Husband Left Suddenly & it's been pretty bad.

[trippi1432]

Honestly, since it was agreed on in mediation, I would do it. It's only $300 and it will make you look better in the eyes of the court with that judge than he will be on standing down on what you asked for, which was fair.

 

I was about where your stbxh was salary wise when my exH and I finalized our divorce.....guess what, his tax contribution is going to go up when he has to file single instead of married...the deduction changes. I even had one dependent and filed HH, but it was like WTF?? Anyone not married and making between $60k to about $150k (unless they have children under 13) pay the most taxes unless they have some good tax shelters (so it seems). This year, even having mortgage interest doesn't offset much.

 

Will be a rude awakening for him I'm betting. Guess he better go adopt some orphans or find a crack-whore to marry his two-toned appendage. :lmao:

[Misadventure]

Mediation was over though. It was when we were walking out that his lawyer asked mine. I do see where you are coming from I am just tired of keep getting screwed ya know? He did not send me the tax return copy beforehand, I never signed it or e-signed... when I thought better of it he said too bad, too late..

[trippi1432]

It's a hard call Miss A, I totally get where you are coming from. I still have a timeshare owned jointly with the exH that I almost quit paying on and was going to let it go. I did laugh when it showed up on his credit report and he was getting the threatening letters. He was also getting the mortgage interest forms and throwing them away so I couldn't use the deduction....so I thought, Hey, fair is fair in love and war.

 

It's almost paid for so I'm going to get him to sign it over (which he said he would do) or let it go entirely if he doesn't. Both me and my parents get calls from debt collectors for him several times a month even four years after he moved out.

 

If it was an after mediation thing, the only thing he can try to do is maybe use it as a complaint in court to take away from maybe the first alimony payment. Perhaps ask your lawyer what the repercussions would be (if any) since the lawyer knows the judge you are getting.

[dumped2013]

You need to get a copy of the return before you send him the 300.

[Misadventure]

You guys have a very good point. I am going to email my lawyer today and see what he thinks. Just so many things add up that make you question everything...He did not email me a copy beforehand for me to agree to it, I had no idea what was on it before he sent it, I did not sign or E sign it, and when I said that we should do our own he said it was too late, it was already sent. Which would have been Monday night he sent that since he replied early Tuesday morning back. If you read the email it shows how controlling he really is. Yes, going to ask my lawyer. After all, I don't have as much as he does to begin with. Btw the return said we made 10k more than last yr.. and I know my pay did not go up...

[dumped2013]

The e signature is usually just last years adjusted income which turbo tax remembers so you really would not need to sign it for him to efile. He can still email you a pdf file of the return for you to see proof that you owe 1/2 of it.

[Misadventure]

But I didn't agree to it is the thing before he sent it. I never saw what he was sending. He sent it afterward the next day.

 

Also, what does "Notice Final Disposition Of Referral" mean?

 

That is where we are now in case, and I can't find any exact answers online.

[trippi1432]

Perhaps it's what has to happen when the mediation is not agreed to and the judge has to rule how the assets, etc. are divided? Not a whole lot of help on the topic online, I agree.

 

It's interesting that he made $10k more than last year, did you do a financial discovery on his finances so you would have all the information you needed for the mediation?

Edited April 16, 2014 by trippi1432

[Misadventure]

We did that in the beginning right after he filed. And I had said to my lawyer that he was lying on his affidavit, he said he only grossed 58k..

 

Today is not a good day and it should be but it's not..

 

- Last night, my rescue, we raised funds that were needed for medical for dogs that are being fostered, which is great.

- I looked awesome and felt awesome last night. Had a great time.

- That guy I have been talking to... for the last few days I just haven't wanted to talk to him..not sure why..so.. I don't. I have been busy though, but I have time for friends and family, if I really wanted to, I would. One thing that annoys the hell out of me..when I try and get off the phone he says "uh huh... uh huh".. like Suuuuure you have to to sleep..suuuure.. it was one thing if it was once in a while but it is everytime. I was working tonight and he called right before I was logging in so I had to be rushed and told him I would try talking to him after.. and he was still trying to talk to me and he sounded like.. weirdly sad, like a child would. This is not attractive to me. I need a man who is confident in himself. I don't know if he was joking or not but either way doesn't make me want to call him.

- Undecided and have not heard back from my lawyer or his assistant about the 300...

- I am overwhelmed.. I am splitting my time between jobs... I have my rescue keeping me busy.. the legal cr.a.p..my dogs.. my rescue.. rescue events.. the page I manage for the animals.. and I cannot get out to the shelter like I used to..by the time I am done with work, it is either too late, raining, shelter is closed or I am dead exhausted...and then last.. I a trying to get back out there socially and put myself back out there and date again.

- Still looking for a place to live after this...

- Still looking for a better job...

