn't pick up the phone if he called again. I need to make it clear to her... there is a line and there is a side.. pick one.

[trippi1432]

Sweetie...time to go mute with the mutual friend...that's a given. There is no such thing as a mutual friend in a divorce process. Not even sure if you should ask her to pick a side...just my past experience.

 

I never did the mediation thing or asked for it, my lawyer suggested it..I was like what?? why?? so we can split his debts?? He hasn't paid any why should he start now...been doing that for 15 years. House was mine, my pension and 401 he couldn't touch..I knew him for the gold digger he was to begin with and who he still is.

 

Wants you out by the end of the month....., please tell me your name is on the title so you can shove it up his two-toned appendage!!

[Misadventure]

No thats part of the problem is that my name is not on the title... when we got the house he had said that his score was better so better for his info to be on everything. Live and learn!

 

He has had all yr to motion for exclusionary possession. I think now he is just going to go for a court date and will go from there. I will also ask for more time on the court date to get the case together.

 

And then will ask for 120 days from finalization of divorce decree to leave house with all my furnishings since I am the one who made the house a home.

[dumped2013]

If the house was purchased during the marriage you should still be entitled to 1/2 the equity even if your name is not on the title. If the house is under water just let him have it and walk away. That is how it is in Georgia. Might be different where you are.

[Misadventure]

Bought right before marriage... so even though we both paid on it etc his name is the one on it.

 

House is under water btw. So he will probably move back here when I am gone but he would be a complete idiot to sell it, he would lose over 50k if not more. At the same time he probably would not get even close to what we paid.. for another 10 yrs... he has no friends in this area or family, all were mine.. he would be in this house alone with his closest friend being over an hour away. I personally think he needs to feel the pit of empty and loneliness and hope it hits hard. It is his doing.

 

I spoke to my friend today and we cleared things up.. She dd not text back to him and she has no intention..and she said she won't. She said she hears me and feels bad because I am not a negative person but I have let my anger and hatred of him be at the forefront anytime I talk about him. That is true. He put me through so much agony... this is all I feel when I think of him now. It is what fuels me to do what I need to do when he left me in this position. But I also don't want to be that person who keeps that feeling of anger and hatred. Once everything is signed and the dust is settled and I have a second chance at a new life... I think I really want to bury this all, including my thoughts of him, never look back, and move on.

Edited April 9, 2014 by Misadventure

[Steen719]

Bought right before marriage... so even though we both paid on it etc his name is the one on it.

 

House is under water btw. So he will probably move back here when I am gone but he would be a complete idiot to sell it, he would lose over 50k if not more. At the same time he probably would not get even close to what we paid.. for another 10 yrs... he has no friends in this area or family, all were mine.. he would be in this house alone with his closest friend being over an hour away. I personally think he needs to feel the pit of empty and loneliness and hope it hits hard. It is his doing.

 

I spoke to my friend today and we cleared things up.. She dd not text back to him and she has no intention..and she said she won't. She said she hears me and feels bad because I am not a negative person but I have let my anger and hatred of him be at the forefront anytime I talk about him. That is true. He put me through so much agony... this is all I feel when I think of him now. It is what fuels me to do what I need to do when he left me in this position. But I also don't want to be that person who keeps that feeling of anger and hatred. Once everything is signed and the dust is settled and I have a second chance at a new life... I think I really want to bury this all, including my thoughts of him, never look back, and move on.

 

I think you will be able to do this. You recognize that this is the best way for you to get better and once things are settled, you will do it. Betrayal hits us hard and it is unreasonable to think we can move on from it quickly. I felt the same anger and resentment. You won't believe how free you will feel once that is gone. It is a worthy goal. Good job on how far you have come.

[Misadventure]

I am going on another date with that guy tomorrow.. figured why the hell not..As long as I keep it in perspective, not gonna marry the guy.

 

Well, Depositions are in May...and the case is at issue. No idea what that means..I guess means...Depositions and such?

 

He emailed me Friday wanting me w-2's so he can file jointly and we will split the refund... He then emailed me today asking again in a more aggressive manner with a time and deadline lol.

 

I find it so funny he thinks so highly of himself and is so arrogant. The only reason I am doing it is because my lawyer said it was a good idea.

 

Forgot to mention... Wed night a mutual friend of ours had mentioned to me that he might subpoena a friend of mine as a witness (same friend he texted Monday saying "your friend is crazy" etc etc for not taking his shyt offer). I texted her that night saying this and that she needs to NOT answer any phone calls or any texts by him at all. I told her this Tuesday as well...

 

Thursday morning at 6 am she calls my cell but I am snoring away in dreamland...Later she calls me to tell me she called him that morning when I would not answer... that he better not even think of subpoenaing her etc. that she will get her own lawyer etc... he said he didn't know what she was talking about etc...Not even sure what else was said but somewhere along the lines that he has spent almost 10k in lawyer fees (is it bad that I kinda smiled).. and who knows what else was said. She started to tell me that he was not a "bad" guy that I was still in the house, wasn't I? That he had never hit me etc... There is no reasoning with her... she has gone from marriage to marriage being hit etc...my stbx probably looked like a saint next to the guys she dated/married. Does not mean he is a "good" guy.

