Misfortune Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Dating 2 years;married six months(wife realizes she's gay after getting married; of course. Marriage is the best way to find things out apparently -_-) She has a new gf that she lives with now, wants nothing to do with me and wants out of the marriage I don't want out so I told her to file since she wants it.(of course her way will win over mine. No illusions here) I lost my Job due to depression from being blindsided(read=broke) I have nothing to lose or gain financially so, I don't really care either way She recently finished grad school, interning and has a great job as a counselor(her new gf is/was one of her clients) I know for a fact that she's spending all her money on her new gf because I've experienced it myself. She texted me saying that she's "broke" and will save for it(I never replied. What's to reply to? All I saw was "she's getting what she wants, so it doesn't matter what I say") Haven't seen each other in 2 months; NC for one. Was she hoping I'd agree to help her pay for it? Why do people go so far as the affair, leaving BS and then, drag their feet when it comes to putting the last nail in the coffin? Want the fun without the work? I don't get how people stay together through thick and thing while not married then, when they finally get married, they try to get out ASAP. You see it all the time: unmarried people running back to their SO no matter how many times they've been wronged.Marriage is: "he called me fat/i cant hang with the guys as often", marriage is over. Is marriage really that scary to some? Once married, I consider the other years sort of null and avoid in a way. Marriage is something else and should be taken more seriously IMO. If you have doubts, no matter how small, speak up before tying the knot. P.S: I just realized how selfish breakups are. It's only about what the leaving party wants, the other person has no say/chance once leaver has their mind made up. <---yea, I know people have a right to choose/leave of their own free will and such. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I don't want out so I told her to file since she wants it Why wouldn't you want out? If you accept her stated sexual preference as true, not much incentive for you to continue to be tied to her. I'd be cautiously agreeable in my responses to her. Tell her you don't have the funds to contribute but you're sure available to sign the paperwork when and if it's available... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Yeah, man. This hootenanny ain't worth no philosophical questions. Pretend like it didn't happen. Maybe you could just get an anulment, since it's been only 6 months. You could simply state,(with both in agreement), that when you'all pulled down your britches, suddenly - she figured out she was gay. Easy breezy. Plus it's true. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misfortune Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 Why wouldn't you want out? If you accept her stated sexual preference as true, not much incentive for you to continue to be tied to her. I'd be cautiously agreeable in my responses to her. Tell her you don't have the funds to contribute but you're sure available to sign the paperwork when and if it's available... Mr. Lucky Sorry, I'm not one to instantly believe the "all my life straight vs 1 min gay = definitely gay" stories. If that's her story she wants to go with, she can go ahead and end it. According to her new, cool friends, she doesn't need me to do the divorce so I don't see why tell me anything about it; just tell me when it's over. She knows all of that stuff already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misfortune Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 Yeah, man. This hootenanny ain't worth no philosophical questions. Pretend like it didn't happen. Maybe you could just get an anulment, since it's been only 6 months. You could simply state,(with both in agreement), that when you'all pulled down your britches, suddenly - she figured out she was gay. Easy breezy. Plus it's true. End of story. Isn't an annulment basically saying the marriage never happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Isn't an annulment basically saying the marriage never happened? Yup. A lot cheaper, and faster too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misfortune Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 Yup. A lot cheaper, and faster too. No thanks. It was real to me, it's my 1st, it sucked and I don't feel like having it be an imaginary thing. I'm not paying anyways . According to her "friends", she doesn't need me to do the divorce and vice versa, that's why I found it weird that she even contacted me about it. BTW: why is it a pamphlet to get married and a book to get divorced? -_- Looking at it made me give up on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 P.S: I just realized how selfish breakups are. It's only about what the leaving party wants, the other person has no say/chance once leaver has their mind made up. <---yea, I know people have a right to choose/leave of their own free will and such. Yes!! I am experiencing this too. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think the one who leaves like this or the leaver who doesn't even consider the other person's feelings....is cowardly. There is a gentle way that is reflective of ANY love to at least make an attempt not to stomp all over the person and damage them so badly but all they can think of is them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misfortune Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 Yes!! I am experiencing this too. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think the one who leaves like this or the leaver who doesn't even consider the other person's feelings....is cowardly. There is a gentle way that is reflective of ANY love to at least make an attempt not to stomp all over the person and damage them so badly but all they can think of is them. I agree. Sorry you have to go through it also. The best is that they sometimes never let on that they're unhappy/want out until they have their exit strategy prepared. You try not to let these things affect your life but there's no helping. Your experiences shape your life for the most part. I don't plan on getting married again ever or being in a relationship for a few years. If you're gay, does it really matter what your past relationship with the opposite sex was like? Does it matter if it was a bad/good/so-so relationship? I kind of feel like it doesn't matter since you're going into something completely different that has no relation IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Man-guy Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 I know how you feel... Going on 3 months of no contact and STILL haven't been served with papers, despite her saying specifically that she would file. Personally, I want her to file so she can own the divorce from beginning to end, but if I meet someone who I may want to start dating, then I think I'll go for filing. I took my marriage seriously, but to me, dating while in one is a no go. It's frustrating but be patient, and if you really feel you should file, you probably should, but don't rush it is my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
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