muffin Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 My paternal grandmother has never been a really warm or involved person in my life, but I've always had a relationship with her and I've seen her and called her regularly. Most of the time I just write to her even though we live in the same city, because she calls only rarely, and never makes any attempt to see me, nor invites me over unless I ask to see her. Recently I asked her if I could do my laundry at her house, just one weekend when I was not able to use the laundry room where my other grandmother lives, because she was sick. I live in an apartment, and the laundry room where I live is quite dirty, expensive too. She actually offered me money to go use a public laundry first but then agreed to let me come to her house. I felt like some stranger to her, not like her oldest grandchild she's known for 39 years. The whole time I was there she was grilling me about laundromats near me, and how much it cost, and she was obvious about rushing me through my wash. At one point she interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to tell me the dryer had stopped. She made me feel like some deadbeat user, which is not the way I am at all. On my last load she stood at the entrance of the laundry room watching every move I made, not speaking to me, straight-faced, like she was just waiting for me to be done. She acted toward me just like you would someone who had out-stayed their welcome and was imposing on your space and time. All this woman does is sit home all day every day and watch TV and work crossword puzzles. She practically never sees me, so I didn't feel like I was imposing on her that much. If she didn't want me there, why didn't she just say no or make an excuse? After I left I sent a letter with some money in it for whatever water and electricity I used while I was there, and I told her I could tell she'd been uncomfortable with me there for some reason, but I was grateful to her for letting me do my wash anyway. I also wrote my gratefulness for other things she'd helped me with, and mentioned I wished we could be closer, etc. I probably shouldn't have sent the money but I was hurt, and I wanted her to realize how she'd treated me. A few days later I got the money back from her and just a short note, "you are way too old to be acting in such a childish manner. Time to grow up." That's ALL she said. She completely ignored any of the other things I wrote in my letter. Obviously scolding me is more important than my feelings or having a relationship with me. She doesn't even care about helping out with or seeing her 10 year-old great-grandson either. Sitting in her chair and doing her own thing is the most important thing in her life I guess. I am hurt, and have pretty much decided I won't be having much, if any more to do with her from now on. I don't have a relationship with my father either, that side of the family is self-absorbed, aloof and uncaring. Still, I am really hurt and disappointed. I have so few family members here in town, and the ones that are do not keep in touch. I would think she could have at least apologized if she had hurt me, then gone on to say I was acting childish or whatever, if she thought I was. Instead, all that matters is to scold me and further alienate me. Does anyone think I did anything bad enough to be dismissed as "childish"? I wish my grandfather was still alive, he was a loving person. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 You know I actually have a very close friend who's Grandmother is the exact same way with her.. Personally I have never understood what her Grandmothers issue is, but she (her Grandmother) feels very justified in her terrible behaviour and again just like your Grandmother if anyone says anything to her about how her behaviour effects them, she completly dimisses them and lashes out. The only thing I've been able to conclude from this is that her Grandmother is alone as her husband passed away some years ago and has just become very bitter and cranky.. it's a shame really to spend the rest of your days the way she chooses to, but just like my girl.. it seems as though you've done all you can to perserve or encourage a relationship and your Grandmother prefers to be ugly.. sometimes it is the people that are the hardest to love that need it the most... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 She has a point. You're 39, and don't want to use the laundry room available because it's "too expensive?" Are you one of those people who impose themselves on others regularly? Do you take advantage of your other grandmother? If not, then she may be acting rude and irrational. Link to post Share on other sites
Author muffin Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 Why do some people who reply go into attack mode, and assume the worst of the poster? NO I am not a regular user of people, and NO money is not the only reason I don't want to use the washers and dryers at my apartment building. I had a load of clothes stolen from a dryer one time and like I said, they are filthy, as well as being expensive. I prefer to use the ones where my other grandmother lives because they are cleaner and less expensive, but I do pay to use them. I also do her wash for her too while I'm there since she is very feeble and elderly. What does my being 39 have to do with anything? I make poverty level salary and I have a child to support on my own. Even expenses as simple as laundry add up each week. Merin2, you could be right, she hasn't been the same since my grandfather died. She really doesn't have a "life" anymore. Sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 I'm not assuming the worst about you. I'm throwing out ideas. Perhaps you DO use people and are just unaware of it-there are lots of people like that, don't get testy...... Now, you say you're almost Forty and make poverty level salary. Perhaps your Grandmother is WORRIED about you and tired of it. Watching a single parent whose weekly laundry charges could make or break that week has got to be extremely worrying. And when people are tired of seeing a person they love (like family) not get ahead in life they get b*tchy. Perhaps she's just a b*tch. I'm not quite sure what you're looking for here, sympathy? I do have some for you, being a single parent and poor is tough. Don't ask your Grandmother for any more favours...... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 If you're 39, your gm must be 80+? And she's a lonely widow, with her life on the decline. I agree that her behavior was atrocious, but I hope you can find the compassion in your heart to forgive her for it. My mom is younger, but she has also gotten really crazy and hostile over laundry issues. Gosh, I'm afraid to find out what kind of old lady I'm goint to turn into. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Yes, you know I do agree Solemate. Whenever I'm REALLY irritated with an elderly person for whatever reason, be it rear ending my car or something else I try to remember that this is someone else's Grandmother... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts