Cocochai Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I don't know why we ask ourselves this but, do you ever think/miss the AP especially when you had to break it off from a Dday or simple because the AP broke it off and ur respecting it. I only ask because I find it hard to just forget about a person like it was nothing. I even think back to my past relationships and a few of them either found my # and reached out or found me on FB. Well I'm actually going on two weeks of NC and it was actually starting to go LC so I cut it off but then ended up defriending XMM off my FB page. I still tried to be cool just letting him know I dint want his marriage in my face anymore. When I sent him a FB messegage he said he was at home and thar he would hit me up later. I knew he wouldn't and he hasn't since last Mon. I decided from then on I wasn't gong to reach out to him ever again and keep my decision to cut it off (we use to go back/forth). So my question is even w/ the hectic life of marriage, work, and kids. Do you still think/miss the AP. maybe I misd him because he's actually respecting my wishes this time but it natural to still miss... Even if its a dead end street lol Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Yes. Even after she shut me out I missed her. And yes I believe she missed me. ... she stalked my fb page Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 I didn't know there was a way you could tell if someone stalked your profile on FB That's why I deleted him... I even filtered him but still had to take a peek every now and then. I couldn't torture myself I had to give him the big ol' DELETE lol That helped a lot to start my NC process though. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Yes. Even after she shut me out I missed her. And yes I believe she missed me. ... she stalked my fb page Yeah, how do you know??? Thankfully I've stopped staring at the exMM's FB page, but I'd be mortified if he know I was grieving staring at his image on my computer. Link to post Share on other sites
MMY Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Yes, with any relationship I dont see how you just up and stop thinking about things you shared. We were both m, I am R with W. All is good but like I said before, unless u can wipe ur mind, u will always have memories Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I am M and working on R, but I will always miss my xMM. And I am 105% certain he misses me just as much. What keeps us apart is the endless damage to others, not the lack of love for each other. That is the reality for many xAPs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 When we went NC many years ago I didn't miss him as there'd been so much pain for so long that it was a relief to be out of the A. We began A again this year and after a few weeks went NC. It was a very difficult time for me. I pocket dialed him after a month and we resumed A. After a couple of months we have now gone LC, his idea. Other times has been mine. Anyway, I'm fine, surprisingly. Think it's because I had been praying about it and was beginning to realize LC needed to happen so when he suggested it, I was on board. Also, he needs this time and space away from me so I feel happy that I can give him something he needs. I look at it as a gift to him and also to God. It may not seem as if I'm very passionate about him, but I really am. I've been chill, except for when I got an email from him. Was uncomfortable for a couple of hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Wolverine Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Loving and missing someone is natural. Acting on that is a conscious decision. What makes NC successful is making decisions with your head, not your heart. It's difficult to see OW start NC then panic and bargain friendship or LC. Not only are you not going to get the man, you're losing your self-respect in the process. It may hurt like hell but it's the only way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Yes, I missed him; I've struggled to forget him. Keeping NC can be hell sometimes, but it's the only way to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 I agree with everyone as you can't just stop thinking about a person who was once in your life... Especially if you know that person is truly a good person who truly didn't deserve to be out through a dead end street relationship. If I could just get a simply apology my heart wouldn't hurt so bad and I could move on... I mean he as done it in the past numerous times but the lack of care and empathy for someone who you confined in with just seems heartless. A person you was actually intimate w/. I swear if all females had the same emotions as some Men... There would be a lot of broken homes. Speaking from my own experience so please don't get offended. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) I told him how I really felt. I usually say its best to write it to yourself and never send it off but I recently did the same thing to another guy (ignore him and being insensitive towards his feeling) so I told him why so he could top reaching out as well. So that gave me the drive to truly show the XmM how I felt (yes I can be a hot head once I totally feel disrespected). lol I made numerous post on my situation but to make the long story short he's been hot/cold and showed his true character once the Dday happened and started treating me differently because I knew his BS was getting suspicious. I felt he was taking advantage of knowing I still had feelings for him yet totally disregarded my feelings of me seeing everything still on FB. When I told him how I felt he didn't respond and blew me off. When I still tried to show him I'm still okay if you still want to remain friends but he cut me short again. I told him today I was pretty much over it but, didn't deserve the treatment he gave me being insensitive when we both knew the deal and I purposely stopped the A because I also knew he was trying to make things right w/ his W. I'm not upset about that at all, what I felt was he knew I wasn't going to disrespect his family or tell his wife, I stayed pretty much in my lane and I pulled away when I felt I wanted more. I wasn't an emotional train calling his cell all the time or texting. I pretty much knew the deal and left quietly. Yet he was insensitive towards my feelings of seeing everything in my face giving me a "get over it" attitude. In a nut shell I do not care if he doest but I know I didn't deserve that treatment after a year and a half you crying on my shoulders. Yes we both know ur M and ur not leaving but he needs to be more careful how he blows people off or it will next time back fire on him when he decides to have an A agin. That really helped as I turned my cell off in case he tired to get disrespectful even more and piss me off. My friend is coming over later and he said he'd check my phone for me and erase. I couldn't let him walk away w/ out knowing how I felt and hopefully this will stop him in his tracks of contacting me in the future to play on my emotions. I know I was missing what we had.... But it was all of course a lie. Edited August 10, 2013 by Cocochai Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 I meant to start a new thread on ^^^ this comment Link to post Share on other sites
