Seems even Christians date the same way as seculars

[irc333]

I recently had gone out who I thought to be my PERFECT match..she was an avid Christian woman, an over 40 geeky girl that's single (most are married), and had the same brand of humor as me.

 

However, she started giving me excuses that she had "a lot going on in her life right now" and she wished me luck in my journey to find that "perfect woman" (even though I thought her and I were perfect).

 

Seems lately though, I've even been having problems with Christian women giving me excuses or blowing me off.

 

I'm starting to think Christianity doesn't play that much of a role in dating or it's somehow mutually exclusive to dating.

 

"Great, he's Christian, but is he tall, dark and handsome??"

 

Just saying here, the same superficial society infringes upon this and I'm not n ecessarily an unattractive man either.

 

But it seems even some women with these beliefs follow the same patterns of dating bad boys (yeah, Ironic I know) or making the same dating mishaps in life by avoiding decent men

[sillyanswer]

"Great, he's Christian, but is he tall, dark and handsome??"

 

The alternative is "Great, he's Christian. He'll do."

 

Turns out Christians aren't entirely daft after all.

[In Purgatory]

I recently had gone out who I thought to be my PERFECT match..she was an avid Christian woman, an over 40 geeky girl that's single (most are married), and had the same brand of humor as me.

 

However, she started giving me excuses that she had "a lot going on in her life right now" and she wished me luck in my journey to find that "perfect woman" (even though I thought her and I were perfect).

 

Seems lately though, I've even been having problems with Christian women giving me excuses or blowing me off.

 

I'm starting to think Christianity doesn't play that much of a role in dating or it's somehow mutually exclusive to dating.

 

"Great, he's Christian, but is he tall, dark and handsome??"

 

Just saying here, the same superficial society infringes upon this and I'm not n ecessarily an unattractive man either.

 

But it seems even some women with these beliefs follow the same patterns of dating bad boys (yeah, Ironic I know) or making the same dating mishaps in life by avoiding decent men

 

While I have to take my hat off to a fellow Breaking Bad fan, I am nonetheless still perplexed as to why you think this woman has some duty to or obligation to be with you just because you are both Christian. Christians are allowed to have preferences in who they marry. You failed to meet her criteria as a match. End of story. She did nothing wrong and it sounds like she was kind enough to let you know the relationship would be ending rather than blowing you off and disappearing. I am really confused where it is you think she failed as a Christian.

[M30USA]

I have to agree with OP. Even for Christians, biology trumps faith/spirituality. People are driven by biological impulses and, once they've achieved their biological impulse, then the spiritual talk comes out. I'm afraid this is true for almost everybody except for those who have been severely burned and have learned a hard lesson.

[Star Gazer]

I'm starting to think Christianity doesn't play that much of a role in dating or it's somehow mutually exclusive to dating.

 

Well, right. It only plays a role if one or both of you hold religion as a deal breaker, or if it requires chastity. Otherwise, not sure why you'd think dating a Christian woman would be any different than dating a woman of any other faith.

[dichotomy]

Dating a christian does not mean they are necessarily going to be better more prefect humans, behave better, treat others better, want something different from dating - than an any other faith - or even better than an atheist. I made this mistake as well, when I dated. Only thing that it means is that they accepted Christ as their Savior.

[M30USA]

Dating a christian does not mean they are necessarily going to be better more prefect humans, behave better, treat others better, want something different from dating - than an any other faith - or even better than an atheist. I made this mistake as well, when I dated. Only thing that it means is that they accepted Christ as their Savior.

 

Even though you are correct about Christians and non-Christians being the same in dating, this is clearly not how it should be according to the Bible. The problem is that Christians "love the world" and "the things of the world" and therefore their priorities are synonymous with the world's. Those who aren't this way are quickly labelled "radical" which is a horrible thing in the eyes of the world.

[irc333]

I have to agree with OP. Even for Christians, biology trumps faith/spirituality. People are driven by biological impulses and, once they've achieved their biological impulse, then the spiritual talk comes out. I'm afraid this is true for almost everybody except for those who have been severely burned and have learned a hard lesson.

 

Yes, I actually know a couple of Christian woman, one I know of that is the church organist and is rather active in the church.

 

This is the suprising part, she delilbeartly left out the fact she was a Christian in her dating profile so as to not to scare off potential suitors....well, basically didn't want to be weeded out TOO quickly if a guy sees her write, "I'm a Christian woman looking for the same in a man"

 

He'll go "Oh man a Bible Thumper, she'll bust my chops on the FIRST date" and move on to the next profile

 

She doesn't want that to happen, so she leaves that part out completely. That being said, this allows the guy to meet up with her and allows her to "ease" into the conversation of spirituality. in fact she is seeking more spiritual if any.

 

She said she's had a habit of dating men who were over controlling and thus why she has an ex-husband as well, she had recently dumped a man that thought she was the world and treated her right...but apparently she never was attracted to him in the beginning so was just leading him on.

 

She breaks up with him, goes on dating sites to date, doesn't have much luck there...and attempts to go back and try again with said nice guy..the one that was right for her.

 

About a couple of weeks later she dumps him again.

 

I asked her why she pulled that on him, that she's just leading him on.

 

Apparently she seems to have a thing for overbearing men. What's kind of ironic, too..is that she has had men in her church ask her out, but she had no interest in any of them. SHe's still friends with them, but from the sounds of it, a couple of them want more from her.

[KathyM]

As I said in another recent thread, being a Christian or being a decent guy is not usually enough to make a Christian woman want to date you. They also need to be attracted to you in some way, be it your personality, your looks, your passions/interests, your sense of humor, or other factors. The majority of the population in the U.S. considers themselves to be Christians. Although important for compatibility reasons to have that in common with someone, it's not enough to build a relationship on. There needs to be attraction on some level, be it personality, appearance, or some other factor(s). Christian women are allowed to have preferences in terms of personality, appearance, interests, etc. Just because you are Christian does not mean you have no preferences other than that factor.

[M30USA]

The majority of the population in the U.S. considers themselves to be Christians.

 

This right here is exactly why the culture's view of Christianity means nothing to me. When I think about how, as a whole, this culture defiantly rejects God and yet, in words, claims to follow him, I realize it's all a facade.

 

"This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far away from me." (Matthew 15:8)

[KathyM]

This right here is exactly why the culture's view of Christianity means nothing to me. When I think about how, as a whole, this culture defiantly rejects God and yet, in words, claims to follow him, I realize it's all a facade.

 

"This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far away from me." (Matthew 15:8)

Christians vary on their level of commitment/passion/knowledge of scripture/and their walk with God. Some are beginners, some are more devoted/more passionate about it than others, and they want a partner who shares their level of involvement. But I don't intend to highjack this thread into a religious debate. Feel free to start a thread if you need to discuss the topic.

[irc333]

Christians vary on their level of commitment/passion/knowledge of scripture/and their walk with God. Some are beginners, some are more devoted/more passionate about it than others, and they want a partner who shares their level of involvement. But I don't intend to highjack this thread into a religious debate. Feel free to start a thread if you need to discuss the topic.

 

Well, I"ve met people in general, that would compromise or make exceptions to the person the date...let's say the person they are attracted to is one of those "New Age" types....they are totally ga-ga over him, as far as they are concerned, they treat their fellow man nicely, and he treats her well, but yet.....he's a Buddhist.

 

Who cares about that, as long as he's spiritual, and tall dark and handsome.

[xxoo]

You criticize the Christian woman for breaking up with you, and also criticize the Christian woman for trying to make it work when she wasn't very attracted.

 

What would be the correct way for a Christian woman to date, in your opinion?

[KathyM]

Well, I"ve met people in general, that would compromise or make exceptions to the person the date...let's say the person they are attracted to is one of those "New Age" types....they are totally ga-ga over him, as far as they are concerned, they treat their fellow man nicely, and he treats her well, but yet.....he's a Buddhist.

 

Who cares about that, as long as he's spiritual, and tall dark and handsome.

Some Christians who don't take their faith very seriously may make exceptions, but for long term relationships, most Christians are looking for someone who shares their faith when looking for a LTR.

[taiko]

You seem to be making Christianity the end game. Sort of like two single church goers determing God meant them to be together because you went to the same small church one weekend. However it is closer to the beginning of the game for those who care. After being the proper gender, then as a first filter faith comes in. Then the heavy stuff about actual compatability has to be determined.

[TheFinalWord]

I'm starting to think Christianity doesn't play that much of a role in dating or it's somehow mutually exclusive to dating.

 

"Great, he's Christian, but is he tall, dark and handsome??"

 

One reason to get married is to have a healthy outlet for sexual desires.

 

because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

 

So yes, sexual attraction is important. If you can control your sexual desires, there is nothing wrong with staying single. However, there is nothing wrong with a Christian woman wanting to marry a man she is attracted to as marriage is the sole outlet for sex. Do some people have ridiculous bucket lists? Yes, but that is their issue. If that is the case, than that is for God to deal with.

 

If I were counseling you I would recommend to focus on being single for a while and put your energy into some ministry. You seem to expend a lot of energy on dating and always get frustrated with the decisions of others. There is nothing you can do about the decisions other people make so getting frustrated about it is not going to change your situation.

Edited August 11, 2013 by TheFinalWord

[irc333]

Well, this Christian woman that I met and claimed to be "too busy to date", blocked me on POF and of course still active on the dating site (probably blocked me so I wouldn't see her being active). Said she was busy seeking counseling with a priest, her kids situation, etc.

 

To me, she behaved in an unChristian-like manner to lie to me like this and found the cowards way out of deceiving me.

[irc333]

Actually, I don't think that should be taken at face value, because I've studies up on this when I referenced a minister who was talking about just that.

 

Apparently, this can be dangerous for people because they wind up marrying for the wrong reasons.

 

I mean think about it, rushing into marriage just so you can experience sex?

 

Think about it.

 

 

 

One reason to get married is to have a healthy outlet for sexual desires.

 

because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

 

So yes, sexual attraction is important. If you can control your sexual desires, there is nothing wrong with staying single. However, there is nothing wrong with a Christian woman wanting to marry a man she is attracted to as marriage is the sole outlet for sex. Do some people have ridiculous bucket lists? Yes, but that is their issue. If that is the case, than that is for God to deal with.

 

If I were counseling you I would recommend to focus on being single for a while and put your energy into some ministry. You seem to expend a lot of energy on dating and always get frustrated with the decisions of others. There is nothing you can do about the decisions other people make so getting frustrated about it is not going to change your situation.

[M30USA]

yet another religious two faced female. the nonreligious and less religious are usually less superficial and relatively more honest.

 

The term "Christian" means almost nothing in modern America. It's usually just a self-endowed label so that a person can receive more trust and postive opinions. Look at actions only. People can say whatever they want.

[sillyanswer]

Well, this Christian woman that I met and claimed to be "too busy to date", blocked me on POF and of course still active on the dating site (probably blocked me so I wouldn't see her being active).

 

I'd guess that her motivation is slightly different because I don't think she really cares that you'll see her online. I think she blocked you because she wants to have no further interaction with you.

 

But, yes, this is another example of Christians dating the same way as non-religious folk.

[irc333]

I'd guess that her motivation is slightly different because I don't think she really cares that you'll see her online. I think she blocked you because she wants to have no further interaction with you.

 

But, yes, this is another example of Christians dating the same way as non-religious folk.

 

 

Yeah, Christian or not, the dating games and behavior still remain the same.