- Did get called about a job I applied for... from Feb 15th today...then she told me "Are you aware it starts out at $9.50 regardless of your education?" I asked stating that it had said a salary range... "Oh yes, we put that but everyone starts at the bottom"... THIS I know is BS because I know several who work there. So I did an impromptu phone interview and realized I was good at bullshyt....because I didn't even remember the job etc and she was asking me specifically what I had said in the cover letter and why I wanted the job. "Why have you only been PT for the past 5 yrs?" yeah.. that is a great one to try and explain. At the end of the call I felt really horrible about myself. Which is hogwash, I have a lot to offer, but I really do want the chance to prove it. But I also need something to live on and $9.50 is an insult, slap in the face, and I couldn't live on it.. me and 2 dogs..

- So now.. I kind of feel like cr.a.p.

 

[trippi1432]

Miss A - The situation is crap, but you aren't. I wouldn't take a job that didn't pay enough either. Time to put YOU first to get thru all of this. Thing is, know what you want and don't settle for what you don't want.

 

Hugs!!

[Grumpybutfun]

MisA, I will tell you what I told my daughter when she didn't get into the uni she wanted to get into...sometimes life has a way of helping you avoid situations that aren't the best for you. For whatever reasons, that job and their duplicitous way of handling future employees isn't the right fit, keeping you open for one that is the right fit. Keep trying to find something you can feel proud and happy with. This is going to be okay. The finish line for this divorce and getting him completely out of your life is in sight. Just keep working towards it and keep being the amazing person who has survived this with decorum and grace. You are doing very, very well. I know it feels overwhelming but you are getting through this with your integrity intact, there aren't many who can say that in a contentious divorce.

Best of luck,

Grumps

[Misadventure]

Thank you guys. I so appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning and you guys remind me that I am above water now (finally).. just not on land yet. ((hugs))

[farsidejunky]

MA:

 

I have been charging through the thread for the last couple of days. My wife has looked at my funny as I have found myself chuckling out loud at some of your (and others) comments.

 

You have endured a ton to this point.

 

Your miles ahead of where you started emotionally.

 

You are so close to putting the STBXH behind you.

 

I am willing to wager you can finish this with less effort that you have already put forth, but it doesn't really sound like your style.

 

Keep you chin up. You are doing great!

 

[No Limit]

sometimes life has a way of helping you avoid situations that aren't the best for you.

 

This is very true indeed.

I was through 2 years of bullying but at some point, I couldn't handle it. When I was basically biting myself forward each day the teachers finally began to notice/react, but at that point the damage was well beyond repair. I decided to repeat the year rather than endure 2 more like this, and healed very quickly in my new class. Graduating this year and there have been changes that I'd almost consider supernatural in nature;

My interest is and always will be medicine. A new educating-direction at our colleges, available in only 3 schools in this country was started just this year. At the same time a private uni has opened; of course they still test applicants, but it gives me the chance to study medicine without perfect A+ grades in math.

 

If I hadn't repeated the year I'd be psychically undead without a look into the future. I would have never expected this plot twist in my life, or at least not at the very beginning of it.

 

Just wait for your plot twists, they're coming any moment.

[Misadventure]

MA:

 

I have been charging through the thread for the last couple of days. My wife has looked at my funny as I have found myself chuckling out loud at some of your (and others) comments.

 

You have endured a ton to this point.

 

Your miles ahead of where you started emotionally.

 

You are so close to putting the STBXH behind you.

 

I am willing to wager you can finish this with less effort that you have already put forth, but it doesn't really sound like your style.

 

Keep you chin up. You are doing great!

 

 

Well, thank you for reading the thread and hope it was helpful ... and entertaining lol. Glad you were able to have a laugh at some parts, I know I have looked back at some and laughed... and I am miles away from the beginning.

 

I really DO want to put the stbx behind me.

 

I actually can't imagine him in my life now at all. I know I will be fine.

 

I just need to get my financials in order etc which is the hard part. I have now applied to over 181 positions within my field since September...and interviewed...very frustrating.

 

 

So.... update on things... Depositions.. May 22.... Hearing for Atty Fees June 16... and Pre Trial Conference June 16.

 

Has anyone been to Depositions and Pre-Trial... what can I expect?

 

He has not contacted me about trying to get the tax money from me... I think he knows there is no way in hell I am going to send him squat and he was kind of an idiot expecting it. After all he did... all he took.. and I am going to send him money? yeah ...let me know when the rapture comes and they bring glowing leprechauns.

 

 

 

 

Just wait for your plot twists, they're coming any moment.

 

I am hoping for positive ones though... and so far I have anxiety about the negative.

 

I kind of gave up on dating right now... even though going out with that same bloke on Friday...I told him that I am just looking to hang out...

Edited April 29, 2014 by Misadventure

[No Limit]

I am hoping for positive ones though... and so far I have anxiety about the negative.

 

I kind of gave up on dating right now... even though going out with that same bloke on Friday...I told him that I am just looking to hang out...

 

Admittedly, I had to loose the best friend I've had so far, about 20 other people I actually liked and even after the bullying never bad-mouthed and had to endure 2 years of bullying by them, a few other fellow classmates and my dear teacher as well; not an easy feat for a 13 year old.

 

You just need to go on, things can only come to you if you keep moving. You still have a plan, most other BS would have killed to be in your situation after being rejected by their partners out of nowhere.