krazikat Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 I told him how I really felt. I usually say its best to write it to yourself and never send it off but I recently did the same thing to another guy (ignore him and being insensitive towards his feeling) so I told him why so he could top reaching out as well. So that gave me the drive to truly show the XmM how I felt (yes I can be a hot head once I totally feel disrespected). lol I made numerous post on my situation but to make the long story short he's been hot/cold and showed his true character once the Dday happened and started treating me differently because I knew his BS was getting suspicious. I felt he was taking advantage of knowing I still had feelings for him yet totally disregarded my feelings of me seeing everything still on FB. When I told him how I felt he didn't respond and blew me off. When I still tried to show him I'm still okay if you still want to remain friends but he cut me short again. I told him today I was pretty much over it but, didn't deserve the treatment he gave me being insensitive when we both knew the deal and I purposely stopped the A because I also knew he was trying to make things right w/ his W. I'm not upset about that at all, what I felt was he knew I wasn't going to disrespect his family or tell his wife, I stayed pretty much in my lane and I pulled away when I felt I wanted more. I wasn't an emotional train calling his cell all the time or texting. I pretty much knew the deal and left quietly. Yet he was insensitive towards my feelings of seeing everything in my face giving me a "get over it" attitude. In a nut shell I do not care if he doest but I know I didn't deserve that treatment after a year and a half you crying on my shoulders. Yes we both know ur M and ur not leaving but he needs to be more careful how he blows people off or it will next time back fire on him when he decides to have an A agin. That really helped as I turned my cell off in case he tired to get disrespectful even more and piss me off. My friend is coming over later and he said he'd check my phone for me and erase. I couldn't let him walk away w/ out knowing how I felt and hopefully this will stop him in his tracks of contacting me in the future to play on my emotions. I know I was missing what we had.... But it was all of course a lie. Can you block him? My phone has a feature where you can go into call settings and block specific phone numbers and any blocked calls from getting thru...that could be very helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 I told him how I really felt. I usually say its best to write it to yourself and never send it off but I recently did the same thing to another guy (ignore him and being insensitive towards his feeling) so I told him why so he could top reaching out as well. So that gave me the drive to truly show the XmM how I felt (yes I can be a hot head once I totally feel disrespected). lol I made numerous post on my situation but to make the long story short he's been hot/cold and showed his true character once the Dday happened and started treating me differently because I knew his BS was getting suspicious. I felt he was taking advantage of knowing I still had feelings for him yet totally disregarded my feelings of me seeing everything still on FB. When I told him how I felt he didn't respond and blew me off. When I still tried to show him I'm still okay if you still want to remain friends but he cut me short again. I told him today I was pretty much over it but, didn't deserve the treatment he gave me being insensitive when we both knew the deal and I purposely stopped the A because I also knew he was trying to make things right w/ his W. I'm not upset about that at all, what I felt was he knew I wasn't going to disrespect his family or tell his wife, I stayed pretty much in my lane and I pulled away when I felt I wanted more. I wasn't an emotional train calling his cell all the time or texting. I pretty much knew the deal and left quietly. Yet he was insensitive towards my feelings of seeing everything in my face giving me a "get over it" attitude. In a nut shell I do not care if he doest but I know I didn't deserve that treatment after a year and a half you crying on my shoulders. Yes we both know ur M and ur not leaving but he needs to be more careful how he blows people off or it will next time back fire on him when he decides to have an A agin. That really helped as I turned my cell off in case he tired to get disrespectful even more and piss me off. My friend is coming over later and he said he'd check my phone for me and erase. I couldn't let him walk away w/ out knowing how I felt and hopefully this will stop him in his tracks of contacting me in the future to play on my emotions. I know I was missing what we had.... But it was all of course a lie. Mine had very much the same attitude whenever I tried to end it. I was always amazed he would treat me like that as surely he was taking such a risk I could become a bunny boiler? I could have really ruined his life if I had wanted. Of course I didn't. But to treat another woman so badly could have disastrous consequences... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted August 11, 2013 Author Share Posted August 11, 2013 Mine had very much the same attitude whenever I tried to end it. I was always amazed he would treat me like that as surely he was taking such a risk I could become a bunny boiler? I could have really ruined his life if I had wanted. Of course I didn't. But to treat another woman so badly could have disastrous consequences... Exactly!!!! I was simply trying to show him that the other potential A may not be as nice. I could have created drama but that's not going to do anything but make things 10xs worst. Being insensative towards others feelings can backfire... Some could say having an A w/ the xMM was insensative to the BS, but it would be worst if she found out via the OW... That's insensative. I have his # in my phone as ignore/don't text agin... The End lol no more posts from this anymore! I promise as I've finally made my peace. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 Yeah, how do you know??? Thankfully I've stopped staring at the exMM's FB page, but I'd be mortified if he know I was grieving staring at his image on my computer. Ohhh, because I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted August 11, 2013 Author Share Posted August 11, 2013 Ohhh, because I know. The only way to know is if they are blockng/unblocking every so often... Unless you have some cyber tracking software I have no clue how. Link to post Share on other sites
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