Mrs. Wrong Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 I am a bit lost. But I also feel like I'm doing better emotionally than I have in years, which is totally at odds with my behavior, so I'm confused. Married 12 yrs, together 14, two kids. H is borderline abusive and an alcoholic. He had LT EA/PA for 8 years. Three d days with last in 2011. Messed up. I am done. Since I told him this, he is on his best behavior ever, but I'm just done. I divorced him in my heart after the last d day and it's taken this long to realize that. I'm having what I now realize is an exit affair. Started a few months ago. My first affair, not first for AP, who is married to woman he got pregnant during one night stand and is miserable (seems genuine). He has had affairs before. We both looked for this affair....no accident. Obviously right now my focus is protecting the kids and myself and figuring out how to move forward to end my marriage. I think I have all that sorted out. My confusion is with the affair. What is this usually like? Logically I know that my AP is the absolute worst choice in a partner I could ever make. He's a cheater (as am I of course). But the feelings are so intense. We text up to a few hundred times a day. We share everything with one another. We find ways to see each other a few times a week and have even traveled together. The intimacy is hands down the best I have ever had. Is this how everyone feels? Is this dangerous water I am treading? I keep telling myself that this distraction is good for me and is the very first time in YEARS that I have allowed myself pleasure. That this relationship can be my transition to being truly single and can give me the ego boost I need to make me realize I CAN do this on my own. But am I setting myself up for heartache? I'm sure the regulars on the board have seen this before. What is your take on this? I appreciate your wisdom. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 But the feelings are so intense. We text up to a few hundred times a day. We share everything with one another. We find ways to see each other a few times a week and have even traveled together. The intimacy is hands down the best I have ever had. Is this how everyone feels? Is this dangerous water I am treading? Yes completely normal and yes. . But am I setting myself up for heartache? I'm sure the regulars on the board have seen this before. What is your take on this? Most likely you are setting yourself up for heartache. My suggestion is to end it, then end your M and then try to move on in a new relationship with someone that is unattached. BUT I am an OW so my advice isn't likely worth much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs. Wrong Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 BUT I am an OW so my advice isn't likely worth much. Why would your advice not be worth much? Its very helpful. Thank you Kristi. Logically I know this and its what I would tell a friend. I just feel paralyzed to do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Why would your advice not be worth much? Its very helpful. Thank you Kristi. Logically I know this and its what I would tell a friend. I just feel paralyzed to do the right thing. Because I'm not getting out. I can give great advice. I know the score and exactly how it *should* be handled. I even KNOW I should take my own advice. But I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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