I guess this is called low contact?? Feels like shards of glass

[AutumnMoon]

I have no idea how to feel. I've been through so many emotions today.

 

I don't know how many details I should be including here. I guess I could just say I had a ten month long affair with an old family friend I had reconnected with, I'm married, he's married and we both have children.

It's been ended but in very shaky ground I guess. Up in the air.. Lot of things left unsaid.

 

I've decided I won't contact him again but I am not sure how strong I'll be tomorrow I've said a million times I won't text and I always do.

 

He's played me hot and cold for months. I know this was wrong and I just want to move on.

 

Can I expect this roller coaster of emotions to last long?? I had to fight back tears in front of my family all day.

[AutumnMoon]

I thought I'd share s couple more details because I could really use some insight or support good or bad of any kind!

After about a two year emotional an 8 month long physical affair we both had a brief conversation about how it was wrong.

 

One conversation like this. The entire time.. Once we both agreed it was wrong we said maybe we should try to stop.

 

We have went weeks without talking before but after that conversation I really thought it was all over.. I didnt know then.. for some reason i felt like it wasnt over. We had went almost a year with always some type of daily context except for his "cold" weeks which happened from time to time. This lasted a week.

Then he texted me one night and I jumped right back in.

 

Then nothing for another week. We see each other rather often and keep it innocent because we are in public. He acts as if nothing has happened at all. We went from being so much to each other to nothing on one conversation??

 

I have fought the urge to contact him.

 

But I have so much to ask.

 

I'm giving him a week and I'm going to work out what to ask.

[2sunny]

IF/ since its not likely to work (because you both are married) - then you have your answers. The main answer being that you both agreed it is wrong.

 

Given that - can you get reconnected to your husband?

 

You will have a better M if you seek counseling and find out what was missing so much - that you sought it outside the M. And then work on that part of yourself to be your best self.

 

And then decide if your M is right for you after you spend time and energy ONLY focusing on your H.

 

Getting more distracted with a man that's ended it isn't healthy.

 

Looking outside your M for your needs/wants isn't likely what you promised when you said your vows.

 

You either honor the vows or divorce your H - then date available men.

 

If your heart isn't in the M - then your H deserves better than what you're offering him.

[BlissfullyWhich]

I must agree with 2sunny. Just from a logical perspective. And this may be achievable at some point down the road.

 

But you are very emotional now. If you can handle all of is "all of a sudden," and you want to go back to your relationship, you may want to start with ground rules that you both agree on. This will help you prepare for the inevitability of the end of your A. For example: if one of your rules is that if the other suddenly becomes uncomfortable and feels pressure to end it, you break it off, or take a break. In either case, way before it happens you'll have some time to mentally prepare yourself for what may occur. It keeps you out of the fantasy 100% of the time, and forces you to have to ponder the inevitable. It allows for the emotional and the logical to work together until the logical thing, which is to end it, becomes real and actually doable.

 

But then of course you'll each have to deal with your BSs. That's something you should definitely sort out as well. And 2sunny addresses that.

 

Just from experience, nothing expert about my advice.

 

I wish you the best and you've come to the right place for support.