crbelljn Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 Can you please give me advise? I have been picking up on signs that my relationship about to be over. I am suffering from low self-esteem and depression due to what takes place between my partner and me. I feel more sad and angry than happy in my relationship. I often have the feeling that he is lying to me. It’s extremely difficult to express my feelings and talk to my husband about my thoughts and concerns, so I discuss and complain about my relationship to others because he would not listen to me. My trust for him is fading away. I am totally depressed because I have been waiting all my life to have a happy stable family. I am 35 years old and have been with him for 5 years. We got married on August of 2003, but by March of 2004 he was stressed out with school and left home to live with his parents. He said he could not give me what I wanted while he is going to school because he stresses very easily but said that as soon as he graduates he would be able to make me happy (by May 2005). In the mean time I have been waiting for that to happen. We see each often but must of the time is me the one that goes to his parents house because he does not want to be in my house. Lately I have been noticing that he is very distant and does not care to spend time with me. I have tried to explain to him that if he cares for me he needs to know how sad I am feeling. I also told him that if he thinks that is not me the one he loves all he needs to do is say it and that there is no need for me to go trough this pain. He will not admit that he does not love me but is not willing to listen to me or change attitudes to make me happier. Should I leave this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 He will not admit that he does not love me but is not willing to listen to me or change attitudes to make me happier. If he won't work with you on issues that are making you unhappy then that is what you're going to remain - unhappy. I think it's odd that he chose to live with his parents to finish school because being married & going to school is "stressing him out". He should have stayed with his wife & worked on lowering his stress in his home life - not running home to his parents to avoid it. Is there a financial issue involved with this decision? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crbelljn Posted November 4, 2004 Author Share Posted November 4, 2004 Thank you for replying. He is not working but I was supporting him in everything. I never demanded any financial needs from him. All I want is to be with him and for him to grow professionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 I am suffering from low self-esteem and depression due to what takes place between my partner and me. I suspect that you may have been "suffering from low self-esteem and depression" BEFORE you got involved with him. Otherwise, why in the world would you tolerate such poor treatment? He's not living with you. He's not working. He's not meeting ANY of your emotional needs. This guy is a BUM! See your doctor about the depression. And see your ATTORNEY about your 'self-esteem' problem. That sounds facetious, but truly I can't see how you wouldn't be better off without him. Good luck, dear. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 Ladyjane was more blunt about it & now that I know you've been financially supporting him, well..... He said he could not give me what I wanted while he is going to school because he stresses very easily but said that as soon as he graduates he would be able to make me happy (by May 2005). I'm sorry, but I find that hard to believe. Why did he marry you in the first place then? Any married man that is going to run home to live with his mommy & daddy when he's stressed out isn't going to make a good husband or father. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 I think you should look into counseling for yourself to help you with your low self-esteem and depression. It does not sound like you have much of a marriage with your husband. It seems like he is taking advantage of you, and you are letting him. I agree with bc that it does not sound like he will be a good husband or father. Stop supporting your husband, and use that money to start counseling. Once you begin to get some self esteem, and some perspective on yourself and your life, I think you will be amazed that you got into this situation in the first place. This relationship is ruining your life, not enhancing it. Start making some changes, there is a great life out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crbelljn Posted November 4, 2004 Author Share Posted November 4, 2004 Thank you guys. I know I am guilty for allowing the situation and that the only way to solve it is walking away. Is just I have waited to see if things would change... I am terrified of going through the pain of divorcing again (its not my first marriage) This sucks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 Matilda's suggestion is a good one - start some counselling - maybe even marriage counselling without him attending at first, if you feel like you want to give this marriage a fighting chance. Of course he'll have to recognise that you both have a problem & eventually be willing to attend with you. And if he is your husband then the first thing he needs to do is be by your side - not shirking his responsibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
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