Dating, now friends

[soapopera]

A guy and I dated for about 6 months, non-exclusively. Throughout this six months, his feedback was always that he felt a lot of physical chemistry, but age was an issue (he is much older) and he felt that if we had met when he was 10 years younger, we would have gotten married because in all the other ways we complement each other well. When we had this talk, he cautiously and with some trepidation told me he loved me. his mom and best friends know about me (though I never met them), and he thinks his mom would love me. He said he sees me as a lifelong friend. And there's a warmth and tenderness between us that way, that feels like a very close friendship.

 

So now we've basically decided to be friends.

 

But then whenever we see each other, he still always wants to kiss me. Last time we got drunk we almost had sex. It was electric. but we caught ourselves, stopped and I slept on his couch. We talked about the next day and he's been very good with not going further than a brief kiss now (last time I saw him he only kissed me ... three times throughout the night)

 

I'm having trouble decoding the links between his physicality, our emotionally sensitive friendship, his efforts to honor our friendship, and also his feelings like we don't connect enough for a real relationship and the fact that we never got exclusive after 6 months.

 

It's like, we care about each other a lot as people.

But not enough to be bf/gf.

But then I feel like he wants to jump my pants all the time, and holds back to honor us.

My sense is that the kisses come from feelings of closeness (and desire). but then the male stereotype is that guys just always want sex. So I don't know.

 

What is the link, in your opinion? Between emotional connectedness and friendship, and physical intimacy? How does this wiring work for a guy?

 

Is it possible to be connected in a deep friendship way without the physical attraction/tension?

Edited August 9, 2013 by soapopera

[WordvAction]

He's in love with you, and will say anything to stay in your life, even if it means saying he's okay with being "just friends", which he's really not. Probably hoping that eventually you'll come around and fall for him, and you'll hit an age where the age gap won't be as big a deal

[vanhalenfan]

How large is the age gap? How old are you? I agree with the previous poster in that once you reach a certain age or a certain stage in life, the age gap will matter less. Personally, a large gap doesn't bother me. I know some people don't prefer it - And I think your guy is on the line of possibly either accepting it or not. He's torn. I think he loves you regardless and is battling it out in his own mind (about the age gap). Give it some time would be my best advice here. Good luck!