[trippi1432]

I so wish I could help, but I don't know any of these as I filed and just put my exH behind me, I didn't drag things out to such extremes (had a pre-nupt so no reason to). First exH tried to get his lawyer to make me give up custody on a daughter he never took interest in...I just told them to dig into his criminal records and dared them to challenge me. Got my divorce papers in four weeks after that phone call.

 

Why are you going through a deposition and pre-trial?? I assume he and his attorney are doing this to run up fees. My divorce was $6K and to pay off the debt he wasn't ever going to pay became a 10 year debt he doesn't have to answer to and was our son's college fund. In most cases, if your exH is trying to hold you liable for joint debts, the creditors are going to go after the spouse, or ex-spouse who made more money. Even if the judge says it's isn't your debt, creditors don't care, they put it on both accounts, no matter who defaults.

 

Personally, your exH is being an a** hole and running up trump attorney fees. Who does he think he is with a two-toned appendage...George Clooney mikling a cow on the farm?

[Misadventure]

He is doing all this because he doesn't want me to have anything, leave the marriage with nothing and leave the house at the end of the month.. he is a horrible horrible shell of a human. And I can't wait for the next person he is with to laugh at his short- comings....

[trippi1432]

You know, a few years ago my exH won the NOB of the Year crown on LS. I hand his banana-nob crown to your two-toned appendage exH. Mine wore his with stupid pride, I'm sure yours will too. (NOB = D*ck)

[Misadventure]

You know, a few years ago my exH won the NOB of the Year crown on LS. I hand his banana-nob crown to your two-toned appendage exH. Mine wore his with stupid pride, I'm sure yours will too. (NOB = D*ck)

 

LOL :laugh::laugh:

 

TY for putting a smile on my face and laugh out loud- literally. Nob of the year for sure!!

[trippi1432]

Miss A....any updates? How are you doing?

[Misadventure]

Today was the Attorney Fees hearing and Pre - Trial.

 

Let me just say that I could not sleep last night.

 

My ex actually WANTS me to pay all his fees, he was serious lol.

 

The judge looked at him and said "you make 5k a month and she makes under 1k, am I reading these financial affidavits correct?"

 

His lawyer said that this whole legal mess was unnecessary and frivolous that my ex had tried to get me to sign divorce papers the easy and inexpensive way.

 

My lawyer then said "Yes, without her knowing her legal rights and her entitlements and to walk away empty handed when she is the party in financial need."

 

I think I really LIKE my lawyer alot!!!

 

So the judge said to look at pre trial info first before he decided on atty fees.. issues: The house, mutual funds, 401k, and alimony.

 

He said when one party makes grossly more than the other and one is in need, he never judges to one extreme or the other it will be somewhere in the middle, but he will lean to who is in financial need and it will be weighed on the ability to pay, and the financial need of the other party.

 

The judge then said this..:

 

"Let's start with the petitioner (husband) paying $1,000 within 2 weeks to the defendant's attorney. I will then reserve to judge to award her more attorney fees plus court costs if this is taken to trial."

 

My ex said "I can't do that within 2 weeks, I need to take from some assets".

 

The judge said, "I will give you a month or you can be held in contempt of court and a warrant will be issued. May I also remind you that you make close to $70,000 and further liquidation of marital assets can also penalize you and a certain percentage can be owed to the defendant."

 

The judge then said he will see what he has available on his calendar for trial but that it will be some time from now and that we should take this time to re-evaluate because each side will pay an average of $10k, and that one side simply does not have the means.

______________________________________________________

 

 

Can I just say, I didn't look at my ex's face but I could see from my corner of the eye that his face was red, he was about to burst.

 

So a battle was won today... a small one.. and I hope this battle can achieve a settlement if he is wise or has any sense. I really do not want to go to war. I am ready to move on in my life and put this all behind me and NEVER LOOK back.

 

 

(PS- sorry for the long delay I had bronchitis for awhile )

[NancyK57]

Mis. We must be sisters, the exact and I mean the exact same thing is going on with me... Lets hang in there together!

[Grumpybutfun]

MisA: The light is there, you can almost see it, the end and you never have to look at the two toned dick ever again....yay.

Rooting for you, was wondering how you were. Please keep us posted as I think of you often. My wife was just asking me about you the other day, and I told her you haven't been posting because you have been so busy. His actions are incomprehensible. The Judge knew it and he knew it but he doesn't have the intellectual capacity of a tea cozy so her is probably still telling himself that he is the victim. Moronic.

In support,

Grumps

[trippi1432]

:lmao: Pay his fees?? Is he serious? This whole situation is for no reason other than his own selfish wants and needs...as if he can hold you liable for his self-perceived "suffering"?? What a flipping moron!! :mad:

 

Had it not been for the fact that I made more money and my state is a no-fault divorce state (even when the man moves in with another woman before the dust settles on just finding out the marriage is over - forget about the one year suffering due to living in a bible belt (and yes...it's lower case for a reason)....)I would have loved to have my day in court. Good for you Ms. A. Make his two-toned appendage squirm.....what a narcissist he is.

 

Glad you are over the bronchitis and are posting again. Hugs!!