Issues & tissues Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) I am interested in hearing from the gentlemen out there if the following signals are just good old fashioned manners or do they indicate a budding romance? Background: I have a friend who I met through mutual friends around a year ago and who I would describe as a deeply respectful gentleman. We are both in our early 40s, single, get along like a house on fire and as friends we have a deep mutual love and respect each other. However, these past few months my feelings for him have blossomed and my love for him has grown immensely. Fearing losing him as a friend, I have done everything I can to hide (even suppress) my growing love for him but to no avail. Signals: Now, I may be reading too much into our friendship but I can't ignore the positive yet confusing signals I am also receiving from him which include but are not limited to: - inviting me most weekends to jam/hang out with him and his musician friends; - inviting me to the occasional concert either alone or as his 'date' with other couples; - introducing me to his friends and family; - regularly bringing me small gifts (a bar of chocolate, some nice tea, fruit and vegetables from his garden); - intense eye contact and smiling when engaged in conversation; - showing lots of interest in everything I have to say and actively engaging in conversation; - hugging when we meet and say goodbye (and lately a cheeky kiss on the cheek when parting); - walking in very close proximity to me (often touching) whenever we are out walking together; - sitting next to me when we are with friends; - offering his hand when needed (e.g. when climbing or descending a steep hill); - offering to carry my stuff wherever we go (bag, sweater, coat, etc); - quickly returning all missed calls, emails and text messages; - paying for my bus ticket whenever I go to visit him; - saying nice things about me to friends before I meet them; - keeping an eye out for me when alone and around others (e.g. checking that I am OK or referring to the thing I am looking at or offering me something to drink or eat or just keeping his eye on me generally). Moving forward: These are perhaps the more obvious signals but I really do not know whether he is just one of those rare breed of male friends who is extremely well-mannered and gentle or if he feels the same way as I do about him but he too is too afraid to risk our friendship. He has not made any obvious passes at me and does not discuss past romantic relationships or other women. How can I gently break the ice on the "taboo" subject of "dating" and understand his feelings for me or about romantic relationships in general? How can I clearly yet subtely let him know how I feel about him without risking our friendship? All comments would be greatly appreciated! P.S. I came out of a very long and difficult relationship almost 7 years ago and have not dated since so I am a little rusty where matters of the heart are concerned! So go gently on me! Edited August 9, 2013 by Issues & tissues Link to post Share on other sites
OtakuGirl Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 I'm female but all signs there are very positive. Does he treat other female friends in this manner? I think that you need to be clear, polite and direct. If he doesn't feel the same way, if he is a true friend he won't freak out and will respect your honesty. I'm interested to hear what the dudes have to say too. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Seriously? This is a layup lol This guy is either into you, gay, or so psychotic that he craves attention. I'd bet my money on the former. One question: Does he talk about other girls/girl problems to you? If he does that would be something that would suggest you being just a friend Link to post Share on other sites
Author Issues & tissues Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) @wordvaction He has never discussed other women or relationships with me but he definitely isn't gay! @OtakuGirl I also think that the signals are definitely positive. No, he doesn't give other women the same attention but having said that almost all of our mutual female friends are in a relationship so this is probably not the most reliable indicator. So, if he is showing signs of liking me more than as just a friend, then what next? Do I just wait until he says something or makes a move? Up the flirting game (though I may run the risk of coming across as more goofy than attractive, LOL!)? Have that "chat"? Drop subtle hints (any tips on doing this without sounding tacky or desperate)? Stick to non-verbal communication (e.g. random gifts, surprise dates, etc.)? Something else? Thanks for all your replies so far! They are greatly appreciated! Edited August 10, 2013 by Issues & tissues Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Flirt more, touch more. btw, goofy is attractive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Issues & tissues Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) Then I'll aim for goofy! Btw, just before he left this morning on a trip out of town (he's a musician), he called me on his way to the airport just to say that he had arranged for friends to take me to a music shop later today to help me choose that guitar I had mentioned I was hoping to buy. It's the little things that he does that shows that he's paying attention and that he really cares! Will now conjure up innovative ways to thank him when he gets back for his kind gesture! Edited August 10, 2013 by Issues & tissues 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OtakuGirl Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Yay sounds like things continue to be good! I agree with WordvAction's advice from this point on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 This guy is either into you, gay, or so psychotic that he craves attention.Wow that really narrows it down Link to post Share on other sites
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