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Is he cheating or am I exaggerating?


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Hello guys/galls,

 

I'm new to this forum. I usually go in the bike forum, but today I have a diffirent subject that I need to talk about and the people I talk to at work and at home, do not give me any good feedback. Well I am suspicious of my boyfriend cheating. Well he always says that he's going to call me and he doesn't, we'll make plans to go somewhere and he'll flake on me, last minute.

 

When we first started our relationship, he would still talk to his ex and I had no problem with it until she started getting nasty trying to find out where I worked and lived to hurt me. Well he supposably stopped talking to her when this happened, I really doubt it because last Christmas 2003 (we started dating May 2003) I went to visit him which I hardly ever do, I'm not allowed to since he lives with mom. Well I saw a picture of him and his ex, which said "christmas 2003" he swore it was a misprint. Till today he still says the same. Then another thing, we used to go to a Pub over in downtown which was our hang out place, and we haven't been there in a long time. Oh I forgot to mention that we where broken up for 6 months and got back together 2 months ago, but the whole time we where in contact we where friends with benefits. Well since we've been back we no longer go to this pub but he'll be there every weekend, we had a date to go there a couple of weeks ago and he made a million excuses well we didn't end up going. Then we both love fishing, he'll always say he's fishing with his buddy but then doesn't mention anything about the subject later. He doesn't sleep at home, he'll say he slept over his friends house and won't call me at all that night till the next morning (he'll do this at least 2 to 3 times a week) he knows I have trust issues with him and he still does it to me. What should I do? Am I exaggerating? Oh wait he hasn't called me in 3 days.....

 

B.

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Ok. Well he called me at lunch. He says he hasn't called me because I told him to **** off. But then I went fishing on Sunday and he was there with his buddies and he tried talking to me but since I'm thinking he's cheating I felt hurt and didn't want to talk to him the whole trip. Well he said he's been missing me, he's been crying too. That he doesn't know what to do so that I can trust him. We are broke up right now, well we broke up Saturday after going to a "family gathering" which he was invited to by a mutual friend of ours, well this party is our friends family. My ex/boyfriend stayed at the party after our friend had left. He got home at 1:00am and my ex didn't get home till 3am. I mean it's like if you guys invite me to one of your parties, you leave but I stay there. Well I went to a party my self then to a couple of pubs with a cousin of mine when I got home he called and I told him to **** off I didn't want to talk to him anymore I didn't want amything to do with him. (I had a few drinks in my system)

Anyhooo drove to my house 10 minutes after I hung up on him (this is a record usually it'll take him 2 hrs to get to my house) well he took his stuff. So he's coming over after I get off work cause he really wants to talk to me. I'll let you guys know what happens.

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Well these few days have been a roller coaster for me. I mean he swears he's not cheating, we've sat down and talked about him not sleeping at home, not calling me at night, not doing anything together and he's changed so much. I know we're not together but why does he keep making me think that there's a possibility? The other ngith that he came over he asked me a lot of questions and he said he wanted to start fresh but that I'd have to be completely honest to him. He asked me when was the last time I had talked to this guy I was seeing while he broke up with me, well I didn't feel like I had to tell him, so I told him that I saw him about a month ago, not knowing that he know's who he is and one of his buddies is friends with him. Point is, he doesn't call me when he says he will but again when we're in person he makes me believe everything he tells me, that he loves me and wants to be with him but on the other hand he can't trust me. I just want to know since when did this turn on me.Why didn't he bring this up earlier until I accused him of cheating, is it his guilt and that's why he is questioning me now? Should I give him time? Does he plan on meeting other girls if not already done so? I'm affraid that if I give him time, it'll be the end to us. I know I'll always see him since we go fishing to the same place all the time. What do you guys advice me? I'm hurting right now, cause of this doubt in my mind that he won't clear up for me. He says I'm being too pushy all I want to know is where I stand. So that I can make up my mind as to what to do. Help please!

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Originally posted by bnakach

when we're in person he makes me believe everything he tells me, that he loves me and wants to be with him but on the other hand he can't trust me.

 

He doesn't sound very trustworthy himself. Standing you up on plans and sneaking around with the ex aren't exactly blue ribbon qualities either. It's also quite easy to say how sorry one is when one wants to get into someone's good graces. Has he ever come clean about what was going on with the ex?

 

Ask yourself, is your ex suddenly going to change of his own volition if you two did get back together? Or will he continue to act the way he wants?

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I'm not so sure of it being his ex anymore, I did see a picture of him and her last year while being together.