 

Just means he doesn't beat on women.

 

I figured there is no talking to her and I can't trust her with anything.. I was really upset to come to this realization as we have been friends for 16 yrs.

 

I told her there was a line in the sand... she was my friend way before she met him..I have always had her back regardless of what bad decisions I thought she made.

 

But do I feel as though she could answer a text or call from him anytime? Yep.

 

And I would never know.

 

In her mind, I think she thinks she is a good friend to me..

 

Regarding him...when I saw his email today I actually just felt... "ick".

 

Disgusted...and that I will be glad to move on and really be done with this. I won't ever have to talk to him again and I am ok with that. I think when it is done at first I will probably be a bit in shock again.. but then I will remember all this yr.

 

I have improvement to do on me... but I think I am pretty awesome flaws included...took me a while to see that but I want to feel those "butterflies" again one day...I did earlier today... just me. I was singing in my friend's band today when they rehearsed and wanted to jam out. I haven't done that in a studio for about 10 yrs and god, how I felt so at home.. in my skin. The song was Wrecking Ball and I have not even practiced it but it was effortless and when I carried those notes, and the drums came up behind me, followed by the bass...I felt the butterflies. I think it was reminding me I can have them with or without a man.

Edited April 14, 2014 by Misadventure

[trippi1432]

I have improvement to do on me... but I think I am pretty awesome flaws included...took me a while to see that but I want to feel those "butterflies" again one day...I did earlier today... just me. I was singing in my friend's band today when they rehearsed and wanted to jam out. I haven't done that in a studio for about 10 yrs and god, how I felt so at home.. in my skin. The song was Wrecking Ball and I have not even practiced it but it was effortless and when I carried those notes, and the drums came up behind me, followed by the bass...I felt the butterflies. I think it was reminding me I can have them with or without a man.

 

:bunny: Yes!! This is awesome!! Nothing quite like the adrenaline rush from doing something you love and finding some identity in a song!! Every time I sing You Oughta Know by Alanis Morrisette I have that rush!! Sooooo freeing!

 

Butterflies (excitement), it all comes from doing things you love to do, having a great time with friends, doing something new, breaking out in a song....uncomplicated things, doesn't always have to be about a man.

 

Sorry to hear about your friend, that's always a tough one in these situations. My exH and I didn't have too many mutual friends, I didn't like his friends (drinking buddies) and he never liked any of mine. I have had some issues since my exBF and I split up over a year ago as he met all of my friends. I've never wanted anyone to choose sides and we've kept it pretty amicable. When my first exH and I split up....there was so much conspiracy among several of my friends (and I wasn't sure how many of them had slept with him) I just swore off the whole lot and only kept the one friend I really trusted.

 

I think you have a good head on your shoulders when it comes to that situation now. My rule, is never tell a mutual friend anything you don't want repeated.

 

And flaws...flaws are character. Keep being awesome!! You've come so far Miss A....good for you! :bunny:

 

Hope the date goes well....just go enjoy yourself....no rush on anything.

[No Limit]

Just means he doesn't beat on women.

 

Physically, that is.

 

It's obvious that he's desperate. It's been a while since he started this crap and he hasn't had any developement ever since. Over 10k spent in lawyers and no "new girlfriend that's better than the old one" and not even the house and now even more to give in the future? Well damn, that didn't go like in the movies where the women chase after the hot guys as soon as they're available. I guess he hasn't checked the mirror in a long time.

 

Your girlfriend probably did the mistake to listen to what he says and pities him. Tries to make you "go easy on him". Her intent might not be bad, but in the end she should realize that she knows nothing of what really is going on. You don't have to cut her off as friend, just cut her off from this subject.

 

Have fun in court I guess. Give that idiot a slap across the face from reality, would you?

[Misadventure]

Have fun in court I guess. Give that idiot a slap across the face from reality, would you?

 

Hell to the yes!

 

I also agree with you.

 

I made the mistake at the end of the mediation last time, his lawyer asked mediator to ask me if I will file jointly. Gut told me no. Lawyer said would be good to split the refund, why not.

 

So I faxed his lawyer my w-2's then found out his lawyer's legal assistant was out for a few days.. so I emailed him saying that he needs to check his lawyer's office. I didn't check that old email addy again until Sunday. He had emailed several times demanding my w-2's. "Email it no later than close of business day Monday" blah blah ie I am a controlling narcissistic two tone short appendage azzhole effing jackazz...

 

I just wanted it done so I emailed it- he emailed Monday saying he calculated that we owed 600 and my half is 300. I pulled up Turbotax calculated it, if I had done my own taxes, I would owe nothing but also get nothing. I emailed him and texted him last night saying NO, why was it so expensive, why don't we just do our own thing. He texted this morning and emailed saying he already did it, submitted it and sent a check for the 600 hundred. I rolled my eyes....effing figures. He makes close to 67k...and I need to pay HIM???? I started thinking about it and talked to family... when he left he took everything and cut me out.. why do I need to pay him? I was actually going to but the more I thought about it... there is a big chunk that I will never see. But can I get in trouble for not giving him a check for half? I also don't know if I am the kind of person to screw someone over like that... but sure would feel nice for all the horrible things he has done.

 

What do you think guys? Honest opinions pls.