I always confront him about everything but again he swears he is not doing anything that he's been fishing a lot and working on cars. He has no time to see people. But where does he sleep at night? Don't know what else to tell him, I feel like a complete idiot asking him the same thing over and over, when he lies to my face but again he loves me what kind of love is that? I just want to know if he's cheating or trying to get back at me for me seeing people while he broke up with me. Do you think I should give him a break and if he comes back good if not then I'll know that it wasn't real love when he said it was. I just love him so much and it hurts that the whole time we where together night of been fake.

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Do you feel he has been honest with you? Do you feel he really is sorry about what has happened and will try to not act that way towards you anymore? What is your basic intution on what has been going on?

 

If you really feel that he is being honest with you, think about getting back with him. Take things slow.

 

If you don't believe he is being honest, I'd just end it with him. Don't call or contact him. If you bump into him while fishing, say hi, but keep your distance from him.

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But where does he sleep at night?

Wow, that's a GREAT question! I would think that by definition, if he is really your bf, you have every right to know where he spends the night, each and every night.

 

...I'm not not allowed to [visit him]...

if he is really your bf, you have every right to visit him unless circumstances are truly exceptional and explained to you. Lives with his mom so he can't have a gf???!!! How old is he, 12???

 

Not even sure why you call this comedian your bf. It comes down to a question of what you are willing to put up with. Any attempt at this kind of treatment would ahve me laughing so hard I would probably wet my pants.

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So I went fishing yesterday, and so did he with a couple of friends. Well I said hi, and that was about it I avoided any type of conversation. (I caught more than he did) I was acting very cold towards him, so at the end of the trip he wanted to talk, he said he was pissed off at me because I avoided him all trip and I was talking to other people having fun. He was really upset, I was not doing it intentionally but I've been very upset with him and he just thinks it's so easy to talk to him after what we've been going through these days. Well he came over lastnight we talked some more. He was telling me how much he loves me but has some trust issues with me as well. He says a lot of people tell him I'm a flirt and this and that. He says he brushes it off cause he trusts me but it's getting out of hand. I don't feel that I flirt with anyone, I am a friendly person, he says I have a flirty smile and men take these things the wrong way, and that's where the issues come in place. Like for example when I go out with my friends and have a few drinks, he thinks it gets worse when I drink and if he should really believe me when I say I go home alone. Obviously we both have issues to work on, and last night we openned up about all of this, there where these things I wan't aware of and weren't done intentionally to hurt anyone.

 

So question is, because I feel like one of the guys when I'm on the boat, I help out bagging fish, hook and handing and what not. Because I smile a lot, I'm always happy, I'm friendly does that make me a flirt? I mean I do it with females as well. He told me "Why do you think that all these guys always give you stuff (at work, customers) because they think they have a chance with you" what's the deal?

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Bnakach, does your ex ever tell you what went on with his ex girlfriend? Where he sleeps at night when he's not at mom's? Why he has been hiding or denying things from you?

 

It doesn't sound that way. Your ex is telling you that he has trust issues with you and that you have a flirting problem. You're not friendly enough to him, and other guys are only friendly to you for sexual reasons. He turns the blame on you for what went wrong and can never admit to his own failings.

 

IMO he's not worth the further trouble of dating. This guy is one of those fish that you toss back into the lake!! :)

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According to him, she cheated at a party while being drunk. They've been friends after that and continued their friendship even after we got together, which was fine with me until she started causing trouble between us. She would call his house all the time, one night I was over his house and he was down stairs, the phone rang and I didn't answer so it went to the answering machine where I heard her say "Hey I thought we where going to the movies what happened" so I mean there where signs all the time I just was so stupidly blind not to realize what he had been up to all this time. He is so just so sneaky and since I never know what he does when we're not together well I've believed what he tells me.

 

This weekend I went out with my cousin and I saw him over there, he tried to talk to me and I ignored him. Then I went to drop off my cousin at her boyfriends which is my ex's bestfriend, the one he was with that night. When I got there my ex was still there, waiting for me. We talked a little bit but since I was a little drunk, I told him how I felt about him, how he lied to me again and that I have no doubt in my heart that he's met someone. He didn't want to hear me because of my conditions. I left and that was it. No call to see if I had got home safe. Bastard!

 

The next day I went fishing, he didn't well not with me. He called me at work yesterday. Asking how I was, I was acting very cold with him. So I told him that I had changed my number which was on Saturday and he didn't even know of me changing my number, which meant he didnt even try calling me. He was very upset, so he told me not to call him (never allowed to anyway) not to e-mail him (I told him I didn't plan to) he tried getting off the phone quick because his voice was breaking up, he sound hurt. So we left it as that. He said he'll probably see me on the boat here and there. I haven't seen or talked to him since. I'm doing much better, I'm staying busy at work since I'm going to be promoted soon, and going to the gym. Life is good for the meantime. As long as I don't see him I'll be fine.

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